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The first step in cultivating positive relationships is getting to know your people. Right away, we are giving you a simple, practical tool that will help you rapidly build positive relationships with people you have just met. It will also help you improve relationships with people you already know. The tool, called “Focus On You®,” consists of the following six questions.

Focus on You

1. What name do you prefer to be called?

2. If you boil it all down to a few words, what do you really get paid to do?

3. What are your positive hot buttons – your interests in and out of work that are instant conversation starters?

4. Tell us about two successes you have had, one professional and one personal.

5. What do you do best – in and out of work?

6. Tell us about two goals you have, one professional and one personal.

To use this tool with one or more people, hand out a blank copy of the Focus On You Worksheet to everyone and explain the six questions. Give everyone (including yourself) a few minutes to make notes on their own responses to the six questions in the boxes provided. Take turns allowing each person (including yourself) to share their answers to all the questions, without interruption. Then invite follow-up questions. Each person should take three to five minutes. Take notes on what everyone says. These notes are worth keeping and referring back to later. We have provided an example that includes Kim's notes on her own answers and her notes on Larry's answers to the six questions. You can find printable Focus On You worksheets on our website at ManageToMakeADifference.com.

Figure 2.1

Focus On You works one-on-one or in groups. You must do this in person, face to face, and you must always answer the questions yourself. The point of Focus On You is for everyone involved to learn a few things about everyone else.

Experiment: Conduct Focus On You

1. Conduct Focus On You with your current direct reports. Take notes on what they say.

2. Highlight in your notes everything new you learned about each person.

3. Conduct Focus On You with every new hire on your team within their first two days on the job. Remember that you must answer the questions, too.

4. After you have completed steps 1 through 3, answer this question: How has this made a difference?

Note: You can also do Focus On You with significant others or friends. Hal, a seminar participant and senior vice president for a large manufacturing company, did Focus On You with his family. He found out he was calling his daughter, Melissa, by the wrong name. She preferred Missy. Focus On You was only a small portion of the seminar he attended, but Hal insisted that outcome with his daughter, on its own, was worth every penny he paid for the seminar.