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The brain is viewed as an appendage of the genital glands.

~ Carl Jung

Sigmund Freud coined the term “penis envy” while discussing the third of his 5 Stages of Psychosexual Development. He often used metaphors to emphasize how sexual differences occurred between males and females in their perceptions of gender. Freud offered the term penis envy as a literal and figurative expression.

When taken in its most literal context, penis envy implied the desire of girls to be boys. Boys possessed a penis and could stand when they had to pee. They could do their business quickly and be done with it. Unfairly, girls had to squat or sit. They had to invest more time and effort. Perhaps this interfered with playtime, which generated feelings of being left out.

Furthermore, Freud postulated that some girls were less than impressed with their genitalia. Boys had something they could grasp. It hung. It was long(ish).

The vagina, however, was a crevice. It was very hard to see. There was nothing to hold onto or be in control of. They felt cheated!

In the figurative sense, penis envy reflected the inequality between the sexes. Boys had a penis. Anyone with a penis was a man. Men were supposed to be the more powerful of the two sexes, the “potent” ones.

Since men were tougher, little boys were allowed to part-take in rough and tumble activities. To be loud and aggressive was part of being male. They could roll around in the mud, whereas little girls were forced to remain clean, prim and proper. Remember, cleanliness was next to Godliness in the late 1800s and early 1900s!

Things haven’t changed much when you think about it. The consequences of penis envy are for all to see.

Ever heard of affirmative action and equality in the work force? Where did this come from? Penis envy! Women wanted the same rights and the same pay as men because they weren’t getting it. Sadly, many women are still underpaid. This is not fair! Let there be penis envy!

What about socializing? When ever have you heard a drunken woman referred to as attractive or sexy? Men, on the other hand, get away with it. It’s a guy thing. In some parts of the world the “beer belly” is a given. Men even wear shirts advertising their beer guts! Ever see the ones with arrows pointing to the belly? Men are proud of it!

When was the last time you saw a woman with a paunch she was proud to advertise? Women go through the real tour of duty in getting pregnant and giving birth, perhaps the most beautiful experience known to humanity, but the physical and psychological scars surrounding “the gut” make it less attractive. After it’s all done, they go for liposuction, tummy tucks and stomach stapling to get rid of the evidence.

♂

Penis envy exists in our society today just as it did in Freud’s time, and just as it did before he even coined the phrase. Yet perhaps there was something Freud missed – men with penis envy. That’s right… men! Is it possible for men to possess penis envy?

Sooner or later you’re going to read “size matters”. That’s because size matters, plain and simple! We’re sure you’re thinking the most obvious, but we are not necessarily referring to “size matters” in a literal sense.

If you own an e-mail account, how many weekly spams or advertisements do you receive regarding new drugs and methods to grow your penis? Are there really that many men insecure with the size of their penis? Furthermore, are there that many cruel and condescending women putting down the size of their man’s pecker?

There must be some ring of truth to this as it would seem there is a major demand for and supply of penis enlargement methods. Whether they actually work is another matter, but we won’t even attempt to go there!

For a man to have penis envy, he must really feel that he is lacking. Is it the size of his penis? Is it the size of his ego? Is it the size of his wallet? It is the size of his house? His car? Size matters!

To examine male penis envy, we decided to look at it from both areas, literal (actual penis size) and metaphorical (material things).

To just cite one’s actual penis size as being all-inclusive of our perception of penis envy would be discriminating. Since one of the authors of this book is male, the point was contested.

Therefore, we decided to categorize the literal and metaphorical connotations of penis envy. For the literal connotations, we included the following:

o Penis size

o Sexual performance

o Height

o Weight

o Muscularity

o Intelligence

o Personality

o Ego

For the metaphorical connotations, we included the following:

o Monetary earnings/success

o Education

o Type of car

o Size of house

o Jewelry

o Clothing

o Type of pet

o Type of sport played/watched

o Preferred drink

o Preferred type of woman to date

Keep in mind, these criteria are not an exact science. They were brainstormed from a broad range of people we spoke with, interviewed, those who volunteered their opinions and insights, and those unwitting personalities in the media (news, television, radio, print magazines). Yet, all of these concepts can fall under the umbrella of the “phallic principle”.

♂

We’re now going to give you a quick tutorial in Introductory Psychology, outlining Freud’s 5 Psychosexual Stages:

STAGE 1: ORAL

STAGE 2: ANAL

STAGE 3: PHALLIC

STAGE 4: LATENT

STAGE 5: GENITAL

Freud’s first stage, ORAL is the stage when infants learn to perceive and experience the world through their mouths. They cry, they feed, they teethe, they burp, and they cry for help. The power they exert over their lives comes from their “oral abilities”.

The ANAL stage still occurs in infancy (2-3 years) where they learn to exert a degree of control over their environment through sensations they experience in their anus. Children become interested and amused with the sensations of holding their excrement in or letting it out. They exert control over those around them by deciding when and where they decide to go to the washroom. Interestingly, children learn they can control their parents’ time by holding it in or letting it out!

The PHALLIC stage is the time when everything starts to happen in the child’s life. The Oedipus Complex in boys and the Electra Complex in girls define associations and relationships to parents.

Gender identity and gender concept also start to occur at this age. Many boys and girls in early childhood start playing show and tell with body parts. Boys learn that it’s cool to be a boy because they have a penis. Some boys also experience castration anxiety. Girls, on the other hand, wish they had a penis. They wish they could be boys. They suffer from penis envy!

The LATENT stage is a period of latency where sexual energies and perceptions are dormant. Nothing is happening. Children are encouraged to be children and play. Boys do boy stuff and girls do girl stuff. Everything is status quo.

Finally, the GENITAL stage is the period during puberty and onward where individuals identify their sexual orientation. They also start to experiment with sex and begin to develop and understand intimacy.

Freud believed individuals could become fixated at any one stage, which could hinder their personality development. If they never resolved these childhood issues, they would always persist into their teenage years and adult lives.

For example, a person fixated in the oral stage would become nail biters, pen chewers or smokers later in life.

Someone fixated in the anal stage might become “anally retentive” or overly expressive, a gossip!

Someone fixated in the latent stage, where nothing was really suppose to be happening, might become a “man boy” or a “woman girl” when older. They would be obsessed with playing or toying around, never taking anything serious. Immaturity would be the hallmark of this stage.

Lastly, someone fixated in the genital stage may lack the ability to determine their sexual orientation, be prone to sexual promiscuity, possess latent homosexuality, or lack the ability to create and maintain an identity for themselves.

We skipped the third stage – phallic – as we kept the best for last (being the title of the book and all!). Unresolved issues in boys and girls in the phallic stage could lead to gender issues, especially penis envy!

If you want to learn more about the stages of psychosexuality or to confirm what you’ve read, we encourage you to consult with an introductory psychology textbook or a book on psychoanalysis (please see Suggested Readings appendix at the back of this book).