Читать книгу Little Girls Tell Tales - Rachel Bennett - Страница 10

Cora’s bag was a green satchel, decorated with applique owls. From inside the satchel, she produced a wodge of folded papers, which she spread out on the table.

‘There aren’t a lot of maps available online, would you believe that?’ Cora said. ‘But I got what I could and I cross-indexed it with a bunch of aerial photos, so I think we’ve got as accurate a picture of the land as we’re going to get.’

Dallin put the kettle back on. It looked like he was starting to feel more at home. I ignored another pang of distress. Everything about this situation was distressing. When was the last time there were this many people in my kitchen? My eyes watered from trying to look at both Dallin and Cora at once.

‘The main paths run through here and here,’ Cora said. She drew a finger along a pale line that meandered from one corner of an A3 photo to the middle. Her nail polish was a delicate pink, chipped at the tips. ‘As I understand it, there are dozens of other paths that lead off from the main trail. Plus unofficial animal tracks and such. Is that right?’

I startled, realising the question was addressed to me. ‘Um. Yes.’

‘And there aren’t any trail maps of the marshlands? Not even unofficial ones that people or tourists maybe use to find their way?’

I dropped my gaze to the photos so I didn’t have to maintain eye contact. ‘No,’ I said. ‘If anyone’s walking around the curraghs, they either know where they’re going, or they stick to the main paths.’

‘Does anyone ever get lost in there?’ Cora seemed to have a direct way of asking questions which, honestly, was preferable to Dallin’s habit of skirting around every issue. She fished a pencil out of her satchel and held it poised over the maps.

‘Depends what you mean by lost.’ I picked up my mug of mint tea, which I’d left sitting on the side. ‘Now and again someone wanders off the trail. Last year a group of ramblers on a wildflower walk got distracted trying to follow a wallaby. It took them an hour to find their way back.’

Cora’s lips twitched in a frown as she glanced at Dallin. ‘So there really are wild wallabies here?’

‘Told you so,’ Dallin said. He stirred a hefty spoonful of demerara sugar into his tea. ‘You owe me a tenner.’

‘Forgive me for not believing such a weirdly specific bit of trivia.’ Cora looked at me again. ‘How big are the marshlands anyway? It doesn’t look like much on the photos.’

‘It’s not, I guess.’ I was trying to figure out whether our house was on the photos. It was difficult to tell from the aerial shots. ‘It’s not the biggest area of forest on the island, not by a very long way. But it’s easy to get lost in there. It’s—’ My throat went dry. How to describe the curraghs to an outsider? Looking at those maps and photos, it was difficult to imagine how anyone, even a child, could lose their way in such a small patch of land.

‘Are you able,’ Cora asked, ‘to narrow it down at all? When you found the body, do you know roughly where you were? Even as little as, “more to the north” or “more to the south”?’

I chewed my lip. ‘Listen, I don’t know what you’re expecting from me. But I was a kid. I don’t even know – I’m not certain what I saw.’ I closed my eyes. For so many years I’d insisted on telling the truth, even when no one believed me. Now, with a person who for some crazy reason did believe me, I couldn’t come up with a convincing lie.

But I had to try. Because, as I knew perfectly well, no hope was better than false hope.

‘Sometimes,’ I said slowly, ‘you have to accept that what you think you saw isn’t necessarily what you did see. Especially when you’re a child. People searched the curraghs. I searched. No one found anything.’ I lifted my chin and shook the stray wisps of hair out of my face. ‘I was mistaken. There’s nothing here for you to find. I’m sorry.’

A few seconds passed in silence. Then Cora said, ‘Thank you.’

‘For what?’

‘For being honest. There’s been a lot of people over the years who’ve been happy to spin me a story, for whatever reason.’ Despite the way she held herself with hunched shoulders and restless fingers, there was steel in Cora’s gaze. ‘Some people will do anything for attention.’

Dallin took a tentative sip of his tea; grimaced. ‘Rosie, you’ve stuck to your story for fifteen solid years,’ he said. ‘This is a fine time to start doubting yourself.’

I glared at him. ‘Please stop calling me Rosie.’

‘Oh, right. You hate that.’ He smirked. ‘I totally forgot.’

Cora studied the maps. ‘Is there anything you can tell us which wasn’t on forum? Any details we might’ve missed?’

I pulled up a chair and sat down, suddenly exhausted. My heart went out to the poor woman. ‘I can’t help you find your sister,’ I repeated. ‘Even if what I saw when I was a kid … even if I wasn’t dreaming or hallucinating or—’ I set my jaw. ‘—or making it up. Even if I really did find a human skeleton that day, there’s very little possibility there’s anything left of it by now. It could’ve sunk into the bog without a trace. The bones could’ve been scattered.’ I watched Cora as I spoke, anxious not to cause more upset than I had to. ‘I’ve spent a lot of time trying to find it again. I never have. Neither has anyone else. There’s every chance there’s nothing out there to find. I can’t lead you to your sister.’

Cora nodded. She took a breath in through her nose and out through her mouth. ‘I know. I understand.’

‘Okay.’ I thought about reaching for her hand, to give it a reassuring squeeze. But I’d never been good at spontaneous human contact. ‘So?’

‘I’m still going to look for her.’ Cora glanced at me. That smile flickered again; somehow soft and steely at the same time. ‘Nothing can stop me.’

In that moment, I completely believed her. ‘I’m sorry I can’t help,’ I said. ‘I just don’t remember. I don’t know if I was near the south end of the curraghs or the north end.’

Cora produced a plastic ruler from her bag and started measuring distances on the photos, comparing them to an Ordnance Survey map. ‘I’ll search every inch of that place if I have to,’ she said. ‘I’m not leaving until I’m certain whether or not my sister was here.’

‘Really?’

Cora pushed her hands across the maps to smooth them flat. ‘I’m going to search this swamp from one end to the other, one square metre at a time, until I’ve covered the whole damn lot. I’ll start along the north edge here, work west to east, east to west, moving south with each sweep.’

I leaned over the maps, letting myself see them properly for the first time. Someone – presumably Cora – had drawn a grid over the top of the maps and the photos. Each small square was numbered. The ones at the very perimeter of the curraghs were shaded pale yellow, as was a section in the north-west corner.

‘We can probably discount those areas,’ Cora said, following my gaze along the yellow squares. ‘You were found coming out of the trees on the eastern side of the road, so you can’t have been in this north-west section, otherwise you would’ve had to cross the road. And, from what you’ve said, it sounds like you weren’t on the edge of the swamp. You would’ve noticed, right, if there were fields instead of trees in front of you?’

I nodded. ‘There were trees all around. When I found the skeleton, I stood up and looked around. Like, I don’t know, like maybe someone was there who could’ve helped.’ That’s what you do when you’re a kid, even if you know for one hundred per cent certain that no one’s there except you. ‘I looked around, and there were trees on all sides. No farmland.’

Cora nodded, pleased. ‘And, how far can you see when you’re in the thick of it? Ten feet, twenty feet? More? Less?’

‘It depends where you are. If there’s lots of undergrowth you might not see more than five or ten feet in front of you. If the trees are thin, you can see quite some distance. Fifty, a hundred feet. It depends.’

Cora nodded again. She leaned over the pictures and started making pencil marks on one of the photos.

I was forced to re-evaluate the woman. I’d jumped to the assumption that she’d come here with nothing more than false hopes and unreal expectations. But it looked like she’d done her homework. She’d researched maps and photos, several of which were new to me, despite my living here for most of my adult life. Cora was as prepared as anyone was likely to get.

Watching her, hunched over the maps, I couldn’t suppress a twinge of excitement. If anyone could do this, it might be her.

I tried to smother my hope. ‘When I found it, there was nothing left but bones,’ I said. ‘It will have broken down a lot more since then. We could walk right over it and see nothing. Plus,’ I sighed, ‘I mean, really I might’ve been mistaken. It could’ve been a sheep skeleton for all I know. Or it could’ve been hundreds of years old, someone who was buried on the land and the grave forgotten about, then the tree roots shoved it to the surface. You have to consider these things.’

‘There were fillings in the back teeth,’ Cora said. ‘That’s what you saw, right?’

I made a face. ‘Oh my God, how much of my life is on that stupid website? Is there anything the whole world doesn’t know? How’d they even get details like that?’ I’d forgotten about the fillings myself until right then.

‘You’re not going to talk anyone out of this search,’ Dallin said. He’d remained standing, leaning against the counter with his arms folded. ‘Believe me, plenty of people have tried. But we’re here, and we’re not leaving until we’ve finished the search. Right, Cora?’

Cora pressed her lips together and nodded. ‘Right.’

The pair of them were staying at the campsite at Ballaugh, a few miles down the road. I came out to the doorstep to say goodnight.

Cora gave me an awkward smile. ‘Thank you,’ she said. ‘For helping us. I know you think you can’t do anything, but thank you for at least hearing me out and not dismissing us straight away.’

‘Don’t worry,’ Dallin said. ‘Rosie’s been called a crackpot for years by folks around here. If anyone’s likely to believe you completely, it’s her.’

Cora winced at his crass words; tried to cover it with another hesitant smile. ‘We’ll let you know how we get on, yeah?’

‘Sure.’ They were going out into the curraghs early the next day, to start the search. She’d hinted I was welcome to join them. ‘Drop round any time you need a cup of tea,’ I said. ‘I’m almost always here.’

‘Certainly will.’ Cora grinned again then got into the driver’s seat of the car.

Again, I couldn’t help but admire her determination. There was a lot to admire about Cora. I almost wished we were meeting under different circumstances.

I hunched my shoulders. I could practically feel the weight of Beth’s gaze pressing down on me from the house. I looked away from Cora quickly.

Dallin remained behind for a moment. He reached to hug me and I instinctively stiffened as he put his arms around my shoulders.

‘It’s good to see you, sis,’ he said.

‘Yeah, well.’ I turned my face away so I was staring over his shoulder at the garden. ‘Have you been to see Mum yet?’

‘Not yet, no.’

Something in his tone made me pull away from him. ‘I usually visit on Sundays, but I could go with you tomorrow if that’s better?’

‘I’ll have a think, sure.’

There it was again, that dismissive tone. ‘Dal, you have told her you’re here, right? She knows you’re back on the island?’

‘I figured it might be a nice surprise.’ Dallin gave a weak, apologetic grin.

I looked away. ‘I don’t know why I expected anything different.’

‘That’s hardly fair.’

‘Don’t tell me what’s fair and what isn’t.’ I kept my voice and my expression neutral so Cora wouldn’t notice anything wrong. ‘You’re quick enough to run and help when a girl you barely know needs it but you wouldn’t come home when your actual family needed you.’

Dallin started to say something else, but I turned away and went back into the house. I closed the door and twisted the key in the lock.

I stayed there in the hallway with my arms wrapped tight around myself, until I heard the noise of the car fade as it turned left at the end of the road. And then, at last, the house was silent again.

If I tried hard enough, I could almost pretend none of the evening had really happened. That no one had invaded my self-contained world and threatened to upend it.

My eyes fell on the Manila envelope on the phone table. Before I could stop myself, I snatched it up. There was no stamp, because it’d been hand-delivered, like all the others. The flap was held closed with a strip of Sellotape.

I opened the envelope and took out the folded papers inside. Even though I’d known exactly what they would be, still my stomach twisted with fresh nausea. My eyes skimmed the printed sheets which, as always, had been highlighted in yellow for my convenience.

Near the bottom, I saw one highlighted word, and it was enough for me to want to fling the sheets away from me.

Death, it said.

***

You never wanted to leave. You just never really wanted to stay.

Things were difficult for us both. Difficult parents, difficult family, difficult life. You were thirteen when you told me you’d realised something important: you didn’t have to stick around to endure the fights and the arguments and the occasional stinging slap from our ma. All the negative stuff that would echo through the house and leave us with ringing ears and red marks on our legs. You could walk out at any time.

‘The world is waiting for us,’ you used to tell me.

But I was never scared you genuinely would abandon me.

Not until you met him.