Читать книгу If Only... - Tanya Wright - Страница 9

TWO

Josh had taken Micah all the way back to her apartment before realizing she had left her purse and keys at the bar.

“I just miss him so much, Josh.” Micah had been talking like this since they left the pub. This new version of her was getting old fast. Thankfully, this was her first attempt at what he would classify as “escaping the pain.” Although judging by her slurred words on the way home, it hadn’t worked.

She wasn’t in a good state of mind. It was time someone intervened. And as her best friend, it seemed the responsibility fell in his lap. But now wasn’t the time. He’d talk to her tomorrow.

“I know. We all do.”

“But you weren’t going to marry him. I was. You weren’t in love with him. Were you, Josh? I would understand if you were. He was gorgeous.”

Where was this all coming from? She hadn’t talked this way in years. Until recently, she had appeared normal. He’d never once wondered if she was still hung up on Drew. But since this anniversary started looming over her head, she’d become this depressing, weepy mess that everyone was getting tired of quickly.

“No. We were just friends, Micah. I prefer women.”

He would just go with it for now. What else could he do at this point?

“Yeah, he preferred women, too...maybe too much. One time I caught him kissing another girl.”

That was news to Josh. He had always suspected something, but never thought Drew would be stupid enough to cheat on Micah. Josh mentally cursed his dead friend.

“I always thought we would kiss. You know...you and me. Why haven’t you ever kissed me?”

Josh’s head jerked in Micah’s direction, accidentally turning the wheel with him. They both whipped back and forth as he tried to get his truck under control.

“Whoa! I think I’m gonna be sick. Can you not drive so crazy?” She let her head fall back on the headrest and closed her eyes.

What the—? Did she just say what he thought she just said? His eyes kept going back and forth from the road to her.

She sat up again, her eyes big and round and full of sadness. “I just miss him so much, and no one else does. I just can’t stand it anymore.” Micah burst into tears. The mopey drunk had turned into a weepy drunk right in front of his eyes.

This was getting ridiculous. Okay, maybe it was far past that point already. Either way, he wasn’t sure how much longer he could put up with this depressed version of his best friend. And where was this talk about kissing coming from? It all had caught him off guard.

Twelve years ago, when he first met Micah, she was this vibrant ball of fireworks, red hair blazing with the personality to match. After the accident, after they graduated high school, she had disappeared, too caught up in her grief to socialize much. It was understandable. They’d all felt the same way. When college came around, they were thrown together in some of the same courses, and the rest was history. He helped pull her from her despair even though she had never quite returned to her former self.

He turned to peek at her again. Okay, so maybe he was wrong. He hadn’t cured her completely. His eyes briefly took in the tearstained cheeks before he turned his attention back to the road.

He needed to see her restored again. Not just to the way she had been these past ten years, but to the vibrant and feisty person she was before Drew.

It probably didn’t help that she never dated. For a long time he’d thought maybe she was crushing on him, and now after her little confession... That was beside the point. She’s drunk. It’s all nonsense.

He parked the car, thankful that there was a spot close to the building. Micah was a weepy mess, forcing him to help her up the three flights of stairs. She owed him big!

He couldn’t get to his keys, and every time he let go of her she started to fall over. Her body leaned heavily against his, her soft fragrance overwhelming his senses. Ever since she’d made that remark in the truck, he couldn’t stop thinking about kissing her. By this point he was just flat-out frustrated. On all levels.

Putting his firefighter training to use, he flung her limp body over his shoulder, reached for his keys and opened the door. Yeah, he deserved a steak dinner after this...at the very least.

Finally getting into his bedroom, he wanted to throw her onto the bed. She was too far gone for it to bother her. She deserved the couch after the way she had been acting lately, driving everyone insane with her late-onset depression, but he couldn’t bring himself to do that to her. She would have a killer hangover in the morning. That was punishment enough for being such a pain in his butt lately.

His phone vibrated in his back pocket. Pulling it out, he saw Sabina’s name on the top of the screen.

“Hey. Did you find her stuff?”

“Yeah. I’ve got it.”

“She’s already passed out at my place, so don’t worry about getting it to her now.”

“Is she going to be okay, Josh?” Sabina’s voice was marked with concern, the same concern he had felt recently.

“I don’t know. I hope so. It might be time for a harsh reality check if she doesn’t get her act together soon.”

“As tough as that sounds, I agree.”

They said their goodbyes and hung up. Josh had a lot to think about tonight. How did he tell his best friend to quit being depressed? He knew he couldn’t, but there had to be a way to help. Maybe after tonight she would be fine and he would never have to bring it up. At least that was what he was hoping for.

He looked back at her sleeping form as she lay on his bed. He sat down next to her and pulled her feet into his lap. She was wearing these ridiculous strappy heels that looked a little on the freaky side. He was sure they belonged to Sabina. Micah would never purchase something as complicated as these. It took him a moment, but he figured out how to unfasten each buckle and tugged them off her feet. He struggled with her in such a passed-out state, but he finally got her out of her jacket, too. He pulled the covers back and over her, tucking them close to her. He brushed the curls back from her face and took a moment to study her in such a rare, peaceful state.

“Why have you become so intent on holding on to a ghost, Micah? Tell me that. When will you finally be free of him?”

Josh leaned forward and placed a soft kiss on her forehead. Tomorrow would be difficult, forcing her to face some hard truths. He hoped he would not lose his friend because of it. Oh, he prayed it would never come to that.

“Josh?” She sounded so small and fragile when she spoke.

“Yes?”

“Hold me.”

He had always been putty in her hands, would do anything for her. Over the years, he had learned to control his feelings for her, to tamp down the desire he felt. It almost became easy after a while; dating other women helped refocus all of that pent-up energy, leaving him free to be what Micah needed him to be. But he was a man, after all, a red-blooded man, and his control could only withstand so much. Those two little words threatened to unravel years of hard work.

But how could he deny her? He leaned over her while his mind and body battled it out.

Her eyes slowly opened, the full force of her warm brown gaze hitting him hard. Her pink lips parted ever so slightly. She had no idea the seductive power she had over him.

“Why didn’t you ever kiss me, Josh?”

Her words came out like a whisper, caressing his skin as he hovered over her.

“I always wanted you to.” Desire coursed through him at the sound of her admission.

“I haven’t been kissed since Drew. I haven’t even been on a date, really. I don’t count that guy I lost the bet to.” Her voice held a sensual quality, washing over him, weakening his resolve. “I don’t need a man when I have you...but I do need to be kissed.”

There was too much at stake. He couldn’t risk losing her. He couldn’t risk hurting her.

Her small hand reached up, cupped the side of his face. He found himself leaning into it even as her hand moved up and around his neck. He closed his eyes as her fingers combed through his hair, not realizing until it was too late that she was pulling him closer.

Her soft, tentative lips moved against his, leaving him powerless. He responded to her kiss; the tiny thread on which his control was hanging snapped in an instant. Years of restrained passion ignited as he deepened the kiss.

The ferocious intensity of the need he felt building within caused him to rein it in. And as he did, sanity returned. He ended the kiss abruptly, realization dawning on him. Micah’s eyes were wide in shock, her breathing ragged as she lay pinned beneath him. He looked down to find his hand on her breast.

He muttered a curse as he jumped up from the bed and left the room in a hurry. With the offending hand clenched in a fist, he prayed she was too drunk to ever remember what had just happened. It would ruin everything!

* * *

Micah lay there, stunned. The fog suddenly cleared. Time had stopped. Her breathing halted, or maybe she was breathing faster than normal. She couldn’t tell.

She had been vaguely aware of Josh as his large frame hovered over her, his face close to her own. She had seen his tongue as it peeked out ever so slightly and wet his lips. His gaze pinned to her mouth. Micah had acted on instinct, not fully aware of her own actions.

Then, bam!

She wanted to blame it on her vivid imagination or her wasted mind-set. None of this was real, and that kiss...

Oh, that kiss! Her body was still humming from the intensity of that kiss.

No. There was no way her imagination could have come up with a kiss like that. Her rapidly beating heart spoke volumes in and of itself.

She felt so much at the moment: desire, heat and...guilt? Drew’s face plastered at the forefront of her mind. Her stomach turned.

Micah’s head decided it hurt too much to think right now. She longed for sleep and prayed good dreams would come and steal her from reality and the inevitable hangover that she was already dreading. Why did she think tequila had been a good idea in the first place?

Closing her eyes, she buried herself under the covers and let herself fall under the spell slumber provided.

* * *

The smell of fall surrounded her. Micah couldn’t quite define it, but if she could bottle it she would. It was crisp and fresh and automatically brought images of falling leaves and apple picking. And no one did fall the way New England did. The air was just cool enough to require a jacket, but still nice enough that she and her friends could spend the evening outdoors.

Her hair whipped in the wind, and in this moment of sheer contentment, she allowed it. Pulling the tie from her hair, she let it go wild and free. Drew’s beautiful blue eyes lit up as he watched.

“Oh, Micah O’Shea.” His voice had a deep, grizzled quality as he said her name.

“What?”

“You know I love when you let your hair down.” His voice was just above a whisper as he reached out and grasped a piece between his fingers. “The color is breathtaking.”

Her cheeks grew warm and she silently cursed herself for it. Her ivory skin had an awful habit of turning a splotchy shade of crimson at times. She could feel it happening now.

“Do you two always have to make googly eyes at each other like that?” Jamie’s voice broke their little moment like a baseball bat connecting with crystal. That was Jamie.

“You’re just jealous,” Sabina chimed in from the tailgate of Jamie’s pickup truck. That’s what best friends were for—always had one another’s backs.

“Thanks for the birthday dinner, guys. You didn’t have to do that.” Drew leaned back in the grass on his elbows and crossed his legs at the ankles.

“Yeah, right. You’d kick our butts if we didn’t.” Josh threw a football at Drew, forcing him to sit back up in a hurry. They all laughed at the truth of that statement. The six of them did everything together, therefore every birthday was mandatory.

Micah curled into Drew’s side as he settled back in the grass. She loved listening to his laughter rumble deep in his chest every time the guys said something funny. He smelled like fresh laundry and his cologne. She had bought a small bottle of it and put some on the teddy bear he had won for her last year at the fair. She slept with it every night, breathing in his scent. She knew it was pathetic, and would be mortified if anyone ever found out.

The two of them remained that way until the sky grew dark. She loved looking at the stars, but tonight the sky was too cloudy to see anything but a dark midnight-gray sky.

“Is that a star?” He pointed straight up.

“Where? I think you’re seeing things. I can’t see anything.”

“It probably isn’t.” His laugh rumbled beneath her. She felt him kiss the top of her head. He was always doing little things like that, small actions that made her feel precious, loved. His hand gently rubbed back and forth along her back. It was soothing. She could fall asleep here in the grass, in his arms. She could spend forever with him like this.

“I love you,” she murmured into his neck.

“I love you, too.”

They were completely lost in one another. Their friends were still there, not paying any attention to them, just as the two of them were not paying any attention to the others. He lifted her hand from his chest and placed a warm kiss to her palm, cradling it to his cheek. Yes, she could stay like this forever.

The cool night air drifted over them. Everyone had become so quiet that it was easy to hear the leaves rustling around them, the small town below them settling down for the night. It was beautiful. Magical. It was a memory that would forever be imprinted on her mind. Embraced in the arms of the one she loved, surrounded by friends who were always there—yes, a memory to last a lifetime.

She wasn’t sure how long they were there. Time just seemed to stop for the six of them. A tiny droplet hit her forehead. At first, she wondered if it was from the trees above them, but then another followed. The droplets grew in size and intensity, bringing an end to their magical night.

Drew yelled his thanks to everyone as they all dashed to their cars to escape the downpour. Micah ran to Drew’s car. She ducked down into the low seat as he scrambled to the other side.

The October air was already crisp; the added rain only compounded the chill. She shivered and pulled her jacket tighter as Drew fumbled with the heat controls.

“It should warm up quickly.” Drew maneuvered the car back to the road and headed in the direction of her house. She felt guilty that he had to take her all the way back to her house when his was right there, but he had insisted on driving her.

The rain was coming down in sheets, making it nearly impossible to see past the windshield. Suddenly she was worried about Drew. “Are you all right driving in this?”

“I’ll be fine.”

He reached out for her hand and gave her a look she knew well. “I could always stay the night, though.”

“Yeah, my parents would love that.”

“It was worth a try.”

He pulled into her driveway and turned off the car. They sat there in silence for a while, neither one wanting to end the night. He still held her hand, pulling her closer as he went in for a kiss over the center console. She loved kissing him. He knew how to kiss, how to use his lips. Of course, she had nothing else to compare to, but she was positive he was one of the best. She didn’t want to consider how he got so good, instead just reveled in the fact that she was the one he was kissing now.

His hand began to roam. She needed to get closer, needed more of him, but the console was in the way. Seriously?

He unzipped her jacket, his hand moving toward the hem of her sweater. It slipped under and his cool hands met her warm flesh. It felt good, too good. Red flags began to wave. Sirens began to sound.

No. Not yet.

“I told you already. I’m not ready. Why must you always push it?”

“I’m sorry. I just figured...”

“What? It’s your birthday, so you can get away with it?”

“No...”

“Save it. Happy birthday, Drew.” She opened the car door. Rain and cold air slapped her in the face. She ran toward the front porch, not looking back. She heard his car start again and the tires peeling out onto the road. She had made him mad, but oh well. He had made her mad, too. This conversation had become too familiar. She didn’t understand why he kept pushing it.