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Visit No. 3

EACH OF THE primary integers—zero through nine—has its own significance in science and lore.

Understanding the concept of zero, for example, led to the development of modern mathematics. The number one represents unique singularity or the very first position in any ordinal progression. Two signifies balance, and is nature's mating number. Three comprises the characteristics of a fundamental geometric structure, the triangle. And so it goes. (Nine is the number of Cubs it takes to lose a game in Chicago.)

The number three, however, has special significance to expat employees. For it is during the third trip to Japan that Head Office Visitors begin to demonstrate their expertise. That's when the vast fund of knowledge, the in-depth experience, and the enterpreneurial understanding wrought by eight prior working days in Tokyo rear their ugly heads. And that's when, for the expat, the problems begin.

Bartholomew ("Call me Bart") Holstein, CEO of a major international conglomerate and Max's boss' boss' boss, arrived in Japan on his third trip. His first two trips involved a swirl of conferences, top-level meetings with ministry officials, and reception-line intimacies with a string of folks named Suzuki. The only in-depth discussion during those trips, as far as Max could tell, was a conversation with a Hotel Okura banquet girl named Noriko about the unfortunate imagery involved with the ice-carved standing bear—a revered corporate symbol—trickling a steady stream of water, from a stalactite forming between its legs, onto the sliced salmon so prettily displayed for the honored guests. Bart and Noriko reviewed the bilingual expressions describing this phenonomen.

But Bart was back—an expert now on all that is Japan. And he was, as he warned in his advance telex, prepared to roll up his sleeves and "get to the bottom of things in Tokyo."

Max, of course, has always been reluctant to criticize the behavior of corporate chieftains. People do not become captains of industry by having heads of bone. The "view from the top," the "breadth of perspective," the "pressures of interacting economic dynamics," and the "awareness of big-picture financial consequences," combine to form points of view undreamed of by the expat drones in the field. (It must be something like that, right?)

In any event, Max, without comment, herewith chronicles the behavior patterns exhibited during Bart's first, second, and crucial third visit to Japan. A trend may be discernible.

BREAKFAST AT THE HOTEL OKURA

1st Visit : "Can I possibly get cornflakes and coffee here?"

2nd Visit: "Cornflakes and coffee, please."

3rd Visit: "Don't these people eat anything but cornflakes and coffee?"

MORNING STAFF MEETING

1st Visit: "It's a pleasure to be here in your country of hard-working people."

2nd Visit: "Your numbers are flat, but I'm certain you'll improve."

3rd Visit: "We cut distribution costs 50% in the last quarter in the States, I don't see why we can't do the same goddam thing here."

CONFERENCE WITH ENGINEERING DEPARTMENT

1st Visit: "I am aware that licenses take time in Japan."

2nd Visit: "I cleared it with the Ministry—they understand our problem."

3rd Visit: "Thirteen goddam weeks and you still don't have approval?"

INVESTMENT DEPARTMENT GUIDANCE

1st Visit: "Your expertise is world-renowned."

2nd Visit: "I think 7.8% sounds kinda low to me."

3rd Visit: "Production deposits in a wholesaler's bank? Are you out of your goddam minds?"

MARKETING STRATEGY

1st Visit: "Let's explore going direct. Who's good at this?"

2nd Visit: " 'Sam' Tanaka at Dentsu Advertising and I have struck a deal. We'll combine the shotgun and rifle approach."

3rd Visit: "I didn't mean we'd buy the goddam newspapers and television stations. Get 'Sam' on the phone."

SECRETARIAL REFLECTIONS

1st Visit: "She can actually say English words!"

2nd Visit: "Is she married?"

3rd Visit: "Why the hell am I going back to New York via Palau?"

PROFIT DECLARATIONS

1st Visit: "We're deeply committed to the success of the Japan operation."

2nd Visit: "If there's money still in the pipeline, goose it along a little."

3rd Visit: "I'm addressing the New York Securities Dealers' Association the day after tomorrow. If the cash isn't reported by then, this place becomes a rice warehouse."

ENTERTAINMENT REALITIES

1st Visit: "What a cozy little club. Do you come here often?"

2nd Visit: "A bill for $210 seems a little steep, but I guess you know best."

3rd Visit: "Do you know what I can do for $550 in the States, you goddam idiot?"

The third visit is definitely a problem. But now that Bart has gone, Max is beginning to contemplate the fourth visit, since four, or as it's pronounced in Japan, shi, can mean "death."

It ain't easy out here in the field.