Читать книгу Mentoring Minutes - Robin Cox - Страница 17

Week 8

Goal setting—a start

Oxytocin is produced when we are trusted or shown a kindness and it motivates co-operation with others. It does this by enhancing the sense of empathy, our ability to experience others’ emotions.

—Paul Zak

Day 1: The role of the goal getting mentor

When you encourage your mentees to set achievable goals their lives take on new purpose, and their energies are positively channeled in specific directions. Part of the goal-setting process during the mentoring journey is to assist your mentees to make sense of the confusion they may experience, which is normal at this stage of an adolescent’s life.

Here are some ideas to think about as you guide your mentees on the goal getting journey.

•Identify and name their strengths.

•Identify their passions and interests.

•Determine how they respond to challenges. An important life experience for your mentee might be to learn, during their time with you, how to handle failure. Early in your mentoring relationship create an environment in which your mentee knows that failure is never fatal, but simply an important stepping-stone on the life journey. Share stories of people who have risked failure to achieve their dreams. Walt Disney and Thomas Edison are two well-known examples.

•Take non-life-threatening risks in a safe and secure environment.

•Plan, prioritize, and develop strategies which use resources available to them.

•Commit to something, and see it through to a conclusion.

•Identify and solve problems. Look at obstacles as opportunities to grow and develop.

•Guide and coach them how to evaluate their progress.

•Help them appreciate that they have control over their choices and goals most of the time.

•Help them appreciate that a dream is an end in itself, while goals are normally a means to an end. When all the goals or pieces of a puzzle come together, they will realize the dream.

•Coach them how to visualize their goals as if they have already achieved them. This increases their self-confidence and self-esteem.

Most of us have careers to think of, futures to secure, people to provide for, things to do. We need maps. We need direction. We need an itinerary. In other words, we need to set ourselves goals.

Mentoring tip: Great mentors encourage mentees to “begin” to imagine their futures, and help them shape and evaluate the course of their lives.

Day 2: Volunteer adult mentors and goals

Here are some tips for mentors as they embark on a mentoring journey.

•You have a role as a coach and a cheerleader. Aim to motivate your mentee to move out of their comfort zone and maximize their potential.

•Your mentee looks to their parents and a range of other adults in loco parentis—mentors, teachers, workplace superiors—for definitions of life, goals, and values.

•Goal setting with your mentee requires patience, perseverance, encouragement, empathy, and being an exemplary role model.

Researchers have shared some positive outcomes of the effectiveness of goal getting strategies in a young person’s life.

•Mentors observe a greater sense of pride and self-worth.

•A mentee gains increased knowledge and experience, especially when the focus is on topics of their interest.

•A mentee develops greater independence with regard to improving the ability to make choices.

•A mentee develops a stronger ability to respond to failures constructively and positively.

•A mentee develops a greater tolerance of calculated risk-taking.

Mentoring tip: Your role as a mentor is to inspire, motivate, and encourage your mentee to achieve realistic, achievable, measurable, and personally set goals.

Day 3: Why a mentee struggles to set goals

Someone once said that the instant you set a goal a light goes on in the future. I have seen this occur time and time again in the lives of adolescents I have mentored.

It might take time for a mentor to guide their mentee along the goal setting road. Be patient. Try to develop an understanding of some possible reasons for your mentee’s reluctance to set goals. Here are a few common reasons.

•A fear of failure, criticism, or exposure, can be interwoven with a poor self-image.

•A poor self-image, which means they cannot see themselves achieving anything.

•A lack of an understanding of the benefits of goal setting.

•A lack of knowledge concerning how to develop a personalized, and effective goals program.

•Procrastination, which could be a sign of a rebellious spirit.

•Excuses, which could imply a refusal or unwillingness to assume responsibility, and be accountable for choices made.

•Laziness.

•Negative peer pressure, which is often a significant factor.

•A fear of success, which includes how to handle this success—for example, what further expectations would then be set when a goal is attained?

•A reluctance to move out of their comfort zone.

•A mentee is too busy with a range of activities, or possibly lives under an illusion of busyness, without any real focus or direction.

Mentoring tip: Coach your mentee that dreams turned into specific goals are a way to determine their personal success.

Day 4: Write down goals

One of the great conversations I have with youth occurs when they see no reason to write down their goals. “They are in my head,” is a common response from the mentee.

The mentor’s role is to coach their mentees how to set and achieve performance goals for the week, or month, or term (semester), and to visualize themselves achieving these goals.

•Mentees write down their goals—preferably on paper—to give them a clear understanding of what they need to do.

•Mentees break down their goals into small steps that are achievable and measurable. This, in turn, opens the way for them to evaluate their progress in a personal and ongoing way. Mentees become more enthusiastic, more confident, more competent, more courageous, and develop a positive self-image as they achieve their goals.

•Mentees write down their goals and then draw up schedules to achieve these goals. They train their developing brain. Activities like these help them manage their time and organize tasks—important employability skills—more effectively.

Mentoring tip: Mentoring involves showing that you care. Explore your mentee’s dreams, goals and interests, and share a word of encouragement whenever you spend time together.

Mentoring moments

We often underestimate the power of mentoring and the impact it has on both the mentor and mentee’s lives.

I believe that experiential mentor training significantly defines the success or otherwise of the mentoring relationship. Over the years I have trained over 1000 volunteer adult mentors. The interactions are always enjoyable, fun, challenging, and interesting as we exchange life experiences.

My motivation comes from the evaluations I receive at the conclusion of a twenty-one hours training course, held over seven weeks. I am always humbled and inspired to keep the training program relevant.

“How useful and powerful the subject matter of the course. I believe that if the material in this course was taught not only to all parents who were struggling with parenthood, but also to the many, many adults who struggle with issues like self-esteem, self-belief, dealing with conflict, relationships, goal-setting, establishing direction and purpose in their life, and even establishing value sets, then society and its communities would be better off.” (Adult participant)

“Great course—wish I had been involved earlier! Quite aside from how this will assist with my mentoring process, 99 percent of it is transferable to my work situation—and life in general! Thank you. Reinforcement of themes is very effective. Very positive!” (Adult participant)

“A wonderful self-awakening—especially enjoyed the thought of “the beauty inside” everyone and putting it into practice. Fast-tracked some of my personal goals. Affirmed to me the greatest gift is the gift of giving. Very enriching.” (Adult participant)

“A fantastic course of self-discovery. Should be open to everyone as a lot of people would learn about themselves and their actions.” (Adult participant)

Mentoring tip: Always seek to be courageous, real, present, vulnerable, and responsive as you connect with youth.