Читать книгу Pretty Boy - If I Come After You Beware 'Cos Hell's Coming With Me - Roy Shaw - Страница 8
ОглавлениеI’M KNOWN AS A RUTHLESS BASTARD and I am a ruthless bastard. The whole of my life has been fight, fight, fight. It’s what I am, a fighter. Some people can talk their way out of a problem, while others manipulate or buy their way out. Me – I fight my way out.
I didn’t set out to get a reputation, that was never my intention. I didn’t suddenly wake up one morning and decide on a life of crime, it just crept up on me and before I knew it, I was a ruthless bastard. I admit I enjoy the respect shown to me because of my reputation. Writing this book has made me think that maybe the respect I thought I’d earned was shown to me because I demanded it through fear. There is a fine line between the two and it’s only now I realise the difference between earning respect and demanding it.
I’ve never thought about writing my autobiography. In fact, it never entered my head until a funny little blonde sort called Kate Kray asked me. Kate phoned and arranged to visit me because of some book research she was doing.
I agreed and before I had the chance to change my mind, Kate had dotted the ‘I’s and crossed the ‘T’s and my signature was on the contract.
At first, I found it difficult to talk about my life, as I’ve never been able to confide in anyone. Even at the best of times, I find it difficult to express myself and my innermost feelings.
I’ve never been able to understand the reasons why I was so violent and, to be honest, I still don’t fully understand it. But when you’re forced to analyse yourself and look deeper, you find answers, even though you’ve never asked the questions.
I don’t regret the life I’ve led, not for one moment. We’re all in charge of our own destiny, I just regret wasting all that time behind bars, because you only have one life and shouldn’t waste a moment of it because you will never get out of it alive.
One of the reasons I agreed to write this book is this: if it helps stop one young tearaway, just one, from going down the road I went down, then it would all be worthwhile. It would be my way of putting something back into society instead of taking it out.
If I can pass on anything from my experiences to a young up-and-coming villain, it’s this: you gain very little, but lose so much, by trying to be something you’re not.
Some things are precious and should be guarded and cherished at whatever cost, like freedom, love and life. I lost my freedom for 15 years in prison, I lost the loves of my life through my inability to conform, and I’ve taken life with a total disregard for anyone.
I can categorically state that it’s not big and it’s not clever to go to prison. I’m not going to preach or stand on a soapbox, patronising youngsters by telling them not to commit crime. I can’t offer them any words of wisdom, just the benefit of my own experiences. But at the end of the day, it’s their decision, and theirs alone.
There are only three possible outcomes which you should be aware of before embarking on a life of crime, and it doesn’t matter who you are or who you think you are, nobody, and I mean nobody, is untouchable. Make no mistake, if you choose the road I walked down, then you will suffer one of these three consequences:
ONE
The most likely. You’ll spend the best part of your life languishing in a stinking prison cell, surrounded by two-bob drug dealers, paedophiles and, your worst nightmare, the prison queens.
TWO
A possibility. You’d better hope and pray to God that you never end up rotting in the dungeons of Broadmoor, pumped full of drugs, dribbling at the mouth, and listening to the haunting cries of lunatics locked in padded cells.
THREE
Always remember there are no rules on the street, and it’s highly likely you’ll end up dead in a lonely country lane with a bullet in the head.
I’ve told you what will happen – the choice is yours. My advice is free, take it or leave it. I survived, but only just …
