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CHAPTER 1

THOSE AMAZINGSPEC SCRIPTS

My first Lucky Break happened because Larry Thor died. Larry was my favorite screenwriting professor at UCLA. I loved the man, but he passed away in the middle of my first year at grad school. I didn't even know who graded the screenplay that I turned in for Larry's class. When Spring Quarter started, I signed up for a writing course taught by a visiting Big-Shot Screenwriter: I figured, okay, maybe Larry's death is a blessing in disguise. Maybe I can finally make a Hollywood connection through the Big- Shot Screenwriter: On the first day of class, the Big-Shot Screenwriter informed his prospective students that he didn't teach comedy “Didn't teach comedy??!!” He told us that he didn't respect comedy, knew nothing about it, and wouldn't accept any comedy scripts. This guy wrote heavy drama. I don't think he had ever actually smiled. He said he was going to make us tear open our guts and write something really dramatic, personal, and painful. I was twenty-three years old, trying to make it in show business, not succeeding, thinking I was tossing my entire future away on a foolish fantasy and strongly considering law school. I was in enough pain already! So I left. Now I was way up the creek with nothing resembling a paddle. A graduate screenwriting course was eight units! That was two-thirds of my load! And I didn't have a writing class to go to! I took four hundred Tums and stopped by Bill Froug's class. Bill Froug was the most feared screenwriting teacher at UCLA, and I'd been judiciously avoiding him all year. He was imposing, smart, and blunt — even scarier than the comedy-hating Big- Shot Screenwriter. At first, Bill wasn't going to accept me into his class. He already had his students selected. But Bill turned out to be the teacher who had graded all of the screenplays for Larry Thor's class. Bill loved my script, “Mr. Perfect.” I was suddenly very glad that I'd finished that screenplay and turned it in! Bill took me back to his office to discuss my future. I confessed that what I really wanted to write was sitcom, which in those days was heresy at the prestigious UCLA Film School, la dee dah. I hadn't realized it when I was hiding from Bill, but he was a working TV writer himself! He asked if I had any spec sitcom scripts to show him. Here was my first Lucky Break! I'd written about six spec sitcom scripts by then. I had a portfolio of spec scripts at the ready when Opportunity came knocking! Bill read and returned my scripts with brutal notes. Brutal. But I swallowed hard and rewrote. More notes. Just as brutal. More spec scripts. Finally, Bill liked a few of my spec scripts enough to show them around Hollywood. Six months went by. Nothing. I felt panic, despair; and the looming specter of law school. And then, one day in late October the phone rang. It was Bill Idelson, a veteran TV writer. He was working on a new sitcom. Bill Froug had given him my spec scripts. Could I come over to his office at NBC right now? My second Lucky Break! All because of those amazing spec scripts!

WHAT'S A SPEC SCRIPT, ANYWAY?

Just for the record, a “spec script” means a script written on speculation. In other words, you're writing an episode of Two and a Half Men, but no one asked you to write it, and certainly no one is paying you. You're writing this script on your own, “on spec,” to learn how to do it right, to avoid going to law school, and to hopefully use that spec script as a calling card, a sample of your ability that someone who is already working in television will read, and like, and because they like it, will decide to give you a job.

A spec script is like a spec house. A developer puts his time and money into building a new home, speculating that when the structure is completed someone will want to buy it, and he'll get back his investment plus turn a modest profit in the bargain. A spec script is the same idea. The only cost to you is your time and the paper the script is printed on. And if you write a wonderful spec sitcom script, your very modest investment could turn into an entire career as a sitcom writer. Pachyderm dollars!

THE SHORTEST ROUTE TO GETTING YOUR LUCKY BREAK!

Compiling a portfolio of solid spec scripts that you can show to people in Hollywood is the method that almost every aspiring writer uses to break into television or the movies.

Writing spec scripts is the shortest route to getting your Lucky Break!

When I was producing TV sitcoms, we hired new writers only after we had read their spec scripts. Most of the scripts were submitted by agencies like CAA, ICM and William Morris. (I'll talk about agents later. Let's concern ourselves with writing now.) A few scripts were “thrown over the transom.” They were mailed in unsolicited by writers who didn't have representation. This is not a good idea because these scripts rarely get read. Other spec scripts were handed to us by someone we knew who believed in a promising new kid. (What Bill Froug did for me!)

There are all kinds of ways to get someone who can hire you to read your script. I'll give you advice on that later in the book.

But first you have to WRITE THE SCRIPT!

As I said, I started writing spec sitcom scripts in college, on my own time because UCLA wouldn't teach TV writing. I also joined a writers' group that met on Thursday nights. I think I was the only one in the group who was writing sitcoms. But I'd write my spec scripts and read them out loud to the group and get some laughs and some criticism. Getting positive and negative feedback from my peers and from my professors helped me correct my mistakes and build my confidence. I started to believe that I could really make it as a sitcom writer.

I think I wrote a dozen spec scripts for various shows. That's right, twelve of them at least. Those are the ones I finished. Who knows how many I threw away? Maybe I wasn't the world's fastest learner, but I kept at it because I very much wanted a career as a sitcom writer, and how else was I going to get my Lucky Break?

Today it's pretty easy to find a sitcom writing class. If there's a college in your area that offers film courses, there's a decent chance that someone is teaching TV writing. Depending on how far you are from Los Angeles or New York, you may not find a writing teacher who has actually written for TV, but that's okay. The important thing is to start writing. If someone fills your head with a lot of misinformation, you now have this book to set you straight.

If there's a TV writing course at your local community college or university extension, take it. What can it hurt? Maybe the teacher has never been any closer to Hollywood than you have, but if he or she knows anything at all about how to construct a story and write dialogue — and if someone is teaching a writing class, they better know all this stuff really well — he or she can probably help you cobble together a spec script. (You can help the teacher by giving him or her a copy of this book.)

If you find that you are by far the best writer in your writing class…In fact, if your teacher says that you are the most talented pupil he or she has ever taught. If your classmates are blown away by how good your stuff is. If peers keep taking you aside and saying, “Man, you ought to go for this. You're great!”. Then go for it! That's what I did!

Writing spec scripts is the best way to demonstrate to people in Hollywood that you have the talent and the skill they are looking for.

It's the shortest route to getting your Lucky Break!

THE JOY OF KNOWING WHAT YOU'RE DOING!

If you've already written for a sketch show like Saturday Night Live, or you've sold a screenplay, or your father is the president of CBS, you might get a job as a sitcom writer without ever writing a spec episode. But then what?

Let's say that, based on your brilliant work as a sketch writer at MAD TV, or because of a very witty play you have running in the East Village, or because your mother's cousin runs Paramount Studios, you get hired to write a freelance episode of Two and a Half Men or you land a story editor job at My Name Is Earl. You've never written an episode of a sitcom in your life, but now you have to write one for real, and you have to write it today!

Are you going to be ready? Are you going to know what you're doing?

A friend of mine was plucked from a graduate playwriting program at a famous university and given a staff job on a sitcom in Los Angeles. TV producers or executives will do this occasionally. They want a fresh voice, so they'll hire a writer from a different medium and stick them on a sitcom. This award-winning playwright had never written a sitcom script in his life. I remember his first few weeks in the business. He didn't say much in the writers' room because he didn't have any experience with sitcom. The Show Runner got impatient with him. It wasn't his fault! The guy was a playwright, for Heaven's sake! Now, this person is very smart and very talented, and eventually had a successful career as a TV writer and producer. But he got off to a rocky start!

These days nobody can afford to get off to a rocky start. There are too many writers and not enough shows. You have to hit the ground running.

Sitcom staffs are not training grounds. No producer has time to teach you how to write for sitcom. He or she is too busy trying to keep the show on the air. So whether you have some professional experience or not, writing some spec sitcom scripts is worth your time. It provides you with the joy of knowing what you're doing!

ONE-TRICK PONY

When I was producing Coach for ABC, we hired two young neophytes based on a stupendous spec Cheers that they had written. Well, we found out later that they had been rewriting that Cheers for two years! We gave them two weeks to write their episode of Coach. The Coach script that they delivered was something less than stupendous. These guys were one-trick ponies. All they had in them was that one great Cheers. They never got another shot with us.

Writing a number of spec scripts for different sitcoms gives you the confidence and experience you'll need when your Lucky Break arrives. You won't be branded as a one-trick pony!

“WHAT ELSE HAVE YOU GOT?”

Let's say, just for argument, that you have written a fantastic spec episode of According to Jim. Let's also say that you already have an agent, Lance Lexus, at ICM. Let's say that Lance is so full of confidence in you that he places a call to the producer of the brand new NBC sitcom, Fly Me to the Moon. Lance sells his brains out hawking you to this producer. The producer says, “Okay. Send me over something to read.” And Lance says, “Great! She's got this fall-down-on-the-floor hilarious According to Jim that everyone here at ICM is just blowing their minds about and.” The producer cuts Lance off right there and says, “Nah. Don't send me a ‘Jim.' It's a good show, but I never watch it,” or “I've read a million of those already. What else have you got?”

If Lance gulps and says, “Well…um…nothing,” then the call is over and your opportunity is lost. Your Lucky Break is blown!

Many producers will want to read more than one spec script before they hire you. They don't want to get burned by a one-trick pony. Producers have different likes and dislikes. You never know which spec script is going to thrill them. The more choices you offer to a producer, the greater your chances of having your stuff read. Having your stuff read is the key to getting your Lucky Break!

When they ask, “What else have you got?” you say, “These five other great scripts right here!”

READY TO ROLL!

Compiling a portfolio of solid spec scripts gets you ready to roll! You've gathered experience and gained confidence from writing spec scripts for different types of sitcoms, and you have choices to offer when a producer asks, “What else have you got?”

My spec scripts got me my initial job in Hollywood. The first producer who hired me read more than one of my spec scripts before he gave me the job. My solid spec sitcom scripts also gave me a strong foundation of writing experience so that I could start contributing on the first day. I avoided a rocky start AND I knew what I was doing when it came time to write my first professional script. But guess what? Landing my first job wasn't the end of my spec scripts. My solid spec scripts also got me my second job, my third job, and my FOURTH job!

You know why?

CALLING CARDS THAT KEEP ON CALLING!

My first job as a sitcom writer was on a series that got cancelled very quickly. I was literally only there for a few weeks. Like most new sitcoms, this series didn't quite work. When we went on the air, the initial ratings were lousy, and the network pulled the plug after only eight episodes. In fact, this series got cancelled while we were actually shooting a show. I'd been in the business for less than three months, and already I was out of work!

I wrote only one script for that series. I was very lucky to get that one script. But was I going to be able to use that one script to get my second job? As it turned out, I wasn't. I was to discover that my very first professional script was worthless in terms of advancing my embryonic career. Producers on other shows weren't interested in reading it because the series had been cancelled so quickly. So to get me my second job, my newly acquired agent sent out my college spec scripts, the same ones that I used to get the first job.

It was those same solid spec scripts that got me my second job!

Then guess what?

The second job didn't last very long either. The producer who hired me for my second job had a huge fight with the executive producer and quit on my first day at work. I'm not kidding! I was working with this producer on a story idea on my first morning there. The producer walked into the executive producer's office to ask a question. The producer and the executive producer got into a huge argument that I could hear through the walls. After about ten minutes of yelling, the producer came back, cleaned out his desk and left. The now former producer was the guy who believed in me, and he was walking out the door before anyone had even given me an office or a desk. The production company shut the show down for a few days and brought in new producers. The new producers didn't know me. They hadn't hired me. They were under the gun because the series was now way behind schedule. The new producers hunkered down in their offices and wrote most of the episodes themselves. After a few weeks I was gone. I was out of work for the second time, and I hadn't even been in the business for six months!

To get me my third job, my agent once again sent out those same spec scripts, the ones I had written while I was at UCLA.

I got my THIRD job from my original portfolio of solid spec scripts! Then guess what? (See about comedy writing? The joke is often in the repetition.)

The third series that I worked on also got cancelled right away!

So what did my agent do to keep me working? Right! He sent out that same portfolio of spec scripts. And guess what? I got my FOURTH job off of those spec scripts, just as I'd gotten the other three!

A PORTFOLIO OF SOLID SPEC SCRIPTS

Whether you're a new writer trying to break in, or an experienced writer making the transition to situation comedy, a portfolio of solid spec scripts is the best way to hasten your Lucky Break and avoid a rocky start. One of your solid spec scripts will get you your first job as a sitcom writer. The experience that you gain from assembling your portfolio of solid spec scripts will prepare you for success with your first professional assignment and with your first job on a writing staff. Your portfolio of solid spec scripts may also help you to get additional jobs after your first assignment.

CHAPTER RECAP — THE ELEPHANT REMEMBERS

It's hard enough to write one spec script, and here I am telling you to write four or ten! I know. It sounds like a ton of work. Well, it is. It helps if you're a little obsessed, so I hope you are. Writing a whole stack of spec scripts is going to pay off for you in the long run, though. Honest.

A good spec script is going to get you your first job as a sitcom writer.

A stack of spec scripts gives producers more ways to love you.

You may need those spec scripts to land your second job and your third one, so the more you've got in the drawer the better.

Making it in show biz is all about being able to deliver the goods when Opportunity knocks. If you spend time writing spec scripts now, you will gain the skill and confidence you'll badly need on your first day of real show business.

I had big fun writing most of my spec scripts. I was able to write my favorite characters. I was able to create my fantasy episode of my favorite show. Think of writing spec scripts as TV Sitcom Fantasy Camp! And you don't have to pay to get in!

YOUR “TO DO” LIST

Get and read as many professional sitcom scripts as you can find:

1) If you've got some extra cash, I'd send away to Planet MegaMall for some sample scripts of your favorite shows.

2) If you're at a college, you may be able to get your hands on some sitcom scripts for free.

3) Don't worry yet about making any notes. Just read scripts for pleasure. Get a feel for how a sitcom script sounds in your head. It's different to read a script than to watch an episode. Reading puts you one step closer to writing.

4) Look beyond the jokes on the page. See how professional writers handle stage directions. Think about the stories that are being told.

5) Pay special attention to the Act Break — the cliffhanger moment at the end of Act One. Notice how everything in Act One builds toward this moment. Notice how everything in Act Two is a reaction to this moment.