Читать книгу Running From The Devil - How I Survived a Stolen Childhood - Sara Davies - Страница 6

We sometimes feel like a tiny speck when we consider how huge the universe is. In truth, we all have a part to play in keeping the world going and making sure that we leave something behind for future generations to learn from. Keeping that in mind has helped me to keep my life in perspective. I’m now left, at the age of thirty, with a wider view, and able to look at the whole picture, not just concentrate on the huge things in life. I can also look at the tiny details and figure out why, and how, I got where I am today.

Until I started writing this book, I went through life feeling victimised, holed up, bullied and angry with the world, to the point where I hid myself away and often felt trapped, scared and very much alone. But I convinced myself that to be cautious is very wise and that I was doing the right thing by protecting myself from any more harm. Now that I’ve faced my demons, I can see that while I was hiding myself away I was missing ample opportunities for nourishment and growth.

Because of the abuse in my early years, I was bullied out of what I deserved – a normal life, with love, comfort and safety and a family I could confide in. I gave those out there that have abused me more power than they deserve, and now it’s my turn to live, succeed, socialise and speak out without fear of being shot down.

I came to the conclusion that, although my past couldn’t change, I could definitely change my future by putting a stop to the way I kept on reliving my past. Every day my father would constantly be on my mind, and lots of little reminders were there, simple things like walking past a father and daughter and feeling jealous because I’d never be able to do that. I felt cheated, hurt and desperate for some answers, which is another reason for my putting pen to paper and writing this book.

I can’t say that I’ve found myself again, because I’ll never know who I should have been. I was a child for many years, a child with many personalities, a child that wasn’t sure of herself, because she didn’t have room to grow, a child that most of the time was lost in a dreamlike state to distract herself from the pain and suffering she was enduring. No, I’ll never know who I should have been, but I like the new me, and it feels good to be living for the first time in my life. At last I’ve been born and, although it may be a little late in the day, I’m ready to take my life and turn it around to the full.

I have not written this book to try to pull on anyone’s heartstrings and gain sympathy, nor do I want to come across as though I have a holier-than-though attitude and I know it all, because, quite frankly, I don’t. I don’t have all the answers. I couldn’t begin to tell the individual how to move on from any painful experience that they’ve endured as a child. I have simply written this for me and, hopefully, to show all those who have suffered, or are suffering, physical, mental or sexual abuse that all is not lost. That it is possible to find the strength and resolve to break out from the cycle of abuse and make a new life. It is not easy – it takes courage, determination, self-belief and good timing, especially as life after abuse is full of uncertainties.

The decision to write about my life was a very difficult one because this is a true story. While some of the events described here may seem like a fictional horror tale, they are fact. And they are not as rare as the authorities would have you believe. Names and places have been changed because this account tells of vulnerable people on whom further suffering must not be inflicted.

I hope that my story will help many to see that, after such a terrible invasion of one’s childhood, trusting one’s fellow humans is very, very hard. Most abusers are very convincing liars, so getting to the point where you, the abused, are actually believed is a very big step, and one that can be extremely difficult to take.

The message I am trying to get across to all sufferers of mental, physical and all other forms of abuse, whether as a child or as an adult, is: be strong, be resolute and freedom shall be yours!