Читать книгу Silver - Susie Harris - Страница 3

I am old: not in a way that you would understand. Your human mind could not comprehend the extent of my lifetime. It is beyond the description of Ancient. I have existed in one form or another for what seems like a millennium and perhaps is. Oh I could work it out in human years, and relatively quickly. But after all of this time years no longer matter.

My sacred name is no longer spoken. I have been known by so many names; Ishtar, Hathor, Shiva, Shakti, Ixchel…the list goes on. Each one creating images in my mind of long forgotten passages of time. Each one has its own story to tell and perhaps someday I will put some of it down on paper. But for now I must deal with what is it hand.

Only 45 years ago I made a decision to take on human form. Not many of us ever do this. It is hard to contain our force in such a weak form. Let alone to live with the loss of power or to try and contain this power in such a delicate, fragile human form. The decision was not made lightly. I pondered it for some time; which in our true form is unusual in itself. My careful nature and constant thought has driven my friends and family to utter madness at times. Humankind just does not understand how wonderful your lives truly are. My father made a perfect creation.

Anu, Ra, Yahweh names that intertwine with the images of time. I fear now he has long left this world. But it comforts me to believe that he may be still watching. Even I fell in love with his creation. You captivated me so much so that I took this step to enter humanity. I just wanted to feel, taste, and experience life as a human. The pain the euphoria, it is difficult to find words to explain.

Oh in our true form, we feel and taste but just not the same way. We are strong powerful almost invincible and very old. We have seen and done so much it taints our perception of life.

I said almost invincible as so many of us are now learning we are not. We believed it was only the flaming swords that could extinguish our life force and there are so few of these swords left...the last they were called to be used was during the fall. We do not fear much and even the sword would not concern the majority, as we believe in fate absolute. No questions asked...or at least that was one of our directives.

Fear is what makes human life so intense. Humanity runs on fear. It brings such wild strong emotions that flow even to the soul changing its form, strengthening it or even weakening it.

The soul, my father, gave you that. It is what has caused all of this to go out of control. I know if he had not included that in his creation. The paths of so many would have changed and perhaps for the better.

The soul is the key. It always has been and I finally understand that.

I wish I could talk with him again after all of those long confusing conversations. I understand. You gave your creation the ultimate gift. Eternal Life! Not as we understood it but something that we could not quite grasp. Their lifespan is so short in their human form but their souls. Their souls are what we all have been searching for.

It’s funny that after all my careful planning and thought to become human; that did not once occur to me. Yet now it is the reason I go on. It is the belief that if I die in this form, my soul will go on. It is why Enlil or Satan as he is known by most of humanity now, fought so hard against this and why he continues to test us now.

See when Enlil rose against him he cut him off from the source. Leaving him unable to take the steps I have and I believe now given the opportunity he would.

To live life as a human, I had to encapsulate my entity. Carefully extracting just my life essence. Leaving me helpless without memory of myself and no access to my powers given to me by Father or the source. This took an immense elemental force and careful precision. I had to leave myself with just enough force to enter my essence into an embryo I had chosen and to keep those cells alive while the capsule was solidified. The capsule was timed and should have opened in sections starting around my 21st birthday. Slowly leaking knowledge and power into my human self. If my calculations were correct I believed I should be able to contain the power by then but if not I left instructions on how to encapsulate power in other forms until needed. I also left directions on how to split my entity to be able to become myself without hurting the human part of me. I thought I had planned for everything...but as you humans say the best laid plans of mice and men...

I entered a newly created human embryo before a soul was placed, making sure that the legions were not alerted to the change. By encapsulating my entity I would essentially disappear to all my brothers and sisters and any other friend or foe would be unable to trace me. But I didn't want my energy signature to disappear so close to my human parents, so Loki had been asking me for a few millennia to borrow my strength to visit Nibiru. Very few of us have the strength to travel that far and although Loki has been with us since near the beginning of time. He has always been a trickster and has been constantly drained by the council to control his mischief. Not that I believe anyone will truly ever be able to control him. So I gave him a lot of my power as much as I could spare considering the spell I was casting but it was more than I was using. This would mean when such a large amount of my energy left no-one would be suspicious as time had gone on I had essentially stopped using almost all of my powers. So they had become very strong, when not used our energies just keep stockpiling.

It is ironic looking back on this now as it was Loki who created my fascination with humanity. He loved humans and spent most of his time around them. He always told me he preferred their company to ours. I never really understood what attracted him so much. Oh I loved humans but as all of us do as a caretaker of children watching and solving your problems. My brothers and sisters did not have much patience with Loki. His constant jokes and tricks, like a jester in medieval times. I presumed it was just that which annoyed them...after all we are a fairly serious bunch and way to logical for our own good.

As it happens I began to see the pull of humanity in the saddest way. It was in the late 50's of your timeline. Loki came to me asking to heal his arm, we can heal ourselves of almost any injury but of course it takes energy and he had depleted his amusing a woman. He had been creating butterflies made of crystal that glowed and flew in intricate patterns across the night sky. He wasn't concentrating, apparently staring at her face that was awestruck and beyond beautiful; according to him and fell of a cliff. It was a very tall cliff. He didn’t have enough to heal his now crushed arm. I did see that he had been able to heal the important male parts of himself though. This is typical male behavior even in our race.

He took humans quiet often as his companions, even though it was definitely frowned upon even forbidden. But Loki never obeyed the rules, hence the loss of power. So I wasn't surprised at the situation. I was slightly annoyed though and decided to only heal part of his arm leaving a large scar from the elbow to the hand. I told him that he could fix that when he recharged but perhaps it would remind him not to be so frivolous in his actions. On a side note, I have seen him since and the scar is still there. He tells me it is his link with humanity and reminds him of just how fragile a human can be...to always protect them first...never allow himself to be too weak to do so.

He left me to return to his lover. Her name was not important to me at the time but I believe it was Freya or something like that they were of the Irish coast. I found that out only moments after he left as I heard him call to me in such pain. It took me a little longer to find him, as his energy signature was almost non-existent. I found him at the bottom of the cliff, holding the now lifeless body of the girl. He told me brokenly that she must have fallen looking for him. He was pouring the little force he had left into her lifeless body. I took her from him, with some force, as he wasn't letting her go, and scanned her. Her life force was 90% gone. I believe her soul had started its journey. Loki was begging me to heal her. I told him that I could not. He lost it and told me I must. You see we can, especially one of my strength can, bring people back from fatal injuries but only if we get there before the soul leaves. If we do it when the soul has entered the path to the next then we will cause what Michael says is a fractured soul.

I had unfortunately done this to a mother in Egypt centuries before at the request of her distraught husband. She had come back but not as she was. Unfortunately several weeks later she had cut her own child's head off for giving the wrong answer to a question. It was horrific. Michael and Gabriel came and helped me to end her life and search for the parts of her soul that had passed. It took months to bring her to her true form and send her on her path. I was very careful in any healing since.

I tried explaining this to Loki but he was beyond distraught. Now you should know that our entities do not become distraught, show, or even have such a strong emotion. So seeing Loki like this was quite perplexing to me. I was at a loss for what to do and it felt like he was just going to fade away in front of me. He looked like a spirit barely a form collapsed in front of me across the young woman's body.

That is when Michael appeared next to me. I had never felt the human emotion of relief at that time but seeing him appear right then I visibly exhaled. He sat down next to Loki and placed his hand on his arm or what appeared to be a see-through shell of his arm. He did not speak either verbally or telepathically he just let a minute stream of his energy flow into Loki's arm. It was like watching a blood transfusion but in light. Loki slowly solidified once again before me. Michael still hadn't said a word. He just sat there next to him still holding his arm as the tentacles of his powers threaded into it. Loki’s head was now resting on his shoulder and tears were streaming down his face. In all the years I had lived I had never seen Michael so patient with one of us.

But then the thoughts began. Well why would he be so patient? We would never act this way; he would have no reason to have to extend such patience or care. It was as if Loki was acting like a human?

I waited for Michael to get Loki under control. He ended up just putting him in stasis, he would be able to think if he wanted to or just switch off until his pain physical or mental was relieved and then he would wake; at least that is what Michael explained it would do. I had never seen it done to one of us before. It was done with humans but then we would have to heal them through dreams for the mind and energy for the physical body. The fact that Loki would need this was beyond my comprehension. Why would he not be happy for the girl to move on? The pure sorrow still filled the air around him and I could feel it.

I sat with Michael for a long while. Trying to understand what I had just witnessed. He explained that to Loki human emotions are like a drug. The way you play with leaves, dance in the rain or run against the wind, all illogical and time wasting activities. But you embrace the euphoria of life both happiness and sadness, or even anger. In humanity it engulfs the body and soul. He couldn't explain the actual feeling but said can you not feel the anguish flowing from his body. I could, it was like a mist of pain. I asked how Loki could have this and he said it was because he is always kept weak so as to limit the damages his mischief can cause and although this in itself should not cause him to gain such human traits. He believed it occurs because he embraces humanity so completely always being with them and he thought perhaps the sexual act also created this bond with humanity. As when humans make love, not have sex (as that can be something totally different). They share part of their soul with each other. He said perhaps receiving those parts into his entity creates a sort of mixed even bipolar effect. He had never asked Father but had been asked to watch over him, and so Michael does, without question.

This incident played on my conscious and subconscious thoughts daily, and eventually made me make this decision to leave my life as it was and become human. Well that, and boredom and just because I could. Just to experience something new and perhaps finally understand the fascination of humanity. So after giving Loki the power to visit our home I waited for his departure. And in that millisecond became my parent’s baby girl. I did this properly. Executed it all to perfection as I have always done. I waited for the child’s form to begin. Those two cells meeting and multiplying then released my life force into the cells. Leaving the majority of my power locked away safe with no markers or energy trails to track it.

I felt the cells multiply around me until I was finally encased in this body. I lost myself then. All memories were gone and all powers lay dormant.

My mother and father were both loving and supportive parents, who helped me to grow to become a wonderfully balanced blossoming human being. I had chosen them carefully. All was going according to my plan not that I knew anything about that then as I only knew this human lifetime as it occurred second by second.

As I said before the best-laid plans of mice and men never go to plan. I was in my 16th year as a human and went out with friends. Unfortunately I became separated from them and was attacked and raped. I pulled myself together and found my friends and went home. As any rape crisis Centre will tell you it is an assault on the body, mind and soul. I felt like a numbness consuming me. I did not tell anyone what had occurred. Surprisingly not from fear or shame but because a part of my capsule had begun to fracture and it seemed illogical to cause anyone else pain or concern. As our beings do one just continues on. To my human self it felt like a numbness of my emotions was occurring.

I continued to change emotionally after this event. Just becoming very logical and hardly ever raising my blood pressure no matter what was occurring around me. I kept having strange dreams both awake and asleep. There were winged creatures, fairies and even vampires in very real depictions of events and long conversations? Some of them seemed to be speaking directly to me and I was answering in a low but powerful voice. In these dreams I moved mountains, created storms, healed the sick and punished the weak or what I decided was a weakness in these supernatural creatures. They all seemed to accept my authority, it was perplexing and frustrating at the same time, as each image seemed like a memory not a figment of my imagination. But logically I knew that could not be so, I chose to keep this all to myself and believed eventually these images would just stop.

Unfortunately they only got worse and a few weeks later I found out I was pregnant. Now as a human I should have collapsed in a heap. But that didn’t occur; I was eerily calm and thought through any options logically. I have a very strong respect for life and believe all lives are important even those who annoy your patience to breaking point. Even in my true form I have never taken a life unless ordered to do so or there was no choice.

I sat my wonderful parents down and told them of the pregnancy and that I would be adopting the baby out in a very matter of fact tone. They were their usual supportive and loving selves and just said they would help me in anyway I needed. My father walked outside and dealt with the situation in his own way and my mother just said I was an old soul, as she always said of me and that all will be okay.

Which of course it was, I gave birth to a beautiful baby boy and he was given to a wonderful family. The dreams had continued and my core self just seemed to be someone I didn't know. It was like the outside was me but the inside...was something different.

I could read books in moments. I heard music coming from the trees and the sea. Of course I never spoke of this, I just continued on living my human life.

I lived as you do with my family and sibling. Later when I left home, I married and bore a girl. I loved and lost. My marriage failed. Being human has taught me through these lessons of life. Being human has taught me so much. It has taught me patience, kindness and a true respect for life. I have been ill as you have. I have lost jobs, had car accidents and been late for so many things. I have listened to my friends and helped when I could. I have had true friendships. Something that before I fear I may not have been to those I called friends. Most of humanity relies on someone else for his or her wellbeing and happiness. It has been a very humbling experience. My true form would never be late as I could be at many places at once. I relied on no one as I could do almost anything.

Over time the knowledge of my past became clear to me with each broken seal of my capsule. I dwelled on this knowledge but continued on my human path.

I do not know the full extent of my powers now, as I have not tested them. But I feel the strength of them waiting to be called for reaching through the worlds.

I do not believe the problem with our race was with my father’s design of us. I believe it is within our own thoughts and decisions. We had become arrogant and selfish relying on our powers for far too much, for menial things. We wanted to be worshipped as Gods. But we were so far from being such a thing.

It was after thousands of years watching. For that is what we were supposed to be, the watchers, that we grew tired and impatient and began to play with the humans. It took thousands more for me to tire of that as well.

We are magical creatures. We can control the earth, wind, water and fire. Or perhaps I should clarify that a little. The oldest of us can do all of the above. Our powers grow stronger over time. But someone or something has been stealing powers from the oldest of us my brother Raguel, Sariel, Saphkiel, Maleeha, Gagiel to name a few. I felt them pass or at least their powers transfer. I have yet to look to see if that meant their passing or worse. I felt their life force disappear but I hold hope that they may still be somewhere. Somewhere even I cannot see.