Читать книгу His Girl Next Door: The Army Ranger's Return / New York's Finest Rebel / The Girl from Honeysuckle Farm - Trish Wylie - Страница 13

Dear Ryan,

I guess you might be wondering just how I understand what you’ve gone through. Maybe you haven’t thought about it, but I feel like we’re close enough now that I need to tell you something—that I’ve gone through what you have. Lost someone close. Battled with my own health and my own demons. That I’ve had …

JESSICA SAT OUTSIDE, one hand raised to shield her eyes from the sun. Hercules lay at her feet, her constant companion. She ran the toes of one foot across his fur, the touch comforting her.

She couldn’t stop thinking about the letter she’d almost sent Ryan. The one in which she’d tried to tell him everything. The one that was her opening her heart and telling him what had happened in her past, and what she was scared might happen in her future.

But then she’d scrunched it up into a ball and thrown it out. Forgotten about it. Except for last night, when the words of that letter had played over and over in her mind. She hadn’t even realized they’d be in her memory bank still, but they had been. Every single word. Keeping sleep from her and haunting her thoughts.

Maybe her brother was right. Maybe she should tell Ryan. Maybe it was the right thing to do.

But she wasn’t going to. If she did, she’d have to end their romance. Right now. Or more likely he’d end it straight away before she had the chance.

If she didn’t? They could continue on, enjoying themselves, and Ryan could go back to his unit oblivious to what she’d been through. And why should he know? He had enough of his own problems to deal with.

Jess stood and stretched. She needed to get back into her studio and paint, unwind and enjoy her creativity. There was no use worrying over something once you’d made a decision, and she had.

It didn’t matter how many times she went over it.

Ryan wasn’t going to find out, she wasn’t going to tell him, and that was the end of it.

“Come on, mister.”

Hercules yawned and padded after her.

They had Bella coming around to visit this afternoon, and she’d be able to talk the subject to death if she wanted. Right now, it was time to paint.

And there was going to be no thinking about the past or the future. It was about time she learned to live in the now.

Ryan knew he had Jess to thank for reconnecting with his son. They had a long way to go, but they’d made progress. When he’d left George’s room last night, he’d felt lighter somehow, like the burden he’d carried all this time had been a weight on his shoulders, pushing him down, trying to cripple him.

Even his arm felt better, despite the pummelling it had taken last night when Jess’s brother had nearly crushed his hand.

But it was all worth it. Having George on speaking terms with him again, listening to his son talk and watching him smile, it was the best reward he could ever have wished for.

And all it had taken was a little courage.

“You want to walk down for an ice cream or something?”

George looked up and put down the video game control. “Yeah, okay.”

He was going to have to get used to those kind of responses. Kids didn’t seem that enthusiastic over anything these days. But he wasn’t complaining. Not while his son was actually talking to him.

“Let’s go.”

They stood up to leave. George walked close to him, but Ryan resisted the urge to sling his arm around his son’s shoulder. They might have made progress, but it was going to be slow and he didn’t want to push it.

Jessica sat at the café, Hercules’s lead around her ankle. She couldn’t stop laughing at Bella. Her friend was in a particularly entertaining mood. Even though Bella had left her daughter at home with her husband, she was all they talked about, and it made Jess feel good.

“You know, Mr. Soldier Stud and you would make beautiful babies, if I do say so myself.”

Jess almost spat out her mouthful of coffee. “Babies?”

How had the subject swung around to her all of a sudden?

“Oh, come on,” Bella said as she swatted her hand through the air. “Don’t go telling me you don’t want a family of your own one day.”

Her heart seemed to twinge, like a small knife had been thrown into it. She had always dreamed of being a mother, but the chance of that happening seemed less and less likely these days. It wasn’t even the kind of thing she’d let herself think about this last year.

“Maybe, Bella, but not with Ryan.”

Her friend snorted. “Why not Ryan? He’s gorgeous, funny, buff, did I mention gorgeous?”

It wasn’t like Jess didn’t agree, but it just wasn’t a possibility. “You forget that he’s a widower, a father, and oh, that’s right. A soldier. Who’s returning to his unit soon.”

“Okay, so I get the soldier part, but that’s doable. Heaps of soldiers are great husbands.” Bella paused. “The fact that he’s a widower doesn’t mean he can’t fall in love again, and so what if he already has a son?”

“I know it sounds lame, but …”

There was no way Ryan would consider a relationship with her if he knew the truth, and she didn’t want to get serious. She wasn’t ready to trust someone like that again. To put all her love and dreams into another person only to have them sucked away forever. And she didn’t intend on putting anyone through her getting sick again. It was unlikely, but not impossible, and she’d rather be alone until she at least hit the five-year remission mark.

Bella gestured at her to continue.

“It’s nothing. Let’s just talk about something else, okay?”

Her friend just laughed. Not the response she’d expected.

“Well, well. Look who’s walking toward us.”

Jess glanced up and didn’t see anyone. “Where?”

“Over your shoulder.” Bella smirked. “It’s the stud himself.”

Jessica scowled at Bella before turning. “You seriously need to get out more. You’re getting tragic.”

But she felt her own heart start to race—the flutter in her belly that started whenever she was around Ryan began tickling her over and over.

Ryan hadn’t seen them. He was walking with a young boy, clearly his son, and they were talking. Talking!

The nervousness she’d felt at him walking toward her disappeared as she watched the two of them smiling and chatting. Something major must have happened last night.

He’d be over the moon to be spending time with George.

Jessica felt her cheeks ignite. She hoped the smile on his face still had something to do with their kiss, too. It sure had her heart racing again just thinking about it.

Bella kicked her under the table. “Well? Get up!”

She glared at Bella before rising. She raised one hand, hesitantly. An even wider smile crossed Ryan’s face when he saw her. She watched as he touched his son on the shoulder and directed him their way.

“Hi, Ryan,” Jessica called out as they came nearer, swallowing away her nervousness.

“Hi.” He gave her a beamer of a smile back and put his hand back on the boy’s shoulder. “Jess, I’d like you to meet my son, George.”

The kid gave her an awkward smile. “Hey.”

“Hi, George. I’ve heard so much about you.”

“And this is Bella,” Ryan said, gesturing toward her friend.

George nodded in Bella’s direction.

“So where are you two off to?”

Ryan stepped back slightly from his son. She wanted to reach out and touch him, to reassure him that he was doing a good job, but she didn’t dare move any closer. They were only friends, and his son didn’t need any confusing messages sent his way. Not when he was finally on speaking terms with his father.

“We’re going to grab an ice cream then walk back home.”

She was dying to know what had happened. “Sounds like a plan. I’d invite you to join us but you two probably want to spend some time alone together, right?”

George was shuffling his feet, head down, awkward. She felt sorry for him.

“Yeah,” said Ryan, obviously picking up on his son’s discomfort. “We had better get going.”

That made George look up.

“Nice to see you, Ryan,” Jess said.

“Yeah, you, too. See you, Bella.”

Bella waved and grinned back at him.

“Great to meet you, George. Have a nice afternoon,” Jess said.

The boy met Jessica’s gaze, and she wasn’t sure what she saw there. A touch of happiness perhaps, but more uncertainty than anything. She wished she could help him, talk to him maybe, but Ryan would find his way with him. It looked like they’d made some good progress. And it wasn’t about how they got there, it was about how well they connected along the way. Ryan was his father and no matter how hard he was finding it, George was his son and deep down he would want to let his dad in. No child wanted to feel alone.

They started to walk away, father and son, before Ryan turned back. His large frame against George’s slight one brought a smile to her face all over again.

“We still on for tomorrow night?”

Jess nodded. “I’ll see you around seven.”

Ryan gave her a wink and turned away again, but she hardly noticed it. It didn’t make her heart palpitate like it usually would. Because it was George’s last look at her over his shoulder that registered in her brain. The look of horror that passed through his eyes, the disbelief, said it all.

She wanted to run after them, explain she was only friends with his dad, tell Ryan that he needed to talk to his son about them. But it was too late.

She could have been wrong, but from the extra distance now between them, and the despairing stoop of George’s shoulders, she knew she was right.

He had gone from happy to be out with his father to wondering if his dad was trying to replace his mom. And if he thought Ryan had come home for her and not for him, his son, then they’d end up right back at square one all over again.

“You all right?”

Bella pulled her back to reality.

“Why does everything have to be so complicated?” Jess asked.

Hercules moaned at her feet, a big sigh that made her wish she could do the same, whinge then put her paws over her eyes to block out the world.

Bella had no idea what she was talking about, and Jessica didn’t want to discuss it. The last thing she needed was something else to panic about.

“Tell me more about Ruby, okay? Just make me smile.”

Bella frowned but didn’t push the point. Sometimes even her best friend knew when not to pry.

Ryan was starting to feel like there was a pattern developing as he drove toward Jessica’s house. His palms had started to clam up and he was getting nervous again. Not alarmingly nervous, but it was there, and it wasn’t something he was used to feeling.

Today had been good, and yesterday had been even better. George had gone a little quiet on him after they’d bumped into Jess, but they’d had fun, hung out and started to get to know one another again.

And now he had something else to look forward to. An entire evening with Jess, at her place.

He grinned to himself as he drove. Even though he had his arm resting on the open window ledge, and it was throbbing with a hint of pain, he didn’t care. There were too many good things going on his life to worry about something he had no control over. His physio had told him he was progressing well, there were no indications of it being a long-term problem, not after the surgery going so well, and he just needed to keep up his exercises.

So having fun with his son, and with a woman like Jessica, was something he could enjoy before he had to go back to work. As hard as it would be to return this time, he was looking forward to being with the guys again, and now that he’d decided it would be his last tour, he had to make the most of being back with his unit.

Ryan pulled onto her street.

He didn’t know what exactly it was about her, but something about spending time with Jessica felt so right. After his wife had died, he’d never wanted to be close to another woman again. Never wanted to feel so helpless again, so weak. And until recently he’d thought he’d feel like that for the rest of his life.

But Jessica was quickly changing his feelings. He didn’t know what she wanted, if she felt the same way as he did, but this was starting to feel real. Part of him wanted to take it slow, to stay as friends yet something more, but then he also wanted to make things happen more quickly. To make the most of his time back home and see if something special could happen between them.

Because in the span of a week, Jessica had gone from pen pal and good friend, to meaning a whole lot more to him than any other woman had since his wife.

And he liked it. Liked the way she made him feel, the effect she had on him. Whether she felt the same was another matter entirely, but from the way she’d kissed him the other night, he liked to think he could hope.

More than hope.

He liked to think he was in with a real chance.

If he was going to be coming back for good soon, then maybe that meant a chance at a future together.

Jessica fluffed around in the kitchen, knowing she had no purpose, yet not being able to stop herself from moving. It was just a casual dinner at her place, not exactly some grand dinner party, but she was like a ball of wool writhing to untangle. On edge.

She’d put together a simple pasta dish, lots of fresh ingredients tossed with olive oil and lemon juice in a pan, so there was hardly anything culinary to worry about. And dessert was a cake she’d made earlier in the day, but she still felt panicky.

The knock at the door came while she was eyeing up her glass of wine and deciding whether or not to drain it for courage. She was leaning on the counter, staring at it.

Jessica turned away from the glass. She didn’t ever drink more than a couple of glasses, and the last thing she needed was to make a fool of herself.

“Come in!” she called, hoping Ryan would hear her.

Hercules went bounding down the hall and a second later the door clicked.

Jess took a deep breath, ran her hands down her jeans, then stepped out to greet him. This was ridiculous. She’d seen Ryan a handful of times now. First-time nerves were one thing, but there was nothing to panic about tonight.

“Hi, Ryan.”

He was crouched down giving Herc a scratch. When he looked up she temporarily lost the ability to move. His eyes locked on hers, bright blue, serious yet laughing, drawing her in as if she’d never be let back out again.

“Hi.” He stood and they both watched as Hercules took off down the hall again. “You look great.”

Jess looked down and felt awkward. She was only wearing jeans, an embellished T-shirt that dressed her outfit up and a pair of heels. Her cheeks were flushed, she could feel the heat in them—and her hands could have been shaking. She was so off balance she wasn’t even sure.

She went to turn down the hall, but he stopped her with a hand to her wrist.

“Hey.”

When she turned Ryan took a step forward and pressed a kiss to her cheek before putting space between them again.

“You act like no one ever gave you a compliment before.”

His voice was low, almost a whisper, and it made a shiver lick its way down her spine. She swallowed, hard.

“I’m not.”

The last compliments she’d had had been from a man who told her what he thought she wanted to hear, but there’d never been any substance to his words. The reason she was embarrassed now was because from the look on his face, Ryan meant what he said.

“I don’t say what I don’t mean,” he assured her.

She didn’t doubt that. “I know, it’s just …”

“Jess?”

She felt uncomfortable being scrutinized.

“I find you not receiving compliments by the bucket-load hard to swallow,” he said. Ryan tucked his fingers beneath her chin and smiled down at her, his eyes locked on hers, body so close. “You look beautiful tonight and you need to believe it.”

Jessica fought against the urge to pull away from him. Instead of giving in to her instincts she made herself smile, forced herself to behave like the grown-up woman she was. “Thanks,” she whispered.

He grinned and let his fingers fall from her skin. “Much better.”

She turned before he had the chance to do anything else. She was nervous, scared.

Exhilarated.

So much for telling herself this was going to be a casual dinner with a friend, that there was no need to panic. She doubted there was much friend left in the equation between her and Ryan anymore. Part of her had hoped he would want more, and the other part told her that friend was as good as it got. Even after their kisses.

Now she wasn’t so sure she was ready for the something more.

Ryan was a hot-blooded male who had suddenly, just from looking at her, from touching her, made his intent very clear.

The way her body was reacting told her she felt the same, no matter how much she wanted to deny it.

Maybe that glass of wine hadn’t been such a bad idea after all.

Jessica didn’t taste a mouthful of her food. She opened her mouth, forked spaghetti in delicate twirls and forced herself to swallow. But the only sense she had was of the man sitting across from her.

She’d forgotten everything else. Had no control over her other senses. Or maybe she did and they were too overloaded on Ryan. She was drunk on the sight of him, the feel of him, the look of him.

The taste of him.

She remembered only too well what his lips felt like on hers, how her body had felt when she was tucked against him, wrapped in his embrace. And after the way he’d touched her in the hall before, the way he felt had been the only thing she’d thought about since.

“This is great.”

At least Ryan seemed to be enjoying the food.

Jessica took another sip of wine. She was going to tell him not to be silly but she remembered only too well what he’d said earlier about taking a compliment.

“Thanks.”

She wished she could say more, could come up with something more savvy and chic, but her brain just wasn’t cooperating. Her tongue was swollen like it was bee-stung, not letting her communicate properly.

It was stupid. She was a confident, capable woman and there was no excuse. She had to get a grip. Jessica cleared her throat and set down her fork. “So tell me about George. You two looked like you were having a good time yesterday?”

Ryan’s entire face seemed to light up.

“We had a fantastic time. It’s like we’ve really connected.”

She smiled. It was good to hear.

“But I have to thank you, you know.”

Jess gulped. Her? “Why me?”

Ryan put his own fork down and reached for her hand across the table. “Because you gave me the confidence to make it happen. I don’t think I could have done it without you.”

Jessica forced herself to look up and meet his gaze. His hand over hers was doing something to her, making her body feel hot all over, every inch of it.

“I don’t think I did anything, Ryan. I was just honest with you.”

He squeezed her hand, his eyes never leaving hers. She could gaze into them all night, lose herself in the ocean-blue depths of them, become mesmerized. She wondered if anything had ever looked so beautiful before. The way he was looking at her, the softness she saw there.

The honesty.

All this time, she’d thought it would be impossible to ever truly trust a man again. Told herself it couldn’t happen.

But the way Ryan was watching her, the genuine feeling he conveyed through his gaze, the way the skin around his eyes crinkled ever so lightly in the corners when he watched her, his smile upturned to match his expression: all of these things told her that trust and honesty was possible with a man.

She’d just chosen the wrong one before. And let herself believe that he represented the entire male population.

“I went to him, Jess. I went to him because you told me to, because you told me I had to confront the past and be honest with him.”

She looked down, unable to match his stare any longer. “I told you what anyone else would have.”

Ryan shook his head. “That’s the problem.” He dropped the contact with her hand and raised it to her cheek instead, his fingers resting against her skin.

Jess pushed in, lightly, toward his touch. Fought the urge to close her eyes and sigh into his caress.

“I’ve never told anyone else what I told you in my letters. You’re the first person I’ve been honest with in a long while.”

She glanced up at him again, her breath catching in silent hiccups in her throat.

“It started because I trusted you on paper, and now I know I can trust you in real life, too.”

She didn’t know what to say. But when Ryan kept the contact with her face and raised his body, leaning over the table toward her, she knew exactly what to do.

Jessica raised her face to meet his, parted her mouth for his kiss. For the brush of his lips that she knew were coming.

Ryan took her mouth, gently at first and then with a hunger that scared her. She was barely conscious of him standing, of the way he had moved closer, until he pulled away and left her lips tender and alone.

She stifled the moan that fought to be heard deep within her throat.

But Ryan didn’t leave her alone for long. He stalked around the table like a big game animal on the hunt. His large frame towered above her, then he dropped to his knees in front of her. She parted her own knees slightly so he could move closer to her. He was so tall that even with her sitting on the chair he wasn’t much lower than her.

Jess just watched him—the rise and fall of his chest, and the way his eyes fell to her lips. She tried not to think about the what-ifs. Fought against the voice in her head that told her to take things slow, to stop now before it went too far.

Because Jessica knew they had already crossed that line. They’d already gone too far and she was powerless to do anything about it.

“Ryan.”

He circled his arms around her waist, making her feel safe. Wanted. She slowly raised her hands and let them flutter to his shoulders, not sure where to touch him, and then they found his hair. Jess ran her fingers through the soft strands then stopped, fingertips on the back of his head as she bravely urged him forward.

He waited for her. Hardly let out a breath as he watched her and waited. Like he was leaving it up to her, wanted her to tell him it was okay.

And she didn’t disappoint him, was powerless to do anything but make the next move. Jessica kissed him like she’d never kissed a man before. Kept her hands on him, drawing him to her, pressing herself closer to him as their lips danced, his arms still wrapped around her.

She only dropped her hold when she knew he wasn’t going to pull away, to run her hands down his arms, drawing in a sharp inhale as she found bare skin.

His lips became more insistent on hers. Teasing her. Showing her how much he wanted her. And oh, did she want him, too. More than she’d ever wanted to be close to a man before.

“Ryan,” she said his name again. “Are you sure …”

He just kissed her more deeply, ignoring her words. She took his lack of reply as a yes.

Jessica let her fingers keep exploring, reached the hem of his T-shirt and pushed it up, letting one hand discover the contours of his hard stomach, muscles firm against her touch.

His belly quivered, but he didn’t move. Only moaned against her mouth.

She took it as encouragement.

Jess tugged, breaking their kiss to pull his T-shirt over his head, and Ryan didn’t resist.

He shrugged out of it in a second and had his arms back around her before she could properly drink in the sight of him.

But she pushed him back, lightly.

“You have a tattoo,” she whispered.

Wow.

“Yeah.” He shrugged.

If the sun-kissed golden skin and hard muscles weren’t enough, hadn’t already taken her breath away, the tattoo came as even more of a shock.

She’d never dated a guy with a tattoo before. Had always thought they were for bad boys, and she’d never gone for that type. But on Ryan? It looked incredible.

“You’re staring.” His voice was low, husky.

Jess gave him a sideways look and smiled. Shyly. “Does it mean anything special?”

The black ink carved out a beautiful eagle, wings open, covering his entire shoulder and down his upper biceps. She’d never liked the idea of a tattoo, but this was something else. Made him look even stronger, tougher. Exciting.

His response was another shrug. She hoped she hadn’t made him self-conscious about it.

“It’s a special forces thing. I got it after my initiation with all the other snipers.”

She leaned forward, bent to touch her lips to his shoulder, kissing down every inch of the inky black image. She let her fingers trail over the small, dark pink scar that showed where his keyhole surgery had been.

Ryan moaned and tightened his hold on her. It made her smile, pleased that he liked it, that he wanted her touch.

“Jess.”

The way he said her name made it sound like a warning. He tugged at her hair, gently, to pull her had back up. She ignored him, slowly running her lips up his neck, making him wait before she returned to his mouth.

She stopped, hovered her lips beside his before kissing him.

Ryan didn’t hold back at all this time. He took her face in his hands, kissed her again, and then stood, lip still tangled, arms around her body.

He only had to look at her to ask her the question. To tell her what he wanted.

The way he watched her, touched her, caressed her, told her everything she needed to know. Left only one question between them.

“Yes,” she whispered, tugging his hand.

He dropped a feather-light kiss to her lips. “Are you sure?”

She tucked in tight against him, nuzzled her mouth to the tender spot between his shoulder and neck, before taking his hand and leading him to the stairs.

No, she wasn’t sure. Showing her body to a man again had been something she’d feared since her operation. All she knew was that she wanted to be with this man, right now, more than anything else in the world.

And that meant swallowing her fears and taking a big step forward. Maybe he wouldn’t notice the difference? she found herself wishing …

Ryan felt as if his whole body was on fire. He wanted this woman like he’d never wanted a woman ever before.

And he was too weak to do what he most wanted. To scoop her up into his arms and carry her to her bed, to make her feel light and wanted in his embrace. He hated not having the strength in his arm, but then if he hadn’t been injured he wouldn’t be here right now. And he knew where he’d rather be, given the choice.

But even though he couldn’t lift her like he wanted to, he could enjoy the weight of her hand in his and the promise in her eyes as she sent a shy glance back over her shoulder at him.

He’d never been nervous before, not with a woman, not like this. But it had been a long time since … He tightened his jaw and pushed the thoughts away. Now was not the time to think about the past.

The problem with Jessica was that she wasn’t just another girl. A one-night stand. He hadn’t been with a woman he felt this serious about since his wife.

She was rather like his wife—not physically, but the same type of woman. He didn’t want to hurt her in any way, do anything that might compromise what they had. Because she meant too much to him. But right now he was powerless to stop what was about to happen, and it was too late to start thinking about why this was a bad idea. He was the one who’d started it, and he certainly wasn’t going to not follow through.

Jessica stopped at what he presumed was her bedroom and dropped his hand. She touched the door frame, looked over her shoulder and gave him an even shyer smile than before.

“You joining me?”

Ryan gave Jessica a brave grin back. “Yes.”

It seemed to settle her, looked like relief crossed her eyes, softening her face.

He was going to ask her again whether she was sure, whether this was what she really wanted, but then she disappeared into the room. Ryan hesitated for a moment before following her in.

Jessica was standing, waiting for him, like she didn’t know what to do. He hated seeing her look unsure, uncertain and nervous, but he knew what he could do to make her feel better. To make sure she knew how much he wanted her.

Ryan tried not to but he knew he stalked her across the room. He wrapped both arms around her, sweeping her to him, before walking her backward until her legs touched the base of the bed.

“Ryan …” His name caught in her throat, and it made him smile.

“Yes?” He arched an eyebrow before taking up on her neck again, where he’d last kissed her, letting his lips tease her skin.

She didn’t say another word.

He already had his shirt off but Jessica was fully clothed. He tipped her back and gently let her fall, before moving to cover her, to lie half above her.

She blinked and kept her eyes downcast, but he tipped her chin up and kissed her lightly on the nose then on her lips. At the same time he touched his other hand to her T-shirt, curling his fingers around it and raising it, pausing to give her the chance to say no.

Jessica responded by wriggling to rid herself of the top.

His gaze fell from her face to her skin, eyes dancing over her lacy red bra, the way her breasts filled it to almost overflowing.

“The light,” she whispered.

Ryan shook his head. “No.”

He stopped when he saw the panicked look on her face.

“Please.” Her voice held urgency, desperation.

“Okay,” he said as got up again, crossed the room and flicked off the switch. “Your call.”

It didn’t matter how much he wanted to watch her, to drink in the sight of her, he would do as she asked. He wasn’t doing anything to compromise what was happening between them.

He stopped, in the dark, letting his eyes adjust.

Before using all of his willpower not to rush across the room and pin her down to devour her, piece by piece.

Jessica felt like she was blushing all the way down to her toes.

She wanted to stop him, to tell Ryan she couldn’t go through with it, but if she told him that she’d be lying to herself.

She wanted him.

She just didn’t want to know his reaction when he realized her breasts weren’t natural.

It was the first time she’d been intimate with a man since her reconstruction, since she’d gone through her treatment, and it scared her. She hadn’t wanted him to see them bare, didn’t want to see his reaction, either, but as soon as he touched them he’d surely know. They weren’t soft and natural as they’d once been. Now there was the undisguisable firmness of silicone, and she was embarrassed about it.

Ryan’s hand skimmed her arm then trailed slowly down the edge of her breast.

She took in a deep breath. This was it. The moment she’d dreaded for almost a year.

“You’re beautiful.”

Jessica closed her eyes and tried not to cry, fighting happiness and tears at the same time. As confused as she’d ever been.

She tried not to shake her head. Thank goodness the light was off so she didn’t have to see the look on his face when he realized.

“You are. You’re more beautiful than I ever could have imagined you’d be.”

Jessica wanted to tell him she wasn’t, admit what he’d find when he took off her final layer, but she held her words in, too scared to say them out loud.

Ryan stopped, as if he were questioning her, but Jess responded by staying still, waiting for him.

She held her breath. Terrified.

When his hand touched her bra, her entire body went stiff, rigid.

She couldn’t do it.

“Stop.”

His hand hovered then fell.

“I can’t, Ryan,” she whispered, distraught.

He dropped his hands to hers, and lowered himself to rest beside her. “Tell me what’s wrong.”

Jessica closed her eyes and pushed away the pain. Tried to figure out what exactly she could tell him.

“I have, well …”

He brushed the back of one hand gently across the side of her face, touching her cheek with the softness of a feather.

“We don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do.”

Jessica smiled bravely at him. She did want to, that was the problem, but she didn’t know how to deal with the embarrassment of what he was about to find.

Because even with the lights out, without being able to see, he would be able to feel. The scars were minor, the surgeon had done a great job, but the evidence was real and he would notice. There was no way not to.

She took a deep breath.

“Ryan, I have scars. I don’t want …”

“Shhhh.” He bent forward and kissed her, lips hovering over hers. “You don’t have to explain anything to me.”

She shook her head. “I do. My breasts, they’re …”

He waited, fingers stroking her hair.

“I have scars because I had surgery. My breasts aren’t real,” she finally blurted out.

Ryan didn’t say anything. He dropped another kiss to her lips before trailing his way down her neck, delicately across her collarbone, until he reached the lacy edge of her bra.

He paused and looked up at her. She could make out his face even in the dark.

“You’re beautiful, Jessica, and I don’t care what you’ve had done or about any scars.”

With an incredible sense of relief exploding inside her, her body felt like it had turned into a marshmallow. Her fears faded, and her body responded to his touch again. By his lack of reaction, he obviously just thought she’d had a breast augmentation. Realizing she’d managed to put off telling him the truth for a little longer, she trembled. Right now, he didn’t need to know why she’d had cosmetic surgery. If he didn’t care, then why should she?

Her body still thrummed with tension as he slipped off her underwear, but she forced herself to enjoy his touch. She couldn’t help but stiffen when he kissed first one breast then the other, his fingers gliding softly over her skin.

“See, they’re beautiful, just like I knew they’d be,” he whispered. “Just like the rest of you.”

Jessica finally relaxed into his touch, closed her eyes and sighed as his hands explored her body.

Tonight was about feeling good and enjoying herself. Losing herself in the moment. All this time she’d been terrified of showing someone her new body shape, worried what the reaction would be and if she’d even want to be intimate again.

But this—this was what she’d needed. To feel loved and wanted by a man like Ryan. A man who made her feel like she was the most beautiful woman in the world, like he truly wanted her.

Even if it was only just for tonight. Or until he went away again. Because if the light had been on, she could have looked into his eyes and seen his honesty, his integrity. Yet what she couldn’t see in his eyes, she could feel in his touch.

When Ryan inched his way back up her body and started to kiss her again, she pushed away her barriers, made herself think of nothing but the way he was touching her. The way his fingers felt against her skin, and the way his lips brushed hers in a motion she’d never tire of.

If this wasn’t heaven, then she didn’t know what was.