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CHAPTER ONE

Slang Basics

Congratulations on your new purchase and welcome to the exciting world of real, spoken Thai. Throughout the book you’ll encounter a side of Thai society that is often not privy to the outsider. Some of it will be fun, some of it will be harsh, but all of it will have a degree of honesty often not welcomed by your Thai friends and colleagues. Why do they call this land “The Land of Smiles?” And what’s really behind all those smiles anyway? Well, by the end of this book you should have a better idea, and probably more useful a better way to express those ideas.

But, before we jump into subjects like Sex, Cursing, Booze, Status and the like we need to review some of what I call “Slang Basics.” This includes words like gonna, wanna or the overuse of the words like or just in English. If we don’t learn them in Thai, then you may end up sounding even more like a fool than if you were never to learn any of these words or phrases to begin with. Compare the two English sentences below:

“I find her highly disagreeable. I shall not be attending her after-dinner event. Please tell her I have a previous engagement, or something to that effect.”

vs.

“Ughhh! She’s such a bitch. I ain’t gonna go to her stupid party. Just tell her I got shit to do, or whatever....”

I hope that I don’t need to explain the differences between these two sentences. In effect, they both get across the same idea, but the second one sounds like something you might say if you were talking to a friend. It’s colloquial, idiomatic, and slangy. Think of the second sentence as our overarching goal for this entire book. This book wasn’t written for your development as an eloquent speech writer—it was made to help you not sound like a dipshit in Thai!

Me, Yah and the Rest

Thai is a wonderful language for pronouns. Depending on which pronoun you use for I, you or he/she/it, the entire meaning of a sentence can change. Something rather mundane can immediately become a little more hip. After a while though, you should start to realize that for most of the conversations you’ll encounter on a daily basis, Thais forego using pronouns altogether. Leaving out words like I, you or he/she/it and the rest will make your Thai just sound more authentic. This will give extra effect to those pronouns that you do decide to use. First, for guys or girls, stop referring to yourself in the first person as ผม [pǒhm] or ดิฉัน [dìh-chǔn], respectively, and start using the more laidback เรา [rao] instead. See below:

• เรา กลัวไอ้ กะเทย

RAO glua ’ài gà-teri

I ’m afraid of those damn ladyboys.

• นี่ แฟน เรา น่ารักมั้ย

nêe faen RAO nâh-rúk mái

This is my girlfriend. Is she cute?

If you are a girl try using ชั้ น [chún] or เดี ๊ยน [dían] instead of the ดิฉัน [dìhchǔn] for the first person. It sounds just a little bit cooler than ดิฉัน [dìh-chǔn].

• จาก เค้าเหรอ ชั้น ไม่ เคย ได้ อะไร ซักนิดเลย

jàhk káo reř chún mâi keri dâi ’à-rai súk níht leri

From him? I ’ve never gotten anything at all.

• มา อ่านบล็อก เดี๊ยน บ่อยๆ แล้วจะ รู้ ว่ามี อะไร อีกมี แต่ สนุก ๆ ค่ะ

mah ’àhn blàwk DÍAN bòi-bòi láeo jà róo wâh mee ’à-rai ’èek mee dtàe sà-nòok-sà-nòok kâ

If you read my blog often you’ll know what I ’ve been up to—all I do is have fun!

The standard third person is เค้า [káo] which is just a different spelling to reflect its true pronunciation. Learn Thai from a teacher and they will tell you to spell it and pronounce it as เขา [kǎo] even though on the street it’s pronounced as เค้า [káo]. This can be he, she or they. See below:

• เค้า ไม่ ได้ รู้ อะไร เลย

KÁO mâi dâi róo ’à-rai leri

She doesn’t know anything at all.

• เค้า หล่อมาก เนอะ

KÁO làw mâhk nér

He ’s really handsome, no?

To be a bit more poetic and get that feeling of my dear or honey try using เธอ [ter]. You’ll hear this a lot in love songs. However, it can be used for either guys or girls (though mostly to refer to women), by teachers who often refer to their students เธอ [ter] in either the second or third person.

• ชั้น รัก เธอ

chún rúk TER

I love you.

• พวก เธอ มี ปัญหาอะไร ก็ มา ปรึกษาพี่ ก็ ได้ นะ

pûak-TER mee bpun-hǎh ’à-rai gâw mah bprúek-sǎh pêe gâw dâi ná

You guys have any problem at all, just come and see me.

Sometimes to be cute or show innocence, a younger girl or maybe a girlfriend will refer to themselves in the first person as mouse: หนู [nǒo].

• หนู ขอ ใช้ อันนี้ หน่อยได้ มั้ย ฮะ

NǑO kǎw chái ’un-née nòi dâi mái há

May I please use this one?

Like many of the counties surrounding Thailand, the centrality of family in Thai society is reflected in the language. No matter how distant your relationship is with another person, it’s very normal to refer to oneself or another as big brother/sister or little brother/sister in almost any situation. พี่ [pêe] means older and น้อง [náwng] means younger. These terms will often be used at work, school or even just at a restaurant when placing an order. This concept of พี่น้อง [pêe náwng] also reinforces hierarchy in traditional Thai society in that the younger (the น้อง [náwng]) should always show some level of deference to the older (the พี่ [pêe])—no matter how much of a jackass the older may be. Depending on the context, พี่ [pêe] and น้อง [náwng] can be used in either the first, second or third person.

• พี่ี่ จะ กลับบ้านแล้วเหรอ

PÊE jà glùp bâhn láeo rǎw

You ’re gonna go home already?

• น้องๆ เก็บตังค์ นะ ครับ

NÁWNG NÁWNG gèhp dtung ná krúp

Check please!

A newer adaptation for I, you and she in Thai comes directly from English— อัย [’ai], ยู [yoo] and ชี [chee]. Since all three are just a play on English words not everyone will understand you when you use them, nor will it have the same effect as when a Thai uses them. A Thai would probably just think you don’t speak Thai very well. But either way it’s good to be aware that they’re being used more frequently these days.

• ยูู ไป ไหน เนี่ย

YOO bpai nǎi nîa

Where you goin’?

If pulling out the class card is your game give ข้า [kâh] and เอ็ง [’ehng] a try, meaning I and you. These two have the feeling of I’m above you, I’m your master, or you’re my bitch-ass little slave. The only time I ever used one of these was when I was getting off a bus in Udorn Thai in the Northeast of Thailand. As usual a swarm of decrepit individuals calling themselves Tuk-tuk drivers had surrounded the passengers trying to exit the bus. After maybe the tenth time of trying to politely refuse their service I finally ended up snapping at the next Tuk-tuk driver to touch me by yelling out, “ อย่าถูกข้า!!” [yàhk róo jung] Basically, this translates as, “Don’t you dare touch me, you little insignificant nothing!” I was lucky I didn’t get punched.

• อย่าถูก ข้า

yàh took KÂH

Don’t you dare touch me!

If you want to be a little rougher or distance yourself from the person whom you are talking about try using แก [gae]. To be even harsher refer to someone in the third person as it in Thai: มัน [mun]. Using the word it to refer to someone can start trouble. Both แก [gae] and มัน [mun] can also be used to mean you, but watch out cause these then become fightin’ words!

• แก ทำ ตัวแบบ นั้น ตลอด

GAE tam dtua bàep nún dtà-làwt

He always acts like that.

• ไอ้ มัน พูดปากหมา

’âi-MUN pôot bpàhk mǎh

That jerk talks like a f—kin’ dog!

If you really want to get nasty, nothing does the trick or gets straight to the point like using กู [goo] or มึง [mueng] to mean I or you, respectively. This can turn the simplest phrase into a f—k-you phrase immediately. However, in the case of a very close friendship Thais will refer to each other as กู [goo] and มึง [mueng], but you won’t hear it often, and you definitely won’t hear them using it with a foreigner in this manner. The few times I’ve tried to use กู [goo] and มึง [mueng] as an indication of close friendship it didn’t go so well and was strongly discouraged. That said, here are a few sentences to really, really piss a Thai off. This will lead to blows...I promise.

• กู จะ รู้ ได้ ไง วะ มึง บ้าเว้ย

GOO jà róo dâi ngai wá MUENG bâh wéri

How the f—k is my ass supposed to know. You ’re a f—kin’ retard!

• กู ไม่ เชื่อ มึง

GOO mâi chûea MUENG

I don’t f—kin’ believe you!

• แม่ มึง!

mâe MUENG

Your f—kin’ mother!

Really? Eh? No? Nahh!

Similar to how we might ask, “Ya gonna go?” instead of “Are you going to go?” in English, Thais have their own short cuts for making questions. First off, the all-encompassing question word of ไหม [mǎi] should really be pronounced like it is on the street with a high tone as มั้ย [mái], sometimes written as มั๊ย. Other times ไหม [mǎi] might be pronounced as a short มะ [má] or a short ปะ [bpà]. These renditions as opposed to the written form of ไหม [mǎi], will give your question a more personable, laidback, informal flair. See the examples below and make yourself familiar with มั้ย [mái] in particular since it will be used as the default question word throughout most of this book.

• เรา ขอ เข้าไป ด้วยได้ มั้ย

rao kǎw kâo bpai dôoi dâi MÁI

Can I come along, too?

• กินข้าวเที่ยง ด้วยกัน มั้ย

gihn-kâo tîang dôoi-gun MÁI

Ya wanna do lunch together?

• น่ารักมะ

nâh-rúk MÁ

Is she cute?

• แบบว่าอยาก เข้ามหา’ลัยสุดๆ เลย ใช่ ป ะ

bàep-wâh yàhk kâo mà-hǎh-lai sòot-sòot châi bpà

You totally like wanna get into college, right?

The second big way to form a question in Thai is using หรือเปล่า [rǔebplào], which is a little more direct than just your simple มั้ย [mái]. Yet, alas, this pronunciation is fairly antiquated as well. Instead say the quicker รึเปล่า [rúe-bplào], or even cooler than that drop the L sound in the second syllable to make it รึเป่า [rúe-bpào] or รึป่าว [rúe-bpòw]. Using these requires a yes/no response. Often it’s translated as or not? in English.

• มี กิ๊ก รึเป่า

mee gíhk RÚE-BPÀO

Do you have another girl on the side or not?

• อยาก รู้ จังว่าถ้าไม่ เข้าประชุมจะ มี ผล อะไร รึเป่า

yàhk róo jung wâh tâh mâi kâo bprà-choom jà mee pǒhn ’à-rai RÚE-BPÒW

I really wanna know if I don’t go to the meeting what the effect’s gonna be?

Many questions in Thai are formed by using the word really. Colloquially this is normally written as เหรอ [rěr] or รึ [rúe], but in practice the R normally comes out as an L, and the vowel sound er sounds more like aw, like in the word law. Though I’ve never seen it spelled this way the final pronunciation would be something more like เหลอ [lěr] or หลอ [lǎw]. See below, these types of more informal questions will often come up in everyday speech:

• ไม่ ชอบ เหรอ แล้วจะ อยู่ กะ เค้าได้ ไง ล่ะ

mâi châwp LĚR láeo jà yòo gà káo dâi-ngai lâ

You don’t love her? Then how the heck ya going stay with her?

• เค้าไม่ ได้ เป็นคน ที่ ใจดี เหรอ

káo mâi dâi kohn têe jai-dee LĚR

What...he’s not a good person???

The formal way to say Have you yet? would be to use แล้วหรือยัง [láeo rǔe yung], but on the street Thais will shorten it to รึยัง [rúe-yung] or to just ยัง [yung]. The sooner you start using these shortened versions the sooner you’ll start to notice that almost everyone in Thai society speaks like that.

• กลับมา ถึงห้องรึยัง

glùp mah tǔeng hâwng RÚE-YUNG

Have you gotten back to the room yet?

• พี่ กินข้าวยัง

pêe gin-kâo YUNG

Have you eaten yet?

The fourth most popular way to phrase a question in Thai is similar to the English Ehh?, No?, Nahh? or Yeah? This is pronounced as เนอะ [nér] or sometimes as นะ [ná], and sounds very similar to no? in English.

• เค้าจ๊าบนะ

káo jáhp ná

She’s cute, yeah?

• เค้าเมา แต่ ไม ได้ ถึงขนาด ที่ ขับไม่ ได้ เนอะ

káo mao dtàe mâi dâi tǔeng kà-nàht têe kùp mâi dâi NÉR

He’s drunk, but not to the point where he can’t drive, no?

Gonna, Gotta and Dying To

Most Americans today are too lazy to fully pronounce am going to or have got to. Saying gonna and gotta just seems to flow so much easier, doesn’t it? Thais today are not much different. The slang word for กำลังจะ [gam-lung jà] (going to/about to) shortens to become the two syllable กะลัง [gà-lung].

• กะลัง ซื้อ โน๊ตบุ๊ค ช่วยแนะนำ หน่อยคับ

gà-lung súe nóht-bóok chôoi náe-nam nòi kúp

I’m gonna buy a laptop. Can ya give me some advice?

Other times though they will put the จะ [jà] back into it but with a long vowel instead like จา [jah]. This final product then is the phrase กะลังจา [gà-lung-jah], where the third syllable is stressed over the first two.

• กะลังจา โดน แฟน ทิ้ง ล่ะมั้ง

GÀ-LUNG-JAH doen faen tíng lâ-múng

I’m probably gonna get dumped by my boyfriend here.

To say just gotta or just dying to as in you have an incredible urge to do something, try using this: ต่อมอยาก [dtàwm yàhk] as apposed to word อยาก [yàhk] which just means want.

• เบื่อ แฟน เรา จัง ต่อมอยาก มี กิ๊ก ซักคน

bùea faen rao jung DTÀWM-YÀHK mee gík súk kohn

I’m sick of my girlfriend. I’m dying to have a fling.

• ต่อมอยากรู้ จัง!

DTÀWM-YÀHK róo jung

I just gotta know.

Stuck On, Addicted To or Obsessed With

The phrase มัวแต่ [mua-dtàe] in Thai get rights to the point. It can be translated as stuck on, addicted to or obsessed with and just sounds cool to use.

• ทำไม คนไทย มัวแต่ เรียนภาษา อังกฤษทั้งๆ ที่ พวกเค้าเรียน ไม่เป็นชะที เลย

tam-mai kohn-tai MUA-DTÀE rian pah-sǎh ’ung-grìht túng-túngtêe pûak-kâo rian mâi bpehn sá-tee leri

Why are Thai so obsessed with learning English if they can’t learn it for shit?

• แบบว่าแก มัวแต่ มี ปัญหากะ ทุกคน

bàep-wâh gae MUA-DTÀE mee bpun-hǎh gà took kohn

It’s like he’s addicted to having problem with everybody.

I Don’t Get Why...

The phrase ไม่เห็นต้อง [mâi hěhn dtâwng] can be translated as I don’t get why... or I don’t see why... This is good for showing your displeasure with someone’s actions without having to sound whiny.

• ไม่เห็นต้อง เสียมรรยาท เลย

MÂI-HĚHN-DTÂWNG sǐa má-rá-yâht

I don’t get why ya gotta be so impolite.

• ไม่เห็นต้อง เข้ามา ทำ ตัวงี่เง่าจัง

MÂI-HĚHN-DTÂWNG kâo mah tam-dtua ngêe-ngâo jung

I don’t see why ya gotta come round here startin shit!

Well..., Uhhhh..., Ummm..., So...

The most basic of all utterances are those Ummm or Uhhh sounds that can escape our mouths when our brains haven’t quite caught up to what it is that we want to say. When you don’t know what to say, or you reach a point in a sentence where you can’t think of what to say, the slang meaning of ก็ [gâw] or ก้อ [gâw] has an effect similar to Ummmm... or Well... in English.

• ถ้าเค้าไม่ ไป ชั้น ก้อ ไม่ ไป เหมือนกัน

tâh káo mâi bpai chún GÂW mâi bpai mǔean-gun

If he’s not going, then uhhh... I’m not gonna go either.

• ก้อออ ไม่ รู้ อ๊ะ

GÂW mâi róo ’á

Well, uhhh...I dunno.

• ในที่สุด ก็ ตัดสินใจปิดเว็บบอร์ด

nai-têe-sòot gâw dtùt-sǐn-jai bpìht wéhp-bàwt

In the end I... ummm... decided to shutdown the web-board.

Like...

To use the word like in Thai take a crack at แบบว่า [bàep wâh], or use it in conjunction with ก้อ [gâw] from above.

• แบบว่า อยาก โชว์ ให้ นะ

BÀEP-WÂH yàhk choe hâi ná

I just wanna like show it off.

• คือว่า... แบบว่าแบบว่... ไม่ มี ปัญหาค๊ราบ

kue wâh BÀEP-WÂH BÀEP-WÂH mâi mee bpun-hah kráhp

Well, ya see... like, uhhhh.... I don’t have problem.

Just

The word just as in just do it! can best be represented by the Thai word เลย [leri]. As you get better in Thai you’ll realize that there are a lot of different ways to use เลย [leri], but for our purposes here I want to stress the colloquial use of just.

• ไม่ เป็นไร ถ้าเรา ไม่ มา ก็ ไป เลย ก็ ได้

mâi-bpehn-rai tâh rao mâi mah gâw bpai LERI gâw dâi

Don’t worry about it! If I don’t come then you can just go.

• ไม่ เห็นต้องขอ น่ะเอา ไป เลย

mâi hěhn dtâwng kǎw nâ ’ao bpai LERI

I don’t see why ya hafta ask— just take it!

All Those Weird Endings

There’s a ton of different ending particles that you can throw to the end of any Thai sentence or phrase and the meaning of the sentence will totally change. The two most common ones for beginners of the Thai language are the super polite ครับ [krúp] and ค่ะ [kà] for guys and girls, respectively. While these are incredibly useful they are also incredibly boring. Nothing—and I mean nothing—will make you sound more like a dweeb then to continue using these for every situation. The Thais will tell you that, “Oh, you’re so polite,” or “Wow, how cute!” and will discourage you from using what I’m about to teach you, but don’t give in! The truth is that they simply don’t want you to know too much. The more of these you learn the more Thais will be wary of you in general. But the flip side to that is that they won’t see you as a pushover. I want to help you succeed in the latter.

Since there isn’t room in a book like this to go into all the various endings, I want to stress the most important and most slangy. These will help to get Thais to start taking you seriously. The most common particles after ครับ [krúp] and ค่ะ [kâ] are นะ [ná] with a high tone and น่ะ [nâ] with a falling tone. The first one is used to soften a phrase, while the second is used to mildly strengthen a phrase. Sometimes they are also pronounced as long vowels for extra effect as นา [nah] and น่า [nâh]. If you don’t already use these regularly, start now! There’s no excuse to not have an ending particle of some sort for every phrase you utter. The sooner you start to use these, the sooner you’ll start to sound more natural. When you can’t think of any others to use—use these two.

• พี่ อยาก ดู นม แป๊บเดียว นะ

pêe yàhk doo nohm báep-dieo NÁ

Ahhh, come on, I just wanna see your tits real quick.

• อย่าชี้ นะ

yàh chée NÁ

Please don’t point.

• อย่าชี้ น่ะ มันหยาบ

yàh chée NÂ mun yàhp

Don’t point! It’s rude!

After those two come the endings ละ [lá] and ล่ะ [lâ]. These can have a host of different meanings, but for our purposes in understanding slang they are mostly used to convey extra feeling. ละ [lá] (sometimes pronounced หละ [là]) is used in this way, while ล่ะ [lâ] can be used to either strengthen or soften a phrase, depending on intonation. ล่ะ [lâ] can also be used to create a short pause after an utterance, or it can sometimes be used in place of แล้ ว [láeo] to mean already. ล่ะ [lâ] is also occasionally pronounced or written as ล่า [lâh] or เล่ า [lâo].

• ถูก ละ เค้าก็ นิยมกันมาก ใน เมืองไทย

took LÁ káo gâw ní-yohn gun mâhk nai mueang-tai

Of course! He’s really popular in Thailand.

• อยาก อยู่ กะ ชั้น ทำไม ล่ะ

yàhk yòo gà chún tam-mai LÂ

Why do ya wanna be with me anyway?

• อยา ลืมซือเบียร์ ลีโอ ล่ะ ไม ใช ช้างหรอก

yàh luem súe bia lee-’oe LÂ mâi châi cháhng

Don’t forget to buy Leo Beer, not Chang!

• แล้วไอ้ เครื่อง นี้ ไง ล่ะ ใช้ ได้ รึเปล่า

láeo ’âi krûang née nai LÂ chái dâi rúe-bplào

This damn machine! Does it work or not?!

• พอดี มี ธุระเหมือนกันเรา ไป ล่ะ นะ

paw-dee mee tòo-rá mǔean-gun rao bpai LÂ ná

Just as well I’m gonna head out already. I’ve also got some stuff to do.

• นี่ ไง ของ ของ ใดร ล่ะ

nêe ngai kǎwng kǎwng krai LÂH

This here! Who does this belong to?

• แก จะ กอด กันอยู่ ถึงเมื่อไร เล่า ไม่ ได้ อาย เหรอ

gae jà gàwt gun yòo tǔeng mûe-rai LÂO mâi dâi ’ai rěr

Man, how long you guys gonna hug for? You’re not shy?

To be a little sterner and make full use of the imperative in Thai, start to use ซะ [sá] or, in more formal Thai, เสีย [sǐa].

• ทิ้ง ยัยไป ซะ ปวด หัวแล้ว

tíng yai bpai SÁ bpùat hua láeo

Dump the girl! She’s already a headache.

• ไป ซะ

bpai SÁ

Get outta here!!

If you want to add the meaning of course, isn’t it obvious or for sure, try the ending participle ซิ [síh]. In more formal Thai this would be rendered as the low tone สิ [sìh]. Sometimes you’ll also hear a short ดิ [dìh] or a short เดะ [dày]. All of these mean the same thing as ซิ [síh] but are a little bit more slangy.

• ก้อออมี แฟน ซิ

gâw mee faen SÍH

Well, yeah, of course I have a girlfriend.

• เอา ดิ!

’ao DÌH

Yeah, I want it!

Another cool way to indicate the imperative or to say let’s in Thai is to use the low tone เหอะ [hèr]. Sometimes, though, it is pronounced as the high tone เฮอะ [hér]. Both of these pronunciations come from the more standard เถอะ [tèr]. For most situations though if I want to say let’s, I normally use the first pronunciation of เหอะ [hèr]. It just sounds the best.

• สนุกจังเลย ลอง ดู เหอะ

sà-nòok jung leri lawng doo HÈR

This is awesome fun! You should try it!

• ป๊ะ ไป กินเบียร์ กัน เฮอะ

bpai gin bia gun HÉR

Come on! Let’s go drink some beers!

To indicate that you’re unsure of something or to say probably or I guess, use the particle ล่ะมั้ง [là-múng] or just มั้ง [múng]. These are cool and will make you sound more colloquial.

• มันโอเวอร์ ไป ล่ะมั้ง

mun ’oe-wer bpai LÀ-MÚNG

That’s probably going overboard.

• เค้าเข้าใจใน สิ่ง ที่ เรา พูด มั้ง

káo kâo-jai nai sìhng têe rao pôot MÚNG

I guess he understands what we’re saying.

Probably one of the trickiest ending particles to use is วะ [wá]. Similar to how the pronouns of กู [goo] and มึง [mueng] can turn any phrase into a f—k-you phrase, so can the ending particle วะ [wá]. It can, however, also make you sound like you really know what you’re doing in Thai since not a lot of foreigners use this. After you’ve heard a few of your Thai friends use it, give it a try also. They’ll discourage you from using it, but I say screw it! If you really want Thais to take you seriously, you’ll need to learn how to curse in Thai. The word วะ [wá] is simply a slang basic that you need to master. Also, be aware that วะ [wá] is sometimes pronounced as ฟะ [fá] by the kids today in and around Bangkok.

• เฮ้ย! แก คิดจะ ไป ไหน วะ

héri gae kít jà bpai nǎi WÁ

Hey! Where the f—k ya think you’re going?!

• อะไร วะ!

’à-rai WÁ

What the f—k!?!? / What the hell!?!?

• หาย หัวกันไป ไหน หมด ฟะ

hǎi hǔa gun bpai nǎi mòht FÁ

Where the hell did everyone go?

One last thing about ending particles is that you can string as many of them together as you want. See the following example:

• ก็ เคย มี ล่ะนะ ซิ

gâw keri mee là-ná sí

Well, yeah! I used to have one!