Читать книгу The One Winter Collection - Rebecca Winters - Страница 25

CHAPTER FIFTEEN

LIZZIE WALKED AWAY from Jesse, expecting him to come after her. To tell her it was all a mistake. Reeling in shocked disbelief, she got halfway back to her apartment before she realised it wasn’t going to happen. Jesse had dumped her. After all the emotional ups and downs she’d been through today, she was finding it impossible to stay steady on her feet. She had to stop and lean against one of the famous dolphin rubbish bins. Its smiling mouth seemed to mock her.

In a daze, she dragged her feet one step after another until she reached the door to her apartment and then hauled herself up the stairs.

The empty rooms derided her. Jesse was everywhere. His handprint all over the place—the tiles he’d laid, the walls he’d painted, the room he’d prepared for Amy. He was on the sofa where the aroma of peppermint still lingered. Most of all, he was in her bedroom. How could he have made love to her with such tenderness and passion, only to dump her when her daughter came home?

Her heart contracted with the agony of the realisation of what it felt to be one of Jesse’s disposable girls.

She’d cleared the bedroom of every trace of him so Amy wouldn’t be aware Uncle Jesse had been sleeping over in Mummy’s bed. She and Jesse had agreed it was too soon for her to know. She laid her head on the pillow where only this morning his beautiful dark head had rested. Where they had slept entwined in each other’s arms. She lay where he had lain, breathed in deeply, hoping for a lingering trace of his scent but she’d stripped the bed and washed all the linen. There wasn’t a trace of him left.

What had gone wrong?

He’d given her no clue. His change of heart had come completely out of the blue. Was it something to do with her meeting with Philippe? The meeting that had released her from the chains of resentment that had held her back from fully trusting Jesse.

The first thing Philippe had done was to apologise for the way he’d behaved during their marriage. Then he’d told her he was getting married again. To a French-Canadian girl named Thérèse who was also a chef.

Lizzie’s first thought had been for Amy. But Philippe had reiterated his love for his daughter and said Thérèse wanted to be a good stepmother. In fact she wanted to meet Lizzie so she could discuss Amy’s shared care when her little girl spent time in France. There was no longer any question that Philippe would seek sole custody.

For Amy’s sake she had accepted the hand of reconciliation that Philippe had extended. ‘We learn from our mistakes, yes?’ Philippe had said.

She had agreed and, in doing so, had realised how unfair it had been of her to judge Jesse on the mistakes she had made with her ex-husband. The men were nothing alike.

Her relationship with Philippe had been founded on youthful passion fired by rebellion. She and her ex-husband had never been friends like Jesse and she had become. Jesse was both friend and lover—it was a formidable combination. She doubted her ex had understood her after several years together the way Jesse already understood her.

As she’d spoken with Philippe, something in her heart that had been frozen with bitterness and resentment had thawed. She’d felt freed from heavy chains she hadn’t realised had been tethering her so tightly.

The revelation had had nothing to do with Philippe and everything to do with Jesse. Her feelings for him had changed everything. Had made her ready to forgive and move on with no lingering fears from the past to poison the present with jealousy and suspicion.

Jesse was the real deal. The happily ever after. The till death us do part.

Then she’d sought out Jesse, anxious to tell him what had happened—and to explain how the burden of Philippe’s past behaviour had lifted so she was free to love again without the hindrance of bad old energy from the marriage gone wrong.

But Jesse had blocked her every way. Grim Jesse with the charming good looks gone dark and glowering. Black Irish. Jesse with the harsh voice, the eyes with the shutters suddenly down against her.

Jesse who, to all intents, had done exactly what she’d feared he’d do. Made a conquest of her and then dumped her. And boy had she been an easy conquest. She’d barely put up a struggle before she’d fallen so joyously into bed.

Just another of Jesse’s girls after all. She’d believed she’d been so much more. How could she have been so naïve, so stubborn, not to listen to her own sister’s advice? She’d listened to her heart instead and it had led her wrong.

And yet.

She’d grown to believe in Jesse so strongly it was hard to let that trust go. She had truly thought he wouldn’t do this to her. But there was no escaping that he had.

If she looked at it brutally, dispassionately, the timing was right for him to get rid of her. Amy had come home. With a five-year-old in residence, they would have to snatch time together, might go days without intimacy. He needed to free himself for new conquests. Those Texan girls didn’t know what they were in for. Jesse the Player. Jesse the Heartbreaker.

She thought back, puzzling, seeking clues. Philippe. It all came back to his visit. Maybe Jesse was concerned about the ongoing contact with her ex-husband. There wasn’t anything she could do about that. Amy deserved to have a loving relationship with her father and she was determined to facilitate that in any way she could.

What had Jesse meant? He’d asked her if she had something to tell him three times.

Did he want to know he had a place in her and Amy’s life when there was a father still so actively involved with his daughter—even though said father lived on the other side of the world?

Maybe Jesse wanted assurance.

Maybe Jesse wanted her to tell him how she felt.

Maybe she needed to tell Jesse she loved him, wanted him, would go to Houston with him. Would go anywhere with him—the Philippines, India, any old where. Because she realised with a huge whoosh of pain that made her double over with the agony of it that life without Jesse would be intolerable.

She got up from the bed. She had to find him. Tell him she loved him. And if it all blew up in her face, if she was after all the latest in a long line of discarded Jesse’s girls, at least she would have tried.

She clattered down the stairs of her apartment, waved to one of the waitresses who stood outside the door of the café talking on her phone. She kept her demeanour calm, her face controlled. As far as anyone else in Dolphin Bay knew, she and Jesse were just friends. It wouldn’t look right for her to be stressed and tearful and hunting around town for him.

But where could she find him?

She didn’t want to call him on his mobile phone to alert him she was coming after him. She went to the boathouse. No Jesse. His car was gone too.

If Jesse was indeed taking off for Texas tomorrow, surely he’d want a farewell swim at his favourite beach. She’d take a punt he’d gone to Silver Gull. If he hadn’t gone there she’d keep on looking until she found him. Even if she had to drive to Sydney and confront him at the airport.

No way was she going to let Jesse go until she’d made absolutely sure there was no hope left for them.

* * *

Jesse swam up and down the length of the beach, churning through the freezing water until his shoulder ached too much to go on. He’d had to fight a strong swell to get out beyond the breaking waves. That was nothing to the fight he’d had against himself. But the salt water and the vigorous exercise had cleared his head.

He’d been an idiot. The worst of the wussies. He’d let all the pain and fear from his early decision to avoid love make him act like an irrational, bad-tempered fool. He’d let the pain of Camilla’s old betrayal blind him to the fact that Lizzie was not Camilla. Lizzie had not set out to hurt him. He had hurt her.

While he’d raged against the idea that Lizzie was going back to her ex-husband, she had never actually said she was. Remembering the bewildered look on her lovely face made him realise his anger had stopped him thinking straight.

Now he understood what Lizzie had struggled with—jealousy could turn a person crazy.

He should have asked Lizzie outright about what he’d overheard. Instead he’d set her a test of honesty she hadn’t even known she had to pass. He’d been totally out of order. Cruel. Cowardly. Worse, he had betrayed the trust she’d worked so hard to build up from a baseline of emotional abuse.

He strode out of the water. Slung a towel around him and headed towards his car. He had to find her. Grovel. Apologise. Grovel some more. Tell her how much he cared for her.

Only to see Lizzie walking across the sand towards him. Her face was a mass of contradictions. Fear. Determination. And something else shining from her eyes that made his heart leap inside his chest.

He ran to meet her. But as he got closer she put up her hand to stop him. ‘Before you come any further, Jesse Morgan, I want to answer that question you kept asking me before—have I got anything to tell you?’

He groaned. ‘That was a mistake. I—’ But she spoke right over him in that blunt, determined Lizzie way.

‘I have got something to tell you. I don’t know if it’s what you wanted to hear but you’re going to hear it anyway. I love you, Jesse. I fancied you the moment I met you. Then I fell in love with you when you danced me around a deserted beach in the moonlight to the sound of the stars. Or maybe when you massaged my feet. It could even have been when you pulled coffees all day just to help me out. Whatever. I nearly lost you the first time through a silly misunderstanding and I don’t want to lose you again through another one. Is that what you wanted me to tell you?’

Her eyes were huge and her mouth quivered as she waited for his answer.

She loved him.

How could he have been such an idiot as to risk losing her?

He wanted to pull her into his arms and tell her he loved her too and that she was the most amazing woman he’d ever met. That she had become his favourite person in the whole world. That it would be like wrenching out his soul if he couldn’t have her in his life. But that was beyond his limited skills as an orator. And he feared she wouldn’t welcome his touch. Especially as he was dripping salt water.

‘No, it wasn’t,’ he said. ‘You gave me a better answer.’

‘What do you mean?’ she said, hope struggling to life amid the woeful expression on her face. ‘You’re talking in riddles, Jesse, and I’m in no mood to try to solve them.’

He took a deep breath. ‘I overheard you talking to your ex. You hugged him, kissed him and said: “I will see you in Lyon. For the start of a new life.”’

Why the hell hadn’t he asked her that directly?

She frowned. ‘You were there? Listening?’

‘I heard every word of your farewell. Then, when we met up afterwards, I wanted you to tell me what you had meant by that promise to see him in Lyon. Did it mean you were going back to him? That’s the conclusion I jumped to. But if you say you love me, I guess you won’t be boarding a plane to France any time soon.’

She crossed her arms in front of her. ‘I certainly won’t be going back to Philippe. That was never, ever on the cards. Why didn’t you just ask me?’

‘Because I was a stupid, insecure idiot, too blinded by fear of losing you to think straight. So I’ll ask you now. Why are you going to France to see your ex-husband?’

‘You might be going too,’ she said.

‘Now you’re the one talking in riddles.’

‘Let me explain,’ she said, uncrossing her arms.

‘Please do,’ he said. Man, had he made a mess of this.

‘Philippe asked me to keep this secret for Amy’s sake. But you’re more important than keeping his confidence. He’s getting married and his fiancée wants me and Amy to be there at the wedding next April in Lyon. You’re invited too. Actually, I invited you. But Philippe didn’t want Amy to know until closer to the time and he asked me not to tell anyone in case she overheard.’

‘Your ex is getting married?’ That was the last thing he had expected to hear.

‘Is it so surprising? People do get remarried, you know. And I’m happy for him.’

‘I thought he wanted you back.’

Now her eyes were accusing. ‘How could you possibly think I’d go back to him after what you and I have shared together? The...the fairy tale magic. What kind of a woman do you think I am?’

‘Obviously one I’m not worthy of,’ he said slowly. He tasted regret, bitter and stinging.

All her indignation and anger fled from her face and her eyes softened. She reached up and laid her fingers across his mouth. ‘Oh, Jesse, don’t say that. After all we’ve been through to get here.’

He took her fingers in his hand. ‘Can you forgive me?’

‘If you’ll forgive me for keeping secrets from you. I should have told you straight away about the wedding in Lyon. I love you, Jesse. I couldn’t bear to lose you.’

Relief swelled through him. ‘That’s twice you’ve told me you love me. Can you give a man a chance to catch up?’

He couldn’t wait another second to gather her close to him. She squealed. ‘You’re wet and cold but I don’t care.’

He claimed her mouth in a kiss. ‘I love you, Lizzie,’ he said, revelling in the sound of the words and how it made him feel to say them. ‘I love you, Lizzie,’ he repeated. ‘That’s twice I’ve said it. We’re even.’

She locked her arms around his neck. ‘I’m going to tell you how much I love you a lot more times than that. I’m coming to Texas with you. Amy too.’

‘You’d leave the café?’

‘Funnily enough, though it didn’t seem the best job in the world when I came down to Dolphin Bay, I’ve got attached to it. But not as attached as I am to you. So yes, I’ll leave it after training someone else to take over so I don’t let Sandy down.’

‘You don’t have to leave. I’m staying right here in Dolphin Bay.’

‘What do you mean?’

‘I’m going into business with Ben.’

She frowned. ‘Is it what you really want? You’re not compromising for my sake? Because if—’

‘It’s what I really want. I want you too. No more pretending to be “just friends” either. No more being jealous because we’re not certain of each other.’

‘Jealous? You?’

‘You turned me into a jealous guy when I saw you hugging and kissing Philippe.’

She shrugged in that Gallic way. ‘It’s just a French thing. The kissing. Nothing to be concerned about.’

‘I didn’t like it.’

‘So we’re both jealous. Do two people being jealous cancel out the jealousy?’

She was making light of it. But he knew how concerned she was about her jealousy causing problems.

‘I have a better idea,’ he said. ‘Love. Security. Commitment. Knowing the other person is always in your court. That could go a long way to cancelling out the jealousy.’

She went very still. He was aware of the sound of the waves. The thudding of his own heart. ‘I...I’m not sure what you’re getting at,’ she said.

He’d thought about this when he’d been swimming up and down in the surf. How he couldn’t bear to be without Lizzie in his life. How he could think of nothing better than making her and Amy his family. How what she needed had become what he needed. ‘A wedding ring firmly circling your finger is my idea of a jealousy buster,’ he said.

‘And a matching one circling yours is mine,’ she said. Her wonderful warm laugh rang out across the beach. ‘Did you just propose to me, Jesse Morgan?’

‘Did you just accept my proposal, Lizzie Morgan to-be?’

‘I did,’ she said, planting a kiss on his mouth. ‘And...and I couldn’t be happier.’

‘Me too,’ he said and kissed her back. His heart actually ached with joy.

She broke away from the kiss. ‘You realise there will be a lot of upset people in town when this news leaks out?’

‘Who? My family will be delighted.’

‘The punters who laid bets you’d never marry.’

‘Serves them right for giving you the wrong impression of me and making it so tough for me to win you.’

She smiled. ‘I’m glad you changed my mind about that. I love you, Jesse.’

‘I love you too,’ he said. ‘That makes three times we’ve said it.’

‘Shall we try for thirty times before the day is over?’

‘Why not?’ he said. ‘I’ll never tire of hearing those words from you.’