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“It's not who you are that holds you back, it's who you think you're not.”

— Anonymous

I want to ask you a question: did you come to college or are you considering going to college to get on academic probation and fail out?

Of course not, that would be crazy, right?

OK, now let me ask you this: did you come to college planning to maintain a 4.0 average or graduate with honors and land the internship or job of your dreams or transfer to the school of your choice?

If your answer is not “Yes!” why isn’t it? It should be.

If you’re not expecting excellence from yourself, then what are you expecting?

You see, the funny thing about books like this is that a certain type of person reads them. For example, if I were to write a book about becoming a more effective parent, who do you think would read it? If you guessed “good parents,” you’re right!

So when you release a book about maximizing your college experience to set yourself up for success, chances are the people reading it are already success-minded people. So I want to congratulate you for making the conscious decision and taking the action to pick up this book and make the commitment to self-improvement. Now stick with it and you won’t be disappointed.

Earlier I gave you a bit of a history of my college experience, so let me break that down a bit. I will start with my speaking bio, which is used to introduce me at the beginning of my talks to college and high school students.

As a financial adviser, author, entrepreneur, personal trainer, and wellness coach, Tim Skjellerup has helped hundreds of people set and achieve goals in all aspects of life. His sound guidance and encouragement have enabled individuals and audiences to overcome personal obstacles and reach their true potential.

Tim is a 2008 graduate of Mohawk Valley Community College, where he was a member of Phi Theta Kappa, the international honor society for two-year colleges. Tim transferred to Cornell University, graduating magna cum laude in 2011 with his bachelor of science in applied economics and management and a concentration in entrepreneurship.

While at Cornell Tim joined the Golden Key International Honor Society and was a member of the Cornell Triathlon Club, where he trained for and successfully completed the 2010 Ford Lake Placid Ironman Triathlon, a grueling 2.4-mile swim, 112-mile bike ride, and 26.2-mile run. Prior to graduating from MVCC, Tim served in the United States Marine Corps infantry and was the founder of numerous small businesses. Currently he is the founder and president of New Life Wellness Systems and the Skjellerup Development Group. He is also a dedicated church volunteer and father. Prior to his career as a professional speaker and author, Tim held a position as a financial adviser with a Fortune 500 financial firm. Please join me in welcoming Tim Skjellerup.

Sounds pretty impressive, doesn’t it? Well, the nice thing about being a public speaker is that you can write your own bio. Now before you say, “I have nothing in common with this guy, I’m done with this book!” hold on a minute. Like I said, I wrote my own intro. I want it to sound as good as possible in order to grab people’s attention right off the bat. Although it’s all true, what the intro doesn’t say is that I graduated from high school ranked 101 out of 117. It doesn’t talk about my struggle with alcohol abuse, difficulty with a learning disability that made math and spelling a living nightmare for me, or the soul-crushing anxiety and depression of my marriage ending.

My first attempt at college was horrible. I failed noncredit Math 050 once and dropped it twice, I failed Human Life Science, and I even managed to figure out how to fail Fitness Center. My life was one big party, and I had developed an alcohol problem that nearly ruined me. The only reason I was in college to begin with was because my parents told me that if I went to college I could live at home. It was warm at home, there was food at home, and I had a bed at home. It seemed like a no-brainer to me at the time.

So I was showing up to class when I felt like it, partying like a rock star, and wondering why I was feeling miserable and empty inside. College to me at that time was simply a holding tank where if I did just enough to get by, I could stay there indefinitely. Or so I thought.

I was like a rudderless little tug boat circling around in the shallow water because I was afraid to go out into the deep water with the big ships.

I had no goals, no vision, and no plan for my life, and I did not believe in myself.

Our Belief System

It turns out that our belief system is one of the most powerful systems in the universe, and what we hold as our core beliefs about ourselves and our situations will be one of the most telling determinants of where we will end up in life. When you begin to identify and become cognizant of the belief systems that you hold, you can begin to realize if they are healthy, realistic, and positive belief systems or if they are negative, unhealthy, and limiting beliefs.

Our beliefs systems are engrained into us beginning in early childhood. For example, if you were raised in a home where one or both parents abused alcohol or drugs, or were physically or mentally abusive, you very well may hold beliefs about other people who sound something like this:

•People can’t be trusted.

•If I get too close to people or let them get too close to me, I will most likely be disappointed or hurt.

•The only way for me to get love is to give up part of myself or my beliefs and principles.

•If I don’t go with the flow, people will become angry, chaos will ensue, and I will probably get hurt.

•I’m not worth their trouble, so I won’t ask and will just try to figure it out on my own.

•Why would he/she want to go out with a loser like me?

The list could go on for pages, but I think you get the point.

These are all examples of unhealthy, self-defeating, and self-limiting beliefs.

On the other hand, if you were raised in a stable home full of love and encouragement, a home with clear, healthy rules and boundaries and fair and consistent consequences with positive reinforcement, you will be more inclined to have a better opinion of others and yourself. This may look something like this:

•He/she seems like an interesting person. I should go introduce myself and ask him/her to lunch or coffee.

•I don’t understand this concept; I’m probably not the only one. I should ask for clarity on this.

•He/she is really cool, smart, funny, good looking, fun, etc. I should ask him/her out. What’s the worst that can happen? If he/she says no, I’m no worse off than I am right now.

•This person seems trustworthy, so I want to develop a strong relationship with him/her.

These are all examples of positive, affirmative belief systems.

Our beliefs also spill over into all areas of our lives. Whether you realize it or not, you have a belief about many things, such as:

•Yourself

•Your family

•Other people

•Finances and money

•Your health and wellness

•And your academics

Just to name a few.

And the good news about our belief systems is that they are not set in stone. They can be changed.

One of the first things that I had to do was change my belief system about many different aspects of my life. I held many negative beliefs about:

Money

“Only crooked people get rich, and they are greedy bastards.” This was derived from my own insecurity. Every time I saw someone that I perceived to have more money than me, I would make up some story about him/her as to how he/she got lucky, had rich parents, or was in tons of debt in order to have what he/she had. The reality of the situation was that I had no idea what his/her situation was.

Academic Success

“Only nerds that don’t have a life and never get laid get good grades and go to good schools.” This is what I would say on the outside, but on the inside I was wishing I could succeed in school. And like my youngest brother, Tyler, says, “Shit in one hand and wish in the other and see which one fills up quicker.” Tyler followed his dream and was successful at becoming a United States Marine Corps scout sniper. On the inside I was making excuses and wishing.

Relationships

“This person will probably not be around long, so I should get as much from this relationship as I can and make sure I have some backup just in case.” I don’t think I have to tell you the self-destructive forces behind this mind-set.

So what happened? What took a negative, self-destructive person with no goals or real ambition from the brink of disaster to living his dreams? What helped me change my core beliefs system from negative to positive?

There were two key realizations that I had to come to before anything would change. I had to realize first that I was responsible, and then that I was capable.