Читать книгу Expecting His Child - Tessa Radley - Страница 21

Thirteen

They walked back to the pensione, only this time he didn’t take her hand, and it made AJ’s heart ache.

No, it was bigger than that. Everything inside ached, like someone had come along and stolen a vital part of herself, and that loss only exacerbated the chaos.

“Matt?”

“Yeah?” He pushed the front door open and let her go in first. She mounted the narrow staircase, more than aware of his presence close behind. When they reached the top of the stairs, she turned to face him. “Back at the beach. You were going to ask me something but didn’t.” His brows dipped but he said nothing. “What was it?”

“Nothing.”

He made a move to go past her but she grabbed his arm, forcing him to stop. “Just say it. I want to know.”

He huffed out a sigh. “I was going to ask you about the night we broke up.”

She dropped his arm and took a step back. “Why do you want to talk about that?”

“How long did it take for you to forgive me?”

“I just—” Wow, what could she say to that? “I didn’t blame you.” It was true. She’d blamed herself.

“Not even after the way I just dropped it on you?”

“No.” She turned and walked down the short corridor toward their bedroom door. Matt followed. “Why are you asking now? The past is past. Going over it won’t change anything.” She shoved the door open, went straight to the wardrobe and grabbed her suitcase.

“You don’t like talking about the past, do you?”

She snapped her gaze up, irritated by his brusqueness. “Just because I don’t blurt out every tiny detail about my life doesn’t mean it’s wrong.” She turned to the bureau, grabbed a handful of underwear and tossed them into the open case.

“I’m not saying that. But you need to give a little, AJ. You can’t expect someone to open up to you if you don’t do the same.”

I don’t want to open up. Not to you. “This isn’t part of our deal, Matt,” she said softly.

He studied her in cool silence before saying, “That night we broke up? I’d just come off a twelve-hour shift. My tardiness and distraction hadn’t gone unnoticed those past six months. I’d had ‘the talk’ from my parents, then my senior resident—”

“Matt...”

“And the second time, I had to step up and make a choice.”

She glared at him as he tried to make his point. The teeny, tiny point. “Your career came first.” When it came, his slow nod only confirmed what she’d thought all along. “And I wasn’t Matthew Cooper girlfriend material.”

“I didn’t say that.”

“You didn’t need to. You never once introduced me to your family or took me out where someone from your social circle might see us. Or...or...even invited me to your Christmas party,” she added tightly.

If he’d really wanted her, he would’ve found a way to work it out, right? AJ thought.

He gave a short, exasperated sigh. “I thought you were okay with things being casual. I didn’t know you wanted to—”

“Well, you never asked!” Her hands went to her hips, irritation surging through her.

He mirrored her stance. “Nor did you!”

She stood there in silence until she couldn’t take it anymore. “Fine. You want to know? I’ll tell you. I was planning on staying in town and I was trying to work out the best way to tell you.”

The shock on his face was almost laughable. Almost. But instead of laughter, a deep burning embarrassment welled up in her throat, scalding her neck, then her cheeks.

“AJ...”

“Please don’t, Matt.” She whirled and grabbed a dress from the wardrobe, folding it with sharp precision. “It was a long time ago. I got over it.” Oh, you are such a liar. “I moved on. So let’s just—”

The shrill sound of a phone splintered the air and with a soft curse, Matt whirled and grabbed the offending gadget from the dresser.

“Yes, Mum?”

All the fight drained from AJ with those two little words and she left him to his call, walking into the bathroom to gather her toiletries. As she packed her shampoo, conditioner, toothbrush and toothpaste, she couldn’t shake the ominous feeling that she’d put her foot right in it.

You’re smarter than this.

She couldn’t change the past and there was no point arguing with Matt about it. He didn’t need to know how much that rejection had hurt, how it had shaped every relationship since him.

The past had no bearing on the here and now. They both understood this was a physical arrangement, not a romantic one. God, what would he do if he knew she’d been fantasizing about their relationship these past few weeks? That sometimes, in the lonely early-morning light when she imagined them being a real couple, it made everything ache like she’d already lost something she’d never get back?

She was so caught up in her turbulent thoughts she didn’t realize he was standing in the doorway until she caught his reflection in the mirror.

He was staring at her with an odd, intense look, as if he wanted to say something yet wasn’t sure she’d want to hear it. A look so unlike Matt that it gave her pause.

She took a deep breath and turned around. “Look, this is stupid, us arguing. I made some silly choices the past ten years.” Not to mention reckless and downright dangerous ones, too. She’d been crazy, eager to push boundaries, eager to forget. “But they were my choices, and I don’t regret them.” She’d also learned some hard lessons about life and love and for that she’d always be grateful. “You also made a choice and did what you thought was right. Let’s just drop it, shall we?”

She hated it when he said nothing. His scrutiny was so focused, as if he was trying to figure out all the dark marks on her heart. “My parents have some spare tickets for a benefit on Tuesday. Do you want to come with me?”

She frowned. “What?”

“You, me, a Saint Cat’s fund-raiser. Will you be my date?”

Yes! No! No, wait...

Confusion warred inside her, her resolution to keep Matt at a distance battling with other, deeper desires. “I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

“Why not?”

Her hands went to her hips. “Oh, only about a dozen reasons. Me and your parents, for one.”

“They don’t bite.”

She snorted. “That’s not what I meant. You’re the one who still has to work with the hospital.”

“It’s the twenty-first century, AJ. We’re allowed to go out in public without a chaperone.”

“Don’t be obtuse. You know what I mean.”

“Oh, I’m sure they’re already talking about us.” He crossed his arms and fixed her with a direct look. “We went to see Saint Cat’s top fertility specialist together. Our names are on forms, computer systems and now tests. You can’t keep secrets in a hospital for long.”

Of course, he was right. It didn’t matter to her, but... “Does it bother you? The fact that people are probably talking about you?”

He shrugged. “They’ve been doing that all my life.”

“I see.”

A beat passed. “So you never did answer. Are you afraid of being seen with me?”

“No.” She turned and shoved her moisturizer into her toiletries bag.

He stepped inside the bathroom and crossed his arms, eyes glinting as he blocked her exit. She glared back and let her unimpressed expression do all the talking.

He wasn’t buying it. “I don’t believe it. AJ Reynolds is afraid of meeting my parents?”

“Now, listen here—”

“That’s just not possible.” He advanced slowly, his mouth slanted into a mocking grin. “Not the same woman who shared my bed last week.”

No, don’t talk about that! “Matt—” She backed up into the vanity, her butt resting on the cool marble as her heart quickened.

“Not the same AJ who kissed me so hard I couldn’t breathe.” His hands went out, trapping her against the vanity as he leaned in. “The same one who squirmed beneath me,” he whispered. “Writhing and panting as I kissed every inch of her skin—”

AJ’s eyes drifted closed, the hot memory washing over her, bathing her in desire. A second later his lips went to her neck and she sighed, welcoming, wanting.

“—then demanded I take her hard and fast on my office desk.”

Her hands went to his nape and she dragged his mouth to hers with a soft groan. Yet he held back, the muscles in his neck straining under her grip, eyes liquid pools of chocolate. “What are you afraid of, Angel?”

“Nothing.” Everything. You. Me. This.

“Then come with me.”

How much had she wanted this all those years ago? To be the one on his arm, introduced and included in his life. And now the desperate need flared in her yet again. She wanted to see what his life had been like without her, what had shaped him, who he’d been. A life she regretted not fighting harder to be involved with in the first place, if she were brutally honest.

She breathed out slowly. “Okay.”

God, that smile. That brilliant, triumphant smile that wounded her so low and deep. He undid her a thousand times over.

Then his mouth swooped down to cover hers.

AJ could never get enough of his kisses, the way he took control, devouring her. The way his breath filled her mouth and her senses, his soft murmurs cranking her desire into a long, slow burn of need.

He swiftly grabbed her bottom, hiking her up onto the vanity, and she wrapped her legs around his waist, urging him closer.

Their week of abstinence was over. He wanted her. And she wanted him right back.

“Matt...” she gasped against his lips. “We...”

“Do you trust me?”

A low groan reverberated in her throat. She loved the way his dark eyes went languid with passion. They bore into her, as if she was his sole focus and he had no place else he’d rather be.

“Do you trust me?” he repeated.

Her heart twisted. “Yes.”

“Then we can do this.”

“It won’t ruin anything?”

“I promise. I’m a doctor, remember?”

She swallowed. Her body felt like it was on fire, so desperate was her need, and it took barely a second to make the decision. She nodded, not trusting herself to speak.

Everything happened in a split second—the frenzy of clothes being shoved up, off or aside. Her legs spreading at his touch, her mouth parting beneath his eager tongue. The hiss of excitement when skin met skin, then an excruciating pause as Matt readied himself.

Then one hard, swift plunge and they were engulfed in the scorching, familiar heat, their cries of delight echoing through the bathroom.

Matt pounded into her, his hard thrusts skidding her across the cold marble as his fingers dug into her bottom. She groaned and crossed her ankles so her heels bumped on the delicious curve where his lower back met his butt. He was deep, so very deep and it felt so very right.

“Yes,” she murmured, urging him on. He filled her completely, his thick length sliding intimately in, out, in, out, his tongue an erotic echo in her mouth. They tangled, they battled, they took. And they shared, too—from breath and kisses to the slick, damp heat intimately joining them in a familiar dance.

AJ climaxed and threw her head back with a cry, losing herself to the bursts of light behind her eyelids. She felt Matt spill into her, his deep groan of satisfaction echoing as everything inside contracted and shuddered.

“Matt...” she breathed. “I...”

He cut her off with a kiss, his mouth gently searing hers. A tender, almost loving gesture that squeezed at something deep inside, something she’d thought buried long ago, prickling her eyes and sending every sense into meltdown.

She broke off the kiss to lay her cheek against his shoulder, her heartbeat filling every slow second.

She squeezed her eyes shut. They had history and chemistry. That was it. That was all it could ever be.

She would not fall in love with Matthew Cooper because that would be supremely stupid. And she, AJ Reynolds, was not stupid.

* * *

By nine the next morning they were miles above the earth, on their way back to Sydney. Matt glanced over at AJ, nose-deep in a book, then to Decker, stretched out and asleep behind his dark sunglasses, then to Carly, who was single-mindedly tapping away on her laptop.

He sighed and returned to the schedule laid out on his iPad, but moments later he gave up.

AJ had opened up, stunning him with that little truth from her past.

She’d been planning to stay. How could he have not seen that? But he’d been blind to anything but his own problems and gotten in first, shot her down, and she’d left.

He rubbed the bridge of his nose and scowled.

Now here they were again, treading familiar ground, coming together and getting lost in that crazy desire just like before. No, not like before. His eyes darted to her bright red hair, the gentle curve of her cheek. He knew what he wanted now. And AJ...well, she wanted something, too. And apparently that didn’t include him.

He’d felt her withdrawal this morning, the way she didn’t meet his eyes, the subtle wall she put between them. He’d reassured her that their lovemaking hadn’t stuffed anything up but wasn’t entirely sure she believed him.

He cast his mind back to the previous night, and suddenly everything flooded in: AJ writhing beneath him, calling his name as he drove deep inside, loving her until they finally collapsed, sated and spent. And later, in bed, she’d driven him crazy with her hands and body, her shock of hair as it teased his sensitive nipples, brushed over his belly, then lower when she took him in her mouth with bold delight.

Damn. He shifted in his seat, trying to relieve the sudden tightness in his groin. Despite that incredible chemistry, he still had no idea what was going on in her head. Oh, she’d let down her guard a little, allowing a brief glimpse inside, but it still wounded him, the way she’d so grudgingly shared that snippet.

Yeah, and you’re an open book, right?

AJ glanced up then, meeting his eyes, and he realized he’d been staring.

She blinked, her bright eyes assessing, searching, a hesitant smile hovering on her lips. That tiny uncertainty—from a woman so very sure of everything else in her life—tore at his heart.

He’d put that uncertainty there and he had a lot to make up for. So he held her gaze and put everything he had into his smile, every remembered kiss, every touch, every breath they’d shared.

Her eyes widened...and then there it was, the lush curve of her mouth, the seductive crease of her cat’s eyes before she ducked her head and returned to her book.

There was his Angel.

And just like that, he fell. Totally, completely.

He loved her. Loved everything about her—all those doubts, all those tiny scars on her heart, her fractured past that had shaped her into the strong, independent woman she was now.

But would it be enough? Would he be enough?

There was only one way to find out. He had to keep going forward.

* * *

AJ refused to let disappointment show when Matt dropped her off at Zac’s apartment. Instead, she pasted on a smile and accepted his kiss on the cheek.

“I have to go to work,” he murmured, his lips lingering, giving her goose bumps. “I have a meeting tonight.”

“On a Sunday?”

“Conference call. I’ll call you, okay?”

“Sure.”

She watched him go, her gaze drinking in his long stride, the way the expensive suit sat on his lean frame, the shaggy hairline that brushed his collar.

She whirled to the elevator, forcing back inexplicable tears. Lust had never gripped her so surely before, trapping her in tight claws until he was all she could think about.

She furiously pressed the up button over and over, determined to ignore the way her breath hitched. And what of last night? How would that affect her chances of getting pregnant? Surely it had consequences, despite his reassurances.

The elevator doors slid open and she strode in, dumping her bag on the floor before digging out her phone and dialing Dr. Adams’s number.

As much as she wanted Matt, burned for him like a bushfire had taken up residence under her skin, she couldn’t jeopardize her chances. She had to know the facts. And if that meant complete abstinence, then so be it.

Ten minutes later, after Dr. Adams had eased her mind, she ran a bath, cranked up her iPod and turned her attention to the novel she’d been trying to read since the flight. But she only managed a few pages before restlessness got the better of her.

“Damn you, Matthew Cooper,” she muttered, rising from the water and grabbing a towel. After making herself a cup of tea, she pulled out her sketch pad and pencils and began to work.