Читать книгу Chasing Worthiness - Tammy Sherger - Страница 12

Is it possible that judgment is good for you? Have you ever tried to stop judging other people? You might say, “I don’t want to be a judger,” pulling all the books and articles you can on the topic so you can discover the secret to stop judging. “I am such a bad person because I judge.” But that’s not true and here’s why. You can’t stop judging. I don’t care what you read or what you do, you cannot stop judging because judging is natural to your brain network. Your brain is looking at what’s happening around you. It’s deciding whether those happenings match your beliefs. If they don’t match, the judging rises to the surface. Those beliefs are strong and engrained. Your brain does not easily give them up, and it always uses beliefs to judge.

Let me give you an example. I love these belief-one-liners that really stick with us, like “children should be seen and not heard.” When I was young, I heard that one a lot. Imagine you go into a restaurant and see this family, parents and their two children. The kids are having fun. They’re coloring and being rambunctious. Sure, they’re making a little noise, but they’re not being bad. You sit down and think to yourself, For goodness’ sakes, can’t that mother handle her children? Notice you probably said mother and not father, so there’s another belief. But are those children really being bad? Or is it because what’s happening outside of you does not match what you believe? We can all recognize the feeling of judging, whether we are judging others or judging ourselves.

If I took you aside and asked, “What do you believe in?” you would likely respond, “I don’t know,” or list common beliefs regarding religion or politics. Most people have never examined the hidden beliefs that are driving their behavior. But if you use judging as a tool, you can immediately recognize where your beliefs lie. Whenever you get annoyed, uncomfortable, or upset when looking at someone else, these are the moments when you identify your beliefs. More importantly, when you’re looking inside and hear that inside voice—your inner critic, as it is commonly called—you are also uncovering your beliefs about yourself.

Those are the prime opportunities to stop for a minute and ask, “Why is that judgment coming up? What is happening that does not match the way I believe it should be?” Always follow up by asking yourself, “Do I still believe this?” and “Does this belief still serve me?” The magic of this is that you can decide to change your mind, delete the data, and get rid of beliefs that do not serve you in living your most passionate life.