Читать книгу The Problem Was Me - Thomas Ph.D. Gagliano - Страница 14

I remember the night I looked in the mirror, with rage, and said, “I am my father’s son.” All of the hatred I felt spewed out toward my father. I also recall hating myself for bringing the same wreckage into my home that my father brought into his. Today, my feelings for my father emanate from the loving messages he gave my children and the love he received from people he helped. I am proud to be my father’s son. Today when I watch a movie or television show about a father and son relationship, it brings up deep feelings of emotion. As a boy, I so desperately wanted to feel loved and special.

By the time my father found peace, I was still dealing with my own demons. Because he died at age fifty-seven, we missed having quality time together. His death motivated me to make certain that my own children know how much I love them. With my self-acceptance came empathy and compassion for my father. None of this would have been possible had I not taken the steps to heal my internal wounds first.

Complete forgiveness is an ongoing process, beginning with the willingness to take the action of forgiveness rather than choosing the path of victimhood. My father did not hurt me because of something I did. Instead, his actions were a result of his internal demons. He never meant to hurt me, just as I never intended to hurt the people who mattered most to me.