Читать книгу The One Winter Collection - Rebecca Winters - Страница 33

CHAPTER FIVE

HOW LONG DID they stay in the shelter? Afterwards they tried to figure it out, but at the time they had no clue. Time simply stopped.

The roar from outside built to a crescendo, a sound where nothing could be said, nothing heard. Maybe they should have been terrified, but for Julie and for Amina too, they’d gone past terror. Terror was when the people they loved were outside, missing. Now they were all present and accounted for, and if hell itself broke loose, if their shelter disintegrated, somehow it didn’t matter because they were there.

Rob was there.

He roused himself after a while and pushed himself back against the wall. Julie wasn’t sure where the black soot ended and burns began. None of his clothes were burned. His eyes seemed swollen and bloodshot, but maybe hers did too. There were no mirrors here.

Amina was cuddling Danny, but she was also cuddling the dog.

The dog had almost cost her son his life, Julie thought wonderingly, but as Amina poured water over Luca’s paws and his tail gave a feeble wag of thanks, she thought: this dog is part of their family.

No wonder Danny ran after him. He was loved.

Love...

It was a weird concept. Four years ago, love had died. It had shrivelled inside her, leaving her a dried out husk. She’d thought she could never feel pain again.

But when she’d thought she’d lost Rob... The pain was still with her. It was like she’d been under anaesthetic for years, and now the drug had worn off. Leaving her exposed...

The noise...

She was sitting beside the dirt wall, next to Rob.

His hand came out and took hers, and held. Taking comfort?

Her heart twisted, and the remembered pain came flooding back. Family...

She didn’t have family. Her family was dead.

But Rob was holding her hand and she couldn’t pull away.

She stirred at some stage, found cartons of juice, packets of crackers and tinned tuna. The others didn’t speak while she prepared a sort of lunch.

Danny was the first to eat, accepting her offering with pleasure.

‘We didn’t have breakfast,’ he told her. ‘Mama was too scared. She was trying to pack the car; trying to ring Papa. I wanted toast but Mama said when we got away from the fire.’

‘We’re away from the fire now,’ she told him, glancing sideways at Rob. She wasn’t sure if his throat was burned. She wasn’t sure...of anything. But he cautiously sipped the juice and then tucked into the crackers like there was no tomorrow.

The food did them all good. It settled them. Nothing like a good cup of tea—Julie’s Gran used to say that, and she grinned. There was no way she could attempt to boil water. Juice would have to do as a substitute, but it seemed to be working just as well.

The roaring had muted. She was scarcely daring to hope, but maybe the front had passed.

‘It’s still too loud and too hot,’ Rob croaked. ‘We can’t open the door yet.’

‘My Henry will be looking for us,’ Amina said. ‘He’ll be frantic.’

‘He won’t have been allowed through,’ Rob told her. ‘I came up last night and they were closing the road blocks then.’

‘You were an idiot for coming,’ Julie said.

‘Yep.’ But he didn’t sound like he thought he was an idiot. ‘How long have you lived here?’ he asked Amina, and Julie thought he was trying hard to sound like things were normal. Like this was just a brief couple of hours of enforced stay and then they’d get on with their lives.

Maybe she would, she thought. After all, what had changed for her? Maybe their house had burned, but she didn’t live here anyway.

Maybe more traces of their past were gone, but they’d been doomed to vanish one day. Things were just...things.

‘Nearly four years,’ Amina said. ‘We came just after Danny was born. But this place...it’s always been empty. The guy who mows the lawns said there was a tragedy. Kids...’ And then her hand flew to her mouth. ‘Your kids,’ she whispered in horror. ‘You’re the parents of the twins who died.’

‘It was a long time ago,’ Rob said quietly. ‘It’s been a very long time since we were parents.’

‘But you’re together?’ She seemed almost frantic, overwhelmed by past tragedy when recent tragedy had just been avoided.

‘For now we are,’ Rob told her.

‘But you don’t live here.’

‘Too many ghosts,’ Julie said.

‘Why don’t you sell?’ She seemed dazed beyond belief. Horror piled upon horror...

‘Because of the ghosts,’ Julie whispered.

Amina glanced from Julie to Rob and back again, her expression showing her sheer incomprehension of what they must have gone through. Or maybe it wasn’t incomprehension. She’d been so close herself...

‘If you hadn’t saved Danny...’ she whispered.

‘We did,’ Rob told her.

‘But it can’t bring your boys back.’

‘No.’ Rob’s voice was harsh.

‘There’s nothing...’ Amina was crying now, hugging Danny to her, looking from Julie to Rob and back again. ‘You’ve saved us and there’s nothing I can do to thank you. No way... I wish...’

‘We all wish,’ Rob said grimly, glancing at Julie. ‘But at least today we have less to wish for. A bit of ointment and the odd bandage for Luka’s sore paws and we’ll be ready to carry on where we left off.’

Where we left off yesterday, though, Julie thought bleakly. Not where we left off four years ago.

What had she been about, clinging to this man last night? The ghosts were still all around them.

The ghosts would never let them go.

‘We’re okay,’ Rob said and suddenly he’d tugged her to him and he was holding. Just holding. Taking comfort or giving it, it didn’t matter. His body was black and filthy and big and hard and infinitely comforting and she had a huge urge to turn and kiss him, smoke and all. She didn’t. She couldn’t and it wasn’t just that they were with Amina and Danny.

The ghosts still held the power to hold them apart.

* * *

An hour later, Rob finally decreed they might open the bunker doors. The sounds had died to little more than high wind, with the occasional crack of falling timber. The battery-operated radio Rob had dug up from beneath a pile of blankets told them the front had moved south. Messages were confused. There was chaos and destruction throughout the mountains. All roads were closed. The advice was not to move from where they were.

They had no intention of moving from where they were, but they might look outside.

The normal advice during a bush fire was to take shelter while the front passed, and then emerge as soon as possible and fight to keep the house from burning. That’d be okay in a fast-moving grass fire but down in the valley the bush had caught and burned with an intensity that was never going to blow through. There’d been an hour of heat so intense they could feel it through the double doors. Now...she thought they’d emerge to nothing.

‘What about staying here while we do a reconnaissance?’ Rob asked Amina and the woman gave a grim nod.

‘Our house’ll be gone anyway; I know that. What’s there to see? Danny, can you pass me another drink? We’ll stay here until Rob and Julie tell us it’s safe.’

‘I want to see the burned,’ Danny said, and Julie thought this was becoming an adventure to the little boy. He had no idea how close he’d come.

‘You’ll see it soon enough.’ Rob managed to keep the grimness from his voice. ‘But, for now, Julie and I are the fearless forward scouts. You’re the captain minding the fort. Take care of everyone here, Danny. You’re in charge.’

And he held out his hand to Julie. ‘Come on, love,’ he said. ‘Let’s go face the music.’

She hesitated. There was so much behind those words. Sadness, tenderness, and...caring? How many years had they been apart and yet he could still call her love.

It twisted her heart. It made her feel vulnerable in a way she couldn’t define.

‘I’m coming,’ she said, but she didn’t take his hand. ‘Let’s go.’

* * *

First impression was black and smoke and heat. The wash of heat was so intense it took her breath away.

Second impression was desolation. The once glorious bushland that had surrounded their home was now a blackened, ash-filled landscape, still smouldering, flickers of flame still orange through the haze of smoke.

Third impression was that their house was still standing.

‘My God,’ Rob breathed. ‘It’s withstood... Julie, Plan D now.’

And she got it. Their fire plan had been formed years before but it was typed up and laminated, pasted to their bathroom door so they couldn’t help but learn it.

Plan A: leave the area before the house was threatened. When they’d had the boys, this was the most sensible course of action. Maybe it was the most sensible course of action anyway. Their independent decision to come into a fire zone had been dumb. But okay, moving on.

Plan B: stay in the house and defend. They’d abandon that plan if the threat was dire, the fire intense.

Plan C: head to the bunker and stay there until the front passed. And then implement Plan D.

Plan D: get out of the bunker as soon as possible and try to stop remnants of fire destroying the house.

The fire had been so intense that Julie had never dreamed she’d be faced with Plan D but now it had happened, and the list with its dot-points was so ingrained in her head that she moved into automatic action.

The generator was under the house. The pump was under there too. If they were safe they could pump water from the underground tanks.

‘You do the water, spray the roof,’ Rob snapped. ‘I’ll check inside, then head round the foundations and put out spot fires.’ It was still impossibly hard to speak. Even breathing hurt, but somehow Rob managed it. ‘We can do this, Julie. With this level of fire, we might be stuck here for hours, if not days. We need to keep the house safe.’

Why? There was a tiny part of her that demanded it. Why bother?

For the same reason she’d come back, she thought. This house had been home. It no longer was, or she’d thought it no longer was. But Rob was already heading for the bricked-in cavity under the house where they’d find tools to defend.

Rob thought this place was worth fighting for—the remnants of her home?

Who knew the truth of it? Who knew the logic? All she knew was that Rob thought this house was worth defending and, for now, all she could do was follow.

* * *

They worked solidly for two hours. After the initial checks they worked together, side by side. Rob’s design genius had paid off. The house was intact but the smouldering fires after the front were insidious. A tiny spark in leaf litter hard by the house could be enough to turn the house into flames hours after the main fire. So Julie sprayed while Rob ran along the base of the house with a mop and bucket.

The underground water tank was a lifesaver. The water flowing out seemed unbelievably precious. Heaven knew how people managed without such tanks.

They didn’t, she thought grimly as finally Rob left her to sentry duty and determinedly made his way through the ash and smoke to check Amina’s house.

He came back looking even grimmer than he had when he’d left.

‘Gone,’ he said. ‘And their car... God help them if they’d stayed in that car, or even if they’d made it out onto the road. Our cars are still safe in the garage, but a tree’s fallen over the track leading into the house. It’s big and it’s burning. We’re going nowhere.’

There was no more to be said. They worked on. Maybe someone should go back to Amina to tell her about her house, but the highest priority had to be making sure this house was safe. Not because of emotional ties, though. This was all about current need.

Mount Bundoon was a tiny hamlet and this house and Amina’s were two miles out of town. Thick bush lay between them and the township. There’d be more fallen logs—who knew what else—between them and civilisation.

‘We’ll be stuck here till Christmas,’ Julie said as they worked, and her voice came out strained. Her throat was so sore from the smoke.

‘Seeing as Christmas is tomorrow, yes, we will,’ Rob told her. ‘Did you have any plans?’

‘I...no.’

‘Do we have a turkey in the freezer?’

‘I should have left it out,’ she said unsteadily. ‘It would have been roasted by now. Oh, Rob...’ She heard her voice shake and Rob’s arms came round her shoulders.

‘No matter. We’ve done it. We’re almost on the other side, Jules, love.’

But they weren’t, she thought, and suddenly bleakness was all around her. What had changed? She could cling to Rob now but she knew that, long-term, they’d destroy each other. How could you help ease someone else’s pain when you were withered inside by your own?

‘Another half hour and we might be able to liberate Amina,’ Rob said and something about the way he spoke told her he was feeling pretty much the same sensations she was feeling. ‘The embers are getting less and Luka must be just about busting to find a tree by now.’

‘Well, good luck to him finding one,’ she said, pausing with her wet mop to stare bleakly round at the moonscape destruction.

‘We can help them,’ Rob said gently. ‘They’ve lost their house. We can help them get through it. I don’t know about you, Jules, but putting my head down and working’s been the only thing between me and madness for the last four years. So keeping Amina’s little family secure—that’s something we can focus on. And we can focus on it together.’

‘Just for the next twenty-four hours.’

‘That’s all I ever think about,’ Rob told her, and the bleakness was back in his voice full force. ‘One day at a time. One hour at a time. That’s survival, Jules. We both know all about it so let’s put it into action now.’

* * *

One day at a time? Rob worked on, the hard physical work almost a welcome relief from the emotions of the last twenty-four hours but, strangely, he’d stopped thinking of now. He was putting out embers on autopilot but the rest of his brain was moving forward.

Where did he go from here?

Before the fire, he’d thought he had almost reached the other side of a chasm of depression and self-blame. There’d been glimmers of light when he’d thought he could enjoy life again. ‘You need to move on,’ his shrink had advised him. ‘You can’t help Julie and together your grief will make you self-destruct.’ Or maybe that wasn’t what the shrink had advised him—maybe it was what the counselling sessions had made him accept for himself.

But now, working side by side, with Julie a constant presence as they beat out the spot fires still flaring up against the house, it was as if that thinking was revealed for what it was—a travesty. A lie. How could he move on? He still felt married. He still was married.

He’d fallen in love with his dot-point-maker, his Julie, eight years ago and that love was still there.

Maybe that was why he’d come back—drawn here because his heart had never left the place. And it wasn’t just the kids.

It was his wife.

So... Twenty-four hours on and the mists were starting to clear.

Together your grief will make you self-destruct. It might be true, he conceded, but Julie chose that moment to thump a spark with a wet mop. ‘Take that, you—’ she grunted and swiped it again for good measure and he found himself smiling.

She was still under there—his Julie.

Together they’d self-destruct? Maybe they would, he conceded as he worked, but was it possible—was there even a chance?—that together they could find a way to heal?

* * *

It was time to get Amina and Danny and Luka out of the bunker.

It was dark, not because it was night—it was still mid-afternoon—but because the smoke was still all-enveloping. They’d need to keep watch, take it in turns to check for spot fires, but, for now, they entered the house together.

Rob was holding Amina’s hand. He’d been worried she’d trip over the mass of litter blasted across the yard. Danny was clinging to his mother’s other side. Luka was pressing hard against his small master. The dog was limping a little but he wasn’t about to leave the little boy.

Which left Julie bringing up the rear. She stood aside as Rob led them indoors and for some crazy reason she thought of the day Rob had brought her here to show her his plans. He’d laid out a tentative floor plan with string and markers on the soil. He’d shown her where the front door would be and then he’d swung her into his arms and lifted her across.

‘Welcome to your home, my bride,’ he’d told her and he’d set her down into the future hall and he’d kissed her with a passion that had left her breathless. ‘Welcome to your Happy Ever After.’

Past history. Moving on. She followed them in and felt bleakness envelop her. The house was grey, dingy, appalling. There were no lights. She flicked the switch without hope and, of course, there was none.

‘The cabling from the solar system must have melted,’ Rob said, and then he gave a little-boy grin that was, in the circumstances, totally unexpected and totally endearing. ‘But I have that covered. I knew the conduit was a weak spot when we built so the electrician’s left me backup. I just need to unplug one lot and plug in another. The spare’s in the garage, right next to my tool belt.’

And in the face of that grin it was impossible not to smile back. The grey lifted, just a little. Man with tool belt, practically chest-thumping...

He’d designed this house to withstand fire. Skilled with a tool belt or not, he had saved them.

‘It might take a bit of fiddling,’ Rob conceded, trying—unsuccessfully—to sound modest. ‘And the smoke will be messing with it now. But even if it fails completely we have the generator for important things, like pumping water. We have the barbecue. We can manage.’

‘If you’re thinking of getting up on the roof, Superman...’

‘When it cools a little. And I’ll let you hold the ladder.’ He offered it like he was offering diamonds and, weirdly, she wanted to laugh. Her world was somehow righting.

‘Do you mind...if we stay?’ Amina faltered and Julie hauled herself together even more. Amina had lost her home. She didn’t know where her husband was and Julie knew she was fearful that he’d have been on the road trying to reach her. What was Julie fearful about? Nothing. Rob was safe, and even that shouldn’t matter.

But it did. She looked at his smoke-stained face, his bloodshot eyes, his grin that she knew was assumed—she knew this man and she knew he was feeling as bleak as she was, but he was trying his best to cheer them up—and she thought: no matter what we’ve been through, we have been through it.

I know this man. The feeling was solid, a rock in a shifting world. Even if being together hurt so much she couldn’t bear it, he still felt part of her.

‘Of course you can stay.’ She struggled to sound normal, struggled to sound like a friendly neighbour welcoming a friend. ‘For as long as you like.’

‘For as long as we must,’ Rob amended. ‘Amina, the roads will be blocked. There’s no phone reception. I checked and the transmission towers are down.’ He hesitated and looked suddenly nervous. ‘When...when’s your baby due?’

‘Not for another four weeks. Henry works in the mines, two weeks on, two weeks off, but he’s done six weeks in a row so he can get a long leave for the baby. He was flying in last night. He’ll be frantic. I have to get a message to him.’

‘I don’t think we can do that,’ Rob told her. ‘The phones are out and the road is cut by fallen timber. It’s over an hour’s walk at the best of times down to the highway and frankly it’s not safe to try. Burned trees will still be falling. I don’t think I can walk in this heat and smoke.’

‘I wouldn’t want you to, but Henry...’

‘He’ll have stopped at the road blocks. He’ll be forced to wait until the roads are cleared, but the worst of the fire’s over. You’ll see him soon.’

‘But if the fire comes back...’

‘It won’t,’ Rob told her. ‘Even if there’s a wind change, there’s nothing left to burn.’

‘But this house...’

‘Is a fortress,’ Julie told her. ‘It’s the house that Rob built. No fire dare challenge it.’

‘He’s amazing,’ Amina managed as Rob headed out to do another mop and bucket round—they’d need to keep checking for hours, if not days. ‘He’s just...a hero.’

‘He is.’

‘You’re so lucky...’ And then Amina faltered, remembering. ‘I mean... I can’t...’

‘I am lucky,’ Julie told her. ‘And yes, Rob’s a hero.’ And he was. Not her hero but a hero. ‘But for now...for now, let’s investigate the basics. We need to make this house liveable. It’s Christmas tomorrow. Surely we can do something to celebrate.’

‘But my Henry...’

‘He’ll come,’ Julie said stoutly. ‘And when he does, we need to have Christmas waiting for him.’

* * *

Rob made his way slowly round the house, inspecting everything. Every spark, every smouldering leaf or twig copped a mopful of water, but the threat was easing.

The smoke was easing a little. He could almost breathe.

He could almost think.

He’d saved Danny.

It should feel good and it did. He should feel lucky and he did. Strangely, though, he felt more than that. It was like a huge grey weight had been lifted from his shoulders.

Somehow he’d saved Danny. Danny would grow into a man because of what he’d achieved.

It didn’t make the twins’ death any easier to comprehend but somehow the knot of rage and desolation inside him had loosened a little.

Was it also because he’d held Julie last night? Lost himself in her body?

Julie.

‘I wish she’d been able to save him, too,’ he said out loud. Nothing and no one answered. It was like he was on Mars.

But Julie was here, right inside the door. And Amina and the kid he’d saved.

If he hadn’t come, Julie might not have even made it to the bunker. Her eyes said maybe that wouldn’t matter. Sometimes her eyes looked dead already.

How to fix that? How to break through?

He hadn’t been able to four years ago. What was different now?

For the last four years he’d missed her with an ache in his gut that had never subsided. He’d learned to live with it. He’d even learned to have fun despite it, dating a couple of women this year, putting out tentative feelers, seeing if he could get back to some semblance of life. For his overtures to Julie had been met with blank rebuttal and there’d been nothing he could do to break through.

Had he tried hard enough? He hadn’t, he conceded, because he’d known it was hopeless. He was part of her tragedy and she had to move on.

He’d accepted his marriage was over in everything but name.

So why had he come back here now? Was it really to save two fire engines? Or was it because he’d guessed Julie would be here?

One last hope...

If so, it had been subconscious, acting against the advice of his logic, his shrink, his new-found determination to look forward, to try and live.

But the thing was...Julie was here. She was here now, and it wasn’t just the bleak, dead Julie. He could make this Julie smile again. He could reach her.

But every time he did, she closed off again.

No matter. She was still in there, in that house, and he wielded his mop with extra vigour because of it. His Julie was still Julie. She was behind layers of protection so deep he’d need a battering ram to knock them down, but hey, he’d saved a kid and his house had withstood a firestorm.

All he needed now was a battering ram and hope.

And a miracle?

Miracles were possible. They’d had two today. Why not hope for another?

* * *

The house was hot, stuffy and filled with smoke but compared to outside it seemed almost normal. It even felt normal until she hauled back the thick shutters and saw outside.

The once glorious view of the bushland was now devastation.

‘I don’t know what to do,’ Amina whimpered and Julie thought: neither do I. But at least they were safe; Rob was outside in the heat making sure of it. The option of whimpering, too, was out of the question.

She looked at Amina and remembered how she’d felt at the same stage in pregnancy. Amina wasn’t carrying twins—at least she didn’t think so—but this heat would be driving her to the edge, even without the added terrors of the fire.

‘We have plenty of water in the underground tank,’ she told her. ‘And we have a generator running the pumps. If you like, you could have a bath.’

‘A bath...’ Amina looked at Julie like she’d offered gold. ‘Really?’

‘Really.’

‘I’m not sure I could get in and out.’ She gazed down at her bulk and even managed a smile. ‘I used to describe it as a basketball. Now I think it’s a small hippopotamus.’

‘There are safety rails to help you in and out.’

‘You put them in when you were pregnant?’ It was a shy request, not one that could be snapped at.

‘Yes.’

‘You and Rob didn’t come back here because this is where your boys lived?’ Amina ventured, but it wasn’t really a question. It was a statement; a discovery.

‘Yes.’ There was no other answer.

‘Maybe I’d have felt the same if I’d lost Danny.’ Danny was clinging to her side but he was looking round, interested, oblivious to the danger he’d been in mere hours before. ‘Danny, will you come into the bathroom with me?’

But Danny was looking longingly out of the window. He was obviously aching for his adventure to continue, and the last thing Amina needed, Julie thought, was her four-year-old in the bathroom with her.

Luka had flopped on the floor. The big dog gave a gentle whine.

‘I’ll see to his pads,’ Amina said but she couldn’t disguise her exhaustion, or her desolation at postponing the promised bath.

‘Tell you what,’ Julie said. ‘You go take a bath and Danny and I will take Luka into the laundry. There’s a big shallow shower/bath in there. If he’s like any golden retriever I know he’ll like water, right?’

‘He loves it.’

‘Then he can stand under the shower for as long as he wants until we know his pads are completely clean. Then I’ll find some burn salve for them. Danny, will you help me?’

‘Give Luka a shower?’ Danny ventured.

‘That’s the idea. You can get undressed and have a shower with him if you want.’ And Julie’s mind, unbidden, was taking her back, knowing what her boys loved best in the world. ‘We could have fun.’

Fun... Where had that word come from? Julie McDowell didn’t do fun.

‘Will Rob help, too?’ Danny asked shyly and she nodded.

‘When he’s stopped firefighting, maybe he will.’

‘Rob’s big.’ There was already a touch of hero worship in the little boy’s voice.

‘Yes.’

‘He made me safe. I was frightened and he made me safe.’

‘He’s good at that,’ Julie managed, but she didn’t know where to take it from there.

Once upon a time Rob had made her feel safe. Once upon a time she’d believed safe was possible.

Right now, that was what he was doing. Keeping them safe.

One day at a time, she thought. She’d been doing this for years, taking one day at a time. But now Rob was outside, keeping them safe, and the thought left her exposed.

One day at a time? Right now she was having trouble focusing on one moment at a time.

* * *

Rob did one final round of the house and decided that was it; he didn’t have the strength to stay in the heat any longer. But the wind had died, there was no fire within two hundred yards of the house and even that was piles of ash, simmering to nothing. He could take a break. He headed up the veranda steps and was met by the sound of a child’s laughter.

It stopped him dead in his tracks.

He was filthy. He was exhausted. All he wanted was to stand under a cold shower and then collapse, but the shower was in the laundry.

And someone was already splashing and shouting inside.

He could hear Julie laughing and, for some weird reason, the sound made him want to back away.

Coward, he told himself. He’d faced a bush fire and survived. How could laughter hurt so much? But it took a real effort to open the laundry door.

What met him was mess. Huge mess. The huge laundry shower-cum-bath had a base about a foot deep. It had been built to dump the twins in when they’d come in filthy from outside. The twins had filled it with their chaos and laughter and it was filled now.

More than filled.

Luka was sitting serenely in the middle of the base. The water was streaming over the big dog, and he had his head blissfully raised so the water could pour right over his eyes. Doggy heaven.

Danny had removed his clothes. He was using...one of the twins’ boats?...to pour water over Luka’s back. Every time he dumped a load, Luka turned and licked him, chin to forehead. Danny shrieked with laughter and scooped another load.

Julie was still fully dressed. She’d hauled off her boots and flannel overshirt but the rest was intact. Dressed or not, though, she was sitting on the edge of the tub, her feet were in the water and she was soaking. Water was streaming over her hair. She was still black but the black was now running in streaks. She looked like she didn’t care.

She was helping Danny scoop water. She was laughing with Danny, hugging Luka.

Silly as a tin of worms...

Once upon a time Rob’s dad had said that to him. Angus McDowell, Rob’s father, was a Very Serious Man, a minister of religion, harsh and unyielding. He’d disapproved of Julie at first, though when Julie’s business prowess had been proven he’d unbent towards her. But he’d visited once and listened to Julie playing with the twins at bathtime.

‘She’s spoiling those two lads. Listen to them. Silly as a tin of worms.’

Right now her hair was wet, the waves curling, twisting and spiralling. He’d loved her hair.

He loved her hair.

How had he managed without this woman for so long?

The same way he’d managed without his boys, he told himself harshly. One moment at a time. One step after another. Getting through each day, one by one.

Julie must feel the same. He’d seen the death of the light behind her eyes. Being together, their one-step-at-a-time rule had faltered. They could only go on if they didn’t think, didn’t let themselves remember.

But Julie wasn’t dead now. She was very much alive. Her eyes were dancing with pleasure and her laughter was almost that of the Julie of years ago. Young. Free.

She turned and saw him and the laughter faded, just like that.

‘Rob!’ Danny said with satisfaction. ‘You’re all black. Julie says she doesn’t have enough soap to get all the black off.’

‘There’s enough left.’ Julie rose quickly—a little too quickly. Before he could stop himself he’d reached out and caught her. He held her arms as she stepped over the edge of the bath. She was soaking. She’d been using some sort of lemon soap, the one she’d always used, and suddenly he realised where that citrus scent came from. She smelled... She felt...

‘You’re not clean yet,’ he managed and she smiled. She was only six inches away from him. He was holding her. He could just tug...

He didn’t tug. This was Julie. She’d been laughing and the sight of him had stopped that laughter.

They’d destroy each other. They’d pretty much decided that, without ever speaking it out loud. Four years ago they’d walked away from each other for good reason.

How could you live with your own hurt when you saw it reflected in another’s eyes, day after day? Moment after moment.

A miracle. He needed a miracle.

It’s Christmas, he thought inconsequentially. That’s what I want for Christmas, Santa. I’ve saved Danny. We’re safe and our house is safe, but I’m greedy. A third miracle. Please...

‘I’m clean apart from my clothes,’ Julie managed, shaking her hair like a dog so that water sprayed over him. It hit his face, cool and delicious. Some hit his lips and he tasted it. Tasted Julie?

‘I’ll go change if you can take over here,’ Julie said. ‘Danny, is it okay if Rob comes under the water, too?’

‘Yes,’ Danny said. ‘He’s my friend. But you can both fit.’

‘I need to find some clean clothes and something your mum can wear,’ Julie told him. ‘And some dog food. And some food for us.’

‘The freezer...’

‘I’ve hooked it to the generator so I can save the solar power for important stuff,’ she said and deliberately she tugged away from him. It hurt that she pulled back. He wanted to hold her. ‘Like the lights on the Christmas tree.’

‘So we have Christmas lights and there’s enough to eat?’ he asked, trying hard to concentrate on practicalities.

‘If need be, we have enough to live on for weeks.’

‘Will we stay here for weeks?’ Danny asked and Rob saw a shadow cross Julie’s face. It was an act then, he thought, laughing and playing with the child. The pain was still there. She’d managed to push it away while she’d helped Danny have fun but it was with her still. Every time she saw a child...

And every time she saw him. She glanced up at him and he saw the hurt, the bleakness and the same certainty that this was a transient, enforced connection. If they were to survive they had to move on.

He knew it for the truth. It was time it lost the power to hurt.

Miracles were thin on the ground. They’d already had two today. Was it too much to ask for just one more?

* * *

How long was frozen food safe? Where was the Internet when she needed it? Finally she decided to play safe. Using the outside barbecue—well, it had been outside but Rob had hauled it under the house during the fire so now it could be wheeled outside again—she boiled dried spaghetti and tipped over a can of spaghetti sauce. The use-by dates on both were well past, but she couldn’t figure how they could go off.

‘I reckon, come Armageddon, these suckers will survive,’ she told Rob, tipping in the sauce.

‘We might have to do something a bit more imaginative tomorrow,’ Rob told her. Washed and dressed in clean jeans and T-shirt, he’d found her in the kitchen. He was now examining the contents of the freezer. ‘Shall I take the turkey out?’

‘Surely the roads will be open by tomorrow.’

‘Don’t count on it,’ he said grimly. ‘Jules, I’ve been listening to the radio and the news is horrendous. We’re surrounded by miles of burned ground and the fire’s ongoing. The authorities won’t have the resources to get us out while they’re still trying to protect communities facing the fire front.’

‘Turkey it is, then,’ she said, trying to make it sound light. As if being trapped here was no big deal.

As if the presence of this man she’d once known so well wasn’t doing things to her head. And to her body.

She’d known him so well. She knew him so well.

One part of her wanted to turn away from the barbecue right now and tug him into her arms. To hold and be held. To feel what she used to take for granted.

Another part of her wanted to leave right now, hike the miles down the road away from the mountains. Sure, it would entail risks but staying close to this man held risks as well. Like remembering how much she wanted him. Like remembering how much giving your heart cost.

It had cost her everything. There was simply...nothing left.

‘Can...can I help?’ Amina stood at the doorway, Danny clinging by her side. She was dressed in a borrowed house robe of Julie’s. She looked lost, bereft, and very, very pregnant.

‘Put your feet up inside,’ Rob said roughly and Julie knew by his tone that he was as worried as she was about the girl. ‘It’s too hot out here already and Julie’s cooking. Hot food!’

‘You tell me where we can get sandwiches or salad and I’ll open my purse,’ Julie retorted. ‘Sorry, Amina, it’s spaghetti or nothing.’

‘I’d like to see my house,’ she said shyly and Julie winced.

‘It’s gone, Amina.’

‘Burned,’ Danny said. The adventure had gone out of the child. He looked scared.

‘Yes, but we have this house,’ Julie said. ‘That’s something. You can stay here for as long as you want.’

‘My husband will be looking for us,’ Amina whispered.

‘If he comes next door the first place he’ll look will be here.’

‘Will Santa know to come here?’ Danny asked. His dog was pressed by his side. He looked very small and very frightened. It was his mother’s fear, Julie thought. He’d be able to feel it.

‘Santa always knows where everyone is,’ Rob said, squatting before Danny and scratching Luka’s ears. It was intuitive, Julie thought. Danny might well recoil from a hug, but a hug to his dog was pretty much the same thing. ‘I promise.’

‘He’s found us before,’ Amina managed, but this time she couldn’t stop a sob. ‘I can’t...we were just...’

‘Where are you from?’ Rob asked gently, still patting Luka.

‘Sri Lanka. We left because of the fighting. My husband... He’s a construction engineer. He had a good job; we had a nice house but we...things happened. We had to come here, but here he can’t be an engineer. He has to retrain but it’s so expensive to get his Australian accreditation. We’re working so hard, trying to get the money so he can do the transition course. Meanwhile, I’ve been working as a cleaner.’ She tilted her chin. ‘I work for the firm that cleans this house. My job’s good. We couldn’t believe it when we were able to rent our house. We thought...this is heaven. But Henry has to work as a fly in, fly out miner. He’ll be so worried right now and I’m scared he might have tried to get here. If he’s been caught in the fire...’

Rob rose and took her hands. She was close to collapse, weak with terror.

‘It won’t have happened,’ he said firmly, strongly, in a voice that Julie hadn’t heard before. It was a tone that said: don’t mess with me; this is the truth and you’d better believe me. ‘They put road blocks in place last night. No one was allowed in. I was the last, and I had to talk hard to be let through. If your husband had come in before the blocks were in place, then he’d be here now. He can’t have. He’ll be stuck at the block or even further down the mountain. He’ll be trying to get to you but he won’t be permitted. He’ll be safe.’

Danny was looking up at Rob as if he were the oracle on high. ‘Papa’s stuck down the mountain?’

‘I imagine he’s eating his dinner right now.’

‘Where will he eat dinner?’

‘The radio says a school has been opened at the foot of the mountains. Anyone who can’t get home will be staying at the school.’

‘Papa’s at school?’

‘Yes,’ Rob said in that same voice that brooked no argument. ‘Yes, he is. Eating dinner. Speaking of dinner...how’s it coming along?’

‘It’s brilliant,’ Julie said. ‘Michelin three star, no less.’

‘I don’t doubt it,’ Rob said, and grinned at her with the same Rob-grin that twisted her heart with pain and with pleasure. ‘Do we have enough to give some to Luka?’

‘If Luka eats spaghetti he’ll get a very red moustache,’ Julie said and Danny giggled.

And Julie smiled back at Rob—and saw the same pain and pleasure reflected in his eyes.