Читать книгу All About Me: Loving a narcissist - Simon Crompton - Страница 14

So are we just talking about old-fashioned selfishness? The case of Andrew certainly sounds like selfishness. And if narcissism is such an important character trait, then why has the word only come into widespread use recently? Didn’t people used to be referred to as just ‘selfish’ instead, and cause exactly the same problems in relationships as narcissists? We all know about selfish lovers, unable to think of the gratification of their partner but only of their own.

It’s a legitimate point, because it raises the whole question of whether our attitude to words like ‘narcissism’ partly depends on whether we live in times when imposing the self is something that’s applauded or frowned upon by society – something that we’ll be looking at in much more detail in Chapter 6. In today’s individualistic age, the word ‘selfishness’ is disappearing, because looking after the self, rather than looking after society, is often expected of us. Perhaps ‘narcissism’ is taking its place, because we’re more interested in personal psychology and diagnostic labels than society.

But narcissism is more than selfishness. It’s a particular form of selfishness that requires the attention of others to feed it – almost like human oxygen. Selfishness implies a wilful imposition of self, but narcissism is more of an involuntary imposition – because it’s a manifestation of personality, not will. Narcissists really can’t help being self-centred. They are simply unable to empathise with others.