Читать книгу Sarah Morgan Summer Collection - Sarah Morgan - Страница 16

‘CAN you imagine that? Being given the chance to patch up your relationship with your sister and then realising that you’re too late. How awful. Fancy having to live with that. And fancy Catherine never even mentioning that she had a brother. It was obviously such a thorny subject.’ Evanna carefully turned the chicken on the barbecue. ‘Poor Ethan. No wonder he always seemed so tense, poor thing.’

‘Poor thing?’ Kyla stared at her friend. ‘Aren’t you at all angry? Don’t you think he should have told us?’

‘I think it’s lovely that Kirsty has more family to love her. We don’t all live life by the same rules, Kyla,’ Evanna said mildly, reaching down and scooping Kirsty into her arms. ‘We don’t all behave according to one rule book. We’re all different people, looking for different things. None of us is perfect.’

Kyla scowled at her. ‘Stop being so reasonable. He took advantage of our hospitality.’

‘Over the centuries Glenmore was often a place of sanctuary for strangers,’ Evanna reminded her softly. ‘We’ve always taken a pride in our hospitality.’

‘But if we’d known who he was—’

‘Then the welcome would have been warmer still,’ Evanna said firmly, hitching Kirsty onto her hip and letting her play with a wooden spoon. ‘I think it’s very exciting for Kirsty to have someone in her life who knew her mother as a child.’

‘I can assure you that the memories aren’t good ones.’

Evanna seemed unconcerned. ‘People are all a mixture of good and bad. Perfection would be pretty hard to live with.’

‘Kirsty will get attached to him and then he’ll leave,’ Kyla predicted, and Evanna looked at her.

‘And does that matter?’

No.

Yes.

She didn’t want it to matter.

Oh, she was being so stupid. ‘No, of course not. Well, yes, it’s just that—I—’

‘This isn’t about Kirsty, it’s about you. You’re in love with him and you don’t want him to leave. Have you told him?’

Kyla stared at her friend, wanting to deny it. But her mouth wouldn’t form the necessary lie. ‘Don’t be ridiculous. This is a man who doesn’t exactly communicate his feelings, remember?’

‘That’s him. But you do communicate yours, usually pretty loudly.’ Evanna gave a grin ‘.so you should be telling him, just so that there is no doubt.’

Kyla raised an eyebrow. ‘The way you’re telling my brother that you’re in love with him?’

Evanna blushed gently. ‘That’s different. Logan doesn’t notice me and he certainly doesn’t love me. Me telling him my feelings would just embarrass both of us. But Ethan definitely has powerful feelings for you. I suspect he loves you, too, but you might need to nudge him into telling you. I’m willing to bet that he has no idea how you feel about him. At the moment all he sees is your anger.’

Kyla thought about the frantic sex they’d shared in the ruins of the castle. It had been primitive, desperate and. ‘If he’d loved me, wouldn’t he have trusted me enough to tell me the truth?’

Evanna removed the chicken from the barbecue and put it on the plate. ‘This is a man who isn’t used to sharing and trusting so, no, probably not.’

‘So perhaps he’s wrong for me.’

Evanna smiled and handed her a plate. ‘Perhaps. But isn’t it worth finding out?’

‘He isn’t like us.’

‘And isn’t that a good thing? The planet would certainly be boring if we were all the same.’ Evanna poured dressing on the salad. ‘Eat. You’re always cranky when you’re hungry. Logan will be home soon. He’s up at the surgery with Ethan.’

In the end, Kyla didn’t wait for her brother to return home. She felt restless and confused and she needed to be by herself, so she drove back to her cottage.

And then she sat for ten minutes in her kitchen, looking out at the sea. And she still felt restless and confused so she slipped her feet out of her shoes and went for a walk on the beach.

It was only when she felt a hand on her shoulder that she realised that Ethan was standing behind her.

‘I’ve come to apologise.’ His voice was deep and she turned, feeling her heart leap into her throat at the sight of him. Would she ever be able to look at him and not react like this?

‘For what?’

‘For making love to you before I told you about Catherine. I certainly intended to tell you. But this thing between us is strong—’ He broke off and she felt a twinge of disappointment.

He was talking about the sex, she reminded herself. ‘I’m sorry I shouted at you this morning but I was angry with you.’

‘I know. Justifiably so.’ He didn’t smile. ‘And now, Kyla? Are you still angry?’

‘I’m not sure. I keep going over our conversations and wondering how many of them were just about detective work for you.’

His hand dropped to his side. ‘Is that what you think? That my relationship with you was just a means to finding out about Catherine?’

‘You asked me about her in the pub that night.’ She shook her head in disbelief. ‘She was your sister and yet you were asking me about her and I answered without knowing who you were or why you were asking. And I can’t help wondering if I said something that I shouldn’t have said.’

‘She was my stepsister and I wanted to find out who she was,’ he said quietly. ‘I didn’t know her. The woman I knew would never have settled in a place like this. The Catherine I knew was selfish and didn’t think of anyone but herself. I wanted to hear you talk about her. And I wanted to hear you talk without knowing who I was because I didn’t want my relationship with Catherine to influence your answer. I was trying to understand.’

‘In that case, you should speak to Logan because obviously he knew her the best.’

‘But different people see different things in a person.’

It was very much like something that Evanna would have said, and suddenly she wondered whether she’d been too hard on him. ‘You want me to tell you more about Catherine?’ She thought for a moment, trying to crystallise thoughts and images into something that would paint the picture he was looking for. ‘She was—a bit wild, I suppose. She liked doing mad, crazy things. She flirted with every man she met. She was impossible to pin down and unreliable at social engagements. She wore pink shoes and high heels to the pub when it was pouring with rain and she never remembered to take a coat with her. But she was excited by life and enthusiastic about the island. She loved the beaches and Logan taught her to sail.’

‘Was she pleased to be pregnant?’

‘Oh, yes. She kept talking about family.’ Kyla swallowed as she remembered. ‘She kept saying that she was going to do it right this time, but when I asked her what she meant by that, she’d never tell me. I suppose I know now. Her death was a tragedy. It affected Logan very badly.’

‘I can imagine.’

‘She suddenly became ill but the weather on the island was so bad we couldn’t transfer her for a few hours and the delay was critical. The hospital didn’t think that the outcome would have been any different but Logan has always blamed himself.’ She gave a sad smile. ‘He hates obstetrics now and he always refuses to do home births.’

‘You can hardly blame him for that.’

Kyla thought of her brother and her heart ached. ‘I don’t blame him for anything. But I know he blames himself. He carries it with him all the time.’

‘Having seen your brother work, I know that he would have done everything that could have been done, and he did more for Catherine than anyone else had ever done for her in her life. I wish I could have known the Catherine that she became.’ Ethan’s voice was gruff with emotion. ‘When I read that letter I felt a tremendous sense of loss. Not for what we had, but for what I sensed we could have had. Those early years were too traumatic for both of us and we were too young to be able to adapt. You describe a Catherine who was happy and yet I’d never known her that way. So I wanted to come and see for myself. I suppose although it was too late to change my relationship with her, it wasn’t too late to alter the picture in my head. I wanted to change my memories. I wanted to understand her.’

‘And have you done that?’

‘I’m getting there.’ He stared across the sea, his expression distant. ‘I’m definitely getting there.’

‘And you told Logan who you are?’

‘Yes. He seemed pleased that Kirsty has more family.’ Ethan’s mouth flickered into a self-deprecating smile. ‘Which just goes to show that they know me less well than you do. I’m not sure that I’m going to be the right sort of family for Kirsty.’

Kyla frowned. ‘What do you mean, the right sort of family? Family is family. None of us is perfect but we all do the best we can and we’re all there for each other.’

He turned to look at her. ‘But that’s the bit I’m not so good at, isn’t it? Family, for me, has been no more than a word, but for you it’s a way of life. Your family is reliable and sticks around no matter what. Your family shares. I’m no good at any of those things. I’m used to packing my bags and living where I want to live without thinking about another person’s needs or happiness. I’m used to not needing anyone and to not being needed.’

Kyla looked at him, wondering what it must feel like to be so disconnected from the people around you. ‘That sounds a lonely way to live your life, Dr Walker,’ she whispered, and his eyes lingered on hers.

‘It’s the only way I know.’

‘Feeling needed is good, and needing someone is good, too. For me, it’s what life is all about.’ She looked into his eyes and she willed him to kiss her the way he’d kissed her in the dawn light at the ruined castle. But he didn’t move. He simply stood there, his eyes on her face, as if searching for something that he couldn’t quite find.

And then he thrust his hands in his pockets and turned and headed across the beach and back to the cottage.

So this was how it felt, Kyla thought bleakly, blinking furiously to clear her vision. This was how it felt to be heartbroken.

Now she knew.

And the pain was worse than she could possibly have imagined.

‘So that was it?’ Evanna frowned at Kyla from across the best table in the café. It was right in the window and had a perfect view of the ferry and the quay. ‘He didn’t say anything about the two of you?’

‘Nothing.’ Kyla stabbed her triple chocolate ice cream with the tip of her spoon, wondering why she felt so totally flat and dejected. ‘I really need to pull myself together. I’m being pathetic.’

‘And what about you? Didn’t you say anything to him?’

‘What was I supposed to do? Beg?’ Kyla frowned and lifted the spoon to her mouth, but the cold chocolate hit did nothing for her. ‘I do have some pride, Evanna.’

‘But he doesn’t know how you feel.’

‘I think it’s his own feelings that are the problem,’ Kyla said gloomily, putting the spoon down and staring out of the window as the ferry pulled away from the dock on the start of its crossing to the mainland. ‘You said that the man had issues, and you’re right. The man has issues.’

‘And you’re going to let that stop you?’

Kyla pushed the ice cream away from her. ‘What do you suggest? That I hang a banner on the front of my cottage, declaring my intentions?’

Evanna grinned. ‘In the old days you would have carved his name on your desk. ‘K loves E. And Miss Carne would have put you in detention.’

‘I feel as though I’m in permanent detention.’

Evanna reached across the table and squeezed her hand. ‘It’s not like you to give up. What’s he going to do now, do you know? Is he leaving?’

‘He hasn’t said.’ Kyla gave a humourless laugh. ‘That would be giving something away, wouldn’t it? And Ethan never gives anything away. I dare say the first I’ll know of it is when Jim tells me he’s driven that flash car of his onto the ferry.’

‘You need to speak to him.’

‘I have my pride.’

Evanna sighed. ‘Pride isn’t going to keep you warm on a cold winter’s night, Kyla MacNeil. You need to think about that next time you’re lying in the bed on your own, staring up at the ceiling. Now, eat your ice cream. If there’s one thing a girl needs at a time like this, it’s chocolate. Lots of it.’

Kyla was in clinic the next morning when Aisla came in.

‘I came to thank you. If you hadn’t thought that Fraser might be in the dungeon, goodness knows what might have happened.’

Kyla smiled. ‘I’m just glad we found him and that everything was all right. Logan said that the CT scan was fine.’

‘They think he has concussion. Apparently he might suffer from headaches for a bit and I need to keep an eye on him, but they don’t think there’s any serious injury. And Dr Walker looked at his wound this morning and seemed to think that it was healing nicely. I still can’t believe he climbed down into that filthy, dark dungeon for my Fraser.’

‘He’s a brave man. A good doctor.’

Aisla sighed. ‘He’ll be a loss to the island.’

Kyla felt her mouth dry. ‘A loss?’

‘Well, he was only ever a locum, wasn’t he? He was reminding me of that this morning when I was trying to persuade him to stay, but I don’t understand it really. The man fits in here. I mean, why leave?’

‘I expect he’s leaving because we can’t offer him what he needs.’ On impulse Kyla stood up and walked towards the door. ‘I’m glad Fraser is on the mend, Aisla. Call us any time if you’re worried.’

She saw Aisla out and then walked into Ethan’s room. ‘What exactly is it that you need?’

He was seated at his desk and he looked up, his dark eyes guarded. ‘What do you mean?’

‘I don’t understand what it is that you need.’ Restless and boiling up with emotions that she couldn’t control, Kyla paced the floor of his consulting room. ‘I mean, it’s all here if you look for it. You love to run and you won’t find better anywhere. Or do you prefer fumes and tarmac to sea breezes and sand? You like to swim and we have a whole ocean waiting for you, or do you prefer chlorine and public pools?’

‘Kyla—’

‘Or is it the medicine?’ she continued breathlessly, turning around and pacing back again. ‘Because I can tell you now that you won’t find greater variety anywhere. This island is like a small world. We have births and deaths and in between we have all the things that are part of life. And we handle most of it ourselves because we can’t refer someone to the hospital every time things get slightly complicated. You’ll get more hands-on experience here than you ever would in a London teaching hospital, and it’s probably just as much of a challenge as Africa in its own way.’

He opened his mouth and she plunged on, afraid to let him speak in case he said something that she couldn’t bear to hear.

‘Or is it the people?’ she said, finally standing still and daring to look at him. He was unnaturally still as he watched her, his eyes fixed on her face. ‘It’s true that everyone on this island is interested in everyone else, but that’s because we’re a community. We’re not just a bunch of faceless individuals living isolated lives that never interconnect. We care, Ethan. We care in a way that you’re never going to find in a city. We mind what happens to people. We care about each other and we care about you. I care about you. I love you, actually—’ Suddenly awkward and embarrassed, she broke off, suddenly wishing she’d been born with some of his natural reticence because she knew that she’d given away far too much. She’d given away everything.

But then she decided that he’d probably guessed anyway, and remembered Evanna’s words.

Pride isn’t going to keep you warm on those long winter nights, Kyla.

He rose to his feet and walked round the desk towards her, and she felt the steady, rhythmic bump of her heart against her chest.

‘You love me?’ His voice was deep and she felt herself backing away.

‘Yes, but that doesn’t have to be a problem. You can stay on the island and not have a relationship with me. We could—’

‘Can we start from the beginning? What makes you think I’m leaving?’

‘Something Aisla just said, about your post only ever being temporary. I know that this island is different to everything you’re used to. I know that you’re used to living your life very much on your own. You say it’s the only way you know, but that doesn’t mean you can’t learn a different way if you want to. Catherine did it.’

‘Kyla—’

‘You feel it, I know you do. The magic of this place. I’ve seen your face when you run on the sand in the morning. I’ve seen the tension melt away from you when you breathe in the sea air. I know you love it here. And you care about the patients. You cared enough to dangle off the end of a rope to save a little boy from a dark dungeon.’

He brought his mouth down on hers and kissed her hard.

Her head spun, her knees sagged and she gave a little murmur of shock as his hands slid into her hair and he held her firmly, exploring her mouth with feverish intent.

When he finally lifted his head she blinked and tried to focus. ‘That isn’t fair. You shouldn’t do that when I’m trying to concentrate. W-why did you do that?’

‘I was showing you that I care about the inhabitants of the island.’

She swallowed hard, her hands still clutching the jacket of his suit for support. ‘I’m just one inhabitant.’

‘But the most important one,’ he said softly, the hint of a smile touching his mouth as he studied her face. ‘I had no idea that you loved me. That changes a lot of things.’

‘You didn’t know?’ She felt her cheeks colour. ‘You think I strip naked in the ruins of the castle for every man?’

‘I certainly hope not.’ He stroked his fingers through her hair. ‘But I thought the fact that I kept a secret from you damaged what we had.’

‘I was angry with you and hurt that you didn’t trust me.’

He drew in a breath and his eyes narrowed questioningly. ‘And now? How do you feel now?’

‘Now I just feel miserable that you’re leaving.’

He released her then and walked over to the window, staring out across the fields that stretched from Logan’s house towards the sea. ‘When I first arrived here, I wasn’t even sure why I’d come. It was too late for Catherine and me, but I suppose a part of me wanted to identify the last few pieces of the puzzle. I wanted to understand what it was that had changed her and now I do, because it’s changed me, too. This place restores your faith in humanity. This place doesn’t allow selfishness because it’s all about sharing. The island only works because people share.’

‘I think that’s what Catherine discovered. She said that she suddenly felt as though she belonged somewhere.’

‘Yes.’ He turned to look at her and her heart pounded.

‘I thought you were going to walk away from me,’ she whispered, trapped by the look in his eyes. ‘I thought you were going to walk away from what we have.’

‘Never.’

‘But—’

He walked towards her and put a hand over her lips, humour dancing in his eyes. ‘I think when we’re married I’m going to have to gag you for part of the day or I’ll never get a chance to speak and then you’ll accuse me of being hopeless at communicating.’

Her heart almost stopped and she wanted to ask him to repeat what he’d just said, but his fingers were still covering her mouth so she was only able to make a ‘mmm’ sound.

His fingers brushed her lips. ‘You’re right that I love Glenmore island. You’re right that I love sea breezes and soft sand. You’re right that I love to swim in the ocean, and it’s certainly true that there’s more than enough of a medical challenge here to keep me satisfied. And, of course, I love Kirsty and want to watch her grow up. But none of those are the reasons that I’ll be staying here.’ His gaze was gentle. ‘I’ll be staying here because of you. Because I love you, Kyla. I love everything about you. I love your warmth and generosity and the way you care for everyone. I love your slightly wicked streak and the way you love your family. And I want to be part of that family.’

He moved his hand from her mouth and looked at her expectantly, but now that he’d given her the opportunity to speak she discovered that the words were stuck behind the giant lump in her throat.

‘Kyla?’ His gentle prompt made her open her mouth and croak something incoherent.

‘I didn’t—You said …’

He lifted an eyebrow. ‘I said?’

‘A few sentences ago you mentioned …’

‘I mentioned …?’

‘Marriage.’

‘Yes, I did.’ He looked around his consulting room and rolled his eyes. ‘I’m thirty-two years old and when I finally propose to a woman we’re surrounded by medical equipment.’

‘I don’t care about the surroundings,’ she murmured, hardly daring to believe what was happening. ‘I haven’t even noticed them.’

‘Good. So is the answer yes?’

‘You came here to find Kirsty—’

‘I came here because I was drawn by the letter that Catherine wrote. Because I wanted to see this place.’ His ran a finger over her cheek. ‘But I’m staying because of you.’

‘You’re staying on the island?’

‘It’s going to be hard to be married to you if I don’t,’ he drawled softly, ‘because it’s obvious to everyone that this is the place you were meant to be. And, anyway, we have a responsibility to the community to have lots of sex.’

She gave a gasp of shock and glanced towards the door, but it remind firmly closed. ‘Ethan!’

‘Stop looking scandalised. You were the one who told me that the population has a duty to have plenty of sex and produce lots of children.’

She started to laugh. ‘Yes, but—’

‘If you’re worried about the school closing, we’d better get cracking. If we start now we can have a child in every class right the way through primary school.’

‘Ann Carne would have an asthma attack if they were all little versions of me.’

‘But their daddy would be delighted. I can’t think of anything better than living my life surrounded by ten little versions of you.’ He bent his head and kissed her. ‘I love you. And I’m looking forward to populating the island with you. Just say the word and we’ll start straight away.’

‘Ten? I don’t think we’ll be having ten.’ She wrapped her arms round his neck, unable to control the happiness that bubbled up inside her. ‘I can’t believe you mean this. We’re so different. You don’t say much. Oh, Ethan!’

‘I’ll try and say more,’ Ethan murmured against her lips with a smile in his eyes, ‘providing you’re silent for long enough for me to speak. Is it a deal?’

She loved the feel of his arms around her. ‘Do you think you’ll be able to stand living here, surrounded by islanders who want to know what you ate for breakfast and a big noisy family who frequently turn up to eat that breakfast with you?’

The smile in his eyes faded. ‘The answer to your question is yes. But you haven’t answered my question yet. Will you marry me?’

‘Yes.’ Her voice was soft as she reached up and kissed him. ‘Of course.’