Читать книгу Ready to Heal: Breaking Free of Addictive Relationships - Sarah Elisabeth Boggs - Страница 6

Research shows that women develop an identity and self-awareness in relationships, not separate from them. Women need relationships to be whole. This is not a sign of weakness. It’s healthy to desire intimacy with others. In fact, it’s hardwired into the female brain to thrive in connection to another person.

Confusion comes when a relationship, necessary for self-awareness, breeds chronic pain and isolation. You may feel lost, disoriented, and unable to identify why the relationship hurts. Maybe it becomes impossible to be in the relationship, yet impossible to leave. In other words, the very thing you need to thrive and be happy causes you shame and pain. If this happens over and over again, the thing you most need in life becomes impossible to capture. And that creates a double bind.

Love and sex addiction is a double bind. If you seek a relationship, which you’re designed to do, you’re going to experience pain. If you avoid relationships, which you may try to do, you will experience pain too. There seems to be no right way to be … no way to find comfort and happiness. The relationship (or person) you are hard-wired to need repeatedly betrays you. As a result, you may recognize the following feelings:

•I am not at “ease” or at peace.

•I rarely know a moment of comfort in solitude.

•I have difficulty being alone or still.

•I have disordered eating, sleeping, and/or spending patterns.

•I grow increasingly confused and tired.

•I have difficulty trusting people.

•I become more isolated while pursuing sex or romance.

•I lose interest in friends, hobbies, family, and work.

•I can’t seem to identify or live within my value system.

•I experience more and more episodes of irritability, rage, and restlessness.