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CHAPTER

TWO

Baby

BIRTH TO ONE YEAR

Becoming a first-time parent is one of life’s great, stirring experiences, and the first toys for your precious new baby are very special. Most “ladies-in-waiting” and papas-to-be enjoy shopping, looking for ways to set up and decorate the baby’s area, and planning the playthings to buy the new infant. It’s often hard to be practical about these purchases. Many of us, in the thrill of brand-new parenthood, tend to overdo the number, suitability, even the size of things we buy beforehand.

When Tom and Arlene learned they were to have a baby, Tom wanted to celebrate immediately. He rushed to the nearest toy store and purchased what he wanted most, a large set of LEGO blocks, something he had never gotten to play with as a child. Actually, the time he took to use the new LEGOS relaxed and satisfied his own unmet childhood needs. From the set, he created a large animal to decorate his baby’s room and proudly installed it on a shelf.

Although it was a while before Annie, his two-year-old daughter, got to play with her first starter set of DUPLOS; her daddy had lots of fun with his own set. Over the two years after Annie’s birth, Tom and Arlene learned to shop more selectively. They have made wise purchases of toys that can be used also by their second child, whom they expect soon.

It’s a given—grown-ups buy toys for kids, even little babies, with which they themselves would like to play!

You are your baby’s “Play Guide,” so select those first toys carefully and be guided by the baby’s basic abilities and needs. As he grows, these expand and change. Watch him explore, observe his responses, and use the development information in this book to interpret his behavior. Each child is unique, of course, and often acts differently from the “average” as described for his age.

Pay close attention to the age range on toy packages. These will usually serve to guide you on appropriateness. However, you are the final authority on your little one. Do not rush her into activities she is not ready for or, on the other hand, don’t limit her to age ranges she’s obviously beyond. You have been observing her behavior, interacting with her, and have read about how her development relates to the toys you choose for her. Trust yourself.

Baby’s First Big Toy

If you accept that you are the most important “First Big Toy” in your baby’s life, the one special person who will feed, talk to, sing with, stroke, bathe, and play with, and also your baby’s first contact with the world, then you can see how important it is to take good care of yourself physically and emotionally, before, during, and after pregnancy.

Prepare for Baby’s Arrival

Having clear communication between you and your mate will help resolve many of the questions. Before your baby arrives, it is vitally important that you are both prepared with good health, good attitudes, and reasonable expectations.

To prepare for your baby, visit friends and learn what toys, activities, and ideas have worked for them. Start your “Playbook”. Enter notes from your reading, and benefit from the extensive research in child growth and development. New information has led to improved guidelines, more books, excellent toys, and the increased production of carefully tested products.

Make a useful and inexpensive toy or two for your new baby. Easy step-by-step instructions and patterns for creating them are available in good crafts books. Even making but one special toy will be a cheerful project and get you pleasantly through days of waiting. For those of you who have never been into knitting, sewing, or carpentry, you might find that waiting for this new life is a different kind of time.

For example, a simple sock puppet is easy to make, especially for “non-crafty” people, and it will charm your little one for a long time.

For the more experienced (or those determined to become so), consider creating a rag-crocheted doll or teddy bear. A knitted stuffed unicorn or kitten to cuddle will warm baby in many more ways than one, and for more years than you’d expect.

In your Playbook, start a “Baby Gift List”. When people ask what gift to give the newest family member, consult your notes to advise them. Create a record of presents. In one column, list the toy or indicate if a check was received, and record the name of the person who gave the item. You might also wish to include information such as the date you received the gift and date that the thank-you note was sent.

Your thank-you note should always specifically mention the toy and comment on the child’s reaction (favorable, of course). As a particularly thoughtful gesture, why not send along a photograph of your baby, if possible, with the toy (and keep a print for the Playbook, too)? If the gift was money, include a photo of the toy it purchased. The picture will be a special treasure to the gift-giver, and it is a rewarding expression of your appreciation.

Early Shopping for the Baby

Timing is important. Giving something to your infant before she is ready for it will lead only to frustration, disappointment, or boredom. You may want to run right out and start buying a shelf full of dolls as soon as you learn that baby’s on the way, but it’s probably more sensible to purchase a soft, washable, baby-proof bunny rabbit or stuffed teddy bear instead.

Dolls will come later, when your child will most appreciate them.

Your rag doll—the one you made—is different. It is soft and textured, but most of all your smell is woven into it with your own hands and will bring a new baby comfort when you must be away from her crib.

Active, Creative, and Educational Toys for Baby

Three main categories of toys are the basis of your child’s “Smart Play”: toys that keep him active, toys that spur him to create, and toys that educate. Many good toys have qualities that comprise more than one of these categories and do not lend themselves to rigid classification. Your own creativeness can merge these different functions into a toy. Also, it’s not necessary in every case to separate toys into those for girls or boys, as many items satisfy the needs of both.

In this chapter I shall suggest playthings based on the purposes for which the product has been designed. For example, when you are confronted with a dozen choices of well-made rattles manufactured by many different companies, which one do you choose? Use my guidelines, and when you make your selection consider the reasons you want the item, and then observe what happens when the baby takes it, and be influenced in your further choices by his responses.

The most useful guidance I supply is to give you ideas on the best playthings for each age and suggest uses for them, and also to mention a few companies as examples. If I do not list a specific company, it does not mean its toys are not good. It may simply be that I have not yet examined the products closely.

Specific brand-name toys are not predominating in my recommendations. You will instead have a sampling of good ideas in each category with a few suggested manufacturers. Your toy store should be able to supply you with examples in each category. If the specific type you seek is not in stock, it can be ordered for you.

Don’t forget to take lots of pictures during this first year. Photographs taken of your baby and the objects he plays with will bring both of you enjoyment and delight in the future.

Baby Is Ready for Gentle Play

Your baby is born with all of the senses necessary for play. She sees, hears, tastes, touches, and smells. During this period your baby observes, experiments, and begins to master her environment. She absorbs sensations that prepare her for playthings—hearing your voice, hearing laughter and music; feeling shapes and textures like papa’s bead, mama’s nose, brother’s woolly sweater; tasting dad’s linen shirt and mom’s wedding ring; and seeing lamp lights, blanket shadows, movement. She smells her soap, the pine tree outside her window, her mother’s aroma; her father’s jogging sweats, and her brother’s peanut butter snack.

The way you and baby’s family play with her from the very beginning determines how effectively she will play when she’s older. Babies who feel secure and confident reach out for pleasure and stimulation and for positive relationships. Babies who are denied such gentle fun soon withdraw and show signs of fear, lack of confidence, nonresponsiveness, and worse. From the moment of birth, the way a baby is treated affects him for the rest of his life.

The infant picks up basics from his senses. The newborn’s tactile sense and hearing are, for now, the most highly developed, although tasting, smelling, and vision advance swiftly. Therefore, touch the new baby in ways that are pleasant and soothing: give him mild, soothing baths; carry him close; snuggle with him, rock him; sing to him; wrap him in soft, warm blankets; and gently talk and whisper to him.

Studies have proved that breast-feeding brings the mother and her baby closer. In addition to the practical function of providing nutrition and immunities, breastfeeding provides tactile stimulation. Regardless of feeding method—breast or bottle—feeding time is a perfect period for heightened communication between mother and child.

Dr. Toy’s Toy Suggestions for Baby’s First Six Weeks

1. Bath Toys (use one to three)	A
gives tactile stimulation
focuses attention span
works as a distracter so you can bathe him
2. Mobile	E
promotes eye focus;
builds attention span
3. Music Box and Player	A
for auditory stimulation and soothing when fussy, and relaxes you, too
4. Rattle	A
improves sound awareness and attention span;
provides tactile stimulation
5. Stuffed Plush Toys	A C
helps tactile refinement

A ctive	promotes eye-hand coordination, muscle tone, strength
C reative	encourages spontaneity, self-expression
E ducational	challenges thinking, mental growth

Many psychologists, pediatricians and others strongly endorse touch as essential emotional support. Babies that are not touched do not do well mentally or in other ways that are essential for healthy growth.

And so the baby first learns about love and about trust from the primitive responses of her senses. She next sifts these responses into meaning: She does not merely see, she observes; she does not merely hear noise, she differentiates sounds. The first month the infant will be sleeping and eating most of the time. She turns to light and sound sources, but abrupt or loud sounds frighten the baby and should be avoided.

Because the newborn is exceptionally sensitive to sound, if a loud, sharp noise like a door slamming does not startle him, consult a pediatrician about the possibility of a hearing impairment.

The baby has come from a prolonged period in a protected, dark, quiet place into a bright and noisy world. Because her eyes are not able to focus the first few weeks, it is difficult for her to follow moving objects precisely. At first she only detects shades of gray and white. Soon she begins to separate colors and they hold absolute fascination.

Gradually your little one learns to focus his eyes on the designs of the ceiling and walls. As he approaches four and five weeks old, he is more aware of his surroundings; his eyes focus and the objects in his crib become more important.

A colorful mobile, with or without a music box, will attract baby now. She responds to a rattle, to your smiles, and she turns towards sounds. She laughs and makes gurgling sounds. Music will fascinate her (although her attention span is still very short).

By six weeks your infant will stare happily at an object that moves slowly in the wind. He perks up when he hears people, telephones, and doorbells. He looks into mother’s and father’s eyes, and smiles. The baby will move his arms and legs, but cannot grasp or hold on to objects for very long. His eyes are moving, beginning to coordinate, and he can follow a toy moving slowly in front of him.

Your newborn’s favorite position when in bed is lying on her back, with legs drawn up and head turned to the side. During the early months, newborns can best focus on objects about eight to twelve inches from their eyes.

You might introduce pictures to your infant, containing interesting objects such as a face or a flower. A very young baby is most attracted to pictures of simple shapes that contrast sharply against the background. Baby tends to look at the outlines of the shape rather than at the center.

As he grows, he will look more at the center of the picture and notice detail. He will begin to look at very simple pictures for shorter periods of time and concentrate longer on more complex pictures. Talk to him as he looks at each picture, and let your voice and body action, together with your words, tell baby more about the picture.

Attention span is very short in the early months so make these sessions brief—only a few minutes. Your conversations are the most important part of the time together.

1. Bath Toys

Bath time should be a happy, relaxed time and can be more so with the addition of a few simple bath toys. Water play adds a new dimension to tactile experiences. Bath toys—soft, pliable rubber and plastic shapes, like a rubber ducky—are fun. Floating turtles and fish will delight your baby when you squeeze them and surprise her with a blurpy, squirty sound. She’ll love splashing and reaching out to grasp squishy playthings bobbing in the water.

You might use a colorful clean sponge or bath mitt to wash baby, then let her have it to squeeze and play with. The mitt can easily become a little puppet for a few minutes and will make baby laugh if you talk as a puppet character. My daughter used to giggle a lot when I did this and she delighted in the improvised bath mate.

Bath toys also work well when you and baby play on a warm day with water in the backyard. Keep baby in your arms at all times, even in small play pools, and if any water is directed at him, it must only be a very soft splash or extremely gentle spray.

Good bath toys and all of the types of toys presented are made by a variety of companies. Prices range for every type of product.

See Dr. Toy’s Guide www.drtoy.com for specific product suggestions. Also, visit the website for resources to find toys and more information.

2. Mobile

The mobile is a series of objects held together by two crossbars and extended cords that move slowly in the air currents. It provides visual focus for baby during his first months, when the mobile is attached firmly to the crib rail so that he can look up at it. Move it from one side of the crib to the other to offer variety. In the first two months raise the apparatus as baby grows—always keeping it out of reach.

A mobile design in black and white with emphasis on movement and a few simple shapes is appropriate for the first eight weeks, as babies do not see colors clearly but do notice simple structures. You may want to try a variety of mobiles, and alternate them or hang them in separate places around the room.

Baby watches the hanging objects intently at about a foot distance from her (figures of animals, fairy story characters, flowers, small balls, even abstractions). She strengthens her eye focus and learns to concentrate as she follows the movements of the shapes above her.

After two months, look for a mobile with sharp color contrasts. It should still have simple figures that are easy for the baby to watch. It might have a musical attachment. More expensive varieties feature a music box that winds up and plays as the objects move. In this way, baby’s sense of hearing is also augmented. He begins to associate cadence of sound with physical movement—a precursor to a sense of rhythm.

Consider a tape recorder placed on a nearby shelf. As the baby adjusts to sleep, quiet music and the slowly moving mobile will nurture gentle rest. And, when baby awakens, there is something interesting to watch that is calming.

When baby is two months old, give or take, put the mobile at the foot of the crib so she can see it easily but where it is out of harm’s way. For variety, you might trade mobiles with other parents.

Be sure to remove hanging objects from the infant’s grasp when he can sit up and extend his reach because he will pull down a delicate mobile. Instead, you might move it to another part of the room as a decoration. Always check and adjust the mobile’s distance from the baby as he grows, especially when he can turn, reach out, and stand.

3. Music Box and Player

Music is important to the sounds your baby hears. Select a music box and locate a tape recorder as these are good investments for use throughout childhood. Hearing music and listening to stories are great ways for baby to absorb knowledge and sounds, to relax and enjoy auditory stimulation.

You can sing songs and your baby will giggle and appreciate your rendition of Mariah Carey, Celine Dion, Paul Simon, Tony Bennett, Pete Seeger or your favorite recording. Sounds of popular or classical music will delight. Put on Puccini,, Scarlatti, Verdi or Vivaldi, Mozart or Tchaikovsky’s “The Nutcracker Suite.” These offer your offspring early (and, optimally, continuing) exposure to the classics, and a grounding in music appreciation.

4. Rattle

Rattle stimulate auditory awareness, eye-hand coordination, and they get the baby’s attention. Different rattles make a variety of sounds and many have a calming effect. When a baby is irritated, she will be distracted by the soft shaking sound and turn to it. Be sure to keep your baby’s rattles washed and away from heat.

You want to be sure whatever comes close to your baby’s mouth is clean. You do not want the rattle to be damaged. You do have to keep an eye on your child but also on what he plays with.

PLAY POINT

It is best to get baby adjusted to being in a playpen before she starts crawling or it will not work as effectively later on. In the beginning, she should not be in the playpen for other than a very short time, and only if you need to handle some activity that needs your complete attention. Take her out and engage her in another activity before she starts, or at the earliest signs of fussing. Set up the playpen in the room where you will be working if at all possible.

Different rattles offer different sounds for different occasions. When you change your infant, a rattle will occupy and calm her. Take along several with various sounds when you are away from home, at the pediatrician’s, visiting, or traveling. Other rattles will soothe her when she is teething or fussing. By experiment you’ll learn which rattles work best. Call the baby’s name and shake the rattle gently as you talk or sing to her quietly. Don’t overuse it or the baby will lose interest. Rattles provide easy finger exercise and give the baby something easy to grasp.

Some rattles are designed for very young infants; later teething-ring rattles are available for the older child. Rattles may be found in smooth wood; clear, soft plastic; and durable cloth. Some have surprise objects inside to watch for and provide extra visual interest.

Buying a rattle from a company you have researched gives you reasonable assurance that the toy is not defective, will not fall apart, and meets toy-safety standards. Be sure you find a reliable rattle and keep it clean.

5. Stuffed Plush Toys

Soft stuffed toy animals are collected from the time you send out birth announcements to your offspring’s adolescence and beyond. These toys are consistently popular. The baby will probably receive several, which can be displayed easily on shelves; don’t let them clutter the crib. One is adequate as a stimulating, visual plaything Stuffed toy play grows with the baby. At first “teddy” is strictly decorative, but as the child grows he will find comfort in his soft, plush animal. The connection is soothing. He will want to taste him, grasp him, let him fall down, and throw him. As his ability to grasp, hold, and lift objects develops, so does his attachment to teddy.

Soft toys are also a source of communication. Your baby will begin to make sounds to teddy, just as he makes sounds when you are near. Let the new plush friend “speak” with the baby when you first take the toy to him and he will relate more quickly to it.

Soft animals work well on car trips and are convenient to amuse the baby if he gets cranky. When the toy “talks” about the adventures you both share on the trip—the passing sights, the next stop—time will pass quickly for the contented baby.