Читать книгу Brides, Babies And Billionaires - Мишель Смарт, Rebecca Winters - Страница 41

CHAPTER SEVENTEEN

BLAKE STOOD LOOKING OUT of the window of the office he shared with Connor, and felt the weight of his decision heavy on his shoulders. The weight that had settled there the moment Callie had shut the door to the office—to them—what felt like years ago.

He rubbed a hand over his face, tried to get his thoughts in order. The first day of negotiations had gone well—he thought he already knew who would be giving him a call, even though they still had four more days to go. It would take a few days after that to draw up the contracts, and then that would be the end of the personal responsibility he felt after letting the Elegance Hotel, Cape Town, slip through the cracks because of Julia.

He wouldn’t be needed in Cape Town after that. He could run operations for the hotels from anywhere in the country. From anywhere in the world. Logically, he knew that. Which was why he couldn’t figure out why every part of him wanted to stay in Cape Town.

Except that was a lie. He knew exactly why he wanted to stay. The part he couldn’t figure out was how he could even consider it. He’d broken things off with Callie—whatever they’d had was now completely and utterly broken. His heart seemed to be, too—so much so that he couldn’t remember the reasons he had given her, had convinced himself of, for why they couldn’t be together. The reasons that had seemed so clear before.

‘You should be at home, celebrating the deal that will be coming in soon.’

Blake turned to see Connor behind him, his hands in his pockets.

He nodded, failing to muster the energy required for a smile. ‘I’m not in the mood.’

‘I can see that. Seems you and Callie may have taken a drink from the same fountain. She’s as miserable as you are.’

Blake hated it that there was a part of him that took comfort in that. ‘She is?’

‘Yes.’ Connor waited a beat, and then said, ‘In case you didn’t pick it up, the fountain was a metaphor. The reality is that you two have been in a relationship that has now broken up. Correct?’

Blake stared at Connor, wondering why on earth his heart was thumping as though he had been caught making out with a girl by her parents, like some teenager. ‘How did you find out?’

Connor let out a bark of laughter and Blake wondered if he had spoken with the guilt he felt.

‘Blake, you may be able to hide your feelings quite well, but my sister can’t.’

He smiled at that. ‘Yes, so I’ve realised. She told you?’

‘She didn’t have to. I could see it from the way she looked at you.’

Connor studied Blake for some time, and Blake had to resist the urge to shuffle his feet. He was becoming increasingly aware of the fact that he was being sized up by his employee. No, he corrected himself. By the brother of the woman he cared about.

‘Blake, do you know how long it took for me to get Callie to consider dating?’ Connor shook his head. ‘It was like talking to a rock. She would let me speak for however long my words of encouragement for that day required, and then she’d smile and tell me she wasn’t interested. So, as much as I’d like to avoid getting involved in my boss’s affairs, the fact that Callie opened up to you tells me that she cares about you. What happened?’

Blake felt another blow to his heart at Connor’s words, and wondered why the reminder that Callie had been willing to let him in hurt so much.

‘It doesn’t matter. We can’t be together.’ He shrugged, as though to show that he had come to terms with it.

‘Well, clearly it does matter—to both of you—because of exactly that.’ He stopped, gave Blake a moment to contradict him, but when it didn’t happen, he nodded. ‘That’s what I thought. Was it you or her?’

‘What do you mean?’

‘I mean did you end it or did she?’

Blake thought about it. ‘I’m not actually sure. I suppose it was me—though she was the one who actually walked out.’

Connor stared at him, and then shook his head. ‘Of course she would fall for you. You’re safe.’

‘Excuse me?’

‘You’re safe,’ he repeated. ‘You’re not here permanently and you’re her boss. She wouldn’t have to worry about falling for you because you would never feel the same way about her.’

‘That’s not—’

‘In fact she probably never told you how she really felt. She may not be able to hide her feelings, but verbalising them is completely different. So if you weren’t looking, and she didn’t say anything, you’d never know and she’d be able to tell herself that she tried and then move on.’

‘Stop.’

The single word was said so sharply it might have sliced through metal.

‘You have no idea what you’re talking about. She put everything on the line for me.’ Blake ran a hand through his hair. ‘She told me exactly how she feels, and she was perfect. I’m the problem.’

Finally, after repeating the words had Callie told him the last time they’d spoken, something cleared inside his head. He was the problem. He had pushed her away because he’d thought that was best for them—for her.

He turned to Connor, saw the look on his face, and realised he’d been baited.

‘How did you do it?’ he asked Connor, who was watching him with serious eyes. ‘How did you get over your parents’ deaths? In your relationship?’ He saw the surprise on Connor’s face and realised there was no point in pretending he didn’t know. ‘Callie told me you’re expecting. Congratulations.’

‘Thanks.’ Connor paused, as though trying to gather his thoughts, and then he said, ‘I’m sure you know that losing our parents broke both of us.’ He rubbed at the back of his neck. ‘When I found out Elizabeth was pregnant it scared me. I don’t know how to be a father, and I was terrified of caring about her, about our baby, and then losing them. And then I realised that going through life being scared wasn’t living. I thought about coming home to Elizabeth, to our child, and I realised my parents would have wanted that for me. They wanted me to live, to be happy.’

Blake thought about how he’d imagined the same thing, and how it had thrown him into a panic. ‘And that was it?’

‘Pretty much.’ Connor shoved his hand back into his pocket. ‘I’m still scared of losing them. I still don’t know how I’ll be a father. But the thought of not being with them, of not being a father, scares me more.’

Something shifted for Blake as he realised he felt the same way. The misery he felt now because he had lost her—the irony of that gave him a headache—was testament to that. But he still couldn’t shake off that one thing...

‘You had a father to learn from.’

‘We all do. Even if they aren’t perfect,’ Connor continued when Blake opened his mouth to interrupt. ‘We learn from them. We learn what to do and, sometimes more importantly, we learn what not to do. And we should have a partner to help us through it.’ He smiled slightly. ‘It’s not so scary when you realise you’re not alone. Unless, of course, you choose to be.’

He stopped, and then nodded at Blake.

‘I think I’ll head home now. And by the way...’ Blake looked at Connor. ‘I don’t care if you’re my boss. If you hurt her again I’ll kick your butt.’

Blake smiled wanly in response, and then sat down heavily at his desk. Connor had a point. With Brent, Blake had tried to be there as much as possible, and he’d thought he had succeeded until the divorce. It was still a sore point for him, the fact that he couldn’t be there for Brent now. One he had used when he’d decided he couldn’t give Callie the family she needed.

She would be an amazing mother, he thought. She was caring—passionately so. And she would sacrifice her own happiness before letting anything happen to the people she cared about. He could only imagine what she’d do for her child, for her family. She would never leave them—not for one moment...

She would never leave, Blake realised. If Callie had any choice in the matter she wouldn’t leave the people she loved. But he had left. He’d left her, failed her, disappointed her, lost her. All the things he’d wanted to protect her—and himself—from had happened, because he’d chosen to leave the woman he loved.

The realisation hit him like a bomb, and he leaned forward, bracing his arms on his knees. He loved her. And he had hurt her. So much so that the woman he knew in his heart would never leave the person she loved—him—had left. Because he had left her first. He’d done the very thing she’d been afraid of. He’d shown her that opening up to him had been a mistake.

Convincing her to take him back would mean she’d have to trust that he wouldn’t leave again. And how could he do so when he’d already left?

The weight on his shoulders nearly crushed him.

* * *

Callie’s heart broke over and over again each time she thought about it—which felt like every second of every day.

She had taken the week off work, which no one had questioned, despite the fact that she hadn’t taken any time off since she’d started—because she couldn’t bear to see Blake every day. Not when there was a hole in her chest where her heart was supposed to be.

She knew the pieces lay somewhere, broken in her chest, and would no doubt remind her of their brokenness when she saw him. She would forget, just for a second, about the fact that he had left her and she would run into his arms, feel his warmth, smell the comforting musk of his cologne.

And then she would break when she realised that would never happen again.

She shrugged her shoulders and forced herself to breathe as she walked into the hotel on Friday. Kate had called, telling her that a young honeymooning couple had begged her to arrange a tour for them, and since Kate had no idea what to do she’d called Callie. Her favourite tours were those she organised for honeymooners—they were always so happy to be with one another it was infectious—so she’d reluctantly agreed to come in.

Even though she didn’t want to see the man who’d broken her heart. The man who, according to her brother, was a negotiation tsar.

Of course she was happy that the negotiations were going well. But somehow it just didn’t seem important any more. So she would just focus on what she’d come to do.

Kate had told her the couple wanted to see Table Mountain at sunset. That would be in an hour, giving her enough time to introduce herself and travel there with her guests. And to remember that the last time she had been up there had been with Blake.

She stopped when he materialised in front of her. And blinked just to make sure she wasn’t imagining things. That she wasn’t dreaming of him again.

‘Callie.’

‘Blake.’

She nodded, and hated it that her body heated at the memory of his. Even worse, that her heart still longed for him.

‘I’ve missed you around here.’

‘I’ve...er...’ She cleared her throat. ‘I’ve been on leave.’

‘I know.’ He put his hands in his pockets. ‘I was hoping we could talk.’

‘Yes, well...let’s pretend you’ve left already, when there won’t be any more talking between us,’ she said, and then tried to walk past him.

But she stopped—as did her heart—when he placed a hand on her arm.

‘Callie, please. I have to tell you something.’

She looked up at him, and though her heart urged her to agree her mind warned her not to. And for once she chose to listen.

‘I think it would be best if we didn’t speak any more.’

Their eyes locked for a moment, and then he let go of her arm.

‘Okay.’

She nodded and walked away with an aching heart and the sinking feeling that this might be the last time she spoke to her boss.

To the man she loved.