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Day 2

The Purge: Eliminating the Chaff

Yesterday you took the first steps toward detachment by creating a systematic schedule for your day. This system is the skeleton of your detached life in that it will keep everything else in its proper place. Today, fill that skeleton with everything else it needs to sustain a healthier, holier life.

When John the Baptist was baptizing people in the Jordan River, the Pharisees and Sadducees — the quintessential religious hypocrites of the time — came to be baptized. John had some pretty strong words for them: “When he saw many of the Pharisees and Sadducees coming for baptism, he said to them, ‘You brood of vipers! Who warned you to flee from the wrath to come? Bear fruit that befits repentance’” (Mt 3:7–8).

The Pharisees and Sadducees had come because they were concerned with keeping face as the religious leaders of the people. John knew their empty intentions and so warned them to bear good fruit as a sign of their repentance. Good fruit can only be produced when all of the things that keep us away from holiness — the chaff — is discarded and only that which is good, holy, and pure — the wheat — remains.

John continued: “I baptize you with water for repentance, but he who is coming after me is mightier than I, whose sandals I am not worthy to carry; he will baptize you with the Holy Spirit and with fire. His winnowing fork is in his hand, and he will clear his threshing floor and gather his wheat into the granary, but the chaff he will burn with unquenchable fire” (Mt 3:11–12).

Our digital habits have a profound effect upon our souls. The things we access and spend time on become part of our identity. Our corporeal lives have become a reflection of our digital lives in so many ways that, at times, it is difficult to distinguish one from another. We spend more time interacting with friends and loved ones via text, social media, and phone calls than actual face-to-face interaction. Our phones have made it so fun and so efficient to share our lives and access information quickly that it is hard to discern what aspects of our device usage are wheat and what are chaff.

But deep down you know there is a difference.

Much of what we encounter on our devices is wheat. There are tremendous benefits to technology use on a daily basis. But, if you are taking this retreat seriously, it is likely that you feel there is more chaff in your digital life than good fruit. Let’s work on getting rid of the chaff.

Detach from Each Device

If you are like most people, your cellphone is the primary culprit when it comes to screen addictions. It is the most compact, mobile, and fluid means to connect to the digital world. You are likely no more than ten feet away from it at any given moment throughout your day, and on the rare occasion you forget to bring it with you somewhere, you feel as if a part of you is missing.

If you are lucky enough to have other devices (let’s call them “secondary” devices, such as a video-gaming system, laptop, tablet, or a piece of wearable tech such as a fitness band), then the chances of your success in this retreat are severely limited. You might be able to go without your phone for the entire duration, but the temptation to waste time using a different device will occur. When it does, you need to be strong enough to withstand it. Remember that this is a goal worth fighting for. Remember for whom you are making this sacrifice. Do it for them, for your own soul, for God.

Eliminate All Nonproductive Apps

There are two types of apps: (1) the ones that waste our time and (2) the ones that create more time for us to do the things we love.

We walk a very thin line when it comes to using apps for entertainment. Yes, we are supposed to enjoy ourselves, to relax and unwind through recreation, but doing so via an entertainment app (games, social media, online shopping, video streaming, and, yes, even reading) can become an addictive circle of constant activity. You might start by creating a post on social media and, while you wait for people to respond to it, you play a game. Once you beat the next level, you might open a reading app and start that new novel you just bought, but then, suddenly, you receive a push notification saying so-and-so left a comment on your post. You bounce back and forth like this until your mind is switching between several apps, overloading itself on a barrage of content instead of doing what you originally set out to do when you sat on the couch and took out your phone … to relax!

On the other hand, there are apps that can save time and energy. For example, you likely have a banking app that allows you to pay bills, transfer funds, and maybe even cash checks by taking a picture of them. This is a productive app. It takes away the burden of traveling to the bank to manage your money. This is the type of time-saving technology was properly designed to provide. It frees us from needless activity and creates time to do things that bring us true happiness. On top of that, it is not addictive by nature. I don’t know of anyone who stays up until 3:00 a.m. because they are so engaged in their banking app.

For the next twenty days, eliminate every single app that wastes your time. Remember, this is a retreat, not an exodus. By deleting apps you are not committing to deleting entire accounts. You may decide to return to them after the retreat is over, which is fine and, for some people, may be necessary if your work requires you to use those apps regularly.

Start with entertainment apps. You don’t need those. Your entertainment for the next twenty days (and hopefully for all time thereafter) will consist of many other things that we will discuss in future chapters.

Next, alert your social-media followers that you will be going on retreat. If you go straight to retreat mode without letting them know, some might think that something tragic happened to you, which will leave them with three weeks of angst and preoccupation before they realize you are fine. Don’t be that friend. Give them the news by posting a status update saying something like the following: “I am fasting from Facebook for 21 days. Please pray for me and join me at detachedlife.com.”

At detachedlife.com I’ve provided an image that can be used as your profile picture to remind yourself and your friends that you are on retreat. Download it, replace your current profile image, and then feel comfortable knowing you didn’t leave your friends hanging while you basked in the glory of retreat time.

Finally, delete social-media apps. Social media can be used to efficiently market and campaign in the business world, but it can also take hours away from your day as you mindlessly scroll through friends’ updates. You will find out how to properly schedule your social-media time in the chapters to come, but for the purpose of this retreat, eliminate the temptation by deleting them from your phone.

Put a Leash on Email

You are likely on the fence about deleting your email app, especially if it is necessary for work. Email is a particularly unique player in the game of behavior addiction. On one hand, we need it to effectively communicate with colleagues, professional and educational contacts, and family members. On the other hand, we need to regulate our use of email so that work doesn’t overflow into personal or family time. Even then, there’s always the temptation to be connected to work because you never know if leaving yourself out of the digital conversation will result in more work in the long run. In this case, it is not always possible to delete your email app.

However, for most of us, our email app can be relegated to a separate device — namely, our computers. That’s why I recommend deleting your email app from your phone and regulating its use primarily through your computer. As a secondary way to control email activity, schedule the time you allot to reading, replying, writing, and sending emails on a daily basis. Make sure the time you dedicate to email is effective and reasonable. Once you’ve intentionally blocked off time, zealously remain faithful to that amount of time. When you’re finished with email, promise yourself not to return to it until your scheduled time the next day. When you do this, you can live peacefully knowing you are not under the pressure to respond to incoming emails immediately; you are free to wait until the time you decide it is necessary.

Turn Off All Push Notifications for Necessary Apps

If you are absolutely certain that you need specific “necessary” apps for these twenty-one days, then do the next best thing and turn off push notifications. There is nothing worse for your spirit than random beeps that bear the burdens of anxiety and pressure. The instant they sound, you worry that if you don’t stop everything you are doing to check your email, respond to a text, or “like” that person’s comment on your social media post, your life will lose all meaning. Do yourself a favor and detach yourself from these perilous tones so that you, not your phone, can decide when to reply.

Keep Yourself Accountable

Aside from offering the sacrifices of this retreat for someone, it is highly recommended that you go forward with a partner as an added form of accountability. Granted, you are at liberty to complete the retreat by yourself, but your own willpower will help you only so far. You may need someone to hold you to your promises and help you make good on your goals.

That’s why I recommend sharing the experience with someone close to you. It can be your spouse, a family member, a friend, or even a small group at your parish. If you find someone to complete this retreat with, the odds of success rise significantly.

Prepare to Retreat

All of the aforementioned suggestions are a means through which you are physically detaching from your phone. Once detached, you will find that you have all sorts of free time. With this free time will come several temptations. You’ll want to grab your phone, check your email, scroll through your social media, etc.

Don’t do that.

Instead, take those moments to read one chapter from this book each day. Allow your naturally philosophical mind to reflect and put into practice the wisdom I want to share with you in the following pages. This will allow you to escape mindlessly dawdling on your phone, and instead pursue excellence in your life through prayer, contemplation, meditation, and acts of virtue. In the end you’ll discover your life is happier and holier for having persevered.

Congrats! You just finished day two.

Reflect

• What are the hardest app(s) to delete from your phone? Why?

• What are your secondary devices and how often do you use them?

• What steps will you take to make sure your email activity is regulated?

• What types of “good fruit” do you hope will come out of this retreat?

Pray

Dear Lord, the sound of your call to holiness has been quieted for some time now. May the sacrifice of my notifications illuminate my heart to a far greater degree than my screen, for in your light we see light. May your light shine in our souls and brighten the darkness that surrounds our attachment to worldly desires. Amen.