Читать книгу Daddy - Tuhin Sinha - Страница 15
ОглавлениеShe needs some tender loving care
Apart from sharing responsibilities with your pregnant wife, a key challenge for the modern man is to provide emotional support to her. In today’s corporate work culture, where ‘deliverables’ is a key word, it becomes crucial to determine how an intangible deliverable such as emotional support is measured.
But first you must understand why the emotional support of a husband is so crucial. Pregnancy involves biological and hormonal changes in a woman’s body which brings with it irritation and mood swings. Morning sickness and fatigue can get cumbersome beyond a point and result in fits of anger. It’s not easy to report to work when you’re coping with morning sickness. The world outside is unlikely to show empathy, leaving it to the husband to show support and patience.
Say goodbye to your social life
If your wife is working full-time through her pregnancy, she needs some TLC when she’s back home. This means that you may need to make alterations to your social calendar. Now that you’re going to become a dad, you have to prioritize your commitments. Make sure you cut down on boy’s night outs with friends and be at home instead to take the load off some of the housework. Remember that your wife’s social life will also become non-existent towards the end of her pregnancy. There won’t be too many things she can eat or places she can go to with her growing baby bump.
The best gift you can give your pregnant wife is to spend quality time with her through the nine months. This means giving her priority over work commitments whenever possible so that she doesn’t get a chance to feel lonely or neglected. I let go of an offer to join a TV channel when Ramyani was in her seventh month because I didn’t want her to be alone till the D-day. Also, I was afraid of missing out on all the beautiful first-hand experiences.
Try and get out of office by 6:30-7 PM instead of stretching it to 11 PM. I know it is easier said than done—you might still have calls to make or mails to respond to. Actor Imran Khan boldly decided to go on a sabbatical till his wife delivered. In an interview, he said he wasn’t going to take up any film offers till his baby was born. I’m certain this aroused jealousy in many a men who don’t have the option of taking a break. I got lucky in this department since I’m a freelancer. But I hope these examples inspire other dads too.
Help her through morning sickness
A large percentage of women experience morning sickness during the first trimester of pregnancy and then it gradually peters off. The name morning sickness is rather deceptive because it can occur at any time of the day. This combined with hormonal changes that the body goes through can make her exceptionally vulnerable. Be prepared for her mood to constantly yo-yo through the day. If you feel you’re on the verge of losing your temper, watch yourself before saying something hurtful. There’s really no way to control this; it is a process women have to go through whether they like it or not. The best you can do is read up on it so that you know what to expect and can support her better. In fact, Imran Khan had confessed in an interview that his wife Avantika was so frustrated with her pregnancy that she wanted it to end sooner.
In the later stages, it’s the constant kicks of the baby that trouble the mother. There were times I’d wake up in the middle of the night to find Ramyani missing. She’d sit by the window of the living room in stoic silence. “He’s been kicking furiously…just doesn’t allow me to sleep,” she’d complain. I realised God has been lenient with men, exempting us from these painful experiences.
The slightest things can tick off a woman during pregnancy. Her sense of smell becomes heightened at this point. She might develop an aversion to the most innocuous of odours like that of a particular perfume.
Often a lot of the food items a woman normally likes, she begins hating during pregnancy. There are meat eaters who turn vegetarian and vice versa. These cravings have no logic and so you shouldn’t question them either. Blindly indulge her by making sure your fridge is stocked with all the things she feels like eating. It also might do her good if you too abstained from eating all the foods that make her nauseous.
Having said that, you need to have a checklist of food items that your wife needs to avoid during pregnancy like greasy Chinese takeaway. Also, take her for long walks to keep her healthy and fit.
Closer to the D-day, your wife would have become bigger in size and even mundane household chores become a strain on her. You’ll often find her laid up in bed or on the sofa, surfing channels. She’s more fragile, moves around lesser, and can’t lift heavy items. This is a good time to sharpen your cooking skills and if required, pick up some household chores like the ironing and laundry. Be on-call for back-rubs and foot massages and make her cups of tea from time to time.
We faced a few setbacks while trying to conceive. After a period of disappointment, when Ramyani finally got the good news, I made a pledge to her and our baby to protect them at all times. Since Ramyani had decided to work till the fag end of her pregnancy, I made it a ritual to drop and pick her up from work every day. At times it was a hard promise to keep, since I had many meetings of my own to attend. But I tried my best not to skip my duty; after all it was only a matter of few months.
Since the distance between Ramyani’s office and our house was a mere 300 metres, her colleagues were curious about my sudden romantic gestures! But if you live in a city like Mumbai where the roads are pockmarked with potholes, you need to be doubly careful while driving around your pregnant wife. This gets worse during the monsoon when the lashing rains leave behind further damage in the already dangerous roads. There were times when I’d move slower than a bullock cart to navigate the bumps on the road. For those who think this is an over-reaction, let me tell you that every year several cases of back injuries, road accidents and miscarriages are reported. So tread very carefully during these months.
Sometimes you have to sit back and let go!
Ramyani wanted to make the most of her career in her pregnancy months as she wasn’t sure of how things would pan out post the baby’s arrival. She had worked on two research papers which had to be presented in conferences hosted at IIM Bangalore and NIM Ahmedabad, respectively. The Bangalore presentation took place immediately after her mid-semester scan. I wanted to accompany Ramyani on this visit but if I went along, we’d have to stay at a friend’s place some 40 km away from the seminar venue. Ramyani was being provided accommodation within the campus and the headstrong lady wanted to stay there by herself and spend time in isolation. I had to reluctantly let her travel alone. She was away for only a day and yet my heart was thumping with worry. I’d call her every two hours to ask if all was fine. While I was sulking back home, Ramyani had a gala time in Bangalore with her friends who had come to meet her at the campus. Later when she took me through her photographs, I realised how she much fun she managed to have in those few hours!
If finances permit, make a small getaway in the early months of the pregnancy. This will help both you and your wife blow off some steam. It will also give you’ll time to leisurely plan for the crucial months ahead. Once the baby comes, you won’t be able to go on a family trip for a while.
