Читать книгу Tamed By a Bear - Priscilla Stuckey - Страница 11

5

On the phone with Chris in mid-March I tried to put my dilemma into words—loss of direction, too much snow—but before I could get very far, she suggested a shift. Up to this point in the sessions Chris had acted as translator and interpreter, and I would listen while she passed along what she received from Bear. Today, instead, she would stand by, taking notes, while I listened directly to Bear. She called it “going on a Journey” with one’s Helper. “Want to give it a try?” she asked.

I closed my eyes and immediately sensed a bear—good-humored and warmhearted—rubbing paws together gleefully and chuckling at me. The sensation was so unexpected, and so welcoming, that I decided to play along. What harm could come of seeing where this fantasy led? There was a sense of sympathy too, as if this bear, though amused at the situation, was also commiserating in a kindly way.

I spoke aloud what I was sensing from Bear so that Chris could hear. Why did it feel so strange to voice what I was experiencing? It took me a moment to remember that though I had grown up in a praying family and a praying church, I’d always shrunk from speaking prayers aloud. This Journey was the closest thing to prayer I had experienced in years, and narrating it aloud made my skin crawl with self-consciousness.

I swallowed hard and kept going. Some images appeared of a locomotive rolling through lush green land—images that Chris and I spent a few moments looking at together, noting but not analyzing. Then a picture of a wide-open blue sky with the thought, “It’s okay right now not to read books; just stare into space if you like.” A feeling that all would be well if I continued to let my mind empty and allowed it to stay that way “because that’s one route to appreciating spaciousness.” Not to worry about how I would make a living in the future; it would not be a problem. And then a strong sense of something like this: that the end of the story had not been written yet, and I shouldn’t jump to conclusions. That if I could calm my impatience, the story would go a lot smoother.

Soon the session was over.