Читать книгу Snowbound Seduction: A Night of No Return / To Claim His Heir by Christmas / I'll Be Yours for Christmas - Sarah Morgan, Samantha Hunter - Страница 10

CHAPTER FOUR

SHE’D found the photograph. The photograph he couldn’t bear to look at.

Lucas stood by the window of the tower with his back to the room. His chest ached. He felt raw, as if his flesh had been ripped from his bones, every last layer of protection stripped from him.

He had no idea how to ease the pain.

He was a man who prided himself on his control and yet right now it was nowhere within his grasp. His hand curled into a fist and he pressed it against the wall and closed his eyes, trying to pull together the torn edges of his self-control.

From the dressing room he could hear a soft rustle as she dressed. He guessed she’d managed to find clothes but she was taking her time and it was all too easy to understand why. The expression on her face stayed with him, the impact of his raw confession a million times more shocking than the moment she’d seen him naked.

And in a way she had.

She’d seen a part of him he’d never shown to anyone else. A part of him he guarded fiercely. He had no issues with her having seen him without his clothes on. He had plenty with the fact she’d seen that photograph.

And he was willing to bet she was as appalled as he was.

It was ironic, he thought, that it had taken this to finally give him what he’d been hoping for. Solitude. Because he had no doubt that now she’d leave him alone. Given the choice of waiting out the weather in the warm bedroom downstairs or with him in his own private version of hell, he had no doubt which option she’d pick.

He was so sure that would be her choice that it was a shock to hear her soft tread on the wooden floor.

‘So is this what you do every year?’ Her soft voice brushed over his nerve endings. ‘Shut yourself away and drink? Does that help you get through the night?’

Because he wanted her to leave, he didn’t turn. ‘Nothing helps.’

‘No. I can imagine that it wouldn’t.’ He felt her sympathy and her compassion and rejected both because he knew he deserved neither.

‘I appreciate your dedication in bringing the file here tonight, but your job is done, Emma.’ He knew he sounded brutal but he didn’t even care. ‘Your responsibility doesn’t extend to any other part of my life. The bedroom downstairs is warm and comfortable. I’ve left a tray of food there. Eat and then get some rest.’

‘What about you? What will you do?’

What he always did. Put one foot in front of the other and keep on living even though others didn’t. ‘I’ll be fine. Eat the food while it’s hot.’

There was a brief pause. ‘Instead of getting through it on your own, you could try another way.’

He didn’t hear her move but suddenly her hand was on his shoulder. He stiffened his muscles against that gentle touch, surprised that she couldn’t sense the violence in him. Or maybe she did and chose to ignore it. He knew she was no coward. If she were, she would have driven off the first time instead of coming back to check on him. ‘You need to leave, Emma. Now.’

‘If it’s about finding ways to get through a hideous, horrible night then there has to be a better way than drinking. Or at least a way that won’t have you waking up feeling even worse in the morning.’

‘What better way?’ He turned, slowly, the effort of fighting suddenly too much. His eyes found hers. She was wearing one of his white shirts and it fell to mid-thigh exposing a long, tempting length of leg. Part of him was clearly still functioning normally because he found himself wondering how he could possibly have missed the fact that Emma had fabulous legs and then realised that her office dress was always businesslike, never provocative. Intentional, perhaps, if this was what she was hiding under grey wool.

The inappropriateness of his thoughts almost made him laugh.

Was this really the only feeling of which he was capable? Surely it should be gratitude, or some other equally bland and harmless emotion. What he was feeling definitely wasn’t harmless. It was raw, dangerous and powerful and it threatened to burn up anything or anyone standing in his path.

And she sensed it.

He saw the exact moment she read his mood. The expression in her brown eyes shifted from warmth to something different. Her certainty seemed to falter and her hand fell from his shoulder.

A cynical smile touched his mouth. ‘Exactly.’ He softened his voice in an attempt to snap the tension that was brewing in the air. ‘You need to be more specific when suggesting alternatives or your generosity might be misconstrued. Especially when you’re wearing nothing more than one of my shirts.’

‘You date women who wear nothing but designer couture. You expect me to believe that seeing your PA in one of your own shirts is going to send your libido into the danger zone? I don’t think so.’ Her tone was light but it was the sort of lightness that took effort to produce and her cheeks were streaked with pink. ‘You’re not that desperate.’

‘Maybe I am.’ His voice thickened by emotion that had been simmering all day, Lucas slid his hand round the back of her head and forced her to look at him. ‘Maybe I’m so desperate I don’t care what I do tonight. Or who I do it with. And maybe that makes this the worst place you could be right now, Emma.’ He could feel her pulse galloping under his fingers. Sensed that she was afraid to breathe in case she upset the delicate balance that existed between them. She was afraid she was going to tip him over the edge and he found himself incapable of reassuring her. He’d always thought of her as sturdy and robust but the thin silk of his shirt revealed slender, flowing lines and everything fragile.

And he wasn’t to be trusted with fragile, was he?

He’d already proved that.

The thought was like a shower of cold water.

His hand dropped.

Disgust was a bitter taste in his mouth. Was he really so desperate that he’d risk hurting one of the few genuine people in his life? ‘You should leave. Now. Go downstairs and lock your door.’ He wondered why she couldn’t sense the urgency. Or was it just that she had no sense of danger?

Either way, she didn’t move. ‘There’s no way I’m leaving you like this.’

‘You should have left hours ago when I told you to and then we wouldn’t have found ourselves in this position.’

‘I’m glad I didn’t. You shouldn’t be on your own tonight.’

‘Because you’re worried about your job?’

‘No. Because I’m worried about you.’

‘You just don’t get it, do you?’ The violence in him was so close to the surface that he could taste it. He stepped towards her, her subtle perfume sliding over his senses and disturbing the balance of his control. ‘I should be on my own. It’s the only way that works.’ He expected her to step back but she didn’t even flinch.

‘It doesn’t look as if it’s working to me. Perhaps it’s time you considered a different way. Perhaps, instead of alcohol and oblivion, you might try friendship and comfort.’

‘Friendship?’ The word chafed against his raw feelings. ‘You think right now I have friendship on my mind?’

‘No. I don’t think that. I’m not stupid. But I think you are hurting so badly all you want to do is make it stop. You want a rest from the pain. And I made that pain worse by finding that photograph,’ she said quietly, ‘and I’m sorry for that.’

‘You have no reason to be sorry. Now go.’

‘No. We can find another way to do this.’

He shouldn’t have been surprised by her stubbornness because she showed the same indomitable spirit at work. ‘There is no “we” in this, Emma. And as for friendship—’ it seemed imperative to smash her illusions about that ‘—I don’t have friends. I have people who want something from me and people who work for me.’ His harsh analysis didn’t seem to surprise her. Maybe she wasn’t as naïve as he thought she was.

‘You only think like that because of the company you keep. But you shouldn’t judge everyone based on the actions of Tara Flynn. She shouldn’t have left you alone tonight. That was wrong of her.’

At another time he would have been amused that she thought Tara capable of the sort of care she was describing. ‘Perhaps she was sensible. Perhaps she realised that it wasn’t safe to stay’

The heat of the fire had dried her hair curly and it tumbled in thick, dark waves over the snowy white of his shirt, which was proving woefully inadequate as a cover-up. The flickering light from the fire shone through the thin fabric, clearly outlining the dips and curves of her body and suddenly it was becoming harder and harder to do the right thing and send her away.

‘It’s true that I work for you. But it’s wrong to dismiss that relationship as a purely economic arrangement. I’ve worked closely with you for two years. I care.’ She bit her lip. ‘I was with you this time last year when you emptied a bottle of whisky and slept in your office, although I doubt you remember.’

It came back to him instantly. The blanket. She was the one responsible for the blanket. It was a question that had bugged him on and off over the past twelve months and now he had the answer.

Emma.

She hesitated and then held out her hand. ‘Stop drinking, Lucas. You’ve tried that and it hasn’t worked. We’re going to find another way to get through tonight. And before you make another caustic comment involving all sorts of physical alternatives, I should point out that there are a million other options that aren’t going to make it embarrassing to bump into each other in the morning.’

‘What options?’ His mind had been so full of those physical alternatives that it took him a minute to focus on what she’d said.

She pursed her lips thoughtfully. ‘We could play chess?’

‘Chess?’ Did she even realise that he could see through the shirt? No, presumably not or she wouldn’t have been standing there so confidently.

‘I’m a brilliant chess player.’ Her fingers closed over his, soft and warm, her grip surprisingly firm.

Instead of removing his hand from hers as he should have done, Lucas found himself staring at her mouth. ‘You don’t want to challenge me to chess. It would end in tears.’

‘Your tears, I presume.’ A half smile tilted that mouth at the corners. ‘There’s no need to make excuses. If you’re too scared to play, I understand. There’s always Scrabble. But I should warn you that I know all the words in the Chambers dictionary containing Z and X and I’m a ruthless player. I will not hesitate to use a Q on a triple word score.’

Ruthless? He looked down at her sweet face and almost laughed. She wouldn’t know ruthless if she passed it in the street. ‘These are your best suggestions for distraction? Chess and Scrabble?’

‘Unless you’re up for an all-nighter, in which case I’m a whizz at Monopoly.’

‘You think it’s wise to play Monopoly with an architect?’

‘Why not? If you’re trying to scare me you won’t succeed. If you were a building contractor, perhaps I’d be nervous of your capacity to build large hotels on your property, but an architect like yourself who is capable of nothing more impressive than pretty drawings—’ she shrugged ‘—no challenge. So—which is it to be? Chess, Scrabble or Monopoly? Do you want to play?’

Yes, he wanted to play.

But none of the games she was suggesting. The game he wanted to play was far, far more dangerous. He wanted to play with fire. He wanted to kiss that mouth, strip off that shirt that barely covered her and seek oblivion in the most basic way known to man. And he wanted to do it again and again until his mind was wiped of everything except her. Until he forgot. Until the pain was drowned out by other sensations.

Why not? Nothing else had worked. Nothing else had helped.

And then he remembered that this was Emma.

And that she was absolutely and completely off-limits.

He forced himself to extract his hand from hers. ‘I’ve never met anyone who could beat me at chess,’ he said coldly, ‘and I can’t think of anything worse than property development with toy money. I put a bowl of soup in your room. If it isn’t enough then help yourself to anything you find in the kitchen.’ He turned his back to her and waited to hear the outraged tap tap of her footsteps retreating towards the stairs as she responded to his rude rejection.

Instead he felt her arms come round his waist. ‘I don’t know what happened,’ she said hesitantly, ‘but I know it couldn’t have been your fault. I know that. She didn’t die because of you.’

Something inside him snapped. ‘You don’t know anything.’ His voice savage, he turned so violently that her hands dropped. ‘You have no idea what you’re talking about and you have to leave this alone. You have to leave me alone.’ Somehow his head was close to hers, his stance so threatening that she should have instantly backed off but she didn’t move.

‘I won’t leave you alone.’

‘No? Then maybe this will change your mind. There is only one other form of distraction I’m willing to try. Are you willing to play that game, Emma?’ Somehow his hands had buried themselves in her hair, the softness of it engulfing his fingers and flowing over his wrists. Without pause or hesitation he took her mouth, his kiss rough and demanding, hard against soft, bitter against sweet. He was driven not just by lust, but by desperation. By some deep, primitive need to try and drive out the agony that possessed him. He was drawn to her warmth, as if being close to her might somehow melt the thick layer of ice inside him. As if something in her might be able to heal that damaged part of him even though everything else had failed. He took greedily, selfishly, ruled by his feelings, by the pain, by the need to seek oblivion wherever it was offered. He could feel her shivering against him and he had no idea if she was cold or whether some other more complicated emotion was responsible for the tremors. His thinking wasn’t clear enough to make sense of it. All he knew was that he wanted this and he wanted it right now and, unless she stopped him, he wasn’t stopping.

His mouth still on hers, one hand still in her hair, he used his free hand to untie his robe. Still kissing her, he shrugged it off and when her arms came round his neck he scooped her off her feet and lowered her to the rug in front of the fire. Part of him, a small distant part that had virtually no voice in the madness that engulfed him, told him to slow down, to take his time, to think of her—but there was only him and the madness inside him. He didn’t want to think of her. He didn’t want to think of anything.

He wasn’t interested in a slow seduction.

With hands that shook, he ripped the shirt from neck to hem, exposing her completely. Somewhere in the depths of the madness that streaked through him he heard her gasp but he blocked that out as he parted her thighs.

‘Lucas—’ She whispered his name and he lifted his head, his vision hazy as he tried to focus on her.

The warmth of the fire had given her cheeks a rosy glow, or perhaps she was embarrassed by the intimacy with which he touched her. Either way, her body offered up a sinuous, sensual invitation, an erotic escape from his own painful brand of reality. But even in forgetting, there was one thing he remembered, and that was to grope in his robe for the contraception that had never once been out of his reach for the past five years.

His mouth was hungry on hers and then he slid his hand down her sleek body, losing himself in her curves and her softness. His touch was bold and explicit, the sexual urge so shockingly powerful that it drove aside every other emotion and drowned out the ache. Part of him knew that he was taking this too fast, but she was like a drug. The more he consumed the better he felt and the better he felt the more he wanted. He was out of control and he knew it. He knew it as he spread her legs and heard her soft intake of breath. He knew it as he slid his hand under her and lifted her and he knew it as he thrust into her body, propelled by an almost desperate urgency that didn’t allow him to hold back.

Heat engulfed him. A heat intensified a thousand times by the tightness of her body gripping his shaft. He felt every ripple of her body in the most intimate way possible. Never before had he experienced anything like it.

‘God, Emma—’ Her body clasped his and he wanted to pause, to make it last and prolong the moment, but he couldn’t hold back. Physically he was stronger than her. Much stronger. And he used that strength as he surged deep. Through the heat that blurred his brain he heard her moan his name. Felt her fingers grip his back and heard the breath catch in her throat. Perhaps he should have slowed things, whispered soft words or gentle endearments but Lucas could no longer access soft or gentle. He was deaf and blind to everything except his own need. He felt slick silken muscle tightening around him and he gave into it, gave into the rhythm and the wildness, his performance driven by instinct, not technique. Everything about it was raw and primitive, each sure thrust of masculine possession designed for his own gratification. The bite of his hand on her soft skin held her where he wanted her. The scent of her made him dizzy and the softness of her skin drove him wild. He took greedily, he plundered all that she offered and more and, in that single moment, those few suspended seconds of sexual oblivion, he was aware of nothing but the pleasure of release. And as his body emptied, so did his brain. Emptied of everything except this woman.

It took a while for reality to return.

Lucas became aware first of the heat of the fire burning his skin, and finally of the warmth of the woman still wrapped around him. Not any woman, he thought.

Emma.

Emma, his PA. Sweet Emma who deserved so much more than a one-night stand with a selfish bastard like him.

Closing his eyes, he rolled away from her onto his back feeling a rush of self-disgust, wondering what insanity had possessed him. More alcohol would have been a better option. At least then he would have woken in the light of day with no apologies owing. There would be a price, he thought. There was always a price for everything.

The only question was how high it would be this time.

* * *

Emma woke to find herself alone in the huge four-poster bed. The first fingers of cold winter daylight shone through the windows and all that remained of the fire in the hearth that had warmed their night of loving was a sprinkle of glowing embers.

It was morning, the dawn of another day, the agony and anguish of the night before nothing more than a cold memory.

But it wasn’t all forgotten, was it?

Her body ached in ways that were new to her. She felt—

Emma rolled onto her back and stared up at the canopy of the four-poster bed.

Incredible. She felt incredible. And with that thought came guilt. It seemed thoroughly wrong that what felt like the best night of her life had been the worst night of his.

For him, it hadn’t been special, had it? It hadn’t really been about her at all, even though it had been her name he’d spoken in the heat of the moment. She wasn’t foolish enough to pretend it had been personal. For him, it had been nothing more than a temporary escape. She’d offered distraction at a time when he’d needed it most, a woman who’d happened to be there when he was in trouble. She was his employee—

Emma’s smile vanished and she felt a sudden rush of panic as reality bloomed.

Oh God, she’d slept with her boss. What had she been thinking?

Sleeping with the boss wasn’t incredible, it was stupid.

Stupid, stupid, stupid.

She, of all people, knew just how foolish that was. How could she have been so reckless? She was always professional. Always. She was always careful not to step over that line.

Emma shot out of bed on legs that shook and grabbed the clothes she’d left drying in front of the fire. Afraid that he might reappear at any moment she dressed in a flash, a surprising achievement considering that her hands were shaking as much as her legs. Switching on her phone, she saw that it was eight a.m. And she already had five missed calls from Jamie.

Oh God, Jamie.

It was like a thump in her stomach. The warm glow that had surrounded her when she’d woken had vanished and all that was left was cold panic.

What had she done? From the moment she’d put her hand on Lucas’s shoulder, she hadn’t given her life a single thought. It had all been about the moment, not about what would happen afterwards. With a groan of remorse, she sank onto the edge of the bed.

‘This looks like a serious case of morning-after regret to me.’ A dark male drawl came from the doorway and Emma gave a start because she’d been hoping for some time to pull herself together before having to face him and now there was no hope of that.

This was a scenario she’d never had to handle before and she was clueless.

She looked at him and felt her stomach drop. He was insanely attractive. Not just good-looking, but truly gorgeous in a deliciously sexy, bad boy sort of way, with those strands of dark hair flopping over his forehead and his jaw unshaven. Was it wrong to wish he hadn’t decided to leave the bed before she woke? Wrong to wish they’d woken together?

Sex with him had been unforgettable.

And that was the problem.

He was her boss. She had to forget it. She had to ignore that tiny, ridiculous part of her that just wanted to resign on the spot and see if this thing between them could go somewhere. She had to ignore that part of her that wanted to forget the professional so that they could pursue the personal. That would have been crazy and impulsive and she was neither of those things. She had responsibilities. Commitments. She always made sensible decisions and the sensible decision was to lock last night away in her brain and forget it had ever happened. She had to forget everything personal that she knew about him.

The question was—how?

She wondered if he was asking himself the same question but one glance at his face told her that he wasn’t. There was no doubt or uncertainty there. Nothing that suggested that what they’d shared had meant anything to him but a way of getting through a bad time. There was no evidence now of the unspeakable agony she’d witnessed the night before. Whatever dark, savage emotions had gripped him in the bitter cold of the night had been chased away by the morning light. Lucas Jackson was back in control, those secrets buried deep under layers of self-discipline.

She, however, felt emotionally and physically wrecked.

He was already dressed, in black jeans and a black sweater that added emphasis to powerful shoulders. His choice of clothes was casual, and yet there was still an innate sophistication about him, an effortless style that was evident in everything he did.

Through her moment of panic came the memories. Memories of how those shoulders had felt under her fingers, the ripple of male muscle and hard strength. Memories of how it had felt to touch him and be touched. Strange, she thought, how even that unscheduled glimpse of vulnerability hadn’t seemed like weakness. There was nothing weak about this man.

They hadn’t even talked about it, she realised. Not really. All she knew was that he blamed himself for the death of his daughter. Other than that she had no details and, judging from the grim set of his mouth, he had no intention of offering any.

This was the man she knew. The Lucas Jackson she recognised. And of course that made it worse, because this man was her boss.

Which really only left her with one course of action.

Emma stood up slowly, as if by taking her time a miracle might happen and she might somehow know what to say. And he was obviously waiting for her to speak. That intense blue gaze, always more perceptive than most people’s, held hers for longer than was comfortable. And although it seemed shallow to care about such things, she was acutely conscious of how appalling she must look. She had that exhausted, gritty-eyed feeling that followed a night of seriously reduced sleep so she knew she’d be pale. And she knew she’d look rumpled because, although she’d pulled on clothes, she hadn’t had time to do more than smooth her hair and after the way he’d treated it the night before it tumbled in a wild mess over her shoulders.

As awkward moments went, this one reigned supreme.

‘Hi. Good morning—’ Oh God, this was awful. She cleared her throat, thinking that it was impossible to sound businesslike when faced with a man who had intimate knowledge of every part of your body. ‘I just need to make a quick phone call and then I’ll be out of your way.’

The last thing she wanted was to talk about what had happened, so she was relieved when he said nothing. Instead, he continued to study her as if he were seeking an answer to something. And Emma soon discovered that his scrutiny was every bit as uncomfortable as any conversation would have been. The way he was looking at her unsettled her so badly that in the end she turned away and rescued her shoes from their place in front of the fire. The snow had made a mess of them, but at least they were dry and putting them on gave her something to do and made her feel more dressed, somehow.

Wanting to escape as fast as possible, knowing that she was already going to be in trouble, she dug her hand in her bag and pulled out her phone. ‘I need to call Jamie,’ she muttered, ‘and tell him I’ll be back later. He’ll be worried that I didn’t make it home last night. He’s already called this morning but my phone was off.’

‘Are you sure he’ll be worried? You’re that close, are you?’ His hard tone held a hint of scepticism and she looked up, shocked and confused by the question.

Was this just about the fact he was annoyed with her for staying when he’d wanted to be alone? Was he cross that he’d woken to find that someone was the wrong side of his castle moat?

‘Of course. I did tell him I’d be late but he wasn’t expecting me to not make it home at all.’

Those blue eyes didn’t shift from her face. ‘And how is he going to feel when he finds out you had sex with me?’ His blunt question was so unexpected she gave a soft gasp.

‘Well, obviously I won’t be mentioning that part.’

One dark eyebrow lifted and the faintest of smiles touched his hard mouth. That same mouth that had kissed her to oblivion the night before. The same mouth that had caressed its way down her shivering, compliant body. ‘If that’s your plan then you’d better learn not to blush or he’ll see right through you.’

Suddenly she was angry with him. And yes, with herself. It was embarrassingly unsophisticated to have a morning-after encounter with a face the shade of a tomato, especially when he seemed to be treating the whole episode with something that came close to indifference. No romantic words then, she thought numbly. No soft smiles or gentle touches to smooth the transition from passionate to professional. And maybe she should be grateful for that, Emma thought, as she strived to match his detached approach. She would have liked to look calm and businesslike and sail out of his life with her dignity intact but she knew there was very little chance of that. ‘Jamie doesn’t think the way you do.’

‘No?’ His expression revealed nothing of his thoughts. ‘What if you’re wrong? What if he guesses?’

‘Why would he guess? It’s not exactly the sort of thing we talk about.’

‘And yet you claim to be close?’

‘We’re close but I’m hardly going to tell him I slept with you, am I?’

‘I’m no expert on relationships, but I can imagine that would make things pretty awkward.’ His tone was scrupulously polite, as if they were in the office discussing a project. ‘And if that’s the way you want to play it, that’s fine with me. But I do have one question before we turn to more practical matters.’

Practical matters? ‘What question?’

There was silence, and that silence stretched from seconds to a full minute. A full minute that she counted out with each beat of her heart. And not once in that time did he stop looking at her. Not once did his gaze flicker from hers.

When he finally broke that silence, his voice was soft. ‘If your relationship with Jamie is “close”,’ he drawled, ‘why did you have sex with me?’