Читать книгу The Iron Man & The Tin Woman: A Book of Little Sketches of To-Day and To-Morrow - Стивен Ликок - Страница 6

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“My goodness!” said Edward to Angelina as they turned from the crowded street into the little shaded park. “That was a close shave!”

“What?” asked the girl. “I didn’t see.”

“Didn’t you? Why, it was the Inspector of Shoes. I was in such a tearing hurry this morning to get out and join you that I had no time to black my shoes properly. He passed us as close as that! Lucky shave, wasn’t it?”

“Hush,” whispered Angelina, “don’t speak just for a minute. I’m sure that man is watching us; don’t walk so close to me. I have an idea that he must be one of the new Preventive Officers against Premature Courtship.”

“Oh! That’s all right,” laughed Edward, “I have a license.”

“A license!” the girl exclaimed, putting her arm through his. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Well, to tell the truth,” explained Edward, “I only got it properly signed and visa’d yesterday. You see it had been reported that I went to your family’s house three evenings running and so I got a notice from the Visitors’ Department to ask whether I had a proper license. I had of course my general Suitable Acquaintance Tag, and I had paid my Callers’ Tax already, but it had been reported to the department that I’d been three evenings running to a house where there was an unmarried girl, and so of course they sent me a Summons.”

“Dear me!” sighed Angelina, “I suppose it’s wicked to say it, but sometimes it seems terrible to live in this age when everything is so regulated. Did you read that awfully clever novel that came out last week called ‘Wicked Days’ that told all about our great-grandfathers’ time when people used to just do almost as they liked?”

“No, the book was suppressed, you know, immediately. But I heard something of it.”

“It must have been awfully queer. Anybody could go round anywhere and visit any house they liked and actually, just think of it!—go and eat meals in other people’s houses and even in public restaurants without a Sanitary Inspector’s Certificate or anything!”

Edward shook his head. “Sounds a bit dangerous,” he said. “I’m not sure that I’d like it. Suppose, for instance, that somebody had a cold in the head, you might catch it. Or suppose you found yourself eating in a restaurant perhaps only six feet away from a person infected with an inferiority complex, it might get communicated to you.” He shivered.

“Let’s sit down,” said Angelina suddenly. “I want to go on talking, but I don’t feel like walking up and down all the time. Here’s a bench. I wonder if we are allowed to sit on it.”

“I’ve got a Sitting License for two in my pocket,” said Edward, “but I’m hanged if I know whether it’s been stamped.”

He took a little bit of government paper out of his pocket and they both scrutinized it.

“I’m afraid it’s not been stamped, dear,” said Angelina.

“Hush, hush,” said Edward apprehensively, “don’t say anything like that. Surely you know about the new Use-of-Endearing-Terms-in-Public-Places Act! For goodness’ sake, be careful!”

He shivered with renewed apprehension.

“Oh, hang it all, anyway,” said Angelina. “There’s a caretaker; ask him.”

“I can’t,” said Edward. “Don’t you see he’s got a Silence placard on him?”

“Then ask that policeman.”

“Ask the policeman! And get run into court for disturbing the police in the course of their duty! No, thank you!”

“Oh, Edward,” interrupted the girl, “of course we can sit down. Don’t you remember this is Wednesday morning and under the new decisions of the court people may sit in the parks at any time from 10 a.m. to 12 noon on Wednesdays.”

“Oh, come,” said Edward. “Hoorah! let’s sit down. Isn’t it fine to be free like this!”

They both sat on the bench under the trees. Angelina gave a sigh of relief.

“We were talking,” she said, “about how restricted everything is nowadays and I must say I don’t like it. I wonder how it all began.”

“I read a lot of the history of it,” said Edward, “when I was at college. This present Age of Restriction seems to have begun bit by bit; first one thing got regulated and then another. The more people got of it, the more they seemed to want.”

“How stupid!” said Angelina. She reached out and took his hand and then hurriedly dropped it. “Gracious!” she exclaimed, “I nearly forgot again.”

“It’s all right to take my hand. My new license covers it. Here, hold it if you like. You have to hold it palm up and only use one of yours and maintain a mean personal distance of three feet. But if you stick to that, it’s all right.”

Angelina took his hand again. “Go on with what you were saying,” she said, “about this Age of Restriction.”

“It began, I understand,” said the young man, “with the world war and after that it all came along with a rush. Everybody wanted Rules and Regulations for everybody else and everybody got what they wanted.”

“It’s all such a nuisance,” sighed Angelina. But—you were talking about your new license.”

“Yes. I got it made out and signed and counter-signed and visa’d, and it entitles me to the Privilege of Unlimited Courtship. It’s good till the 15th of next month.”

He spoke earnestly, turning towards her and moving to the very verge of the three-foot limit.

Angelina lowered her eyes.

“It entitles me among other things,” the young man went on ardently, “to propose marriage to you—provided, of course, that I comply with the Preliminary Regulations of Proposal of Marriage.”

The girl was still silent.

“I had first to notify the police that I meant to do it. That I have done. I have their consent.”

“I’m so glad,” murmured Angelina.

“Then I had to go before a Stipendiary Magistrate and make oath that I considered your mother fit to live with and that I would comply with the Family Sunday-Dinner Law. It all sounds complicated, but really, Angelina, it was quite simple. The Magistrate was awfully nice about it and passed me on to the Mental Board in less than half an hour.—They decided I did not have Infantile Paralysis, like so many poor chaps whom you see being wheeled out in perambulators every day. Ever so many young men are like that now.”

“I wonder why!” said Angelina reflectively. “They never were in the old days.”

“No,” said Edward, “but they were worse. They were Disobedient Adults. But listen, Angelina, I have the full right to speak to you now and I want to ask you whether (provided your personal certificates are all in order) you will marry me——”

Angelina had raised her eyes and was about to speak when a policeman stepped up to where they sat.

“Sorry, sir,” he said, “I’ll have to ask you and the lady to step across to the police station.” He took out his watch as he spoke.—“It is five minutes after twelve and you’ll have to answer to a charge of Unduly Restraining a Public Bench.”

Edward began to cry.

“Good Heavens!” Angelina exclaimed. “Do fetch a doctor. I’m afraid he’s got an attack of Infantile Paralysis....”

“No, no,” sobbed Edward, “it’s not that. But it means that my proposal was made under illegal circumstances and it’s invalid and I’ll have to get a new license and try somebody else.”

“Fetch a perambulator,” said the girl. “He’s got it!”