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Chapter Two

MAKING THE CHOICE TO FIGHT

Ever found yourself in a situation where others had gained the upper hand dealing with you? You were strategically at a disadvantage. They may have been physically superior; they were bigger, better trained, or holding deadlier weapons. Their tactics may have been superior; they had a plan to confuse you or hook your emotions. They may have held a psychological advantage; they commanded fear based on reputation or a fierce and crazy spirit ready for conflict, or they hid behind some disguise of weakness to get you to drop your guard.

You felt trapped. Initially, you did not recognize the need to take command of the situation, and then it was too late to get away. With escape now impossible, you were forced into action with only two choices. One possibility was to give in and let them take what they wanted. Such a choice is called submitting. The other possibility was to move to stop them from succeeding in their assault. That choice is called fighting.

Why fight when winning is not important?

Fighting is not the only way to respond to attackers, of course. You do not have to beat everyone who wants to fight. Some confrontations have no compelling power over you, and submitting has no cost because you perceive no threat of loss. A guy rants insultingly about a team you do not know in a sport you do not follow. So what? A driver cuts you off for the last parking space near the mall entrance as you drive around to the rear package pickup door. So what? An office sneak plots to cheat you out of your job as you finalize plans for early retirement in a new dream home. So what?

Why fight in such cases where animosity directed against you has no effect on the quality of your day? There is no point in resisting hostility just for the sake of resisting. There is no need to bark back at barking dogs. Compulsive competitive retaliation for the sole purpose of defeating someone else regardless of the prize is a pathetic form of neurotic behavior.

There are as well non-resisting ways to avoid the harm of directly hostile people. Walk away from the loudmouths. Let the guy butt into line. Ignore the one pumping his obscene hand gesture at you in traffic. You are morally bigger than they are. Your life is better than theirs. You can graciously give a break to an occasional low-life clod.

Though non-resistance can be a viable way to handle aggression from others, you will eventually reach a limit as to how far you can go without having to take a stand on something. It is also true that non-resistance to hostility against you will have a price, even if it is only a subtle psychic cost. When antagonism would indeed affect your life, something of importance must always be given up for non-resistance to do the job of returning life to a peaceful condition.

What about those situations where you can not afford to give away what is demanded? What about times you do not dare give another control over your resources? What about when you cannot tolerate a bully victimizing your child? What about when you cannot let your body be savaged by an abuser?

A fight is actively resisting hostile actions directed against you.

There are times when non-resistance is neither possible nor acceptable. You may be compelled to stop an unbearable assault. Passive responses must be ruled out in a reasonable discussion of coping with truly intolerable aggression. The intolerable nature of such abuse will prompt a natural desire to fight the destructive consequences of your assailant’s intentions. You know you will not survive if this person gains control over you. Life will be lessened irreparably. You have to resist. You have to fight. You have to take direct action to counter the damaging potential of the hostility aimed at you.

How do you learn to handle assaults in those times when reasoning, running, hiding, or giving in are not acceptable responses to the threat? How do you develop the capacity to stand firm when the price of non-resistance is too dear to pay for peace? You need to practice how to go into action effectively when you are forced into conflict by everything that constitutes your values, your ideals, your sense of responsibility, your duty, and your very survival.

Prepare for attacks in different forms from different approaches

Body Attack – Obviously, you can be attacked physically. One or more people or animals can come at you with the intention to impair, harm, or kill you. A physical attack and its resultant resistance is probably what most of us call “fighting” in the popular sense of the word.

Mind Attack – You can be attacked mentally. Through spoken or written or even implied words, people can attack you with intention to impede or diminish you, or drive you into some form of submission. A mental attack and its resultant verbalized resistance is what we call “arguing.”

Spirit Attack – You can be attacked on the essential or spiritual level. By means of deception, disguised subtle aggression, and unstated or denied challenges, people can come at you with the intention to reduce or eliminate your influence, take control of your options, or cause you to work unknowingly for their best interests against your own. A spirit attack and its resultant inner turmoil is what we call “psychological warfare,” or a “battle of wits.”

A truly determined antagonist knows that any of the three body-mind-spirit factors can be combined to make it even more difficult for you to respond directly and effectively. Experienced aggressors attack with startling suddenness from the foggy edges of your distracted perception or diverted preparation. Deception has always been a primary tool of invaders throughout the ages.

Constant harping arguments over minor things could be a ruse to wear down your will; the point or topic of the argument does not matter at all if the final effect is you giving up your stand.

Frustrating hassles that drain the strength of your intention could be a set-up for physical attack; you are more accessible as a target if you are distracted from sensing the assault coming.

Physical abuse—anything from overloading you at work to actual blows to your body—could be a way to defeat the power of your mind; it is hard for superior philosophy to triumph when you are desperately struggling for physical survival.

The most dangerous adversaries will come at you from all three angles at once. The most cunning aggressor will put you in position to be physically overwhelmed while mentally confused while questioning at your core just what is your rightful role as the situation sweeps you along.

If you know how to recognize the tactics of experienced aggressors, you can scientifically avoid being drawn into their areas of power over you. You can then strategically move the conflict into your own area of power and security, and watch them retreat or go down:

You can force a physically superior attacker to operate on the level of mental strategy

You can force a devious workplace conniver to compete in the realm of verifiable physical results

You can force the will-sapping “energy vampire” to struggle with you cheerfully ignoring their covert aggression.

The most sensible counsel or shrewdest advice is to avoid going face to face and toe to toe with skillful adversaries in their own realms of power. Do not get tricked into trading punches with a professional fighter. Do not get conned into chess matches with chess champions. Do not get fooled into popularity contests with people who have no principles when it comes to seducing the masses. Get the chess champ into the boxing ring. Trick the cage fighter into a TV debate. Force the office schemer into a sales contest to determine who wins the promotion.

It is important to acknowledge that if you are not in a refereed contest of fighting skills or a structured play of martial techniques as art performance, there are no consensual rules to protect you. Conversely, in street self protection situations, though there are no rules to limit you, there are laws that govern applicability of your self-defense actions. You are compelled to draw on everything you can summon to put you in the position of advantage. Make the adversaries have to change and adapt to your dictates. Make it hard for them to make it hard on you. You do not have to fight them on their terms.