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Chapter 2 ListenHearing the Right Notes

When people talk, listen completely. Most people never listen.

—Ernest Hemingway

At the end of parent seminars, we always ask for comments and questions. The responses range from thought provoking to YIKES, did he just ask what I think he asked? The latter category leaves us scratching our heads a bit: “My son doesn’t like any of his teachers. What is wrong with all of them?” “We have one kid; do you think we should have another?” “Our oldest child never listens to us. Is it because he has red hair?” (All questions that were actually asked!)

We also have our own YIKES moments all the time, including things that cannot possibly be followed through on. For example, I (RQ) once confidently proclaimed: “Sit still or I am going to take you off the plane this second!” That would have been quite an accomplishment, seeing as we had been airborne for about 30 minutes. On a different trip, I heard a father yell at his kid to “Stop crying or I’ll give you something to cry about!” A classic line heard many times before but never really thought about that deeply . . . until this child’s response: “I don’t need something else to cry about, I am already crying!” How can we expect our kids to listen to us when the things we say, especially during moments of frustration, do not make sense to them? Consider the classic, “If your head was not attached, you would probably lose it.” For real?