Читать книгу Postcards From…Verses Brides Babies And Billionaires - Rebecca Winters - Страница 66

THERE WERE JUST two more days until she married Nikolai and Emma was restless. She’d been taking it easy since returning from the hospital but today felt different. She’d had lots of time to think and, although Emma knew brides had nerves, she didn’t think they had the serious doubts she was being plagued with.

She still cringed with embarrassment at how close she’d come to revealing she loved him whilst they were on the boat, but those tense few minutes in the hospital had highlighted how bad the idea of marrying him was.

His reaction at the scan emphasised clearly that marriage was the wrong thing to do. She could feel him pulling away from her emotionally, locking down those barriers again, and she braced herself for his rejection.

It didn’t matter how many times she let the question wage a battle in her mind, she still came back to the same answer: how could she marry a man who didn’t love her? Each and every day she had fallen deeper in love. If only they hadn’t spent that night together after they’d returned from the party. If only he hadn’t stirred her emotions up and awakened her love for him, then maybe she could have merely acted the part of adoring and caring fiancée. Such thoughts were useless when each night spent with him filled her heart with more love.

Her phone bleeped on the table and she abandoned the view of the park she often contemplated and opened the usual daily text from Jess, missing her more than she thought possible. If Jess were here, sharing this moment with her, she might be able to deal with it better.

With a sigh she picked up the phone and read the text from Jess. As she read the words, her heart leapt with excitement.

Surprise! Be with you in five minutes.

Jess was here? In New York? How had that happened? She recalled the lighter conversations with Nikolai when they’d taken the boat along the river. He must have arranged for Jess to come over for their wedding. Why had he done that? He confused her. Such actions made him look nice, as if he did have some feelings for her, making everything even harder. She couldn’t back out of the marriage now if Jess was here, knowing that by doing so she’d be letting Jess’s chance of a worry-free future slip away as well as depriving her child of its father.

Ignoring the inner churning of her heart, she sent a text back to Jess. Excitement almost took over the nauseating worry that filled her. She wondered again about Nikolai’s motives for organising it. With a huff of frustration, she sent a text to Nikolai to say thank you. Two could play at the relationship game.

Before Emma had a chance to do anything else, the apartment door opened and Jess stood there, a big smile on her face. Disbelief kept Emma rooted to the spot for a moment and emotions overwhelmed her. Jess let go of her case and walked towards her and, as she’d always done, Emma enveloped her in a hug, not able to believe she was actually here.

‘How did you get here?’ she asked when they’d finally let each other go.

‘Your wonderful fiancé.’ Jess’s excitement was palpable and Emma couldn’t even think straight. Of course she would think he was so wonderful; it was exactly what she’d wanted her to think. She couldn’t let Jess know the real reason she’d accepted the marriage.

‘Nikolai?’ she asked and Jess laughed.

‘How many do you have? Of course Nikolai.’ Jess walked around the apartment, taking in the luxury of it all, something neither of them were used to. ‘He arranged everything, right down to the key to get in. He’s amazing, Em, you’re so lucky. He must love you so much.’

Jess’s enthusiasm for her soon-to-be brother-in-law was so zealous it almost brought Emma’s world crashing down. Despite the miles that had separated them, he’d charmed Jess, made her see what he wanted the rest of the world to see. She’d never felt more trapped in her life.

‘He didn’t tell me, though,’ she said, quickly pushing away the doubts, not wanting them to creep in and spoil this time with Jess.

‘Because he wanted to surprise you. He made me promise not to say a word. Have you any idea how hard that’s been the last few weeks, keeping it a secret from you?’

Last few weeks? He’d organised this long before they had the discussion about Jess attending the wedding? Had he done it even before their engagement party? Was that why he’d been so concerned that she had nobody there for her that night?

‘Well, he’s certainly done that,’ she said as she took Jess off to her room, determined not to let Nikolai’s motives spoil this unexpected moment with her sister.

Nikolai arrived back at his apartment to the sound of women’s voices drifting through the open plan living area from the bedroom Emma had used on her arrival, which her sister would now use. For a moment he was taken aback and stood listening to them, grateful that Jess had managed to keep her arrival a secret. The lack of anyone for Emma at their engagement party had made such a surprise important, but the visit to the hospital had reinforced it.

‘You’re having his baby?’ Jess’s unfamiliar voice was filled with shock and he remained silent and still, waiting to hear Emma’s reply, but none came. Was she smiling and nodding her confirmation to her sister or giving away the truth of it all? Would she let Jess know this was nothing more than a marriage of convenience?

Silence echoed around the apartment for what seemed like hours, but he knew it was merely seconds. He stood still, not daring to move, not wanting them to hear his footsteps on the polished wooden floor. Finally the silence was broken by Jess’s voice.

‘But you love him, right?’ Jess asked, concern in her voice, and Nikolai held his breath, hoping Emma would act the same part she’d acted for his mother, that of a woman in love.

‘He’s a good man.’ Emma’s subdued answer was not at all what he’d expected her to say. It seemed her acting skills were not on form today and disappointment flooded through him. The last thing he wanted was Emma’s younger sister letting slip to his mother that the marriage was not a love match. That would make his mother feel guilty for what had happened in his childhood. The only thing she’d ever wanted was for him to find the real love she had.

‘I thought you wanted true love.’ Jess’s voice lowered so he was hardly able to hear it and right now he certainly didn’t want to hear Emma’s answer. He recalled her light-hearted view on love when they’d first met and knew it must have been true and not the throwaway comment she’d allowed him to think it was. She did believe in love, and was looking for it, but love was something he couldn’t give her.

He strode across the room, his footsteps loud on the polished floor, and perfect for blocking out the answer he didn’t want to hear. He poured himself a much-needed glass of brandy. The voices had gone silent and now he wished he had waited to find out what she thought. Would it be so bad to be loved by the woman who was carrying his child, his heir? Somewhere deep inside him the idea stirred those emotions from the day at the hospital and for a brief moment of madness he wanted exactly that.

‘I didn’t hear you come in.’ Emma’s voice sounded cautiously behind him and he turned his back on the view to face her. She looked pale and he wondered if she was well enough to have Jess here.

‘I’ve only just arrived,’ he said grimly, wishing she didn’t have such an effect on him. With just one questioning look she cracked the defensive shield around him, made him feel emotions, which as far as he was concerned was dangerous.

She walked closer to him and, for the first time since they’d arrived back from their engagement party, she looked shy and unable to meet his gaze. She’d had the same look in her eyes as she’d met him in the hotel lounge the night after the sleigh ride. That shyness hadn’t lasted long. It had soon been replaced by the temptation of a seductress. Had it been that which had pushed his limits of control beyond endurance?

‘Thank you,’ she said softly.

‘For what?’ She looked at him with big green eyes and to see the emotion within them was too much. He didn’t want the complication of emotion in his life. Never. It was why he hadn’t looked at her as they’d seen their baby on the scan.

She smiled shyly. ‘For getting Jess here. You have no idea how much that means to me—and Jess.’

As she said the words a young, dark-haired girl came into the room and smiled, the similarities between the sisters striking. ‘And you must be Jess?’

Emma turned round as he spoke and held out her hand to her sister. ‘We are both grateful for everything, but this is such a surprise. Getting married will be easier with Jess at my side.’

Irritation surged through him. She thought getting married to him was going to be difficult? From what she’d just said, it was obvious Jess was in full possession of the facts; no pretence at love for her sister’s benefit was needed now. Didn’t that show she was as cold and calculating as he was? It certainly proved she was only marrying him because of the baby.

‘You helped me with my mother. It was only fair you got something out of our deal too.’ He then turned his attention to Jess, needing to put some barriers back up between him and Emma, uncomfortable at the effect she was having on him. ‘Did you have a good flight?’

‘I did, thanks. I’ve never flown first class before,’ Jess replied, grinning enthusiastically. He felt Emma’s curious gaze on him, but ignored it, and the way his body warmed just from her nearness. He had to get out of here now.

‘I’ll leave you two girls to it, then. You have dress fittings later.’ Before Emma could say or do anything, he left them alone. It was more than obvious to him now that he had to leave and check into a hotel until his wedding day. His wedding day. After ending his first engagement, he’d never thought he’d ever get married, let alone be a father.

He turned at the door. ‘I’ve booked into a hotel until after the wedding, so you will not be disturbed by my presence.’

‘You don’t have to do that,’ Emma said, alarm in her voice.

‘Of course he does,’ Jess chipped in. ‘It’s bad luck to see each other before the wedding.’

‘In that case, I will go now.’

Emma watched Nikolai leave, angry that after all she’d done for the benefit of his mother he’d made no attempt to act the part of loving fiancé in front of Jess. He’d looked angry and irritated by her presence and their thanks, and she worried how that would look to Jess. Especially when she’d made every effort to make it appear they were in love when she’d met his family at their engagement party.

Why had he chosen that precise moment to drop the caring façade he’d hidden behind all week? She’d only just told Jess she loved him and that she was happy to be his wife as well as a mother. Then he’d arrived back at the apartment like an angry lion whose authority had been challenged and made it obvious that the marriage was a deal that was going to unite them and definitely not love.

‘I’m not stupid, Em, I know what’s going on.’ Jess’s voice broke through her thoughts.

Emma whirled round to look at her sister and saw a frown of worry creasing her brow. What did she know? That the pregnancy was a mistake and that she’d abandoned her dreams of love and happiness to do what was right for the baby?

‘Nothing’s going on. Every bride and groom is nervous before the big day.’ She bluffed her way out of the corner Jess was backing her into. But it was too late. Emma’s fragile faith in her love for Nikolai was fading fast. Was she really doing the right thing by her child, marrying a man who didn’t want her around, much less love her?

‘Tell me, Em, please.’ Her sister’s pleas showed wisdom beyond her years, wisdom born out of the hardships they’d faced growing up.

Emma sighed heavily. ‘I can’t marry him, Jess. I can’t marry a man who doesn’t want love in his life. But, more than that, I can’t live each day waiting for him to reject me and his baby.’

Any further attempt at spilling out her sorry story was halted as the dress fitters arrived. Emma let them in, amazed at the quantity of dresses that hung wrapped up on the rail they were quickly setting up. The fact that they were here also made what she was doing seem even more real. She was actually going to marry a man who didn’t want love in his life, who could never give her what she’d always dreamed of finding.

But he can give Jess a chance to be something.

Emma tried to shrug off those thoughts and walked over to stand by the tall windows. She looked but didn’t see the view which usually captivated her so easily as she battled to halt the doubts which were growing by the second. She heard Jess come to stand beside her.

‘What makes you say that?’ Jess asked, shock obvious in her voice.

‘He’s never told me how he feels,’ Emma said quietly, not quite able to add that he’d already told her he didn’t want love, that the deal they’d struck was one which would benefit Jess.

‘I don’t think it’s something men say,’ replied Jess confidently, and Emma turned to look at her, finding it odd that she could even smile at such a remark. ‘What?’

‘Do you actually know what you are saying?’ Emma laughed, trying to lighten things up. She shouldn’t be talking to Jess like this. Not if she wanted to prevent her ever finding out the exact terms of the deal.

‘Of course I do—I watch films, listen to people talk.’ Now Jess laughed, but it was edged with relief. Guilt rushed over Emma. She must have worried Jess for a moment.

Emma pushed all her doubts to the back of her mind. She was doing this for Jess as well as her baby, which meant she couldn’t let on how much she doubted her sanity for accepting the terms of the deal.

‘What colour do you think?’ She strolled over to the rail of bridesmaid dresses and touched a pink one.

‘Blue.’ Jess joined her. ‘You always said blue was your lucky colour.’

‘But I thought you liked pink?’ Emma was touched by her sister’s acknowledgement that it was her day.

‘I do, but I want you to have all the luck in the world, so I want blue.’

As Jess spoke, the dress fitters pulled out several dresses, but a pale-blue strapless gown caught hers and Jess’s attention at the same time. Moments later, Jess was twirling round the apartment. ‘It’s a perfect fit. This has to be the one.’

‘You look gorgeous, Jess. All grown up.’

‘And I am, so you can go off into the sunset with your very own Prince Charming and not worry about me.’ The reproach in Jess’s voice brought a mixture of tears to Emma’s eyes and a soft giggle of happiness.

‘I guess I’d better decide on my dress,’ said Emma. ‘This is so last minute, I can’t possibly find one to fit.’

Cream silks blended with white on the rail and Emma didn’t know which one to look at first. Should she even have a full-length gown? What about cream? Or should it be white?

‘This is the one,’ said Jess as she pulled the skirt of a beautiful white gown towards her and grinned. ‘Try it on.’

Helped by the fitter, Emma tried on the white lace gown with a strapless bodice that matched Jess’s perfectly; it was almost too good to be true. As she was zipped into it, she looked at herself in the mirror and saw, not plain Emma, but a beautiful bride. The dress was simple yet elegant with a small train; she’d never imagined herself in such a dress.

‘It’s all meant to be,’ Jess gushed. ‘First my dress, now this one. You and Nikolai are going to make the perfect couple.’