Читать книгу Bigger than Hitler – Better than Christ - Rik Mayall - Страница 13

I woke up this morning and I thought “New Chapter” so I wrote it but I’m not going to put it in the book for personal reasons. I’ll keep it here though, so if you want to see it please forward some cash and I’ll send it to you although it’ll only be a copy because I’m keeping these “lost” chapters for a book of outtakes from this book. It’ll be like a book version of one of those Denis Norden bloopers shows, only thrusting and vital and like viral media anthrax, of course. Interested publishers, please get in touch. I feel another fat advance coming on and I’m not talking about an overweight predatory homersexual. Which reminds me of a story.

It was the 11th of October 1992 and the first Tuesday in the month. And as I always do on the first Tuesday of every month, I decided to do something special. So I thought I’d telephone Christopher Biggins and invite him around for elevenses. Now, the telephone is next to the fruit bowl in my house—you probably have different arrangements in your house—so I approached the fruit bowl with my hand extended and although I was reaching for the telephone receiver, I actually grabbed hold of a banana. Now, the banana is the quintessence

It was the first Tuesday in the month and I decided to do something special. Christopher Biggins I thought for elevenses. Cups of coffee and rich T biscuits. Showbusiness gossip. So, I reached for the fruit bowl. Now, as everyone knows, the banana is the quintessence

It was October 1992. It was a Tuesday. It was the first Tuesday in the month. So what did I do? I thought Christopher Biggins for elevenses. Sponge fancies, chocolate fingers and a big fat pot of tea. I approached the telephone. I don’t know about you but in my house that’s where I keep the bananas. Now, the banana. Is the quintessence

The first Tuesday in the month. Sponge fancies, pots of tea and approaching telephones. I don’t know about you but I thought “Christopher Biggins”. Elevenses in a fruit bowl in my house. Chocolate fingers and something special. Now, the banana is the quintessence

Oh sod this, abandon anecdote.

[Note to editor: I’ll right some stuff that can go here about when I went to America after I’d left college and toured around in a big bus on the wrong side of the road with loads of other acters. I can mention about all the burning theatres, police car chases, drugs (that I never took), helicopter incidents, speedboat getaways, shoot outs with real guns, explosives, breaking Jon Plowman’s arm etc. Don’t worry, it’ll be great.]