Читать книгу Being Lily - Qarnita Loxton - Страница 5

How was I to know it would take just two silver bullet suitcases to pump holes into my dreams?

Friday, 10 February 2017 was supposed to be Fabulous Fri-Yay, the last one before Valentine’s, the last V-Day before we would be Mr and Mrs (or Mr and Dr, as Dad likes to remind me). One month to the wedding was supposed to be a #VeryPerfectDay. In a way, I’d been waiting for something bad to happen. So much happiness and excitement – how could it not? It was payback time. I’d been the one who’d laughed at Kari’s champagne and roses, snorted at Valentine’s, hated weddings. What was the point of making public promises of happy-ever-afters when they never came true? More like happy-never-afters, I’d say in my head.

I didn’t think it would happen to me – and of all the idiotic things, it would be a Valentine’s Day that would turn me around. And that the Valentine’s Day that killed it for Kari – that made it a #VeryFuckingAwfulDay – would be the one that was magical for me, that made me feel alive. One woman’s kale, another woman’s KitKat and all that. But Valentine’s three years ago was the day Owen and I first really talked, first properly saw each other, first took steps to the giant leap of being ‘us’. Like an urban legend, we were the friends who fell in love over a few hours of a Pick n Pay dinner. A fairytale, where the guy, five weeks after Valentine’s, with a helicopter flip over Cape Town and a ring he chose himself, told the girl she was The One. Both Owen and my therapists knew I hadn’t grown up dreaming of a proposal like that, but he offered it anyway. And despite myself, a white dress and a happy ending turned out to be exactly what I wanted. I said ‘Yes’, and ‘Finally’, like the CeCe Peniston song, I had a real life, properly-in-love-with-me-and-me-with-him-non-psycho partner. We would be happy-ever-after, not like my parents, or his. We would be happier than our friends.

That’s how I drank the Kool-Aid and got to be the kind of woman who made plans for Valentine’s – real plans that didn’t involve hiding in my flat; plans that Kari would’ve been proud of in her pre-Valentine’s-Apocalypse days. A limo drive to Camps Bay, a long weekend with oysters and champagne at the Twelve Apostles Hotel, massage à deux under the spa’s outdoor gazebo. Tickets to Pretty Woman at the in-house movie theatre. And a sea-facing suite, room-service dinners, and thigh-high boots to give dessert a little kick.

Only one small wrinkle in the Fabulous Fri-Yay before Valentine’s. I thought it was going to be the Honeymoon Talk. The possibility of two silver suitcases and their owners causing havoc never crossed my mind as I locked the house and hurried to my car, out the estate, and across the circle to Eden on the Bay where Owen was waiting at the café. I could’ve walked from home, got some more steps in, but I hate being late. I dialled Kari as I drove, my standard party trick when anxiety makes the sun feel too bright.

“Hi, it’s Kari, leave a message and I’ll come back to you. Thanks.”

These days her voicemail greeting was the only time I heard her speak without her or Adam crying in the background. Thank God she hasn’t grown an English accent; then I would have no way of knowing what she was saying.

“Hey, it’s Lily, just checking in to hear how you are? Hope Adam’s stomach bug is better. Fuck, I’m on my way to have the Honeymoon Talk with Owen and he’s going to freak – you know he says I’ve turned into Lily Bride-zilly. Any last-minute ideas on what to say to him? Shelley and Di say I should back off. I’m going to come right out and tell him what I want. I mean, I’m going to ask nicely … obviously. Phone me back if you think it’s the right thing to do. And if you think I’m wrong, just pretend you didn’t get my message. Okay, I’m –” and the message space beeped out.

Kari and I talk whenever we can, but it’s different since she and Dirk moved to London and had Adam; he’s two years old and she has been away for longer than that. Next weekend, she’ll be home. I know all the crying is just homesickness and tiredness and loneliness, but I can’t help it. I get scared for her. My own garden variety depression is more than enough of a hell; what level of soul-destroying would it be with a child thrown in? Thank the tiny god of anti-babies I will never have to deal with that. It’s going to be Love and Marriage, but Owen and I had long agreed to take the wheels off the Baby Carriage.

Owen was waiting at one of the outside tables at Eden Café, his dark head bent towards his phone. Hot fuckin’ dog! The man looked like an ad for something Italian Pour Homme. It’s an easy mistake; looking at Owen, you can’t tell what he is made of. Mum got excited when I first told her Owen’s dad’s name was Riccardo – she asked if Owen had an Italian passport. Shattered does not begin to describe her face when I said Owen was a Riccardo from Hanover Park on the Cape Flats mixed up with an Elaine from the Bluff in Durban. “Mixed babies can also be cute,” she’d said (I’m not sure if it was to me or herself), “like Kari’s Adam. Or Trevor Noah.” I’d snorted my drink at her, half-ready to ask if she was talking about mixed-baby Owen or the ones she thought I was going to have. I didn’t especially want her answer, so I checked her instead. “That’s flippin’ racist. And Owen is anyway far hotter than Trevor Noah.”

Owen doesn’t have the passport, but he does smell Italian. He left that signature behind this morning in the kitchen at home, like he does wherever he goes. Not nearly good enough for my parents, but stuff them. And even if it is Valentine’s mush and the engagement phase talking, like Shelley says, I feel bloody lucky to have Owen. Worth all the frogs I’ve done the dirty with over the years – and then some. Granted, we are a bit predictable these days – him, checking his phone, me, talking wedding – but I wouldn’t change him.

Fine, I’m lying. I would change the stubbornness about my paying for things.

“Hey, babe,” Owen said, looking up as I pulled out the chair across from him, “let me just send this last mail.”

I signalled to the waiter and ordered my usual late breakfast: scrambled eggs and avo, black double espresso, sparkling water. No toast. I stopped myself from taking a photo of the view; it was too postcard and everyone who comes to Eden Instagrams it, but it properly is no-filter Insta-worthy. Eden Café at the shopping mall at Big Bay in Bloubergstrand fronts right onto the promenade facing the sea. Bright blue skies today, the sea with enough swell for a decent bob of longboarders, a sprinkling of runners on the promenade speeding up as they ran past those of us stuffing our faces. Run on, bitches, I wanted to say to them, I’ve already done my ten thousand steps for the day.

“Sorry, nearly done. Steve checking some of the business sale details with me,” Owen said, eyes glued again to his phone.

Around us, the café was full, the good weather and Fri-Yay-ness bringing them all out: moms and prams, inactive housewives in their active wear, businessmen having meetings that looked just like regular breakfast. That’s when I saw them, sitting a couple of tables away with the two silver suitcases. It was impossible not to notice them. Impossible unless you were on your phone, like Owen; and impossible if you can’t ignore skinny blondes, like me.

Two too-perfect blondes. Between them two shiny silver hard-shell suitcases on wheels.

They didn’t look like they would fuck up my Fri-Yay, let alone kill my V-Day. And I could never have imagined what they would do to my Wedding Day. Creatures the complete opposites of me. Not short (or even medium height), not strong (okay, stocky), not curvy (with Spanx), or dark eyed or dark haired or with an obvious lack of thigh gap. They were the exact things I’ve always wanted to be. The taller of the two was older and especially skinny, with white-blonde hair long on her back like Daryl Hannah in that mermaid movie. Tight blue jeggings stretched down from the bar stool at the high table, her legs so damn long one foot could rest flat on the ground even though her bum was perched on the edge of the seat. The other foot would’ve been flat in its flip-flop if it wasn’t bouncing up and down doing that weird jig thing Kari also does when she is restless. I couldn’t tell the mermaid’s age. From a few tables away she looked twenty-five, and I wondered if a close-up view was going to disappoint. Sometimes I get lucky and it’s like that.

The other girl was shorter and younger, more tanned, but otherwise a perfect replica of the mermaid. A mini-mermaid, a copy-and-paste job. Same hair (almost the same, dark roots poked through), same jeggings, same white T-shirt. Even the same silver slops, hanging from her toes as her bare feet sat on the footrest of the bar stool. Sisters? With suitcases at noon on a Friday? The bags reflected the sun into my eyes. They look like bullets, I thought. Little did I suspect the bombs their owners would bring. I forgot about the honeymoon for a minute, enough to rage in my head. Why is it that some girls just come out looking like models? Not fair! my choking stomach shouted. Owen saw nothing, still staring at his phone, thumbing the screen rapidly. Irritated by the girls, I couldn’t wait any more.

“Owen, I want to talk about our honeymoon, please. I want it be somewhere good.”

Owen didn’t look up but he stopped scrolling. I had his attention. “I can organise it, you don’t have to do anything,” I panicked. It wasn’t how I had practised saying it, but too late, it was out. I’d meant to start with How do you feel about going somewhere stunning for our honeymoon? Fuck. Dad would be proud, of course. Don’t mess around. To get what you want, you must be direct and to-the-point.

I saw a WhatsApp from Kari flash on my watch: “Wait for Owen to eat first. You too.”

Too little too late. Owen put his phone down carefully as he realised there wasn’t just breakfast on the menu. Incoming! Hangry honeymoon conversation.

“We are going somewhere good. I organised it already,” Owen said, smiling at me. His eyes creased a little in the corners. Sexy man. Guys really can get away with what women feel pressure to Botox. “You don’t have to do everything.” He reached over and took my hand. “You are making me spoil the surprise, but I’ve got a place in Franschhoek. I found a good deal even though it’s high season in March. Don’t worry, we’ll stay somewhere fancy. Go to all those restaurants you are always telling me about.”

“Oh …” I tried to pick my words more carefully, hard when I had already gone so far off script. “I love Franschhoek! But it’s our honeymoon … I was thinking of France?” I could hear my voice just a little bit too high on France. “I’ve had my best holidays there and I want to go with you. If we decide now, I can still get us visas.” Watch the whine, my spoilt little girl. I heard Mum’s voice saying that, different scene, same story.

Owen fiddled with the sugar sachets on the table. Tore open a bag of brown sugar. Didn’t look me in the eye. “Buying into the business is taking most of my savings and I need to get my mother and sisters to Cape Town for the wedding. And we were talking about building a house? I don’t think I can stretch to a honeymoon in France right now. Let’s see by the end of the year, or next year, once I’ve paid Steve out and I can see how all the sales have gone?”

“I can pay. You know I can. I was thinking to pay. It won’t be a big deal to cancel Franschhoek.” I shrugged. Bull by the horns. I default to Dad when I’m under pressure.

“I know it’s not a big deal,” he said, pausing, “for you. But can you let me at least organise and pay for our honeymoon? You and your dad are paying for everything else.” Owen’s eyes were dark but he wasn’t looking away anymore. He laughs me off when I say he reminds me of a young Robert de Niro, only missing a tilted fedora to put him in Mafia mode. Not exactly handsome, but something there. Mom let that thought slip once when she forgot to be obsessed with his being two years younger and two centimetres shorter than me. And poorer. And not Italian.

“The money shouldn’t be a thing. I plan to spend lots of it on us, you know. I don’t want all my dad’s hard work to just lie there gathering interest in my trust fund. Might as well get used to it.” I tried a little laugh – it was true enough to be funny – but Owen didn’t like the joke. The waiter slid our breakfast plates onto the table but I wasn’t hungry anymore. Owen pushed his plate of salmon scramble away.

Kari should’ve messaged faster.

“Your dad thinks I’ve got my bum in the butter. Do we have to go straightaway for a honeymoon that you pay for? Just cut my balls off, why don’t you?” He tried a laugh same as I did, but it was a little too true to be funny. I was the one who had suggested a vasectomy (“Too busy at the moment, after the wedding,” he’d said).

Before I could add anything more, something behind me caught him, and right then I could see.

It was the end of Fri-Yay and it started when he saw them and their silver bullet bags.

He forgot all about me and the honeymoon.