Читать книгу Postcards From…Verses Brides Babies And Billionaires - Rebecca Winters - Страница 68

‘I’M SORRY, NIKOLAI.’ Emma jumped up away from him, breaking the tenuous connection he’d just forged. Her hard words hit him like a speeding truck. ‘It’s too late.’

He watched as she stood up and looked down at him and, when he couldn’t respond, couldn’t say what he wanted her to hear, she turned and began to walk away. It seemed as if he was watching each step she took happen in slow motion, but each one took her further from him.

He couldn’t let that happen. She couldn’t walk away from him until he’d told her what he’d only just realised himself. Nerves sparked through him, briefly making it impossible to say or do anything except watch her begin to walk away.

‘Emma, wait.’ The demand in his voice rang clearly through the morning air but she didn’t slow, didn’t turn. She was leaving him, walking out of his life. He had to make her see reason, had to make her understand, and there was only one way to do that.

He walked briskly after her, catching up with her as she began to cross Bow Bridge. ‘I need you, Emma.’

Had he said that aloud? He stood still at the end of the bridge and watched as her steps faltered, then she stood, her back to him in the middle of the bridge. Seconds ticked by but it felt like hours as he waited for her to turn to look at him. When she did, he could see she was upset, see she was on the verge of tears, and he hated himself for it. He’d handled this all wrong, right from the moment he’d woken after that first night they’d spent together. The night that had changed not only their lives but him.

‘Don’t say what you don’t mean, Nikolai.’

‘I mean it, Emma, I need you.’ Inside his head a voice was warning him that that wasn’t enough, that he had to say more, he had to put himself on the line and tell her he loved her. He couldn’t do that, not knowing she loved another man, but it was his baby she was carrying and he’d been the only man who’d made love to her. Surely that meant something?

‘It’s not enough,’ she said firmly, her chin lifting in defiance. ‘I want more than that, Nikolai. I want to be needed for who I am, not for the baby I carry. But more than that I need love.’

His stomach plummeted as she said those final words. Was she going back to London to be with Richard? Did she love him that much?

‘I always thought love was nothing more than a word.’ He took a step towards her. That chasm he’d felt earlier now had the thinnest of wires across it, but could he use it? Did he have the courage to reveal his emotions when they were still shockingly new to him?

‘You made that more than clear from the very beginning.’ Still she stood there in the middle of the bridge, looking at him with fierce determination. She didn’t even notice a couple walking across the bridge towards him. Her gaze didn’t leave his face for one second.

He had done exactly that; there was no denying he’d made it absolutely clear he didn’t want love. Such a denial was what had kept him safe. It meant he’d never have to give a piece of himself to someone who could use it and destroy him emotionally—something Emma had had the power to do from the moment they’d first met. As a teenager he’d spoken just once about his father to his mother and she had confessed she’d loved him when they’d first met, before he’d shown his true self. From that moment on he’d vowed to keep such destructive emotions as love locked away.

He couldn’t do that any longer. He had to acknowledge them and set them free, even if Emma did have the power to destroy him. If she didn’t feel the same burning love for him, then he would be nothing, but he couldn’t just tell her, not when he wanted her to be happy—with or without him. If she truly loved someone else, then he would have to let her go. It shook him to the core to realise he loved her enough to do that, enough to set her free into the arms of another man.

He thought back to their discussion on love, to the day she’d laughed at such a notion existing. It had been that denial of what she’d truly wanted that had forged the path forward for them.

‘You made a joke out of love and happiness. You scorned it as much as I did, Emma.’ He took several tentative steps closer, encouraged when she didn’t move, didn’t turn and walk away. Inside, his heart was breaking. He was a mess, but he kept his stern control, retaining that ever-present defensive shield.

‘I can understand why you want to shut love out of your life, Nikolai, but the things I experienced as a child made me want that kind of happiness even more.’ She took a step towards him and hope soared inside him. ‘We want different things. You want to be free of commitment and emotion, but I want love, Nikolai.’

Those last words goaded him harder than he could have imagined, pushing him to ask just what he needed to know, even though the answer would be like a knife in his newly revealed heart. ‘And does Richard give you that love?’

‘Richard?’ Emma’s mind whirled in shock. Why did Richard have anything to do with this? She struggled to think, struggled to work out how he’d come to that conclusion, and then it hit her as she remembered their afternoon on the river trip. She’d taken a call from Richard and had been so happy the article was out and that he liked it, approved of what she’d done, but Nikolai’s mood had darkened the instant she’d told him who was on the phone. She’d thought he was angry with her, but was it something more? Had he felt threatened by Richard, even though he’d been on the phone?

That wretched flicker of hope flared to life within her once more and kept her where she was. She looked at Nikolai, standing now at the end of Bow Bridge, as if to continue to walk towards her was something he couldn’t do.

‘Do you love him, Emma? Is he the man you are leaving to go back to?’ Nikolai’s voice was hoarse with heavy emotion in a way she’d never heard before.

She blinked at him in total shock. He seriously thought she was in love with Richard? You used to, before he rejected that young love and adoration. The taunt echoed in her head and she saw it from Nikolai’s perspective. She saw the easy friendship she and Richard had established over the last few years, saw how it might look to someone on the outside. But, like Nikolai, Richard had made it more than clear he didn’t want anything serious, squashing that first crush until it withered and died, leaving nothing but friendship—a working friendship.

‘Richard and I are just friends. Always have been.’ She frowned at the scowl which crossed his face. Did such a reaction really mean he saw Richard as a threat? But to what—their marriage born out of a deal or something more?

‘But that isn’t what you want, is it, Emma? You told me as much on the boat.’

‘I did?’

‘“It hurts like hell to feel anything for someone who feels nothing for you”. Those were your exact words, Emma.’ He calmly repeated what she’d told him, his dark eyes watching every move she made, every breath she took.

Emma’s knees almost buckled beneath her and she moved to the side of the bridge, clutching at the ornate balustrades for support. She’d been talking about him, not Richard, but he’d interpreted it as something quite different. No wonder he’d become distant to the point of coldness since that day. The closeness they’d begun to share, which she’d hoped would give rise to love, had vanished—because of what she’d said.

Waves of nausea rushed over her and her head swam. She couldn’t think any more, could barely stand. She hadn’t eaten anything yet, too anxious earlier to face anything, and now it was all too much. She couldn’t do this now.

She felt as though she was falling then strong arms folded around her as Nikolai wrapped her in the safety of his embrace. To feel his arms around her, holding her against his body, was almost unbearable. It was like coming home—and it broke her heart a little bit more.

‘You’re not well.’ The deep, seductive timbre of his voice radiated through her and she closed her eyes, allowing herself a brief moment in the haven of his embrace.

‘Maybe we can talk later.’ She clutched at the lifeline the moment had given her, not wanting to have this discussion any more. It was bad enough that he didn’t love her, that he was about to reject her, but to accuse her of loving Richard was too much.

‘No, we talk now—or not at all.’ She looked up into his dark eyes and saw myriad emotions swirling in them, emotions she’d never seen in them before. ‘It’s your choice, Emma.’

She didn’t want to talk now, didn’t feel well enough to think, let alone talk, but she couldn’t walk away and say nothing. Not when he held her so gently and looked at her so longingly. Was it possible he did feel something for her? Could it ever be love?

She needed to make herself clear, to let him know how wrong he’d got it all. She looked up at his handsome face, fighting the urge to reach up and touch his cheek, feel the smoothness of his freshly shaven face. ‘It wasn’t Richard I was talking about that day.’

Nikolai had moved quickly, taking Emma in his arms, holding her against him before she’d slithered completely to the floor. He’d inhaled her sweet scent, felt the warmth of her body, and his senses had exploded despite the worry he had for her health. How had he not seen it before? How could he not have known he loved her?

Because you shut your heart away.

She leant against the balustrade and looked up at him, as if waiting for him to say something, expectation mingling with desperation in her eyes. She’d just spoken, as his mind had whirled and his body had gone into overdrive just from holding her. Whatever it was she’d said, she obviously expected a response, but his ability to think rationally had left him the moment he’d held her.

‘What did you just say?’ he asked gently, unable to resist the urge to brush her hair from her face and then stroke the silky length of it down her back.

She looked up at him, tears beginning to brim in her eyes. ‘I said that it wasn’t Richard. When I said that on the boat, it wasn’t him I was talking about.’

His hand stilled at her back and he held his breath, willing her to say more, but she looked down, her head dipping against his chest. If it wasn’t Richard, who was it that didn’t love her in the way she loved him? Had she been referring to him? Was it possible she loved him?

‘Emma,’ he said and lifted her chin forcing her look up at him. ‘Have you ever told that person you love them?’

Still he couldn’t say that he loved her, couldn’t admit his deepest emotion. She searched his face, her gaze flicking over every part of him, as if committing him to her memory in the same way a camera did at the touch of a button.

She shook her head. ‘It’s not what he wants to hear. He doesn’t believe love exists—at least, not for him. I could never tell him. I just can’t.’

There was nothing else to do. He had to prove he loved her by telling her right now just how much. He had to risk having got it wrong, risk making a fool of himself. If he didn’t tell her he loved her now, he’d lose her for ever.

‘Maybe he just has to tell you,’ he said as he looked deep into her eyes, the tears now dissolved and hope glowing from them. ‘Maybe he needs to be bold and admit something he’d never thought possible.’

‘Maybe he does,’ she said as she watched his lips, as if willing him to say it, and his heart began to thump hard with trepidation.

He took a deep breath and swallowed, trying to instil calm into his body. This was the one thing he thought he’d never say. ‘I love you, Emma Sanders. Completely and utterly.’

She closed her eyes, her body relaxed in his embrace and he couldn’t resist her any longer. The temptation to kiss her was too much and he lowered his head and pressed his lips against hers. The soft sigh which escaped her did untold things to his body, but passion and desire could wait. This was a kiss of love.

Emma sighed as Nikolai kissed her, so tenderly it almost made her cry. He loved her. It wasn’t only that he’d told her, but it was the way he was kissing her which proved it more than anything else. This kiss was different. It wasn’t hot and filled with lustful desire that stoked the fire of passion within her. This kiss was very different. It was gentle and, more importantly, it was loving.

She wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him back, finally allowing all the love she felt to pour from her. He stopped kissing her and pressed his forehead to hers, the gesture so unguarded emotionally she couldn’t say what she wanted to say for a moment.

‘I thought you didn’t want love.’ She smiled, her voice teasing and light.

‘That was before I met you. Everything changed the moment you stepped off that train in Vladimir.’ His eyes were so tender, so filled with love, it was heart-rending and his voice broke with intense huskiness that sent a wave of pleasure breaking over her.

She closed her eyes and revisited the memory of the day they’d met, but even more importantly the knowledge that he had felt something for her from the moment they had met seeped into her. It had been no different for her. There had been something between them from that very first moment at the station in Vladimir, and he’d admitted that had turned to love even before she’d been carrying his child. That could mean only one thing.

‘So our child was conceived out of love, Nikolai.’ She breathed the words against his lips as he once more claimed them in a deep and meaningful kiss, his hands holding her face as if he couldn’t bear not to kiss her.

Around her life went on: voices of people in the park, the ripple of the water beneath them and birds singing their joy of spring all blended into the most perfect backdrop for the moment the man she loved with all her heart confessed his love for her.

As he pulled back from her, she let her palms slide down to his chest, feeling the beat of his heart beneath her right palm, a heart which was filled with love for her. He’d had the courage to admit his love even though he’d been convinced she was going to walk away from him. How had she got it all so wrong?

‘I love you, Nikolai Cunningham—with all my heart.’ She smiled up at him as he smiled back at her, then kissed her tenderly, his lips gentle and loving. She wanted to melt into the moment, enjoy the kiss, but she needed him to know how much his words meant to her. She pushed against his body and pulled away from him, away from the temptation to deepen the kiss.

‘You have no idea how relieved I am to hear that. The thought that you were in love with another man has been eating me up for days.’ His deep, sexy voice held a hint of seriousness and she knew it had been hard for him to talk about his feelings, no matter what they were.

‘Is that why you really moved out of the apartment?’ she asked as shyness crept over her. ‘I thought you wanted me out of your life.’

‘Like your father? No, Emma, that will never happen. I figured I needed all the luck I could get after what Jess had said, so didn’t want to tempt fate by flouting tradition. I knew even then I couldn’t risk losing you, but I was too blinded by my past to realise why—that I’d fallen in love with you.’

‘Really?’ She looked up at him to see amusement sparkling in his eyes, mixing with the newly acknowledged love.

‘Yes, but I also wanted you and Jess to have time to catch up and have girl chats about me.’ The laughter in his voice was contagious; she laughed softly and when he stroked her hair back from her face she almost melted all over again.

Then what he’d said finally registered and embarrassment flooded her. ‘You heard us talking?’

How much had he heard? She recalled telling Jess she loved him with all her heart, and she’d meant it, but they wouldn’t be here like this, with the worry of the last few days behind them, if he had truly heard what she and Jess had spoken about.

‘Only a little bit,’ he said and his brows rose, his eyes filling with that sexy amusement that had captured her heart in the first place.

‘Well, you obviously didn’t hear the part where I told Jess I loved you so much that it almost hurt; that marrying you was what I wanted to do,’ she said with an impish smile on her lips, taunting him mercilessly.

The humour left his face. ‘No, I didn’t hear that, but it could have saved me a lot of heartache if I had.’

She laughed softly, wanting to lighten the mood. ‘I’d much rather just tell you myself.’

‘In that case, don’t let me stop you.’ He pulled her against him once more and pressed his lips briefly to hers.

‘I love you, Nikolai, so very much, I just want to marry you. Today.’

‘Is that so?’ he teased. ‘In that case, you are in luck; I have everything planned for a perfect wedding for the woman I love.’

She looked at her watch and let out a shocked gasp. ‘I have to go now. The man I love with all my heart is going to make me his wife and the happiest woman alive. I just hope he’ll be there waiting for me.’

‘I have every faith that he will be, because he’s madly in love with you.’