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Contents

Preface

About the Author

Introduction

Chapter 1:The Challenge of Explaining Sexual Behaviour

On ‘maleness’ and ‘femaleness’

On what is and isn’t ‘sexual’

The relational goals of connection and belonging

On belonging: further considerations

Chapter 2:Drives and Sexual Behaviour

Drive theory: What prompts me to do something?

A dual drive-source, multiple-drive model

Features of the biological and subjective drive profiles

Chapter 3:Biological Drive Profile (BDP) Factors

Genetics and sexual predispositions

Neurochemicals and the sexual response

The hormonal profile: priming for sexual desire

Sexual conditioning: the impulse that repeats the past

Chapter 4:Subjective Drive Profile (SDP) Themes of Pleasure and Desire

The compulsion of eroticism

The desire for recreation

The drive to curiosity and discovery

The attraction to beauty

The attraction to gender traits

Chapter 5:SDP Themes Relating to Broader Social Needs

The need prove oneself

The need for social acceptance

The consumer drive

The desire to rebel

The power motive

The drive to procreation

Chapter 6:Relationship-need Themes of the SDP

The need for intimacy and to belong

The need for love

Attraction to the familiar

Parent-related motives

The demand of practical concerns

Chapter 7:SDP Inhibition Themes

Social inadequacy

Fear of entrapment

The instinct to withdrawal

The need for self-protection

Disgust towards the person

Disgust about sex

Chapter 8:Sociocultural Sexual Scripts: Origins

Shared expectations, meanings and rules

Traditional scripts

Traditional Christian script

Chapter 9:Sociocultural Sexual Scripts: Changing Perspectives

Secular Western script

Sexual experimentation subscript

Individual freedoms subscript

Virtual sex subscript

Competing scripts and moral notions

Chapter 10:Sexual Narratives: Early Years

Childhood belonging and attachment

Childhood boundaries

Childhood sexual awareness

Early gender identity and sexual orientation

Chapter 11:Sexual Narratives: Transitions

The integration of the sexual and relational self

Attachment and the sexual self

Tim and Lucy’s story

First experiences

On falling in love

Chapter 12:Psychological Practice and Sexual Relationships

Sexual behaviour and mental health

On therapeutic goals

Some therapy principles

The maintenance and dissolution of a sexual relationship

Chapter 13:Some Stories to Finish With

The contamination of association

A story about gender dysphoria

A story about porn

Stories about ghosts of the past

A final story about sex and not belonging

Chapter Endnotes

References