Читать книгу Our Life Well-Lived - Thomas Ph.D Crochetiere - Страница 5

On January 1^st, I returned to Vicki’s apartment and asked her out on a date. She accepted and we went on our first date together the next day. I remember driving her down restaurant row looking for one of the finer places to eat. When I gave her the choice of any restaurant she wanted, she told me she just wanted a hamburger and chose Carrow’s. I was hoping for something a little more romantic than Carrow’s but if that is what Vicki wanted, that is what she will have.

We were at the restaurant for a few hours, just talking. I planned to take Vicki to the movies but time just got away from us. When I dropped her off after our date, I asked her when we could go out again. Vicki asked me what I was doing the next day. I told her tomorrow it was and on January 3^rd, we went out on our second date.

Vicki and I again went out and had a wonderful time. I was sad because my time off from work came to an end and I had to be back to work the next day. I told Vicki I would not be able to return for a few weeks but wanted to know if we could continue dating. Vicki told me she liked that idea and we made another date for when I returned.

For our third date on January 25^th, I took Vicki for a tram ride high on the mountain above Palm Springs, CA. While there, we took a mule ride and went on a long walk. It was then that I decided to confess my love for Vicki.

I began by saying, “How do I tell a married woman I think I am in love with her”. Vicki looked at me and quietly said, “You think”. I then rephrased by saying, “I know”. She then quickly said, “You just tell her!” at which time I said to Vicki, “I love you” for the first time.

Our first photo together as a couple

Vicki told me immediately after she got married; she became a frequent victim of abuse by her new husband during his drug-induced tirades. She told me that she was eight months pregnant when she married and after Jason was just two months old, she left the brutality and never looked back. She shared with me that the only reason she was still married, was because she could not afford to file for the divorce.

Although she had been separated for over a year and planning to get a divorce, she was married nonetheless. Before meeting Vicki, I could never have imagined myself telling a married woman I was in love with her; let alone date her. However, with Vicki everything was different. I knew the night I met her I would someday marry her and I wanted her to know I was serious, as I did not want her to get away.

Vicki later told me she did not know how serious I was about her until the day I confessed my love for her. She told me it was at that moment she realized she loved me too. She confessed that being separated might complicate matters and she tried to find ways to pay for the divorce to clear the way for our future together.

It had been suggested to Vicki and I that Ben was a sort of match maker for us. As romantic as this may sound, it is not entirely true. Although we did meet at his party, Ben had originally intended for Vicki to meet one of his other friends, as he thought they would make a good couple.

During the New Year’s Eve Party, Ben told me I needed to back away from Vicki because she was supposed to be getting to know his other friend. I told him “Not”, gave him a new drink and sent him on his way. I knew Vicki was “the one” and I was not about to step aside for any other!

Vicki was just 18 and I was 22 when we met. I turned 23 a month later and Vicki would turn 19 the following month. We had been dating for about a month and a half when her mother asked me why an older guy (me) was interested in her daughter. She asked me if I realized Vicki had a child. I remember telling her I did not consider myself an “older guy” and I loved her daughter.

I assured Vicki’s mother that my intentions were honorable and I was fully aware Jason was part of the package. She said no more about it but I began to question myself, was a four-year difference in age too much? I did not think long and decided that this age difference was not an issue. All I needed to know was that I was in love with Vicki.

Tom and Vicki in one of our first photos together

In early March while Vicki and I were shopping, I was carrying Jason around the store. Then all of the sudden, out of the mouth of a 15-month old, Jason said to me, “Are you my daddy”? I cannot tell you how proud this made me feel as I looked at the surprised expression on Vicki’s face and seeing the serious look on Jason’s face. I then simply told him, “I someday hope to be”. I later told Vicki she did not need to have Jason ask me that as she already had me the night we met. She laughed and said she had no idea where his question came from but liked the idea I someday may be his daddy.

It was a few weeks later when Vicki confessed she could not afford the divorce at that time. I made a deal with her and said I would pay for this divorce as long as she would pay for her next one. Knowing this would clear the way for our probable marriage, we both laughed and she then agreed.

During the summer, Vicki and I along with several other people went up in the nearby forest to explore old, abandoned mines. Some of the mines had a rather small entry where Vicki and I did not feel comfortable going inside. There were others where we were able to walk in to explore.

I remember being several hundred feet inside one abandoned mine when we heard the sound of a shotgun shell being chambered. I had heard that sound before and knew exactly what it was. We then heard a man’s voice telling us this mine was still active and we needed to leave immediately. A few of us had guns but they were loaded with snake shot to protect ourselves from rattlesnakes and the like, not from other people with guns! We did just as he asked and quickly exited the mine.

Vicki’s brother Kevin stayed with her and Jason during the summer and shared this memory of that visit. “One of my many memories is shortly after Vicki moved to Morongo Valley, I spent a week with her and she took me fishing at the Whitewater Fish Hatchery. We then drove down off of Highway 111 to play in the water where I soon learned that water moved faster than me! What a great day!!!” Kevin.

After dating now for several months, I learned Vicki was the most finicky eater I had ever met. She liked her meat cooked well done; I mean if she saw any pink in the meat, she would send it back!

I also learned if I wanted to make her happy, I would only take her to where she could order a burger or Mexican food. I could only imagine by this point what her mother had to deal with trying for cook to Vicki’s limited tastes.

Vicki introduced me to camping when we went to visit Yosemite National Park for our first trip together. We bought a tent and sleeping bags and borrowed everything else from her parents (Les and Barbara Wilford). I found that I really loved to camp and explore the great outdoors. Having only been to one National Park before (Joshua Tree National Park, close to where I lived in the desert), I quickly discovered my love for the National Park service.

While camping, Jason cut his fingertip and we bandaged it up. Several ducks stopped by to pay us a visit while looking for handouts. Vicki and I started to give them pieces of bread and Jason asked if he could feed them too. We handed him a slice of bread and he began to tear apart pieces to toss to the ducks.

When he ran out of bread, the ducks noticed the bandage on his finger and thought he was holding back a final piece of bread. One of the ducks decided to help himself, clamped onto Jason’s finger, and would not let go. Thankfully, Jason survived the attack and the duck was sent on his way.

For the most part, the trip went well. Jason had a good time, as did Vicki and I. It was on the long drive home when Jason decided he was not having fun any longer and cried the rest of the drive home. This really got on my nerves and I was glad to drop Vicki and Jason off at her parent’s house and leave.

Vicki gave me a couple of days to calm down and when I called her, she told me she feared I might have changed my mind about her and Jason and she would never hear from me again. I told her no, I realized this will be part of our life together and I would have to get used to it eventually. I assured Vicki my love for her and Jason had not changed but I did discover I was not as patient with children as I thought I was.

Some boxes of men’s clothing were left in the garage of the apartment Vicki was renting and she mentioned this to me, Ben and Ben’s friend Don. She said there were suits, jackets and a lot of nice clothes in the boxes. Vicki said she did not know what to do with the boxes, that she would probably just throw everything out. Both Ben and Don expressed interest in taking a look at the clothing to see if there was anything they would be interested in before she threw them out.

The four of us were in the garage while Ben and Don opened the boxes. They both found suit jackets they liked and tried them on. As they slipped them on, Vicki noticed the jackets were covered with spiders and the spiders were now on Ben and Don. Vicki screamed and ran back into the apartment. Ben and Don immediately took off the jackets and ran to the door to get into the apartment but found the door closed and locked! As they were yelling for Vicki to let them in, she said, “No way!” Vicki was kind enough to walk out front and open the garage door to let us out. Vicki stood her distance and just laughed at Ben and Don.

Needless to say, neither Ben nor Don took any clothes with them that day. Ben could not stop looking around his body for any stray spiders. He was so freaked out; he immediately left to go home to take a shower. Vicki told him not to bring his little friends (the spiders) back with him. Ben failed to see the humor but Vicki kept laughing.

Later that fall, Vicki’s divorce was finalized. When the judge told her she should pick her next husband more carefully, Vicki responded by saying she did and told the judge, “He is here with me now”. The judge just shook his head and announced “next case”.

My mother was a volunteer for her nearby hospital and a couple of weeks before Christmas; they had their annual Christmas party. My mother invited me, Vicki and Ben to join them at the party and Ben asked if he could bring a date. My mother told him since he would be staying the night; he could not share a bed with his date in her house. Ben was not happy with her old fashioned thinking but agreed not to bring a date with him.

The party went well and we returned to my parents’ house to go to sleep. My mother was not much of a practical joker but this night was different. You see, she was concerned about Ben not having someone to sleep with so she decided to get a blow up doll and dress it in clothing and neatly placed it in the guest bedroom where Ben was to sleep. As we all said our goodnights, Ben went into the guest room and then quickly exited with a puzzled look on his face. Ben quietly told us there was someone sleeping in his bed. My mother told him he was crazy and he said he was not, that there was someone in his bed. As we all walked to the guest room, sure enough, there was someone under the covers in the bed. Just then, my mother walked up to the sleeping woman and hit her while saying “Get up”. As my mother hit her, she (the blow up doll) fell out of bed, causing us all to jump back. My mother started laughing at which time we realized what she had done.

Ben did not seem very amused about this but we all got a good laugh. I had no idea my mother had this devilish way about her but it was great! As the years passed, even Ben started to laugh about that night. I sometimes think he kind of misses that doll!

Being somewhat a traditional person, I visited Vicki’s parents to ask their permission to marry her. Vicki’s father had a reputation of being a hard to approach and a somewhat difficult person towards his daughter’s boyfriends. When I announced my intentions and asked for permission to marry their daughter, Vicki’s father stalled by saying, “Well” ....... “I don’t know” ....... “Let me think” ....... at which time Vicki’s mother smacked him on his shoulder and said, “Just answer him Wilford”, he then said “Yes”.

Knowing Christmas was a large family event for both of our families; I decided to wait until Christmas Eve day to officially ask Vicki to be my wife. Just before we were to leave her parent's house to go to their annual family event at her grandparent’s (Tom and Rosie Wilford) house, I asked Miss Vicki to marry me and did so in the presence of her parent’s. Vicki immediately got embarrassed and said “No!”

I then quietly explained that I was serious and I would only ask her one more time. I again asked her to marry me, at which time she said “Yes”. She later told me I embarrassed her and she could not believe I asked her in front of her family.

While at her grandparent’s house, we announced our engagement to Vicki’s side of the family. Then later that evening while attending my family’s annual open house, we announced our engagement to my side of the family. I was so looking forward to making the three of us a family.

When we talked about setting a wedding date, I shared with Vicki that I did not want to marry a teenager and told her I would like to marry any time after her 20^th birthday on March 28^th but by June 1^st. Vicki quickly picked June 1^st as our wedding day. I then asked her why June and not sooner, was she trying to put it off? Vicki told me she had always dreamed about being a June bride, so that is why she chose June 1^st.

Not long after we met, I started to call Vicki, “Miss Vicki”. I do not know exactly why but it just seemed fitting. I immediately had a great deal of respect for her, as she was very special. In a way, I thought of her as a queen and deservedly needed a title. Since she did not object, the title stuck.