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INTRODUCTION

ELEPHANT BUCKS

“Elephant Bucks” is what one colleague used to call the big money that we were paid to write and produce TV sitcoms.

And it is big money! The minimum fee for a half-hour TV script is now around $21,000. Those are pretty good wages for a couple of weeks' work. Then there are residuals — the additional money that writers (and actors and directors) are paid every time an episode of a TV series is rerun. Residuals are little unexpected Christmas presents in your mailbox all year long!

But the big, big dough in TV sitcom, the real Elephant Bucks, comes from working on writing staffs and from owning “back-end points” — a share in the syndication profits — on a TV series. Salaries for top sitcom writer/producers can run over a million dollars a year. Back-end points for the creators of hit series can be worth tens of millions, sometimes even hundreds of millions for mega-hits like Friends and Seinfeld. Now those are Elephant Bucks!

HOW DID I GET ELEPHANT BUCKS?

I learned how to consistently write solid, funny sitcom scripts so that I kept getting jobs as a staff writer and producer in Hollywood. With each new job, the little baby bucks grew up into great, big Elephant Bucks!

All of the money that I have earned over the past thirty years has come from writing and producing TV sitcoms (and from some screenplays).

I've worked on staff at eleven different prime time network TV sitcoms. I was a senior producer on Newhart, Coach, and Sabrina, The Teenage Witch. Google my name. Check me out at the Independent Movie Data Base (imdb.com) or in the directory of the Writers Guild of America.

I've been paid to write more than fifty sitcom scripts myself, and I've worked on over three hundred sitcom episodes. I've sold, written, consulted on and/or produced over a dozen TV pilots. I've been a Show Runner — the boss on a sitcom — more than once. I've freelanced for a number of series including M*A*S*H.

HOW DO YOU GET ELEPHANT BUCKS?

You get Elephant Bucks by becoming a successful sitcom writer and producer, just as I did!

How do you make that happen?

First, you learn to write a solid spec sitcom script. Then you write a bunch more. Then you use those spec scripts to make connections in Hollywood and break into the Sitcom Universe. Once inside, you keep your career going by consistently writing funny, delightful scripts and by making a big contribution on sitcom staffs.

Sound easy?

Look, nobody gets a million dollars for something that is a snap to accomplish. Writing for sitcoms may look easy. Critics or your neighbors may watch a sitcom and say, “Anyone could write this stuff.” But you know and I know that it is hard, hard work! All writing is hard. It's hard to create compelling stories. It's hard to come up with interesting dialogue. That's why so few people make a living as a writer.

On the other hand, writing for sitcoms isn't impossible. And it isn't mysterious. You just have to know what you're doing and then do it!

The purpose of this book is to offer you an effective, focused, proven plan to launch and sustain a successful career as a TV sitcom writer — to earn Elephant Bucks.

I know what I'm talking about — because I did it!

IT WORKED FOR ME!

If you talked to ten veteran TV sitcom writers you'd get ten sets of advice on how to break into the Sitcom Universe. My guess is that all of the advice would be extremely valuable. Any pro is going to offer useful guidance.

There are other resources out there to help you learn to write for situation comedy and then break into the business. There are a few other books. There are magazine articles. There are writing classes. There are the sitcoms themselves in first-run on TV, in syndication, and on DVD. You should check out all of these. They will all help you.

I know that my advice works because it worked for me!

SOMETHING YOU'VE ALWAYS DREAMED OF DOING!

If you want desperately to be a sitcom writer, but it all looks daunting and impossible and quixotic or you aren't sure how to get started or whether you should even try, this book will answer your questions and allay your fears.

If you've written spec scripts already, but you didn't know what to do with them once you finished, or you got your spec scripts to some people in Hollywood, but all that came back was spirit-withering rejection, this book will help you improve your work so you can stop spinning your wheels and start making those Elephant Bucks!

But it isn't all about money. Come on. It isn't.

It's about making people laugh and having a wonderful time at what you do. It's about doing something that you've always dreamed of doing!

Oh, and by the way, writing for situation comedy should be fun, even at the beginning, even when you are nervously or naively writing your very first script. It should be fun, and it should be logical! And it is! That may be the most important piece of Inside Information that I can give you: It's fun! And it's logical! And I can show you how to do it!

BREAKING IN

I'll show you how to break into the Sitcom Universe by providing a detailed, Step-By-Step Guide on how to write a solid spec sitcom script that is better than the other guy's.

As I'm sure you already know, the spec script is your calling card, your way to show that you have the talent and the skill to write for situation comedy, and that you're better at it than the next person.

I will tell you how to pick the right sitcom to spec.

I will show you how to come up with the right story idea for your spec script.

I will show you, in detail, the right way to construct a story for a spec sitcom episode.

I will show you how to outline your script in a way that solves your story problems and frees up your imagination so you can concentrate on writing great jokes and funny scenes.

I will show you how to write those great jokes and funny scenes.

STAYING SUCCESSFUL

I will show you how get off to a great start and stay successful as a professional sitcom writer!

I will tell you how to make the connections that you'll need to get your spec scripts read by people in Hollywood who can hire you.

I will tell you how to shine at your first Hollywood pitch meeting.

I will tell you how to succeed with your first sitcom writing assignment.

I will give you the Inside Scoop on what it's like to work on a real sitcom staff.

I will impart the skinny on agents and executives.

I'll list some resources you can use to hone your skills.

HOW DO I KNOW THAT YOU'LL BE SUCCESSFUL?

Just as there's a path to the major leagues in baseball, there's a path to Elephant Bucks in situation comedy. Everyone has to go down that same path, whether they end up creating the next Two and a Half Men or come in once a week to pitch jokes on My Name Is Earl.

I can show you the path.

You're going to need three things to become a successful TV sitcom writer: Talent, Determination, and a Lucky Break.

Talent is a gift from a Higher Power or from funny Uncle Buzz. You can't will talent into being. I would love to pitch for the Los Angeles Dodgers, but I don't bring high heat at 95 mph. Fortunately, I had some comedy chops to fall back on. Let's assume that you do, too.

Determination is something you can control. You can make a choice to learn the rules of situation comedy writing, and then write until your fingers bleed. In a ten-round bout between talent and determination, I'll put my money on determination every time. I've known extremely talented people, truly gifted people, who never did anything with their gifts because they had no determination. Maybe what held them back were jittery nerves, low self-esteem or ADD. Whatever the reasons, because they lacked determination their talent stayed locked in the guest room. It never got out and won an Emmy. On the other hand, I've known some very modestly talented people (very modestly talented) who worked their butts off — and probably kissed quite a few butts along the way — and ended up living in Beverly Hills. Determination, if you have it, will more than compensate for shortcomings in your talent.

If you're motivated enough to buy and read an entire book about sitcom writing, that's a sign of determination. I assume that you haven't gotten the bug to be a sitcom writer just because you enjoyed one episode of Sex and the City. You love sitcom, you've loved it for a long time, you've dreamed of seeing your name on the TV screen. You're ready to put in the time and energy necessary to make your dream come true, but you aren't sure what to do first.

You're in the same spot that I was in when I was starting out. You're no worse off, believe me. If you've got the determination to follow the advice in this book, and do the work that you need to do, then you have a real shot at making it the same way that I did!

This may sound crazy, but getting your Lucky Break is where I can help you the most. A book can't inject you with talent. Oh, that it could…. Imagine the money I'd make with this little tome if it could magically turn you into Larry David! A book can't fill you with determination either. The right guidance and encouragement might goose you along a little, but real day-to-day determination is an asset that you have to bring to the table yourself. But the advice in this book, along with your talent and your determination, can lead you to your Lucky Break!

There are specific steps that you can take to make your Lucky Break happen. You can be ready with the skill and the goods when Opportunity comes knocking. You can move yourself toward Opportunity by following my advice and doing the work that I tell you to do!

WHAT YOU NEED RIGHT NOW!

You don't need a history of situation comedy. You know all about I Love Lucy, The Honeymooners and The Cosby Show.

You don't need pages and pages of comedy theory, either. Yikes! Nothing ruins a joke like trying to analyze it.

What you need is a Step-By-Step Guide on how to get your career started and then keep it going!

That's just what you are holding in your hands right now!

Shall we get you started writing some solid spec sitcom scripts?

Shall we figure out how to get those scripts to people in Hollywood who can hire you? Shall we work together to launch you on a long and lucrative writing career?

Elephant Bucks, anyone?