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“In the long run, we shape our lives, and we shape ourselves. The process never ends until we die. And the choices we make are ultimately our own responsibility.”

— Eleanor Roosevelt

I have something to tell you that you may or may not agree with…and if you choose to disagree with me that’s OK. As super successful radio talk show host Dave Ramsey says, this is America, and you have the right to be wrong. What I have to tell you is this…

You are responsible for the outcome of your life!

And furthermore, you are responsible for where you are today. Ouch! I first heard this when I was wallowing in my own self-misery, and I tried to come up with every reason why it wasn’t true, but you know what I found out? It is true! Everything that you have or don’t have is brought on as a result of your own decisions and thought process that you have chosen to engage in up to this point. This also includes your belief system. The beliefs that we hold onto are a choice. And now that you are aware of it, you don’t have any excuse. Don’t try to argue with me, because you are talking to what used to be the master of making excuses, blaming others, and overall irresponsibility. I would blame everyone from my parents to the government to God for why my life sucked. And, by the way, it did suck. I was overweight, I smoked a pack and a half a day, I drank way too much alcohol, did horribly in school, and my relationships were in shambles. I was an obnoxious, selfish prick who masked my insecurities with alcohol and insufferable cockiness.

So what happened? After bouncing in and out of college and working a bunch of dead-end jobs (dead end for me because I wasn’t passionate about them), including construction (all kinds), bouncing in a dive bar, bartending (not good for the alcohol abuse), Burger King, and lifeguarding at a water park in the summer (also not good for the alcohol abuse), I decided to join the Marine Corps Reserve.

This fixed me, right? Although I made some of the best friends I have ever had in my life and I learned a lot, I still didn’t quite get the basic fundamentals of life. So in between drill weekends and my two-week summer obligations, I went back into the same old pattern: school, here and there, for a semester, or construction in the winter and lifeguarding in the summer. For a while, I attended a local community college in Utica, New York, called Mohawk Valley Community College. Then I chose several colleges based on where my current girlfriend was attending. This was as a result of not having a clear sense of identity and absolutely no goals or direction. A rudderless ship with a big sail goes wherever the wind blows.

In the fall of 2001 I found myself at State University of New York at Brockport in Brockport, New York, as a physical education major. I was having breakfast with my cousin when we heard the report on the radio that two planes had crashed, one into the Pentagon and the other into one of the towers of the World Trade Center. We rushed back to my dorm room and turned on the news and watched with horrible disbelief as the events of the morning unfolded.

Fast forward four months. My reserve unit was activated in January of 2002 and we went to Camp Lejeune, North Carolina, for training. About a month into it, I ended up breaking my ankle and having surgery on it. One day, shortly after surgery, I was lying in my rack trying to nurse a hangover with the pain meds for the ankle. (Yeah, I know, not a good idea, but what can I say? I had a problem.) One of my best friends in the world came up to me with a CD to listen to that he had gotten from a business that he was in. His name is Dave Watson, and I owe him an eternal debt of gratitude, because if he hadn’t seen something in me that I didn’t see in myself, there is no telling where I would be today. Dave is now the owner of W and W Property Management Company near Binghamton ,New York, and is an extremely successful businessman. Dave and I, along with his brother-in-law Bob, met on our way to boot camp at Parris Island, South Carolina, and we were together for my entire time in the Marine Corps. I learned an enormous amount from both of them and have a lot of love and respect for them.

I ended up listening to the CDs that Dave gave me, and I became interested in the business. It was a multilevel business and I got in with him. Although I didn’t stay with the business, my life was changed forever as a result of the educational and self-development aspect of the business.

As I was lying in that bed, hung over and feeling pretty low about myself, I began to hear people speak about success, personal responsibility, goal setting, and achieving your dreams. At first, because of my rotten, cynical attitude, I rejected the message, but for some reason I kept listening.

Soon it began to dawn on me that this was it. This was life, my life, and what the hell was I doing with it? It was at this point that I came to my first of two essential realizations that changed my life forever.

I realized that this was the only time I was going to live this life, that there are no do-overs, and that I was responsible for the outcome of it. This was extremely liberating and a little bit scary.

Up to this point, all of my failures, in my mind, were someone else’s fault. But that day I realized that it wasn’t my parents, my girlfriend, my school advisers, my professors, my company commander, or my platoon commander that was responsible for my success or failure. I was responsible!

This is why I tell you that you are responsible for everything in your life.

You are responsible for:

•Your personal finances

•Your health and fitness

•Your attitude

•Your academic success or failure

•Your relationships, or lack thereof

•Your personal brand

•Your beliefs

•Getting a date

•Applying to grad school

•Transferring to a four-year school

•Graduating from high school

•Everything in your life

If you want to have a conversation with the person that is responsible for your bad grades or your unhealthy lifestyle or anything else that you are unhappy with in your life, look in the mirror and talk to the person that brushes your teeth every morning.

Stop making excuses, stop blaming other people, and stop wishing!

I learned one of the most effective ways to take responsibility for my life from Brian Tracy’s audio program: The New Psychology of Achievement. I highly recommend that you listen to this very worthwhile series.

Within the program, Brian tells you to repeat over and over one simple phrase:

“I am responsible.”

That’s it—it’s that simple.

“I am responsible.”

Over and over again.

Whenever you feel like blaming someone else, or bitching and complaining about something, say to yourself:

“I am responsible.”

By repeating this phrase over and over to yourself, you begin to change your frame of reference, and you lose the crap-ass victim mentality that it’s all too easy to fall into when things don’t go your way.

So from now on, make the decision to take full responsibility for all aspects of your life, no matter what the situation.

Action Exercise

Take some time to think about areas of your life or situations where you have made excuses and or have blamed other people for things not going your way. Use a separate sheet of paper or a journal to write them down.

Now take some time to think about what you could have personally done to improve the situation by taking responsibility. Ask yourself, “What could I have done or what can I do now to make the situation better?” Write some ideas that you have.

What’s the Point?

1.Where you are today is a direct response to the decisions you have made up to this point.

2.You are responsible for the outcome of your life.

3.Stop blaming others for your problems.

4.Don’t just wish for things to get better—take action and make them better.