Читать книгу War of Wings - Tanner McElroy - Страница 10

There was no darkness in Heaven because of the very light Lucifer was climbing the stairs to confront. A day consisted of a twenty-four hour period, based on God’s unique time. Lately Lucifer had been noticing that time seemed to matter to him. Now there was none left. He was inherently talented at keeping track of time, which was considered insignificant by every other angel with the exception of the record-keepers of the powers. Maybe there was a reason Lucifer was good at it. He wasn’t sure.

He looked down over the heavenly city, taking note of how the angels were always so productive. They simply enjoyed the feeling of accomplishment that came with hard work. They just wanted to please God. Consistency and routine had always been a part of everyday existence. But for what? He felt emptied out. He was a rind with no fruit.

Lucifer arrived at the thrones’ platform. The decadence the velvet bestowed seemed absurd this time. What a ridiculous group of angels. He didn’t have time for them and raced upward, ignoring their bows, greetings, and questions. He had time for no one but God.

He reached the platform of his fellow cherubim. Even his own level seemed dim. The pearl wasn’t as white, the homes appeared dismal, and even his friends seemed less important. Everything he had worked for was slipping away, and there was nothing he could do about it except hear his fate directly from the One he had led the angels to worship all of this time.

Many different activities were taking place on this level. Some angels were debating in groups, some were designing elaborate construction plans, while others were sitting in pure silence with expressions of bliss. Lucifer chuckled to himself in disgust. All of the angels Lucifer passed stopped what they were doing and acknowledged him as their leader.

He caught a glimpse of Thyaterra and stopped dead in his tracks. This wasn’t her level, and for some reason she had her eyes uncovered again. She was accompanied by none other than Bretabian. Even with this awful timing, he couldn’t resist her. Her face alone made him feel that perhaps everything wasn’t lost. She approached him with an eager look on her face.

“Thyaterra.” He gave a small smile, taking her in. He glanced to her left and the smile was gone. “Bretabian.” The angel responded with a bow, and Lucifer cringed inwardly.

“It’s been a while, Lucifer. Haven’t seen you since the performance at the Ludus Paradisus,” said Thyaterra.

“I’ve had much going on, Terra,” Lucifer answered, turning his attention back to her.

“I’ve missed you.”

“I see Bretabian has taken care of you in my absence.” Lucifer fixed him with an unwavering look.

Bretabian looked uneasy. “She has missed you, Lucifer. It’s good to see you,” he said.

“That is appreciated, Bretabian.” He was not interested in the least in what Bretabian had to say. “Now, if you’ll excuse me.” Lucifer placed a hand on the small of Thyaterra’s back, just beneath her wings, and guided her to a small alcove. She put up little resistance though when she turned to face him, her eyes were wide, almost luminous.

“I’ve missed you too,” he said, “but I have been taking care of something important.”

“I’m worried about you, Lucifer. Something feels wrong. Are you upset about the announcement of God’s Son?” His insides seemed to cave in on themselves. “So it’s true?” He needed to hear it from Him. Thyaterra looked at him with those soft eyes. He couldn’t take it.

“It is what it is. You don’t seem too worried. I’m sure between God and Bretabian you keep occupied.”

“I don’t understand why you say that.”

“I’m different now. I think differently. I see things that others cannot, and I don’t like much of what I see.”

“What you are trying to say?”

“Maybe Bretabian can explain it to you since he is so accommodating in my absence.”

“Stop it, Lucifer. You are being unkind.” Two of her wings folded protectively around herself, their feathers brushing against her chin as if ready to cover her face.

“Well, you know I love your opinion on matters, but I’m not fond of Bretabian following you around.” He buried the real hurt from what had just shattered his world.

She took a step away, her wingtips now over her mouth while the glow from her skin shone through them. “He is a kind angel, but you know he does not mean what you mean to me. I have always been there for you.”

It was true, and he found himself wanting to step close to her, to draw her wings from her face. Then his reason for the trip overwhelmed his thoughts again, and he could not keep the edge from his voice. “You have, Terra. I have to speak with His Highness, but I also want to take you somewhere and discuss things soon.”

“Are you all right?”

“Yes. I have much to tell you if I can trust you to keep it from others like Bretabian.”

“Of course, you can trust me. I will help you, whatever you need.”

“You will be proud of me, Terra. As proud of me as you are of God. I’ll see you soon.”

He turned to leave before she could respond, hurrying off the platform and up to the third tier, almost too quickly—the hollow rush of feeling that had once been euphoric now made him ill and light-headed. He had to reach the throne. He had to see the so-called Maker.

The seraphim all had their eyes covered, but still they faced Lucifer as he approached as if they knew he was coming. Did they know what was about to happen? Lucifer looked around at the platform made of the finest jewels in existence. He deserved to be on this level. Every structure was covered with millions of different types of gemstones all glowing brilliantly, and they taunted him. It made him realize how unimportant he really was to God.

He had already wasted too much time. He ascended the final staircase to the throne and approached God’s blinding light. He had made it. It was time for his moment of truth. One of the four seraphs who guarded the throne slowly walked up to him with two of her wings covering her eyes, two covering her feet, and the other two standing tall and outstretched behind her back.

“The Lord our God is holy and worthy to be praised,” said the seraph passionately.

“He is,” said Lucifer, struggling to get it out.

“He is waiting for you.” Her voice was like a song.

Walking up to God sitting on His throne, Lucifer covered part of his face and got on one knee. He noticed the light was a little less blinding this time. The material and structures of the entire platform were still too hard to make out from His powerful glow, but he saw colors he had never seen before. Lucifer’s throne should reside up here as well.

All he could feel was the presence of the massive throne, and he wanted one. It occurred to him that the angels couldn’t even see God yet still praised Him. Lucifer engaged directly with the angels, but they still adored and worshipped Him. Lucifer bowed his head and kept his eyes to the ground.

“I have come to ask for your guidance and wisdom, Father. I have also come to ask you a question,” said Lucifer.

“You have come upon great knowledge, O highest of cherubim,” God said in a chillingly powerful voice.

Lucifer froze a moment before speaking. He tried to hide his mind and heart, but he felt he was not as successful as he had hoped. God knew why he was here, he was certain. “Yes, and I have become confused searching for the answer that I seek. But before that I must ask you something.”

“What is your question, my son?”

“You call me your son? Why is that?”

“Every angel is a son of God.”

“I hear you mean to have a real Son, a Son that you recognize to be on your level. Have I not done everything I can to praise you?”

“You have, Lucifer. Be careful of your own mind and where it takes you.”

“Is it true? Tell me!”

“Yes.”

Lucifer’s body instantly ached all over. His elbows hit the cold, jeweled ground below him. He reached deep inside and mustered a roar. “How could you do this to me?”

“This is not about you, Lucifer.”

“Everything is about me!” Lucifer screamed without thinking. God paused just long enough for a chill to travel down Lucifer’s spine.

“Listen to yourself and truly hear.”

“I have given you everything, God. Angels look up to me as their leader, and you presume to demote me by announcing a Son above me?”

“You are not being demoted, Lucifer.”

“I see it no differently! Are you surprised by this? Shouldn’t you know what I came here for as our almighty God?”

“For we walk by faith, not by sight.”

“So do you know what I have seen?”

“I know much of your time is spent outside the realms of Heaven.”

He felt nervous and childlike in God’s presence, and he couldn’t stand it. It was like God knew everything he had seen and knew exactly what he came to ask and was actually toying with him. “I am often more comfortable there, alone.”

“What is it that you seek?”

“You think I am unworthy of your level. Well, I may think differently. Through the knowledge I have gained, I know that it is impossible that one could be the beginning and the end. How can you claim to be something that is impossible for everything and everyone else?”

He was surprised that he got to his point so quickly. A pause of silence, which felt like eternal minutes to Lucifer, fell between the two of them, but he was calm and longed for an answer. He stayed still, head down, knee bent, waiting for God’s answer. Maybe He didn’t know.

“I warn you—be careful, Lucifer. It is so that your faith might not rest in the wisdom of philosophy and reason but in the power of your living God. I am the Alpha and the Omega, the beginning and the end. I have given you free will to make your own decisions, but that is all you need to know.”

He jumped up and stared directly into God’s light with clenched fists and venom pumping through him. Everything that had been welling up exploded in an instant. “Any fool can have faith! That is not good enough!”

“Are you challenging my authority, Lucifer?” returned God with a voice like thunder.

“And if I am? I do not fear you!”

God’s light intensified, and Lucifer squinted and fell back to a knee. His fists were still clenched as he continued. “Do you not want us to be wise, Father? How can we be wise without questioning and challenging you?”

“The fear of me, your God, is the beginning of wisdom.”

“Answer me! Stop toying with me and give me what I want, or I will leave you this time!”

God did not answer him. Had he lost his fear of God? What was happening? Lucifer felt heat pumping through his body but shoved it back down into the ball he had been holding it in. He needed to gain composure as God was obviously in charge of the conversation, not him. This was not what he wanted. A few seconds that felt like days went by before he finally spoke again. “I apologize, Father. I don’t know what came over me. I have had much going on lately. The announcement of your new Son startled me.” Disgusted me, he thought. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it.”

He had much more to say and many more questions, but he knew God would not be pleased and that this was not the time. He would never get anything from God. He felt the pain turning to anger and resentment, but he didn’t want to give into it. Not now. He would wait until the time was right for the entire discussion, the entire confrontation, the entire war, so instead he made a huge decision right then and there.

He would no longer follow God. It broke his heart to think of the many years God loved him and he loved God, but reason was what mattered now. Not childish, ignorant, blind faith and love. God was not what He said He was, and it was time for Lucifer to expose this new truth. Faith was for the weak and ignorant. He was neither, and his faith was gone.

God never responded.

“I thank You.” Lucifer did his best to disguise his true feelings. “There is nothing else that I need from You.”

With that, he got up and started his descent away from God, walking quickly while resisting the urge to fly away at full speed. He was overwhelmed with anger and disappointment, yet these negative feelings birthed a strong sense of power unlike anything he had felt before. He felt as if he could single-handedly change the way things were in Heaven and gain the authority and respect he was seeking. It felt strange, but it also felt good. Great actually. He felt like his own god and had reason to justify it. He had not felt the usual euphoria on his walk to God’s throne; this feeling had replaced it, and he only wanted to feel more of it. He yearned for more power, and he now knew how he would get it.

He hurried on, putting distance between himself and God. He had suddenly realized the real reason Heaven had warrior angels, guardian angels, and keepers of the laws. Although he tried feverishly to mask all of these new feelings, he knew God sensed them. He was nervous that God was directly behind him and felt he couldn’t go fast enough. Maybe God even knew Lucifer’s plans for what was to come. What would He do if He did? Lucifer kept hurrying away and was careful not to turn around and find out.