Читать книгу Homework Sanity - Roger Wilkerson - Страница 9

Every journey needs a north destination. We need a compass. Knowing where true north is allows us to move in any direction with confidence. If we feel lost, all we have to do is pull out the compass. The compass for this journey is within this chapter. True north for success, using this system, is to remember that partnering with your children within their education environment versus parenting them creates positive results for everyone, 100% of the time.

This is no easy task. Parents fall into the trap of feeling like they are the bad guys. It is a natural response. More importantly, it is a lie.

Negative choices create negative results.

Positive choices generate positive outcomes.

Neutral choices allows us to see all possibilities before we take action. Neutral choices provide a calm place to make changes in attitude. Changes in attitude create different choices. These evolved choices create positive situations because they are grounded in purpose, clarity and harmony.

Change comes with practice. Practice starts with trying. Trying new things brings new information. This is the process needed to defeat feelings of doubt, despair and hopelessness, to remove us from the analytical and to trap the lies our heads like to sell us during the day. Change allows us to no longer feel trapped. If you read this book, you will come to realize there is no such thing as being trapped. When our back is against the wall, at the very least we have found a wall. That wall will either allow us to move around it, or we will find the way to break it down just like they did in Berlin in the last century.

Learning to hear our own lies is where change begins. Here are just a few of the lies I’ve seen parents sell themselves over the years:

If I had money, then none of these problems would be happening to my child in school.

If i didn’t have to do this all by myself, my child would be a better student.

If I had done better in school, they would be doing better. This is all my fault.

If I had married a smarter person, none of this would be happening.

There are a million more lies, and I’m sure you get my point. The only ones who turn these lies into facts are ourselves. The lies are just voices of doubt in our heads, sometimes soft, other times loud. Why do we listen to them How do we allow them to get so loud? What is the solution?

The solution is to get out of our heads and into our hearts, to move away from the limits of our minds and enjoy the expansiveness of our emotions. The energy of love solves every problem. The sooner we find love, the sooner we move out of distress.

The reason I’m above average at what I do is because I love it. If I simply liked doing my job, then this book never would have been written. When we love our work, it isn’t a job; it becomes a lifelong commitment to sharing our gift.

Does your heart ever say anything like those negative statements? Of course not, because your heart contains love and that is something our heads are lacking. Love is strong enough to send energy to our brains, allowing us to forget negative thoughts and feel love.

Loving the challenge is the key.

Myself and all the people I train must have one thing in common. They must love working with all children, regardless of the challenges.Liking working with children is not enough. The problem is that many people working in schools don’t love children. Whatever their original motivations, too many have become focused on the job bringing them money. Yes, a few do love children; too many of them do not. This is the mathematical equation of emotion that explains why the current school system falls short. This book isn’t about changing the school system, though. This journey is about providing you, the parent, with tools to weather the storms created by educational dysfunction.

This dysfunction is not just in your city and state. It is in countries all over the world. Two things connect the vast majority of the world: the Internet and a dysfunctional education system. The educational system is the root of the problem. Children feel this and create ways to protect themselves from this non-playful and negative energy.

Children want to play. They also want to learn. What they do not want is adults wasting their time. They send extremely clear messages about the things they want through their behavior. As parents, it is our job to identify their needs without them realizing our agenda. When we stop judging their “behaviors” we begin to hear what they are truly saying.

Teachers who are unhealthy want to control or manage the classroom. They allow their thoughts of right and wrong to dictate actions while students are in the room. Successful teachers understand that children want to play. They find playful ways to connect learning and thus engage the child. Unsuccessful teachers talk, talk, talk, yell, talk, react and develop an energy of I am in charge; you are not. The good news is that these teachers are only in your child’s life for a limited time.

Here are some ways to proceed when your child is in a classroom with a useless teacher.

Negative - We can believe there is nothing we can do. If we buy into that lie, nobody wins.

Positive - We can see it as an opportunity to learn and grow. It is a great approach, but will not be well received by the useless teacher.

Neutral - We can accept the situation, choose our battles, identify the challenges, try solutions and move forward with actions that produce positive results. When we come from this perspective, even when attacked we can smile, wait and respond with a healthy solution for everyone.

I was talking with a friend about some situations we had with negative teachers who thought they were untouchable. In resolving these situations, teachers ended up being fired or reassigned. My friend asked if I felt bad. My answer was no, because they ended up in the right place for them. The teachers who were fired finally had a consequence for their actions, and the same was true of the ones who were moved. New situations shake up people’s minds. They either dig in deeper in their nonsense, or they change. Either way, we were a part of a team that helped them move forward. The reason we succeeded was because we had a plan with a purpose. That plan was bigger than their plan, because we focused on benefiting everyone rather than simply keeping the job of one teacher, who probably needed to move on years before ever meeting us.

When I’m helping one child, I am not just thinking about him or her. I am thinking about the thirty other children in the class they will be able to help. I am not focused on increasing their grades but on increasing their self-esteem and leadership capacity within their area of influence. The group is always more important than the individual.

If something feels off track, then it is off track. As you use the suggestions in this book, when you feel lost, come back, read this chapter again and find your true north in the situation. Identify where in the situation you may not be partnering 100% with your child.

Some good questions to ask yourself:

Am I acting like a partner or a parent?

Am I giving my children all the information or holding back?

Have I listened to them, or just told them my idea?

Are they showing more or less self-esteem?

Have we found the humor in the situation yet?

Do we need to bring in some other energy to solve the problem in front of us?

Are we both coming from a neutral place?