Читать книгу The Ice Monster - David Walliams, Quentin Blake, Tony Ross - Страница 19
Оглавление“HA! HA!” the crowd outside the Natural History Museum all laughed when the little urchin was revealed hiding behind the air.
The policemen looked around in confusion.
“THERE!”
The crowd pointed at the girl, and eventually the policemen saw what was right under their noses.
They formed a circle round this uninvited guest, and began closing in on her.
Having lived on the streets, Elsie was no stranger to running away from the police, or the “rozzers”* as those who spent most of their time running away from the police called them.
The policemen crouched down and stretched out their arms, sure that she would try to escape by running through their legs.
“We’ve got you!” growled the chief of police, Commissioner Barker. He was a heavy man with a tiny postage stamp of a moustache stuck over his top lip.
The circle was closing.
The policemen linked arms to make themselves into a human net.
There was no way out.
Spotting the truncheons dangling from their belts, a daring thought crossed Elsie’s mind. Just as the policemen were looming over her, she grabbed two of the truncheons with each hand, yanking them as hard as she could.
This brought the policemen crashing towards one another.
Their heads knocked together.
“OW!”
“OOF!”
“ARGH!”
Dazed and confused, the policemen tumbled backwards, and collapsed on to the ground.
From above, the scene looked like a flower, with Elsie the centre and the policemen all splayed-out petals.
This brilliant move by the urchin instantly won over the crowd, and they cheered.
“HURRAH!”
No one wanted to see an army of policemen win against one little mite.
However, there was no time to lap up the attention of the crowd. Elsie darted up the steps towards the entrance to the Natural History Museum. Another squad of policemen stood guard in front of the huge wooden doors. They drew their truncheons, ready to give this little creature a ruddy good bashing.
Not wanting to receive a bashing, be it a good or a bad one (neither sounded appealing), Elsie slid down the handrail. To one side of the building entrance was a drainpipe.
There was no time to think. What with her monkey feet, Elsie was soon halfway up it.
“HURRAH!” cheered the crowd once more.
One bold policeman gave chase up the drainpipe, but not being blessed with monkey feet he instantly slid back down.
W H I Z Z !
“ARGH!”
His bottom landed right on top of another policeman’s face.
BOING!
“POOH!” complained the one whose nose was now stuck up the other’s rear end.
Needless to say, this perfect piece of slapstick was greeted by howls of laughter from the crowd.
“HA! HA! HA!”
“AFTER HER, YOU FOOLS!” barked Barker.
“Right away, Commissioner, sir!” said one.
“FORM A LADDER!” ordered the commissioner.
“How are we gonna do that?”
“Heaviest at the bottom.”
“That’s very kind of you, sir.”
Barker fumed. His tiny moustache twitched. “I am not part of the ladder! I am in charge! Now, the heaviest at the bottom, then the next heaviest, then the next, and so on and so forth.”
The policemen all started arguing among themselves. No one wanted to be at the bottom.
“I’m the lightest!”
“No. I’m the lightest!”
“You’re the heaviest by far!”
“I’ve lost weight.”
“You still look fat.”
“I’ve just got a round face.”
“SHE’S GETTING AWAY!” thundered Barker.
The girl was nearing the top of the drainpipe. The commissioner took charge of his human ladder, quickly ordering who went where. Soon the policemen were reluctantly climbing on top of one another.
Needless to say, this amateur acrobatics act immediately came crashing to the ground.
“O O F!”
“OUCH!”
“ARGH!”
“EEK!”
“HELP! Someone’s trodden on me bits!”
The crowd whooped and cheered at this brilliant piece of entertainment.
“HURRAH!”
By this time, Elsie had reached the roof of the museum. She took a moment to acknowledge her adoring audience, and gave them a little bow.
The crowd burst into wild applause.
“YES!”
“SHE’S DONE IT!”
“GO! GO! GO!”
The little girl hurried over the sloping roofs to the far side of the building, her monkey feet gripping the lead. For a moment, looking over the rooftops of London, she felt immortal. However, when a tile slipped from under her, she suddenly felt distinctly mortal.
The tile exploded on to the ground.
Instantly, Elsie slammed down on to the roof…
THUD!
…and began sliding down it at speed.
“AAAH!”
The girl rolled over in a desperate attempt to grab on to the roof. Just as she was about to fly off, she managed to hook her fingers round the guttering. However, Elsie was going so fast she swung forward. Her fingers unhooked and she felt herself hurtling through the air.
“NOOO!”
