Читать книгу Summary: Thanks for the Feedback. The Science and Art of Receiving Feedback Well. Douglas Stone, Sheila Heen - Smart Reading, Ольга Ганкова - Страница 4

When truth triggers are activated, our first response to feedback is outrage: "That’s not true!" As described above, such comments seem to us unfair, offensive, and inappropriate. To avoid falling into this trap, you need to learn to distinguish between the various types of feedback.

Truth triggers are activated because:

Feedback types are mixed. All types of feedback are needed, however each of them works separately. If you decide to express gratitude to someone, you should not give advice at the same time – this will devalue your appreciation. If in your organization formal assessments are customary, do not conduct them during a coaching session – the assessment should come first. It is important for us to know what our status is, only then are we ready to receive instruction.

When a student receives a paper back from a teacher, he first of all looks at the grades and only then reads the teacher’s comments.

People don’t get the feedback they expected. Whether or not the feedback will work depends on whether the intentions of the feedback giver and the receiver coincide.

A father teaches twin sisters to play baseball. He shows the girls how to hold the bat and how to throw a baseball. One of the girls is delighted and tries to do as her father shows her. The other is angry that her father corrects her. The problem is that one perceives what is happening as coaching and learns from it, while the second girl feels that she is being evaluated. The father is demonstrating how to do it better, but she perceives his instructions as proof that she is doing poorly.

The same facts are interpreted in different ways. When we talk about something, we know exactly what we mean; we are keeping a vivid image in our head. But the person on the other end hears only the words, but he does not see the image.

The boss tells an employee that for the second year in a row the latter has received four points out of five on his performance review. He knows that no one gets a five, a four is rare, two fours in a row is a wonderful achievement! The worker hears: "Again, only a four. No progress."

Feedback is articulated in broad terms. It can be too vague, and such remarks are annoying and do not give an understanding of what the actual problem is.

Irving, a public defender lawyer, tells newly hired Holly that she is too emotionally involved in her clients’ cases. Holly categorically disagrees that this is bad: from her point of view, a human attitude is exactly what clients who find themselves in difficult life situations need. However, Irving, while pointing Holly’s excessive emotional involvement, was not at all asking her to act coldly or aloofly towards her clients. He simply noticed that she indulges clients too much, even lending them money. He himself has been through this and knows that such a relationship can be harmful to both parties.