Читать книгу Letters from Max - Sarah Ruhl - Страница 21

JANUARY 18, 2013

Dear Sarah,

Your recommendation letters arrived. I am so deeply grateful to you. I nearly cried when I read the letter. Working with you and coming to admire you as much as I have from reading you, watching you, receiving the warmth in your human heart as well your literary heart, I felt a pretty fucking close to miraculous sense of joy to hear that the connection is mutual. You complimented my ear. Nobody ever compliments my ear. Secretly, I am very proud of my ear. Everything in my life, the fabric of my life itself, is dissolving. You are not. Maybe I am not? That’s what your letter meant to me.

The cancer is very, very scary right now. It keeps changing the terms of the contract. I wept a lot today in the bathroom. I am now more terrified than ever of going back into chemo-land, feeling like the chemo isn’t even efficacious. I was starting to get really hopeful about my MFA plans, and the prospect of writing poetry full time. Now I’m scared I might not make it to that stage, or I will end up plugged into some experimental protocol after a semi-botched chemo attempt.

Thank you for your goodness and your kindness.

Max