Читать книгу Strength - Sue Patton Thoele - Страница 12

My in-a-nutshell definition of completing the mother circle is accepting the mothering you received, no matter its quality, and then becoming your own good mother. My years in private psychotherapy practice affirmed my belief that a troubled relationship with her mother can become a woman's most profound trigger. Because of the intense feelings involved, reaching acceptance for such a relationship often takes a tremendous amount of strength and patience. If your childhood wounds are deep and longstanding, please be kind to yourself and seek professional help. A compassionate and skillful therapist, counselor, or clergy person can help you weather the intense emotional storms that often accompany working through mother issues. From a neutral point of view, a therapist can provide valuable insight and perspective as well as practical tools to help you move toward acceptance.

Steps toward acceptance often include speaking your truth in safe ways and places, understanding Mom better by putting yourself in her shoes, and practicing forgiveness. Although we can't change the past, with healing, intention, and understanding, we can become better mothers to our kids and supportive and loving mothers to ourselves.

If your mother was/is a dear friend and supporter, your main challenge may be accepting the idea of her death. I was blessed to have a strong, loving mother. Even so, I didn't come full circle in our relationship until she was terminally ill and allowed me to really see her. Mother was a great support to me, but I hadn't known she needed my support also. Impending death gave her permission to be vulnerable and authentic with me, and I came to really know her. With that intimate two-way connection, we completed our circle by forgiving the hard parts and openly expressing our love and gratitude to each other for the rest. Of course, that sweet completion makes me miss her even more deeply.