Читать книгу My Ten Years in a Quandary - Robert C Benchley - Страница 22

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A couple of years ago I had occasion to complain of a certain form of California bird-life which was sitting on a tree under my window and making the night hideous by never giving the same bird-call twice. I counted a hundred and four different calls before I went mad, all the calls obviously from the same bird.

But that year I was in a room on the third floor. This year my room is right on the ground, flush with the bushes. And this year that same bird is back with a whole new routine. Furthermore, he is out to get me. And when I say "get me," I mean actual physical violence, or mayhem.

* * * * *

He must have read what I wrote about him that time or else some busybody told him. At any rate, he has a definite grudge in mind and has a campaign mapped out whereby he can get me down. His plan is, evidently, to shatter my nerves during the night and then attack me in my weakened condition in the daytime.

Two years ago he had a line of calls which, although diversified, still sounded like a bird. This year he has gone in for vox humana numbers. He crowds in against the screen and moans. Sometimes he giggles. Sometimes he simply says, in a low voice, "Wait till I get you outside."

* * * * *

Yesterday, after a night of sitting by the window and shouting "Go away!" I went for a walk in the Petit Trianon back of my house. There was my bird, sitting on a branch, eyeing me. It is an evil black color, with bushy eyebrows and a one-sided leer.

I walked by without a word and tried to act as if I had noticed nothing during the night. But no sooner was my back to him that I heard the whir of wings and felt a heavy body brush by my collar on its way through the air. I ducked, and he banked sharply to the right, circling my head and grazing my other shoulder. I broke into a dignified leap and ran back into the house.

I can see him now, sitting out there on the tree, biding his time. All last night there was a new note of triumph in his program. He has broken my morale and he knows it.

What I want to know is—can I call the police and ask for an escort or has a taxpayer no rights?