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Genuine happiness is not dependent upon the attention of others

but arises from within oneself as a result of self-sufficiency.

Rudolf Dreikurs

The first chore my toddlers did was to push wet clothes into the dryer after I took them out of the washing machine.

I encouraged them: “Nice job,” “Thanks,” “Here are some more clothes.”

Next, I invited them to join in sorting the mountain of tiny warm socks, and gave more encouragement: “Look at the pile you made.” “You’re a big help.” They found a way to belong to the family and be close to me.

The first job they took responsibility for at about age three or four was to empty the wastebaskets in everyone’s bedroom weekly.

In these simple acts, I affirmed, included, witnessed, accepted and loved them. It set up a positive dynamic and created an expectation they will contribute to our family, and feel good about it.

Including them in doing laundry took extra time and attention. I could have done it myself, faster and better, in a rush to “get it done.” I would have missed an opportunity for them to learn to contribute to the common good.

The basics to establishing a family work environment are the following.

•Start now, no matter the age of your children.

•Appreciate and encourage them.

•The younger the child, the simpler the task, and the more the parent is involved.

•Use family meetings to get the children’s buy-in. They are more likely to do chores of their choosing. See Chapter 6, Family Meetings, a Voice and a Choice.

•Make it fun, if possible. If it’s fun, it will get done.

•Tweens and teens require finesse and flexibility when following through to make sure they do what they promised.

•Most of the chores must be for the common good. Make sure the child is doing more than clearing their own dish or picking up their own toys.

How to teach a child a new skill

You do a task. They watch.

They do it with you.

You do it with them.

They do it independently.