Читать книгу Words From the Other Side - Rachel Winter - Страница 5

"A paranoid man makes paranoid plans."

The first time I heard the phrase,

I thought of tinfoil hats

And homemade alarms rigged to notify me of intruders.

I thought of taping papers over cameras,

Disconnecting phone lines,

And only using payphones to make phone calls.

I thought of stuffing towels under doors,

Pinning blankets in front of windows,

And crossing out the eyes of photographs so they couldn't watch me.

When I thought of paranoid plans,

I never imagined checking over my shoulder four times every five minutes,

Or walking faster in public so they can't read my mind.

I never imagined setting my apps to French so the FBI and my family can't get into them,

Changing my passwords biweekly for my privacy,

Or being virtually unable to open up to anyone.

I never imagined laying in bed questioning if I have any friends,

Wondering if everyone I know is conspiring against me,

Or figuring out who will screw me over next.

I never imagined becoming someone who holds grudges,

Being someone who gets angry at even the thought of being slighted,

Or turning into the person who lies so that no one can sell my secrets.

I never imagined wondering if she wants me to get kidnapped,

If they're laughing at me, hoping I drop out and give up,

If he's trying to find a way to ruin my life, to get me arrested.

A paranoid man makes paranoid plans,

But his plans aren't always for himself.

Sometimes his paranoid plan is for them,

For the people who watch him,

For the people who slight him,

For the people who conspire against him,

For the people who seek to strike him down.

Sometimes the only person who reads the paranoid man's mind is himself.

Sometimes it's them,

But he will always think it is you.