Читать книгу Blaikie’s Guide to Modern Manners - Thomas Blaikie - Страница 30

With the rising tide of money in recent years there have been more and more office parties. Employers think they are providing a treat. Employees do nothing but grumble. ‘Have we got to go?’ ‘I’m not sitting next to her.’ ‘Only sparkling white this year! Cutting back, are we?’ One year Matt was required to organise the Christmas party. He nearly died. It had to be an elaborate event with a theme and a band and entertainment and a seating plan. Nothing else would do. Afterwards, everybody was invited to fill out a questionnaire criticising it to their heart’s content.

‘But research shows,’ says Matt, ‘that if we just gave them vouchers, they wouldn’t feel valued.’

You can’t win.

The anarchy and drunkenness of office parties are legendary. But the inexperienced should be wary. It’s not what it seems.

The classic horror scenario is the younger employees behaving just as they would at their own party, only worse. Telling the boss what they really think of him or her is just the beginning. They will insist on strip poker; if met with general recalcitrance they will take all their clothes off just to make a point and sit on the lap of the most spinsterly of the PAs. This is a prelude to being violently sick and collapsing on the floor.

Senior staff may not behave much better. I heard of one boss who, in his speech, took the opportunity to tell his workforce that they were a useless lot who would be lucky to find their jobs waiting for them when they returned after New Year. Another, who had cleverly seen to it that only very gorgeous young men were employed in the media-planning department, took the opportunity of the Christmas party to snog them all.

If not out of control, you might, like Matt, have trouble thinking of something to say. ‘One year I spent the time discussing how we could reduce paper costs with a colleague.’ This is very bad – talking shop. But suddenly having to wean yourself off this kind of thing and talk to people you think you know well in a different way is disconcerting.

 Anarchy at office parties is far more controlled than it appears.

 You can get drunk but you should not be incapable.

 Don’t be sick.

 Don’t make an exhibition of yourself.

 Don’t talk shop.

 In some cases you need to talk to people as if you’ve never met them before (see Getting to know people: Perfect questions, page 145).

 Sex, on the whole, is a mistake.

 Drugs should not be taken, unless actually provided by the boss.