Читать книгу The Comeback - Shane Hodge - Страница 3

My name is Shane Hodge and in 2009 and after 12 years of living overseas I returned home to the Land of OZ. I returned not really knowing what or where I was going to live or what I was going to do. During the last 12 years I had built companies, been on TV watched by over 500 million people in China, heck I even sang the National Anthem for my Government in Kuala Lumpur. I had made and lost and made small fortunes, dined with the rich and famous and the poor and down and out, I had done and achieved so much, but at a cost. For twelve years I had not been a Father, a brother and last but not least I had not been a son. Little did I know that my time had arrived for my own personal….COMEBACK

What do I mean by Comeback? Well you read about it every day. The “Comebacks” by sporting teams that after suffering the potential of massive defeat, turn things around and become winners instead of losers. You hear about great business people who after losing it all, get it all together and are back in business bigger and better than what they were before. You hear about actors or singers falling from grace and then get a break and are back to where they were high flyers again.

I am not a sportsman, not a former multi millionaire and I have never starred in a major movie or had a hit record. I am just a Father, Son, Husband and Friend that totally lost his way, swallowed up by the lure of the high flying life overseas but I truly forgot about the responsibilities and precious nature of the real roles in my life.

I mentioned Comebacks such as sportsmen and business gurus that seem to get all the press and I would assume they have a driver or a moment that swings them into the Comeback mode it might be survival even embarrassment. Well, mine was driven by a moment that was personal and close to home. My Comeback was driven by my Mum.

Why Mum? A few weeks after arriving back in Australia, I was told my 76 year old mother had been diagnosed with acute myeloid leukemia(AML),and after refusing the option of treatment, she had around a year to live. With my dad passing away the year before, a sister busy with her own family, a brother recovering from Colon Cancer, it was my role to take care of my Mum during her illness.

At the time I didn’t know that the time I would spend with Mum was going to be an incredible journey of emotion, love and most importantly, my first COMEBACK as a son. We were to spend many wonderful hours, seven days a week, laughing, talking, crying trying to make her as comfortable as possible, to enjoy the months she had been told would be left for her to spend her time on this wonderful earth.

The journey with my Mum would open so many doors to rooms of soul searching. It would open so many areas of my life, my emotions and feelings. The Journey had a theme, a theme that was set by a quote Mum made during her illness.

That quote was: The Things that Matter? Are the Things that Matter.

Mum was diagnosed with AML in October 2009. Her illness started to move forward at a pretty rapid pace and soon it became apparent we could no longer manage the illness at home. But the mere mention of elderly care or nursing home soon had mum flying off the handle with the Old, “You’re not putting me in with a bunch of old people” which coming from a 76 year old wheelchair bound just diagnosed with a terminal disease? Was in a way amusing! My Brother, Sister and I were trying to think of ways to convince her, but then abruptly she took a nasty turn and ended up in palliative care in Sunshine Hospital, so that put a pause on the “Elderly Care” issue.

Mum was quite ill whilst she was in Sunshine Hospital; she was on a Morphine infusion drip looking pretty sad and sorry. But after two weeks she was getting a little restless and Sunday morning she called me and said, “I’m allowed out for the day”.

Mum was one of the best at manipulation I have ever seen and when questioned by the Doctor on ways to make her feel more comfortable she mentioned, “some time at home would do the trick”. The Doctor said it could be a good idea, so she went to work and next thing she was calling me and soon after that, she was in the car on her way back to the home she had known for 55 years for a day out. That day out became known as “parole”!

Every Sunday over the next few weeks Mum would get “Parole” from 10 in the morning until 4pm. I would pack her up with all her medication and when we got home she would park herself on the back porch in her chair, back door open so she could smell the air and feel the breeze. For the first couple of “paroles” she was still smoking, but that ended abruptly one day and she never touched a fag again. This was quite an effort for a former 40 a day girl, but the vomiting after the first one made the joy of that week long wait puff, not worth it.

A few weeks after being in Sunshine, Mum appeared to be stabilising a little. She was off the Morphine infusion but still had many medications and it was recommended that she could move to care facility. My job (delegated by my Brother and Sister) was to convince her that this was a good idea; I thought and told them that it would be easier to convince a Donkey to run in a Horse race! But I would give it my best shot.

I visited a couple of Care Centres but the wait was so long. Then by a stroke of luck I drove into Arcare Care Centre in Maidstone, a stone’s throw from Mums house and they had a vacancy. Now to understand Mums “aversion” to Care facilities understand that she didn’t want to be in a place surrounded by people she couldn’t talk to because they had dementia, she didn’t want to see sad, old people having to be fed whilst they dribble. I took a tour of Arcare and although it was not totally occupied by the elderly that caused Mum stress, it was close.

I was thinking how to convince Mum as we really had no choice, so I worked on the old 60/40 rule. I went back to Sunshine Hospital and told Mum how sensational the place was, how great was the fact that only 40% of the place and patients would she struggle with but the 60% was awesome, and her room? Wow better than the Hilton! Mum looked at me called me a liar, laughed and asked could she still have parole. So that afternoon we packed her up and moved her off to her new home at Arcare.

Mum was so excited when she ventured into her new room. I had bought her a flat screen TV, beautiful reclining chair, a fridge, radio, wow she had all the comforts but she was most happy that it was all brand new as she hadn’t had things like that for so many years. All was going well until she had her first dinner.

Arcare, has a community eating area. I wheeled Mum out and we proceeded to sit at a table with three other ladies, all about Mum’s age. One lady started a conversation with Mum and she was so happy, I could see her thinking, “wow this is not so bad”. Then the lady asked the same question over and over and told mum the same story three times, and Mum started to give me that “you liar look”, and then the Choir started.

The Choir as we decided to call it, were three patients god bless, them that due to old age and illness had lost all vocal capabilities except one, Screaming.

These three lovelies began to scream at a level that would make a 747 on takeoff seem quiet. They would start singularly, then as a pair and finally they would be howling in a trio. All this whilst the other patients are trying to eat their food (the food is another story). Mum just looked at me with a “You Bloody Liar Look” which is a lot worse than just “liar”

I tried the old, it will get better routine, it’s only once a day, but then she reminded me that people have three meals a day. She also reminded me that 60/40 was more like 95/5 as she really liked her new TV!

A few days went past and yes I copped the same “Bloody Liar” accusation many times. As the days concluded and my socialite Mummy had made friends I started to score a little more than 95/5, but she assured me it would never get to 60/40.

My odds improved dramatically for a moment during one of Arcare theme weeks. The whole place became a Cruise Ship and they had daily entertaining, pretend gambling so Mummy was very excited, as this was more to her liking. She laughed saying the only thing that would make it perfect would be if the pretend cocktails had a touch of Kahlua! To watch Mum singing along whilst the care workers, dressed as sailors, blasted out “We’ll Meet Again” well, that was a joy.

When Sunday morning came along, Mum was at her best. My phone would go off around 8am and on the line would be Mum asking what time I was going to pick her up for Parole. That day out probably gave me an extra percentage and moved me into the naughty boy category rather than liar, and she was like a little kid when I arrived to pick her up. With medicine in hand and washing (she didn’t trust the laundry with her undies), away we would go five minutes down the road to her beloved home and back porch. She would open the door, position the chair and start to sip her beloved cup of tea, the music would have to be on in the background and then we would start, or should I say she would start, our wonderful chats.

In the early weeks of her Arcare stay the chats would always begin with complaints about the Choir, the food (god she hated the food), but the complaints got less and the chats moved to things about life and love.

Mum would request certain food for her lunch as I have mentioned the food issue! So we would dine on KFC, Fish and Chips and Pizza, then we would chat or watch Cricket on the TV. This sort of agenda lasted a few weeks but as time moved on, the Parole discussions on the back porch became more and more reflective, deeper, more on good times than bad, more on back in the day, rather than complaining about a who’s who of patients at Arcare.

I believe Mum totally appreciated her time was limited and now she would leave her legacy. She would hand over her thoughts and feelings not only on life, but moreover the journey of death.

As the weeks rolled on the fast food became less important, the sport on Telly the same but music playing in the background whilst we chatted, was very high on Mum’s agenda and she would give me strict instructions on what I would have to download, and have ready for her parole visit. I now have a PC full of Dean Martin, Frank Sinatra, and Shirley Bassey and in the end she had a giant crush on the music of Susan Boyle and Australian idol winner Stan Walker. Chats of Memories and moments of Mummy’s life started to change, as we moved into December closer to Christmas the conversations moved more to“The Things that matter are the things that matter”

It didn’t really mean much to me at the time when she uttered the statement. It was early days and I was still in denial that Mum had limited time left. I mean she had always been a bit of a Drama Queen and loved the limelight so in a way I was probably still thinking the old girl would hang around for years. It was only when I accompanied her to the Oncologist that I was faced with the fact that yes indeed Mum was pretty crook.

In January of 2010 Mum seemed to get worse and on the 27^thof January at Western General Hospital, I sat with my Mum and we held hands as we were delivered the worst news by her specialist, Mum had seven days to live.

When the news was delivered, I wheeled her down the corridor and for the first time in my life? I was frozen totally in the speaking department and then Mum looked at me and out of the blue she said, “I Wish I could relive that moment”. I asked her what moment and she replied, “The Night on 3AW” to sing in front of the crowd just one time before she went would be a true joy in these last few days of her life.

You see back in the late early 1950’s Mum was a very talented Girl, she had an incredible voice and would appear and win many talent quests that were held live on radios beamed out throughout Melbourne. Radio station 3AW had a program that was called the Amateur Hour sort of like an “Old days” Australian Idol. You would sing and people would call in and combined with the Live audience vote for you. On one particular night Mum truly wowed them and actually won the event. I had heard this so many times during my years of growing up. As time went on them Mum’s thoughts of fame were still there but the passion for Mum to sing again got less and less and in the end it was just a distant memory.

But now at this moment it becomes a huge excitement of thought for my Mum, as for me? I didn’t know it at the time but it would also become a major driver in my life.

During our drive back to Arcare we laughed and joked about what if she did get that 3AW chance, what if she did get her comeback? Well the voice would be a bit crackly, the songs would be out of date but she wouldn’t care she would just enjoy the moment of her comeback and the joy it would give her.

The conversation of Mum’s Comeback dream stopped when we arrived at Arcare. It was time to pack her things and move her off to Sunshine Hospital and the Palliative Care Unit she had been in a couple of months before.

Weeks before I had made a promise to Mum that when things got closer I would take her back to Sunshine as they had a lot more staff and could help you cope easier with pain and other comforts. With her bags packed she declined the offer of an Ambulance preferring to go in my little car for the twenty minute trip. It was a hot day but she didn’t complain she just continued the conversation about what fun her Comeback would have been and then she zeroed in on me.

When are you going to make a Comeback Son? She said.

We had chatted about so many things the past few months, all sorts of people and places and memories, we had spent so much time together but she never really asked me that much about me. I asked her what she meant and she replied, “ You had so much talent, did so many things but you to seemed to have gotten lost the past few Years “You could have been so famous” she said, “You could have been so Happy”, why don’t you try again Son. You loved training and always said you wanted to write a book wow she was on a roll. I told her let’s focus on other things Mum and then I escaped the conversation as we had arrived at the Hospital. Check in and getting settled in her room took the place of Mums pressure question.

The next couple of days we just talked a lot. I spent as much time as I could beside Mum although she was starting to sleep a lot more. The weekend came and then so did the beginning of the end.

It was Sunday, normally Mum would wake me up with her traditional “what time you coming in” call at 7.30am followed by instructions and a shopping list. But on the 31^stof January there was no call. I quickly drove to the hospital and there was Mummy not looking well, she was burning up, feeling very ill drifting in and out of sleep. The nurses were fantastic not holding back on any painkillers, checking on her without her needing to ring the bell.

I knew it was bad as Mum asked me to call my sister and Brother to come in. I sat and held her hand until they arrived and then we all sat there taking turns at holding her hand and kissing her head, and telling her time and time again how much we loved her.

After a few hours Mum seem to be settled and my Sister and Brother needed to take a time out so I volunteered to stay put for a couple hours to let them go home to their families for a little while. They had only been gone for a few minutes and then Mum quickly awoke suffering from a terrible Angina attack. A few chaotic minutes of trying to get her to breathe and calm down, another shot of morphine preceded and then all was settled again, and it was time to hold Mum’s hand one more and give her love and comforting words.

She was so still and at last relaxed and then out of the Blue she opened her eyes and told me that she was happy with my Brother and Sister but she still felt so unsettled about me. She told me that if I promised her that I would at last be happy in my life she could be settled. I told her I was happy but she just shook her head and reminded me of our conversation a few days earlier about “the Comeback” and that nothing would make her happier than if I promised that I would make mine happen, to Train again and to finally write that book.

I had to promise to my Mum that I would use all my talents to be happy in life and Love. I wanted her to settle so I told her that “it’s a deal” and I will do just that. I did that thinking it would keep her quiet and she would settle and relax but five minutes later? She opened her eyes again and like a little kid she smiled and said “You Promise” so I said yes and I guess that made it a real deal huh?

My Brother and Sister returned and the day grew on. Soon it was early evening and apart from the occasional movement Mummy was laying so still and silent, so my Brother and I decided we would go home for a little while, have a shower and sleep and then one of us would return to let our sister take her turn at doing the same.

We kissed Mummy, hugged our sister and went our separate lost ways; it’s such a terrible feeling leaving a scene like that.

I went back home, showered I didn’t eat anything I just laid down and quickly went to sleep I was so tired. I don’t know what time it was but in what seemed only a short period of time my phone rang and it was my sister to tell me the news I didn’t not want to hear that Mummy had left us.

On Wednesday she was given seven days, Mummy walked arm in arm with our dad and left us on Monday the 1^stOf February 2010.

The Next few days were really a blur. I walked around like a zombie. I had read about the feeling, heard about it from others, had thought that I was prepared for it but nothing hits you like the loss of your Mummy and in my case it was like I had lost my best mate as well. We had spent the past few months side by side, talked so much about so many things and all of a sudden it was over.

My sister arranged a great funeral and now I had to sit down and write my feelings and thoughts, as I was to give one of the eulogies. I sat down and wondered what should I write? And then it just fell on the Computer screen. I had learnt so much, shared so much but some of the things really stood out and I wrote them so easily.

I won’t share the whole eulogy with you however some of the points were so very important I have included and would love to share them with you now.

Eulogy: Lessons I learnt from My Mummy

 The Bible says, “Blessed are the meek, the merciful, those that strive righteousness and they will inherit the earth. It doesn’t say the Rich and famous is says the meek and pure of heart, and that was the first lesson from my Mum in this past three months. In the end all that matters are ….. the things that matter. In the end people don’t care what you know until they know how much you care and one action is less silent but more blessed than the other. You cannot buy these blessings, they cannot be faked and they must be given freely without any reward. Mum did this and was truly blessed and today there are people mourning. Some because they have been touched by mum’s gift and others because they were not. But bless all of you as you will be comforted, use my Mum as a testament of the power of “Down to Top” love, realise that in the end all that matters … are the things that matter and live them.

 In the beginning I spoke with mum like most of us here talk with loved ones each day. I talked in urgency about needing to get going to make business moves, to organise to meet with this person and that person, I called her and said “Sorry Mummy busy going to be late today”. A couple of times I wanted to cancel visiting her so I could make one more email or call, but I soon found? All that really matters? Are the things that matter. I watched mum who cherished every today knowing there would be few tomorrows, and I changed my focus. My mum said many times on our parole days – “Son we worry far too much about tomorrow, it’s a shame death wakes you up to this”. I look around this room and I can count on two hands the amount of people that visited mum these past three months, possibly thinking best tomorrow, tomorrow.

 My mum was a little sad about some of you, but the lesson she wanted to leave you is “Change now” - today is not too late. If you have not said I love you, if you have not given that hug, if you have not sat down and taken time to listen to those close to you, do it today. If you have bitterness or anger or a grudge, get rid of it today, as tomorrow may be too late.

 Mum’s lesson? Don’t feel guilty, do something and do it today. Love, laugh and listen to those that need it and don’t expect it. Let your daily life be a gentle loving breeze to those you love, not your tomorrows become a storm.

 Mum’s lesson to me was that if you’re facing resistance, if you’re facing anger, if you have bitterness it is because you don’t have Love as the greatest of your values.

 Mum made so many friends at ARCARE with Love - no money, no gifts, not empty promises, just Love. When I was stressed and frustrated and angry about many things over these past few months, Mum would simply turn quietly and say “Love them Son” and I did.

 Let us remember the lessons my Mum wanted you all to know. Appreciate the power of being righteous, of loving without reward, of giving the most precious gift you have - your time. Don’t put off that phone call, that visit or that hug or kind word. Give away the bitterness and the anger, don’t hold a grudge, don’t let one moment of anger become a lifelong storm as I know that these are truths.

It was I feel one of the best Speeches I ever gave.

I drove back to an empty house in an empty car with an empty feeling and for days I wondered if I would ever fill that emptiness. I thought a lot about this when I was cleaning out Mum and Dad’s house - over fifty years of memories being ditched into a 40sqm rubbish bin. During the moments of throwing out an unbelievable collection of rubbish including what I think is the largest collection of Tupperware I have ever seen I started to think “Is this what life comes down to” just a bunch of stuff thrown in a bin? Is that the legacy my mum left for her 76 years on this planet?

Then it dawned on me, she left much more than this. My Mum left a huge legacy and it should be shared with as many people as it can be. My Mummy left something that would help me and so many other people.

I made the promise to my Mum that I would have my own comeback, that I would speak again and finally write that book I had always said I would. This Book you are reading is the result, as I had re-learnt so many lessons along the way over the three-month journey with my Mum.

I had the passion of helping people burning again. I truly appreciated my relationships and my own life. I didn’t know it at the time but Mum had rekindled the passion that I had for human potential and development. Many of these life points were lost arriving back in Australia in 2009. I had so many “Gaps” in my life, Children, Relationships, Career, Health, but in the one year after Mum’s passing and remembering the Legacy of the Comeback? My Gaps have been filled with great relationships with my Kids, a successful business, speaking appearances in China and a new home. Yes I had truly moved on and forward in my own Comeback in so many areas but some had so much more meaning than others! You see, Comebacks? Are not always measured with Money. Some of the best Comebacks are measured in smiles.

The Comeback is not a Book that teaches you with worksheets and processes. I wrote earlier I wanted to write the book almost like a chat around a coffee table or sitting on a stool at an old bar. To have the feeling of you and me chatting one on one about life, Love, relationships and I wanted to share with you “The Things that Matter? Are the things that matter.” So here we go, let’s chat and enjoy My Mum’s Gift, Her Legacy -

The Comeback