Читать книгу Being Lily - Qarnita Loxton - Страница 15

“Have you and Owen talked to her yet?” Kari’s first words echoed in my bathroom. Her eyes scrunched at me, black hair a wild animal that filled the screen of my iPhone. It was seven in the morning for her, eight for me. I knew I didn’t look any better, even if my hair wasn’t as big. Facetime is never kind, even when I do have my face on.

“Bloody hell, no, there hasn’t been a gap. She’s been working all hours and Owen has been running around getting Chiara into a school. We’re aiming for tomorrow morning – Courtney is off work and Chiara will be at school.”

Kari snorted. “Can’t believe it’s taken you this long to talk – if it was the other way around, you would’ve shouted at me already. Sent a Pinterest quote at least.”

“It’s Owen’s fault. He says I mustn’t be aggressive about it, mustn’t make it more awkward and bring it up with her when Jeff and Chiara are around. I don’t get it – she’s just got to move her ass and take Chiara to go for blood so that they can do a paternity test.” I looked into the mirror over the basin. How could such a tiny square of me on the phone show up such a massive zit on my chin? “Okay, I get how that can be an awkward conversation; I just don’t care as much about awkwardness as Owen. Be direct and to-the-point, my dad says. I swear those are words to live by.”

Back on the screen in my hand, Kari was trying to tame her hair.

“I didn’t call you to talk about them. I know it’s Valentine’s today – I wanted to say that I’m thinking of you. I hope you’re going to do something nice.” Three years ago, on February fourteenth, Dirk had confessed to a one-night stand and Kari’s granny died suddenly. On the same day. Her Valentine’s Apocalypse had forced her back home to the family she’d run away from ten years before … She doesn’t look it, but she’s tough, that Kari.

“Thanks, my friend. I can’t believe it’s so long ago! Dirk’s gone to work,” she said, smoothing back the last of her hair. “I wish I was doing something good but it’s going to be the same as every other day – me and Adam and another long cold walk around Richmond Park. Sainsbury’s too, if Adam will sit in the pram long enough. I wish I was home and we could drink something in the sun at Eden, then the memories wouldn’t be so bad.” With her hair tied up, I could see that tears were already rolling down her face. Fuckit. I’ve been to visit her a few times – Kingston upon Thames in Surrey is pretty enough – but after two years, I could tell it would never be Eden for Kari. She would always miss home.

“Aw, Kari, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to make you cry. I wish I could come visit you again, but soon-soon and you’ll be here. You’ll see everyone and we will have two weeks together before the wedding.” Mental note to message Dirk to make sure that he remembered and made a fuss today. Owen would’ve pulled out all the stops, but he is built like that, not like Dirk. I know Dirk loves Kari, and they’ve both learned exactly how much in the past three years, but it simply isn’t in his nature to show it the way she can see it. I’d remind him.

“Yes, I know.” She wiped her cheeks; the tears didn’t stop. “I’m just tired. I remember Ouma and I miss her all over again. And no one tells you it’s this hard to have a child, and it’s like you’ve committed a major sin if you say it’s not all perfect. Adam’s stomach thing made it worse because he’s been grumpy and not sleeping well, and Dirk only got home from Geneva last night but had to go straight into the office this morning. We’ve hardly seen each other. And I can’t help it. I still get a bit funny when he is away for work.”

“Oh.” The one-night stand had been when Dirk was away for work. “You know Dirk won’t let it happen again, right?” I love and hate fucking Facetime. I can see how much she needs a hug and I can’t do anything about it. “If you want things to work, you have to let it go, Kari. That’s what Di says – she couldn’t let it go no matter how hard Alan tried. It stuffed her up completely.”

Kari was crying hard now. I don’t know if my words helped or made it worse. She liked to say I was always right, down to the last word. Watching her cry, I wished I didn’t have to be right or use my words. I would have settled for a hug that made her feel better.

“I know. My brain has too much time to think over here.” Her voice was muffled as she put her face into her hands. “I don’t know how anything works here and I miss all of you to talk to and I’m tired of the cold. Tired of the stupid park and Bentall Centre and John Lewis. I want to get a babysitter and drive to Eden and get out and sit in the sun and drink a friggin’ cocktail. I want to go shopping and come home with bags in the car boot instead of having to tie them to Adam’s pram and then dragging the whole lot home. Yesterday the shopping was too heavy and I forgot and let go for a second and the pram tipped backwards with Adam in it.” She sobbed hard at the pram’s tipping. “Adam lost his mind, puked on himself, and screamed all the way home. In the rain.”

I let her cry.

“I promise, when you get home, we will strap him in a car seat and put your shopping in the boot, drive wherever you want,” I said when she eventually stopped to wipe her face on the bottom of her pyjama top, flashing me a stretch-marked brown stomach in the process. At least there was one thing I could do. “I’m going to organise a night away for you and Dirk when you get here – don’t fight me, it’s my treat. I’ll watch Adam.” As if he had heard my plan, Adam started to cry somewhere in the background. The sound was like a siren in my bathroom. My stomach churned. I’d have to take him and go stay with Di.

Kari wiped her face another time. “Hang on, I’m just going to see if I can settle Adam.”

The blank white wall of her bathroom stared at me.

The crying on the other side got louder as Kari appeared with a spluttering Adam on her hip. The little boy was the spitting image of Kari, but with Dirk’s blond hair and blue eyes. He looked curiously into the screen, snot and tears wet on his cheeks, but his crying didn’t stop for a second.

“Hello, Adam my boy. You not feeling good today?” I used the kid-friendly voice I’d learned as a GP – sometimes it worked on kids; but I wasn’t sweet enough on my own, mostly I needed a jar of lollipops to sound convincing. If only it was that easy with adults, I would absolutely carry lollipops everywhere.

“Say hello to Aunty Lily?” Kari asked him. Her own tears forgotten, all her attention on him as he hid his face in her neck, one little hand disappearing under the shoulder of his mother’s pyjama top. “Okay, I’m going to have to go. He is miserable,” Kari said, shushing Adam as she rubbed circles on his back, bounced a little to soothe him. “Let me know how it goes with Courtney.” And like that, she was gone.

I stood there, staring at myself in the bathroom mirror. I was glad she hadn’t asked about my plans for the day; it was nothing compared to her day but the disappointment of it still stuck in my throat. When I’d told Owen about my Valentine’s surprise, he’d suggested we postpone. “It doesn’t feel right to leave them here overnight by themselves. I know Jeff said he would stay, but we hardly know Jeff,” he said. “Courtney just met him … I don’t know how she can be in love with a guy she only knows for about six hours.” Hooky fingers around the word ‘love’ again. “I feel sorry for Chiara. She is confused as hell about the divorce, and spinning about me potentially being her dad and Jeff being on the scene. She’s a nice kid, I like her.”

“You’ve only known her for about six hours.” I’d let my bitch out. Shouldn’t have, but there she was, wearing my disappointment together with some other nasties I didn’t have good labels for. How could he have talked about so much to Chiara already?

“Come on, Lily, she’s just a kid. In a new city, going to a new school, living with strangers. Sounds like she and the dad always rubbed each other up the wrong way but he’s the only dad she knows. She is in a proper state that he might not actually be her dad.” He handed the boots back, leaving fingerprints on the black patent-leather knees. The purple putty side of his face squashed up as he’d smiled and tried a wink. “The boots don’t have to go to waste.”

I hadn’t wanted the boots to go to waste either, so I’d tried a smile. I’m sure it wasn’t any more believable than the purple putty. I reined the bitch in. #VeryPerfectDay had gone #VeryPerfectlyPearShaped. Exactly like my damn ass. The only silver lining was that the manager of the Twelve Apostles agreed to move the bookings to whenever I wanted and I’d decided to give it to Kari and Dirk as a little holiday present. They needed some Valentine’s love even more than I did.

I messaged Dirk.

08:30 AM Lily: Hey meneer, spoke to your wife. She’s missing Ouma and being a mama is tiring. She needs a bit of TLC. Flowers or something? Make a plan to get home. I’ve got a night at the Twelve Apostles for you two, look at your dates and I will confirm. Don’t work too hard

08:35 AM Dirk: Shot. Dankie. We need it

Ain’t that the truth.